


Discord: Mass Effect I

by KDlala



Series: Mass Effect [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Action/Adventure, Gen, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-16
Updated: 2012-12-16
Packaged: 2017-11-21 06:44:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 129,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/594671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KDlala/pseuds/KDlala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One note of discord, that dissonance shows myth to be reality. And sometimes crazy is the ONLY way to go... M for violence, language and adult content.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Most everything belongs to Bioware, but I shamelessly twist dates and dialogue around to suit my own fiendish purposes.

St. Augustine Penitentiary  
Severn County, Texas  
United North American States, Earth  
April 11, 2172 CE

"This way." The warden waved his hand, leading the way past row after row of cells. Prisoners shouted at them from all sides despite yells from the guards. Captain Kahoku ignored them and Lt. Baker tried to do the same, though he was gritting his teeth. Dr. Harris was managing not to cower but he was walking as close to the captain as possible without crawling into his pocket.

"We had to put her in solitary confinement not long after she arrived." The warden unlocked a door, leading them into a maze of flat gray corridors.

"Of course," Baker said, his voice low.

Kahoku shot him a warning look then returned his attention to the warden. "Has she been causing trouble?" His voice was carefully neutral.

"Directly? No. She's really quiet. But she makes the other prisoners nervous. Frankly, Captain, I'm glad you're here. We've never had to house a…psychic?"

"Biotic," Dr. Harris supplied with a faint sneer. Now that they were away from the general population, he'd regained his confidence.

The warden bristled a bit. "Yeah, well, they aren't real common. Lots of the prisoners either think she's a devil or a witch, which gets the religious ones real agitated. She doesn't try to cause trouble but…" He shrugged. "We moved her here when there was a fight in the yard and she ended up injuring two prisoners pretty badly. She was really polite about going into confinement, didn't give us any trouble. Like I said, she's quiet."

"A nice, polite psychopath," Baker said.

"Lieutenant, you've made your opinion on this matter known several times." Dr. Harris looked very irritated.

"About recruiting a mass murderer, you mean?"

"Gentlemen." Kahoku didn't raise his voice but both men snapped their attention to him before they could think. The captain stared them down for a moment, then turned his attention to the cell the warden had stopped in front of. It was a heavy metal door with a small open window at the top and a keypad beside it. The warden motioned to someone behind the captain and Kahoku turned to see two armed guards moving into position a few feet away. He glanced at the warden, who shrugged as if to say 'just in case'.

He punched in the code and the door slid open.

The cell was tiny and pitch dark. The captain motioned Baker and Harris back and stepped into the doorway, peering in. The light from the open door lit the cot enough he could see there was no one on it. "Arian Creed?"

There was movement low to his left. He turned and squinted, finally making out the dim figure sitting on the floor just out of the light. "Shepard."

Her voice was low pitched, so quiet it took him a moment to make out what she'd said. "I beg your pardon?"

She stirred again.

She was _young_. That was his first startled thought as she moved into the light. She had no birth records and what few records they'd gotten from Mindoir were hopelessly unreliable but she couldn't have been more than eighteen. She was probably younger than his own daughters were. Thin, pale, and long limbed, she gave him the rather uncomfortable impression of some kind of cave insect emerging from the darkness. Her eyes were ash gray and surprisingly direct as she peered up at him. "Shepard. Arian Shepard. It was my mother's name."

 

 

Kahoku sat opposite across from the girl, growing increasingly annoyed. The second she'd been brought in to the room, Dr. Harris had been bustling around her. He claimed he wanted to give her a quick check up but the only thing he'd been interested in was the implant on the back of her neck, which he'd been chattering about for the past ten minutes.

She had obligingly bent her head forward and was holding still for the doctor, but she was tense. Those strange gray eyes flicked from one man to another with clear mistrust. She'd been curious until she'd gotten a good look at Kahoku's uniform and then she'd turned wary. He wondered if that was just a general dislike for authority figures or if she had a reason to be worried about men in uniform.

He was proud that his superiors trusted his judgement, but Kahoku hadn't been thrilled about this assignment. He had only rudimentary knowledge about biotics. He knew they were rare and knew ones with powers worth training were even rarer. He knew the Alliance was extremely eager to get more of them into the ranks and after seeing a few of them in action, he understood why. He also agreed...to a point...with Dr. Harris that it seemed a waste to let this one simply sit in jail when her skills could be put to good use.

But that didn't change the facts in her files. There were huge gaping holes in her past that they had no way of accounting for. Since the massacre on Mindoir, she'd disappeared for nearly six years. She'd only showed up on Earth a few months ago and most of them had been spent here.

Arian Creed, as she was named in official records, had pled guilty for two counts of murder in the first degree. She had killed two men in cold blood. She'd given the police every detail of how she'd planned, stalked, and killed both of them without a hint of remorse. Under normal circumstances he never would have even considered approving her join the ranks of the system he was proud to serve. Biotic or no.

It was _why_ she'd killed them that gave him a pause. Both her own statements and the proof that had come up during the case after she'd turned herself in.

"This implant reminds me of a couple asari designed ones I've come across, Miss Creed..."

" _Shepard_." She was very insistent on that point, Kahoku noted, drawn out of his own musings. She became more and more agitated every time someone used her given name.

"Sorry, sorry, Miss Shepard. Might I ask where this implant came from?"

"You most certainly can."

Harris paused expectantly but she was silent. "Where did it come from?"

"I didn't say I'd answer."

Baker rolled his eyes. The girl caught it and her own eyes narrowed ever so slightly. She seemed on the verge of making some kind of comment when Harris interrupted. "Miss Cr...Shepard, we're trying to do you a favor here, you might show a bit of courtesy in return."

"What favor? All you've done is drag me in here and poke at me."

"Dr. Harris," Kahoku decided it was high time they pulled things back on track, "perhaps it would be best if we explain exactly why we're here."

"That would be a real novel fucking treat," Shepard said snippily.

Kahoku stared at her, his dark eyes locking with hers until she had to look away, fidgeting. He spoke in the same quiet voice that made any man under his command snap immediately to attention. "First, young lady, you will mind your tone when you speak to me, or Dr. Harris, or Lt. Baker. If you're trying to come off as tough, it isn't working. If you're trying to be clever, you're failing. All you are doing is coming off as crass and stupid when I know full well you are no such thing. Dr. Harris believes you could be an asset to the Alliance if given the chance. I'm starting to agree with him, so I would appreciate it if you didn't prove me wrong before we can even get started."

She glared at him for a long moment, her lips pressed in a thin line as if she were fighting to keep back a retort. He got the impression she wasn't used to being slapped down. For a tense minute she simply stared at him, her eyes searching his face. Kahoku kept his expression neutral and stared her down without a flinch. He'd faced down far worse than this strange little vigilante.

In a way it was a first test, at least in his mind. If she wasn't willing to swallow her pride and take orders, she wasn't going to last long. Her biotic abilities didn't even register much to him anymore, it was the potential he saw in her that was intriguing. Right now she wasn't much, but what she _could_ be with the right training...some discipline...

She finally broke away, looking down at the table for a moment, absorbing his words. Baker and Harris looked between the two of them. Baker looked like he wanted to say something but he kept silent. The girl took a deep breath and pushed herself up from the slouch she'd thrown herself into when she'd sat down. She folded her hands and looked at Kahoku again, nodding. "I apologize...sir. Dr. Harris." She turned her head to nod at him. Harris smiled a bit nervously and nodded in return.

Kahoku relaxed back in his chair. "All right, then."

 

 

Arian stared at her reflection for a long moment. She'd been given back the street clothes she had been wearing when she had arrived and the Captain had allowed her to change back into them in the tiny bathroom off the prison's waiting room. She opened the tiny envelope that had been with her clothes and smiled a bit when she saw the earrings and studs that had been in her various piercings. After a moment of consideration she tucked the envelope into her pocket without replacing any of them, they probably wouldn't let her wear them at boot camp anyway.

_Here's how it is. You're a biotic, and it's obvious you've had some training. Several people of note have stated it seems a shame to let so much potential go to waste. You'll be granted citizenship since you have no birth record and most of the Mindoir records were destroyed._

Her. In the military. That was one profession she'd never in her life considered. She would have laughed in the face of anyone who suggested it. But then again, when had anything in her life gone the way she'd expected it to?

_You will be allowed to enlist in the Systems Alliance Military on a severely provisional basis. Consider it a different kind of parole. This means you're going to have everyone watching you very carefully, you'll have to report to several different people for evaluations on a regular basis, and if you screw up once, and I mean one time, you're out._

Dr. Harris and others were probably going to interrogate her about her abilities and she was still working out exactly how she could get around them without saying too much. At least with the implant she could honestly tell them she didn't know where it had come from. She'd overheard the doctor saying it was a little bit weaker than a standard L3 implant so maybe he'd lose interest in it. She didn't know how fast biotic implants and bio-amps went out of date, but hers was several years old.

_You will go through boot camp and also the Alliance's training programs for biotics despite whatever training you may have received already. On a personal note, you don't strike me as the type that usually makes it. But there's potential in you, girl, if you have the courage to let it grow._

Could she make it, though?

She looked at her face in the mirror again, staring into her own tired eyes and the nightmares that lived behind them. Probably not. Probably she'd screw it up or piss off the wrong person and be sent back here within a matter of days.

She stared down at her hands for a long moment. She'd turned herself in as a punishment for the innocent blood she had on those hands. Not the fuckers she'd killed here...no one here on Earth could convict her for the crimes she deserved to be punished for.

She closed her fingers into a fist and stared at it thoughtfully. It was fairly obvious she wasn't going to make it far in the military, not with her background and record, but that wasn't the point, was it? Kahoku had a point even if he hadn't meant it in the same way she did. The Alliance helped people, protected people, like the people in colonies. Like Mindoir.

She closed her eyes against those memories.

Wasn't serving a purpose greater than herself, however small her contribution might be, better than just doing penance?

It was worth a try.

With that thought in mind, she splashed water on her face and picked up her small bag of possessions.

_You are being given an opportunity very few are granted, Arian Shepard. A second chance. And a chance to serve both your people and the galaxy itself. I suggest you don't waste it._

She opened the door and stepped out where the captain was waiting for her.


	2. Onset

Nowhere can a secret keep  
always secret, dark and deep,  
half so well as in the past,  
buried deep to last, to last.

-Dean Koontz, " _The Book of Counted Sorrows_ "

September 02, 2182 CE

Saren Arterius leaned back in his seat, several different screens flashing information up at him from the panel. Most were reports that needed his attention and one was showing several newscasts from various locations in the galaxy. The turian only turned his focus to that screen at one point, his eyes narrowing slightly. It was a report on the progress for the halfway constructed ship being filmed from every angle; the much vaunted SSV Normandy. A masterpiece of combined talents, both turian and human, the reporter enthused.

On one hand, he was completely disgusted with his people. If the turians had been half the warriors they'd once been, they would have been figuring out a way to wipe the humans out like the vermin they were. Instead, they were pandering to them.

On the other hand, there was a bitter amusement in knowing what he knew. In knowing exactly how pointless all of their efforts were in the grand scheme of things.

Saren shook his head and turned the report off, dismissing the SSV Normandy as inconsequential.

He had work to do.

 

Captain David Anderson walked slowly through the half finished command deck. He'd been coming here every chance he had between duties, slowly familiarizing himself with this ship that would be his to command in a few months. They'd named it the Normandy, following Alliance tradition of naming frigates after famous battles despite the fact it wasn't a conventional frigate.

The First Contact War that had been the result of humanity's reaching out into space and breaking into turian territory had been a less than stellar introduction for humans into the galactic community. It had left bitterness and distrust on both sides. The Normandy, mixture of turian and human design, was a step...a large one, hopefully...toward breaching the rift that still existed between the two races decades later.

And maybe it was a good sign humanity was getting a step up in the galaxy.

It also meant the Normandy was unlike any ship he'd commanded before, the design familiar and yet not. He wanted to be used to it long before they took it to the skies, which was a time coming even sooner than expected. He chuckled as he exited the ship. There were both turian and human workers building the ship, each wanted to show the other how it was done. A little competitive spirit made for good progress when it didn't go too far.

Anderson pulled out a datapad. The ship was coming along fine, now for the crew. There were several new notes on the dossiers from Ambassador Udina, one of the few who also had access to them. Because the Normandy was such a big deal diplomatically and Udina acted as humanity's voice to the Citadel Council, he had more say in things than Anderson liked. But the final say was Anderson's, since he'd been given full permission to handpick what crew he felt was best.

That didn't stop Udina from trying to meddle every chance he got. He was less concerned with how well the crew would function together and on missions than he was with how good they'd look to the public.

So far, Anderson had the opinions of Admiral Hackett and several other well decorated Alliance officials, so Udina hadn't managed to overturn any of his decisions. Udina wanted the Normandy to be remembered as a great moment in human history, and Anderson fully intended to gather a crew that would make it so.

The captain paused and glanced back at the Normandy. He couldn't properly describe the sudden thrill of foreboding that passed through him in that moment with the setting sun tracing over the lines of his ship. He turned away, shaking himself, dismissing it as a case of nerves. Everyone was entitled to them once in a while.

He looked down at the file currently on the screen to give himself something to focus on. It was one of the few he still had to settle on, one of the important positions he'd been playing tug of war with Udina over for the past month or so as he combed over candidates. Udina's choices he'd already dismissed. For the missions the Normandy was likely going to be performing he needed someone with experience on several different levels, something Udina didn't understand.

He studied the fuzzy picture at the front page of the dossier for a moment, tapping the edge of the datapad. There was a secondary note from Admiral Hackett that made him smile dryly: "Good choice, but you're going to have to dig your heels in _hard_."

 

The citizens of the Citadel, that glorious bastion of the civilized galaxy, were so used to the sight of the little insectoid critters that maintained their home, they barely noticed them anymore. The Keepers did their job with almost eerie efficiency and had a way of just appearing to be part of the surroundings. Like they were a part of the Citadel itself.

So part of the place were they, that only a couple of the scientists studying them from a distance even took notice when a couple of them suddenly paused in their work and stood completely still, little heads cocked as if they were listening to something.

The scientists had no idea, of course, that every single Keeper in the Citadel was doing the exact same thing at the exact same moment.

Angelus Colony  
Attican Traverse  
September 03, 2182

Lieutenant Commander Arian Shepard climbed down the supports of the defense tower and dropped to the ground, turning to regard the tower thoughtfully. She whipped the bandanna out of her hair and scratched her head, making her short crop of hair stick out in pale spikes. One turret was all she'd been able to coax out of the higher ups but it was better than none. And it was more than most colonies got. Angelus's spot near an intersection of several trade routes going to and from the Terminus Systems made it an important spot, creating a more prosperity and diversity than most colonies in this area got. It also made it a nice target for pirates and slavers.

Maybe in a few years the colony would have proven important enough to gain more attention from not just Alliance officials but companies...even corporations...that had business in the area and would appreciate a safe haven for their freighters. She hoped so. Angelus was a rare success of colonists and Alliance managing to get along.

It took a certain brand of stubbornness and pride to carve a life out here. For colonists, it formed into a level of independence that was as necessary as breathing. When the Alliance wanted to establish relations with them, it wasn't always welcome. They didn't like being meddled with and they hated admitting when they needed help. The trouble was they did need it. The events at Torfan had choked back the bands of batarian slavers that trolled all of space somewhat but they were still a danger. Colonists had a better chance of holding them back with the help of trained fighters.

They didn't have to like it, though.

Shepard had been stationed at Angelus for almost two years, a longer stint than was usual, a suggestion of hers that had actually gone through. Most of her career since she'd graduated from the Academy had been spent out along the Traverse. She supposed it was probably a polite way of shuffling her into the background but she didn't mind a bit. Away from the main bulk of the Alliance Navy, the crews stationed there to help relations with the colonies didn't have as much backup, but they also had a certain amount of freedom not found in the fleets. It helped that she'd grown up on a colony, as had most of her boys. Not always. Sometimes they just couldn't do anything beyond be ready to defend a colony if it came under attack, no matter how hard they tried. When they were lucky, the colonists cautiously opened up to them, allowing them to help set up defenses and give training with fighting and weapons to colony guards.

Angelus had been such a success, and she hoped it would be a stepping stone. Using colony born soldiers helped ease tensions, taking the time to make sure a military post wasn't being built in the middle of a field helped ease tensions, actually listening to what the colonists had to say helped ease tensions. Swaggering in expecting awe and gratitude did not.

Shepard headed down the hill toward the main street, pulling a hand rolled cigarette out of a battered leather case. _You'd think after all this time we'd have picked up a clue or two. The same people who made Akuze a bloody training mission are still the same people sending out orders. We never learn._ She ran her hand over her left shoulder absently, running her fingers over the whorls of scar tissue that covered it, trailing down her collarbone and up the side of her neck. She pulled her mind off that path and lit the cigarette up, hurrying down toward the colony.

Evening was coming on and people were either heading home or heading out. She could hear shouts and music coming from the largest of the colony's bars. The sights and sounds made a wistful smile tug at her lips. She was going to miss this place. But duty called. There were other colonies having trouble so most of them were to report to the nearest cruiser to receive orders.

It had been a good colony when they'd first come and had grown even stronger over the years. It would be a veritable bastion in a few more years and for once she was quite sure they'd be able to hold up against any disaster thrown their way until then.

Shepard slowed as she reached the road, her pace growing leisurely so she could soak in the sights, the sounds, the atmosphere of a place that was a genuine community. She exchanged smiles and greetings as she passed, waving to a couple of her boys that were spending their time off in town. It filled her with happiness and melancholy at the same time. _You would have loved it here, Maman. And they would have loved you._

"Hey, Shepard!" One of the colony guards looked up from his drink as she passed by the bar's patio. He waved cheerfully. "Howard was lookin' for you earlier, said he had an important message coming in." He dropped his voice to a mock whisper. "Real top secret, I think." A chorus of _oooohs_ came from his friends.

Shepard cocked her head and raised her eyebrows. "Must be the Alliance getting back to me about making you a Spectre, Morrison. I recommended you, you know."

Morrison clutched his chest and fell back in his chair dramatically. "You did?"

"Christ, that means you'd be working for the Council, Morrison, I don't think we could bear the shame," one of his friends cracked.

"Yea, I think I'd rather take up with the pirates, they're less tight assed." Morrison took a drink and grinned angelically at Shepard. "Sorry, Commander, was that a treasonous statement?"

"What statement? I didn't hear anything." She hummed loudly as she strolled away, inciting more hooting and laughter behind her. She bit back a grin and went to look for Howard.

She didn't have to look far, Howard was coming down the road from the Alliance Outpost at the edge of town. He met her, huffing a bit, a cigar still burning between two of his fingers. He managed a sloppy salute with his free hand which he ruined immediately as he spoke. "Got an encrypted message for your eyes only, Ari."

Since no one was around she didn't correct him. Sargent Howard Kell had been working the Traverse for nearly twenty years. He'd taken her under his wing from the moment she'd been stationed out on the Traverse, continuing to guide her even after she'd advanced further than him. Officially, he was her communication tech but in truth Howard had a gift with pretty much anything that ticked, from weapons to electronics. He could work anywhere from the most advanced starship to the most backwards colony. He'd been absolutely invaluable in working with the colonies over the years, so well known among Alliance and colonists both even the most straightlaced official was willing to overlook the fact he viewed formalities and protocol with hearty disdain.

He was one of the boys that would be coming along with her when the next Alliance ship came around to pick them up. Thank God.

Howard hit a button on the omni tool clasped around his left hand. Shepard lifted her own omni tool and studied the message he'd just forwarded to her, dropping her cigarette to the ground and stamping it out. She cocked her head. "Anderson? You know him?"

Howard shook his head, falling into step beside her. "Don't know anyone that high up named Anderson out here and I know most of them. Has to be someone big for that level of encryption."

"Newcomer, maybe? Did you hear anything about one of the fleets sending out a new ship?" She wracked her memory, trying to think if a new Alliance ship had been coming around to get them.

"The _SS Shiloh_ is the one coming round to take us. Unless you've heard different."

"No..." Shepard frowned, curious now. She waved to the guards at the outpost's gate, nodding in response to their salutes, and headed for the communications center...well communication _shack_... to respond to the message. She glanced at Howard, cocking an eyebrow. "Encrypted means secret. As in only for the person it was sent to. As in don't listen outside the door, Howard."

"You're no fun," he complained, dropping back as she pulled the shack's door open.

"I know, I have this selfish resistance to seeing you court-martialed, sorry." She looked around to make sure the comm center was empty and locked the door behind her.

Shepard sat down at the terminal furthest from the door and booted it up, bringing the message up and following the decryption process that allowed her to type in the comm address of whoever had sent the message. She turned her eyes toward the screen as it buzzed softly and she found herself face to face with Captain David Anderson.

For a long moment she could only gape wordlessly. She'd been expecting someone named Anderson. She had not been expecting it to be _the_ Captain Anderson. Her training caught up with her and she snapped to attention, giving him the salute he was due. "Captain?"

He nodded in response. "Commander Shepard."

"Y-yes, sir. Forgive me for not getting back to you sooner, but..." But she hadn't been expecting the Alliance's greatest hero to be calling out here in the middle of nowhere.

Anderson waved a hand. "Not a problem, Commander."

He was studying her closely and Shepard remembered that she had all her piercings in, including the one in her nose and her eyebrow, her hair was a mess, and she wasn't in uniform. She was also pretty sure she had dust all over her face since she'd been working on the defense towers all day. Not exactly professional. She shifted a bit self consciously and straightened in her seat, trying not to look like a complete disgrace to the N7 program. "What can I do for you, sir?"

"I wanted to see you before I sent new orders though."

She blinked at him slowly, jumping from surprise to confusion to alarm as visions of the kind of godawful disaster that would require someone of Anderson's caliber to take over danced through her head. "New orders, sir? What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, Commander, I need you to report to me at the Citadel regarding the SSV Normandy. You have heard of that project, I presume?"

She forced herself out of disaster mode and back into simple confusion. "Yes, sir, she's a new class of ship, yes? Testing out a new stealth engine for deep scouting missions?" She'd been watching the newscasts that were filtered through about the Normandy with some interest and more than a little delight. In her opinion, humans and turians building a whole new kind of ship together was a damn fine way to start making peace.

"Correct on all counts. She'll be finished and ready for a shakedown run in a few months."

Shepard still didn't get it. "She needs a place for the shakedown run, sir?" Did they need to come out this far for a shakedown run?

Anderson smiled suddenly. "No, Commander, what she needs is an XO."


	3. Shakedown

April 20, 2183

"There he is! What did I _tell_ you?"

Lt. Kaidan Alenko grunted as Jenkins elbowed him in the ribs and turned to see what had the corporal so excited. Jenkins was staring across the docking bay, not quite pointing at the figure striding across it but looking like he wanted to.

The turian certainly cut a distinctive figure. Tall and dressed in red and black armor, he moved with that predatory grace that seemed inherent to his people. The hard plating that covered his face and swept into a crest over the back of his head was dark and marked with an elaborate white tattoo. Kaidan watched him cross the platform to approach Captain Anderson. "He's a Spectre?"

Jenkins turned to stare at him incredulously. "Are you kidding, man? That's Nihlus Kryik. He's _the_ Spectre. He's on the vids all the time! This is awesome!"

Kaidan said nothing since he didn't necessarily agree with that one. He glanced over as Jenkins straightened up suddenly, brushing himself off. He followed his gaze and rolled his eyes as Commander Shepard walked across the bay, her eyes never leaving her omni tool. Jenkins had a crush on nearly every female on the ship and now the commander too? "You have weird taste."

"You know what that band tattoo around her arm says? The one with the weird hieroglyphs or whatever they are? I was hanging out in the same bar as she was on shore leave once and some guy covered in tattoos was asking about it. He gave this long rambling explanation about how his represented the darkness of the universe or whatever and asked her what hers translated into and she said: 'Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.'"

"It does _not_ say that."

"Aw, come on, man, that vid is still a classic. Ask her to show you the one on her back sometime, that one is the coolest thing I've ever seen. It must have hurt like hell."

Kaidan just shook his head. He thought she was rather strange looking, personally. Shepard was a long legged scarecrow of a woman who topped off just under six feet, whip thin with an almost boyish figure. Her fair hair was always sticking out in wild tufts because she ran her hands through it when she was thinking, which was pretty much all the time.

Okay, there was an intensity to her that was oddly compelling, he admitted. Kaidan had met the Normandy's XO a few months ago and still didn't quite know what to make of her. He'd been curious at first because she was a fellow biotic. But she'd been evasive about her training and didn't like giving displays of her abilities. She didn't spike very high but she was remarkably...precise...with her powers, demonstrating an eerie level of control that could only have come from extensive training. Kaidan let his fingers rest lightly on the back of his neck, just near the edge of his L2 implant. Maybe he couldn't blame her for not wanting to talk about her training. His own certainly didn't bring back fond memories.

He caught a glimpse of the Spectre again as he and Jenkins headed into the ship. He'd almost forgotten about him. Kaidan frowned a bit, once again wondering what he was doing here. He got the distinct impression the turian had been watching Shepard as well.

* * *

"Work, work, work, work..." Shepard chanted under her breath as she padded through the ship toward the command deck, her eyes glued to her omni tool.

She had to remind herself not to run because that was undignified. It had been years since she'd worked on a high grade ship. She'd served in various positions on patrol ships out along the Traverse but formalities and appearance tended to fall by the wayside when most of the time was spent chasing pirates and running to the aid of colonies under attack. It was taking her a bit of time to remember she had a certain image she needed to maintain, especially working beside Captain Anderson. He hadn't exactly come down on her because of her appearance but it was awful hard to run around like a wild woman when he was always so damned composed, and more than anything she didn't want to shame Anderson. The result was she actually took some time to maintain her appearance and made sure she was in uniform all the time. And she walked around the ship instead of running.

She'd served as an executive officer a couple of times as she'd been bounced around and under Anderson's tutelage over the months she'd quickly learned the ups and downs of running a ship like this. Anderson had assembled an astonishing crew that were scarily good at their jobs, but there were still a hundred things that needed attention any given day and especially today.

Shepard was having the time of her life.

She hated having nothing to focus on, was in fact half convinced that left to its own devices with no decision to be reached or no problem to solve or puzzle to figure out, her brain would flip out and devour itself.

"Commander?"

Shepard pulled up short. _Damn it._ She turned and smiled innocently as the ship's doctor leaned out the med bay door. Dr. Chakwas wasn't having it, her eyes narrowing sternly. Before she could speak, Shepard held up the energy drink in her other hand as a shield. Shepard's tendency to sometimes forget biotics needed extra calories and electrolytes and her odd sleeping habits were a source of irritation to the good doctor. Chakwas had quickly honed in on the fact that emotional blackmail worked well with Shepard by pointing out she had a duty to Anderson and the crew she needed to be at her best for.

Chakwas glanced at the drink, unimpressed. "Did you eat?"

For once Shepard didn't squirm under her gaze. Blackmail successful. "Yes, ma'am."

She thought she saw a hint of amusement in Chakwas's eyes at her meek tone. "Someone in engineering mentioned you were still up when he got off duty last night."

_Howard, you're a big, fat tattletale._ "No, ma'am, I just got up a lot earlier."

Stalemate, since she couldn't prove otherwise at the moment. Chakwas continued to study her, then she sighed and nodded. Shepard excused herself politely and hurried off before the doctor could speak again, reminding herself to head down to engineering at one point and threaten to crash the Mako purposely if Howard ever told on her again. That would fix him, he'd fallen in love with that six wheeled monster.

She paused and glanced back. "Have you seen the captain, Doctor?"

Chakwas shook her head. "Not today, I overheard someone saying he was talking to the Spectre agent. I can't remember his name."

"Nihlus Kryik," Shepard said absently, nodding in thanks as she moved away. The whole ship was buzzing over the fact one of the Citadel Council's best agents had joined them. No one believed for a moment he was there to check the ship's new stealth system. What bothered Shepard in particular was the fact the captain hadn't mentioned anything to her about the agent other than the Council had sent him as a representative. That meant Anderson knew what Kryik was here for and was deliberately holding something back, which wasn't like him at all. Or it meant _he_ didn't know, which was troubling.

As a Spectre, Agent Kryik answered to the Council and the Council alone, which meant he could pretty much do whatever he damned well wanted. Their hands were tied on that which pissed off some of the more conservative crew members. Others, like Jenkins, were kind of in awe over the Spectre's reputation. Shepard had never met him before...or any Spectre agent for that matter...so she was trying to keep an open mind. To give him credit, Kryik was perfectly polite despite the suspicion aimed his way and hadn't thrown his weight around in the slightest. But all the secrecy on an already tense mission wasn't good for the crew.

Not for the first time, Shepard felt a glimmer of unease she couldn't quite define.

Jeff Moreau, known more or less affectionately as Joker, the ship's pilot, announced that they were heading through the Arcturus Relay, distracting her from her thoughts. Suddenly the subdued activity of the ship became frantic. _Here we go._

"Hey, Commander!" Jenkins bounded around her.

Shepard smiled at him as he passed and strode up onto the command deck. One of the younger technicians wasn't paying attention and almost crashed into her, jumping back with a startled squeak and losing her balance. Shepard reached out to steady her. "You okay there...Chase, isn't it?"

"Y-yes, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am." The younger woman's face was beet red.

"Not a problem, we've all got a case of nerves."

"I've never made a jump quite like this one before," Chase blurted out. She went even more red.

"Nothing to it. Joker can do it in his sleep. Don't tell him I said that, though."

Chase smiled before she realized it, taking the edge off her embarrassment. Shepard chuckled and continued on.

* * *

_On the screen, Shepard is leaning back in her chair, her head slightly turned and her eyes focused on some spot just beyond the camera's view, not looking a the doctor._

_The doctor sighs. "Commander, do you wish to help humanity advance our position in the galaxy?"_

_Shepard turns her head and blinks, an odd expression on her face. "Advance our position?"_

" _Yes, wouldn't you like to see a human Spectre? And see us get a place on the Council?"_

_She appears to give the question some thought. "Sure. Is Ambassador Udina making everyone come on camera and say that?"_

" _All major officers on the ship are being interviewed, yes. You're aware the Normandy is a large step in our advancement?"_

_Shepard laughs suddenly. "Well, I guess that depends on whether we prove we're worth the investment, wouldn't you say?"_

Nihlus didn't turn his head as Shepard came up beside him, but he'd been watching her out of the corner of his eye since she'd entered the bridge.

Joker glanced back at Shepard and caught sight of Nihlus. He looked away quickly but Nihlus had enough experience reading humans to know he wasn't pleased. He'd had plenty of such looks over the past few days. Most were probably suspicious as to why he was here. Shepard glanced at him before turning her attention to the window. She'd been cautious at first but not hostile, which matched up with what he'd expected from his research. Particularly that interview vid he was quite sure Ambassador Udina wouldn't be happy to know he'd seen.

The mass relay loomed in front of them and Nihlus squinted as the bright light of it flooded the bridge. Joker leaned forward in his seat. "Hitting the relay in 3...2..1..."

There was that odd vertigo of awareness and utter disconnection from thought, a timeless stillness as the relay threw them and then everything suddenly catching up to them at once. Shepard gave herself a little shake and stepped forward to look at some of the readouts as Joker ran a check to make sure all their systems were online and functioning correctly. He nodded and leaned back, smirking. "Drift just under 1500 K."

Nihlus nodded, impressed. "1500 is good, your captain will be pleased." He glanced at Shepard again and turned away, heading across the deck to seek Anderson out, keeping his hearing tuned back behind him out of habit.

"I hate that guy." He heard Joker mutter, not quite quietly enough.

"There's a shocker." Shepard's voice was dry.

"He gave you a compliment...so you hate him?" That was the man in the copilot's seat, Alenko, Nihlus thought his name was.

"You remember to zip up your jumpsuit on the way out of the bathroom? That's good. I just jumped us halfway across the galaxy and hit a target the size of a pinhead. So that's incredible!"

Shepard made a snorting sound. "Aw, it's not his fault. Turians just aren't well built to kiss your ass, Joker, they don't really have the lips to do it properly."

Nihlus was pretty sure the humans on the ship didn't know enough about turian expressions to see his amusement. _Oh, yes, Shepard, I'll need to see you in action but I think you'll do._

She came off as cool and rather slow witted at first, but you didn't get as far as she had against so many odds without fire and the intelligence to use it. He knew that better than most.

Anderson was in the comm room, ordering a status report at one of the consoles. He looked up and nodded as Nihlus entered. Nihlus jerked his head back the direction he'd come pointedly and Anderson nodded again.

Joker's voice crackled over the comm. _"Just cleared the mass relay, Captain. Stealth systems engaged. Everything looks solid."_

"Good. Find us a comm buoy and link us into the network. I want mission reports relayed back to Alliance brass before we reach Eden Prime." Anderson leaned back. Nihlus kept silent. One of the best things about being a Spectre was not having to report in every damn step of the way. Sometimes the Council actually preferred not to know how something had gotten done at all.

" _Aye, aye, Captain. Better brace yourself, sir. I think Nihlus is headed your way."_

Anderson closed his eyes and shook his head slowly. "He's already here, Lieutenant."

Nihlus kept his gaze on the screen showing Eden Prime and politely didn't say anything.

Anderson sighed. "Tell Commander Shepard to meet me in the comm room for debriefing."

He hit a button, cutting off communication but obviously Joker had forgotten to do the same, allowing the two of them to hear as Joker shifted, probably turning to Shepard right behind him and saying sarcastically: _"Hey, Shepard, the captain wants you to meet him in the comm room for debriefing."_

Shepard's voice was fainter but still clear. _"What a good little messenger you are."_

" _I'm just the best at it all, Commander."_

" _You forgot to turn the comm off, boy wonder."_ There was a shuffling sound and Joker yelped in protest. _"I'm on my way, Captain."_

" _I told you, don't touch the hat-"_ Joker's outraged voice was cut off as the comm went silent.

Nihlus turned and spoke to spare Anderson the need to apologize. "How much have you told her?"

"Nothing, but I don't doubt for a second she's figured out there's more going on than she's been told." There was an edge to Anderson's voice, he clearly didn't like the secrecy. He glanced up as someone buzzed him over the comm. "I'll be right back." He moved out of the comm room.

Anderson had come as a shock. Saren hated the man, though to this day, Nihlus wasn't exactly sure why. The captain he'd seen work over the past few days was nothing like the arrogant, incompetent fool Saren portrayed him as.

But then again, maybe Anderson had changed over the years. Saren certainly had. Nihlus turned back toward the screen of Eden Prime. He hadn't spoken to his mentor and closest friend for a while now, no one was quite sure what he'd been up to. Over the years, he'd been adamant about not allowing a human candidate into the Spectres, had been furious that the Council was even considering it. However, even when he'd found out Nihlus was the one reviewing the human candidates, he'd seemed oddly subdued about it. If anything, he'd been slightly mocking, a strange, smug look in his eyes.

Footsteps drew him out of his troubled thoughts and he turned to see Shepard approaching. She hesitated, glancing around for Anderson before she turned completely toward him. He nodded. "Commander Shepard. I was hoping you'd get here first. It will give us a chance to talk."

She cocked her head slightly to one side, a very strange gesture that somehow managed to convey both caution and curiosity. "What about?"

Nihlus half turned away to give him a chance to gather his thoughts. Saren's warnings about the humans' rapid expansion flashed through his mind as well as the vid of Shepard's own interview. "I'm interested in this world we're going to- Eden Prime. I've heard it's quite beautiful."

She looked at the screen. "I've never been there, but they say it's paradise."

He nodded slowly, springing off from that to try and get his point across. "Yes...a paradise. Serene. Tranquil. Safe. Eden Prime has become something of a symbol for your people, hasn't it?" She was watching him, listening closely. "Proof that humanity can not only establish colonies across the galaxy, but also protect them." He turned away. "But how safe is it, really?"

"Is there a particular reason it wouldn't be?"

He could hear it in her voice, didn't need to look at her to know she was going tense, automatically setting herself against an enemy she didn't know. He turned back and noted with approval he'd been right on the mark about that. "Your people are still newcomers, Shepard. The galaxy can be a very dangerous place. Is the Alliance ready for this?"

Her hand moved up, her fingers touching the side of her neck in a gesture he didn't think she was aware of, brushing over the very edge of what he knew to be a massive scar. A souvenir of Akuze. She studied him thoughtfully, an odd, intense look in her long gray eyes. Before she could speak, Anderson came up behind her and she turned.

The captain looked at him pointedly. "I think it's about time we tell the commander what's really going on."

He nodded. "This mission is far more than a simple shakedown run." Of course, she already knew that one.

"We're making a covert pick up on Eden Prime. That's why we needed the stealth systems operational." Anderson made a slight gesture indicating the ship around them. She raised an eyebrow, one of those curious human expressions Nihlus had found could mean any number of things. "A research team on Eden Prime unearthed some kind of beacon. It was Prothean."

Shepard frowned for a moment, then her eyes widened slightly. "That's...what they found on Mars, right?"

"Close enough. It's the same for everyone. The mass relays, the Citadel, our ship drives...it's all based on Prothean technology," Nihlus said.

"So you see how big it is, Shepard, you know the Mars ruin jumped our technology forward two hundred years when we found it. But Eden Prime doesn't have the facilities to handle it. We need to bring this beacon back to the Citadel for proper study," Anderson said.

She was nodding slowly, understanding perfectly now. Or so she thought.

Nihlus studied her carefully. "Obviously, this goes beyond human interests, Commander. This discovery could affect every species in Citadel space." Anderson had already told him there were a few in the Alliance ranks that didn't agree.

Shepard blinked at him. "Well, of course..." Something in Nihlus eased, a small niggle of doubt fading away. "It certainly explains why you came with us."

For the first time he was fully confident about his choice. "The beacon's not the only reason I'm here, Shepard."

She did that odd head tilt expression again and looked from him to Anderson. The captain spoke quietly: "Nihlus wants to see you in action, Commander. He's here to evaluate you."

It took a moment for that to register. She stared at Anderson, then looked at Nihlus quickly, a startled expression on her face. "Me?"

Nihlus met her gaze. "Not many could have survived what you went through on Akuze. You showed a remarkable will to live- a particularly useful talent. It's one of the reasons I put your name forward."

For just an instant, Anderson allowed a small measure of pride to show. Of course, he was one of the reasons she'd even been considered at all and though he'd come in later in her life than some had, he'd obviously had a hand in shaping her. Even Nihlus had noted a level of marked improvement in several of her areas of skill under Anderson's command. "Earth needs this. We're counting on you, Shepard."

She was quiet for a long moment, her head tilted down as she studied the floor. She looked up suddenly. "Does Ambassador Udina know?"

"He didn't really have much of a choice in the matter," Nihlus said dryly before Anderson could speak.

"I just didn't hear any reports about him committing suicide."

"Shepard."

She ducked her head, attempting to look contrite. "Sorry, Captain."

Nihlus was careful to keep his voice neutral. "I'll need to see your skills myself, Commander. Eden Prime will be the first of several missions together."

And there it was. She kept her expression carefully professional but her eyes were gleaming. Challenge. Excitement. Eager to prove herself. Nihlus wondered if this is what Saren had seen when he'd chosen him as a protégé all those years ago.

Anderson motioned toward the screen. "You'll take the ground team and secure the beacon. Get it to the ship ASAP. Nihlus will accompany you to observe the mission."

" _Captain!"_

Joker's voice had all three of them turning.

" _We've got a problem."_

"What's wrong?"

" _Transmission from Eden Prime, sir. You'd better see this!"_

"Bring it up on screen."

The peaceful screen of Eden Prime vanished, replaced by utter chaos obviously filmed from someone's omni tool or a helmet transmitter. Soldiers were battling, one of them calling out and pleading for evac while a woman shouted orders in the background. Nihlus narrowed his eyes, trying to make out exactly what was attacking them. The camera jittered wildly, suddenly swinging toward the sky and focusing on...

They all stared for a long moment. Shepard finally broke the silence, her voice hushed: "What the hell is _that_?"


	4. Things Get Complicated

Shepard calibrated one of her pistols for the third time, pacing back and forth like a caged animal as Joker brought them down to the first drop point. Nihlus was going to scout ahead of them as they made for the beacon.

Get the beacon back to the ship, look for survivors. Simple stuff. Except they still had no idea exactly what in the name of hell had attacked the colony. Walking into a situation they knew so little about was a good way to die.

_Hey, Shepard, making your squad nervous even before we arrive is a good way to get them killed, too._ She paused and looked over at Lt. Alenko and Jenkins. They looked back at her warily and she became aware she'd been restless and muttering to herself since they'd received the distress call. And they'd seen that…thing.

Nihlus just watched her. She didn't have a hope of reading his expression. Her eyes drifted to the turian and she frowned. "It was a ship."

He looked toward the door and nodded once.

"I've never seen a ship like that," Shepard continued.

"I was weird looking," Jenkins piped up. "It reminded me of a squid."

"It could be geth design. There have been a few reports of attacks drifting in the past couple of weeks." Nihlus didn't sound like he believed it, though.

"The geth haven't been seen outside the Perseus Veil in two hundred years," Alenko said doubtfully, looking between the commander and Nihlus.

_"Approaching drop point one."_

Jenkins broke the uneasy silence. "You're coming with us, Nihlus?"

The turian shook his head. "I work faster on my own."

Shepard stirred and looked over at him. "Watch your back."

He gave her a mildly surprised look but the offhand way she'd said it made it clear it was something she said on a regular basis. To anyone she worked with. "Always do." He moved forward, launching himself out the door and to the ground in a few long steps.

"You really think geth attacked the colony, Commander?" Jenkins asked hesitantly.

Shepard looked over at him, face expressionless. Jenkins had been born and raised on Eden Prime. He had to be worried about his friends and family but he was managing to remain stoic and focused. _Kid, you're a better solider than I'll ever be._

Her mind flashed back to the ship hovering in the sky like some kind of dark god from a horror story. She didn't blame Nihlus for hesitating to call it a geth ship, even if they were something out of legend too. The description didn't fit, didn't quite describe the unease the sight of it inspired. "I think, corporal, we need to be ready for anything."

* * *

When Kaidan thought about Jenkins's death later…and he did, constantly, for years after…it still came as a shock how horribly _fast_ it happened.

Nihlus had just radioed in to warn them there were hostiles and bodies everywhere. He remembered Jenkins whispered: "Oh, God, what happened here?" as they took in the amount of damage that had been done to the colony. He remembered the commander signaling to stop, her tall frame going tense. Remembered moving around at her motion as Jenkins eagerly moved forward, rifle at the ready.

He swept his gaze to the left cautiously, searching for movement and the things came out of nowhere behind him. Shepard called Jenkins's name, the cry drowned out immediately by his dying scream. By the time Kaidan had turned he was down.

Shepard flared as two…things…swept down the hill toward them, trying to flank them. One of them froze as she threw it in stasis and he turned toward the other one. He didn't think, his instincts carrying him, his biotics flaring as well as he lashed out. The thing…it was some kind of robot drone… _geth_ …was propelled backwards and smashed into a rock.

He turned to find Shepard standing over the other one, gun in her hand as she stared down at the smoking thing at her feet. And Jenkins…

He was dead. Kaidan could see that even as he knelt beside him. The shots had ripped through barriers and armor alike like they were nothing. He'd never had a chance. Nothing to be done. He'd never defeat an entire platoon single handed, like Nihlus had. Or become a scourge to slavers, like Shepard had. Or get a tattoo. Or tell another of those stupid jokes everyone felt guilty about laughing at. He wasn't going to ask that cute technician out like he'd been building up the courage to do. He was dead. Gone. _Dead_.

"Alenko."

He reached out slowly and closed his friend's staring eyes, numb. He'd never lost someone in combat before, much less someone close to him.

" _Kaidan_."

The sharp command in Shepard's voice had him rising and turning toward her automatically. He saw understanding in her eyes. She knew. But her voice was firm as she spoke quietly: "We'll give him the burial he deserves but I need you focused, LT."

His training took over and he straightened up. "Aye, aye, ma'am."

She searched his face for a second longer and then nodded and stepped back. He saw her glance at Jenkins once before she turned away.

They were ready when more attacked. She was more skilled with technology and he was far stronger with biotics, and they ended up balancing each other out enough to make short work of them. Shepard kicked one lightly down the hill, shaking her head. "These aren't combat drones. No one with flesh and blood is controlling them unless they're doing it from a distance with plenty of things to interfere with a signal in the way."

_Geth._

The word hung unspoken in the air.

Nihlus spoke over the comm. _"I've got burned out buildings here, Shepard. And lots of bodies."_

"Fuck." Her voice was so soft, he doubted the turian heard it.

_"I'm going to check it out. I'll try and meet you at the dig site."_

* * *

She could hear them closing in on her.

She was listening for the buzzing hum, was already diving to the ground as they fired, hitting the ground and rolling, her pistol in her hand, her world narrowing into two points in the air above her. She fired, blasting one, then the other.

A scream brought Ashley Williams rolling to her feet just in time to see two of the... _geth they were goddamned geth_...pinning a colonist down on one of those damned devices. Even as she rose, she knew she was too late. The spike was rising, plowing through the man's chest and pushing him up, up, up into the air helplessly, limbs twitching, making a horrid gurgling sound. Even as the needle device rose, they were turning toward her, heads formed of glowing lights resting on disturbingly human like bodies.

Ashley was already moving, diving behind a boulder, pulling her rifle as she crouched. She took a deep, shuddering breath and whipped around as one of the light headed fuckers swung around the boulder. Even as she brought her rifle up, the thing froze, dark energy holding it in place. A shot rang out behind her and she spun to watch a woman in light black armor striding toward her, a man standing a few paces behind her, energy dancing over his frame as he pointed at the frozen geth.

She took it all in during the instant it took her to turn and bring her rifle up, joining the woman as she attacked the other geth. By the time it was down, the man had reduced the second one to a smoking husk and stood, his hand resting on his helmet.

"Kaidan?" The sharp concern in the woman's voice was clear even through the buzz of her helmet's vox.

The man waved. "I'm fine, Commander."

Ashley stood straighter as the woman nodded and turned to her. "Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the 212. You the one in charge here, ma'am?"

She nodded. "Lieutenant Commander Arian Shepard of the SSV Normandy. This is Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko."

He nodded. "Are you wounded?"

"Nothing serious. Couple scrapes and burns." Ashley swallowed. "The others…they weren't so lucky."

"What the hell happened here, Williams?" The commander squinted at her through her helmet's visor.

"Oh, man….We were patrolling the perimeter when the attack hit." Ashley shook her head, shifting backwards, wincing a bit as her armor rubbed over one of her scrapes. "We tried to get off a distress call but they cut off our communications. We walked right into an ambush." Ashley closed her eyes. "I think I'm the only one left."

"Not your fault." The man, Alenko, spoke up. There was a pained undertone to his voice.

Shepard nodded. "I don't think anyone could have been prepared for this. Do you know what these things are?"

"I think they're geth. They must have come for the beacon?" Ashley shrugged. She'd been asking herself the same thing.

Shepard straightened up. "That's about as logical a guess as we can make at the moment. Could you take us there?" She looked pointedly past Ashley to the smoking hulk of the geth behind them. "We could certainly use your help."

It lifted her spirits just a little. She hadn't been able to save her squad but she could still do some good. And do some damage. Ash nodded, a hint of a smile crooking the corner of her mouth. "Aye, aye, ma'am."

* * *

_"Change of plans, Shepard. There's a spaceport up ahead. I'm going to check it out and meet you there."_

"Careful, something weird is going on here." Shepard let her hand fall to her side.

"Who was that, Commander?" Ashley was standing at the center of the dig site, scuffing a boot over where the beacon had obviously been; and...more to the point...no longer was.

"Nihlus Kryik. He's a Spectre agent here to help bring the beacon back." Shepard joined her, looking down at the spot. "He's ahead of us somewhere. If the beacon's been taken he'll likely get to it before we do."

Ashley nodded. "That spaceport he's talking about is up past the camp over the rise. There's buildings there too, someone might have managed to seal themselves in."

"Let's hope so. Move out."

She wasn't surprised Ashley Williams had survived. She was a crack shot, better with a gun than she and Kaidan put together and she balanced them out very nicely. With Shepard and Kaidan working to hold them and take their shields down for the few seconds it took Ashley to line up a shot, they were making short work of the geth they encountered.

Although they didn't encounter any as they made their way up the rise.

Shepard frowned a bit, suspicious, her eyes scanning back and forth. Moving up the ramps didn't reveal geth waiting for them but for the first time she really noticed the odd needle like towers scattered here and there. She looked up and squinted at the figures on the tips, then her eyes widened. "Jesus Fucking H Christ!"

Kaidan looked at her, startled, then followed her gaze. He swallowed hard. "They're still alive..."

Ashley drew in a sharp breath. "I saw a couple people impaled but I haven't seen the corpses look like that...what did they do to them?" Her voice was shaky with rage.

"Can we get them down?" Kaidan took a step forward.

Shepard shot a hand out, planting it in the center of his chest. "No."

"Commander..."

"I know, Kaidan, I know...but we don't know what's been done to them. We don't know anything."

"It could be a trap," Ashley agreed.

Kaidan nodded reluctantly. He started to speak, then went stiff as one of the needles started to lower, perhaps triggered by their presence. It went down, folding into the round tripod it was set in so the body at its tip was laying across it and the needle withdrew with a sick, wet sound.

The body moved, energy crackling around it.

Ashley swore softly as the...it had been human once, now it was a husk shot through with wires and glowing blue circuitry...rose. It stood, swaying for a moment, blank eyes blazing with that dark energy. Shepard motioned for them to fall back as the energy exploded outward. Another needle was lowering and Shepard and Kaidan both fired up their biotics as Ashley backed behind a rock and settled her rifle on her shoulder.

The husk things charged, running toward them in a swaying, almost drunken run. It was the most hideous of insults, turning the colonists into some kind of mindless attack dogs against the people that had come to rescue them. Lucky for them...and Shepard hated herself for thinking it...the husk things were fragile and fell with relative ease. As they fired, dodging, keeping back, gunning them down because they had no choice, Shepard was aware that whatever anger she'd felt earlier was nothing compared to the rage in her now. How dare they. How _dare_ they take the people here and use them like so much meat. Like tools to be used.

Riding on it, Shepard tried not to look at the now fully dead husks, heading for the buildings she saw ahead. She paused when she noticed Ashley standing off to the side, very still, like she was listening for something. "Williams?"

Ashley shook her head and looked at her. "Sorry, Commander I just...I thought I heard a gunshot somewhere in the distance."

Shepard frowned and listened. Ashley shrugged. "I don't hear any more, maybe I wasn't hearing right."

* * *

Powell wrapped his arms around his head as rumbling filled the air. He was pretty sure the turian was gone but there were still the damned geth everywhere and the ship above him, if that's what that thing was, was taking off. The very sound of it made Powell's ears ring oddly, it seemed to vibrate right inside his head. No...the sound almost _crawled_ in through his ears and clawed along his brain, carrying the faintest whisper of voices beneath the rumble, making him feel half crazy. He hunched against the crates until it faded and squeezed his eyes shut. And prayed for a miracle.

* * *

"I think Dr. Manuel needs some serious R&R," Ashely muttered as they rounded the buildings and headed for the spaceport where the beacon had been sent. Shepard was hoping Nihlus had already secured it.

Shepard had radioed in the location of the two surviving doctors they'd found. It was too dangerous to try and take them with them especially with one of them ranting about the darkness of eternity and the age of humanity coming to an end. That cheerful thought wasn't elevated by the fact that coming over the rise to see the spaceport in the distance also brought them face to face with the ship they'd seen in the distress call. Shepard froze for a second, staring up at it. The screen had given them a clear look but hadn't captured the hideous thing in its totality. It was massive, bigger than any dreadnought she'd seen from any race. Once again she was hit with that weird sense of dread that left her cold and numb. She shook it off, watching as the ship rose, blood red energy crackling around it. She could feel the vibrations from it from where she stood and it made her nerves jump. She glanced over, noting it had a similar effect on her companions.

"Incoming!" Ashley shouted.

Shepard snapped to attention and snarled as geth and more of those husks came up the hill toward them. The spaceport was swarming with them. The three of them spread out in a V, using the hill to their advantage. Shepard grunted as a bullet hit her shields and made her stumble back and she heard Kaidan yell as one of the husks managed to break through and threw him...her...it...self at him. Energy crackled around it, exploding outward, knocking Kaidan to the ground and sending Shepard and Ashley both reeling for a moment, shields faltering. Kaidan threw his hand out in pure reflex and sent the thing flying. Ashley nailed it right between the eyes before it even hit the ground.

Kaidan climbed to his feet and all three took a moment to catch their breath and let their shields power up again. Shepard scanned the spaceport, frowning. She hadn't heard anything from Nihlus for the past while and she didn't see...

Her thoughts stopped as Kaidan pointed to a form laying still in the center of the platform. Not geth or husk. Shepard felt a weird hitch in her chest as she caught sight of distinctive red and black armor and she rose unsteadily to her feet. "Oh, shit..."

"It's Nihlus." Kaidan's voice was hushed.

"A turian?" Ashley came up behind him, looking down.

Shepard crouched down. She hesitated, not certain if turians had similar pulse points to humans, and leaned close, listening to his chest and mouth. He wasn't breathing. She looked him over and stared as she saw the blue blood at the base of his neck and the ruin that was the back of his head. It took her a second to register it fully. Shot in the back of the head. Someone fucking shot him from behind. Why that offended her so much she couldn't precisely say. Except it seemed like an insult to injury that someone as obviously skilled as Nihlus had died in such a way. Not in a fair fight but shot from behind in a coward's move.

On the heels of that was the sudden thought: _A shot to the back of the head. One shot. How the hell did someone get the drop on him enough to get a clean shot like that?_ _Sniper? No...no way, that has to be close range..._

Ashley yelled suddenly and Shepard shot to her feet, her pistols aimed at the crates across the platform.

"Don't shoot!" A man stood up quickly, his hands out, his voice hoarse and desperate, obviously terrified. "I'm one of you! I'm human!"

"Sneaking around behind crates. That's a great way to get shot, man," Ashley snapped.

"S-sorry. I was hiding from those...creatures." The man seemed jumpy even as they lowered their guns, speaking quickly. "My name is Powell. I saw what happened to him. The turian. The other one shot him."

"Other one...wait, what?" Shepard blinked.

"The other turian! He was waiting around when that one showed up. Called him Saren. I think they knew each other."

"Saren." Shepard frowned, committing the name to memory. It tugged at the back of her mind. She'd heard that name somewhere before but she couldn't remember for the life of her where.

"Your friend seemed to relax. Let his guard down. And the other one shot him right in the back! I'm lucky he didn't see me."

"Where'd he go?"

"He jumped on the cargo train and headed over to the other platform. That's where the beacon is." Powell whipped off his cap, grimacing. "I knew that damned thing was trouble. Everything's gone to hell since we found it. First that damn mother ship showed up. Then the attack." His voice shook as the put the cap back on. "They killed everyone. Everyone!" He seemed to shake himself. "I..I'm sorry. I just...I need to get away from here."

He was obviously a dockworker and scared out of his mind. Shepard motioned back the way they'd come. "Join the doctors in the cabin up the hill, we've radioed in for help." This mission kept getting weirder and weirder with every passing minute.

* * *

"Oh, boy..." Shepard's long, thin fingers flew across the pad set into the middle of the demolition charge.

The geth had only gotten worse as they'd made their way to the other platform. Bigger, more elaborately armored, and carrying heavier firepower. And now...

"Uh, Commander, I think there's more than one." Ashley sounded slightly nervous. Shepard didn't blame her. This was heavy duty stuff, enough firepower to not only take the platform but the entire damned colony out if there were enough of them. "Just keep them off me." She breathed out a sigh of relief as a beep sounded, indicating the bomb was disarmed. She pulled a tool from a pouch at her hip and clipped a few wires, then programmed it so there was no way to reactivate it easily. Not that they were planning to leave anyone behind to reactivate it, but still.

Shepard bounded up the platform stairs, sweeping her gaze here and there. Ashley moved in front of her and Kaidan moved to Ashley's side, the two of them keeping the incoming geth in check as their commander moved to the next charge. Four more minutes. _Ignore the countdown, ignore the countdown, dammit._

_Beep._ Disarmed.

They had geth coming at them from all sides now. No more drones, all of them were heavily armed soldier types. The human looking ones. Shepard ducked behind a crate, overloading one geth's shields, her and Ashley's combined shots taking it down. Another flew over their heads as Kaidan sent it flying, its arms waving almost comically before it smashed into a railing opposite of them and tumbled down to the ground below in a broken heap.

Shepard spotted another charge and dodged fire, feeling bullets hit her barriers as she ducked down to the bomb. Three minutes. Ashley stood over her, shouting at the geth.

_Beep._

Shepard did a sweep with her omni tool, looking around. "All right, one more."

Ashley sighed in relief. They moved down slowly until Shepard spotted the final one and moved toward it.

"Watch it, Commander!"

A geth popped up from around a beam in front of the bomb like some kind of weird-ass evil Jack-in-the-Box. Shepard dropped to the ground and Ashley and Kaidan threw themselves to the side. Ashley landed on her back, already firing, and Shepard snapped her omni tool forward, overloading the thing's shields before it could bring its rifle around toward her. She dodged it, trusting Ashley and Kaidan to take it down, and lunged for the final charge.

One minute. Goddamn it.

Shepard worked frantically as the countdown went to two digits. She heard the other two come up behind her. She was pretty sure they were both holding their breath. She sure as hell was.

_Beep._

Ashley let her breath out in a whoosh of air. "Oh, man..."

"Yeah..." Shepard did the reprogramming and leaned back, rubbing the back of her neck.

"Thank God for tech geeks." Kaidan sounded almost giddy with relief.

Shepard couldn't help but chuckle as she got to her feet.

"I think the beacon is over there." Ash moved forward, glancing over her shoulder.

And so it was. Shepard stared at the thing that had cost two good men, not to mention scores of soldiers and colonists, their lives. History would probably claim it had been worth it, but raw and weary as she was, Shepard found that hard to believe at the moment. It looked, compared to what it had cost, spectacularly unimportant to her.

It was also interfering with her damn comm.

Shepard scowled as she tried to call back to the Normandy and got only static. No matter, they'd just have to bring it back on the cargo train and...ah, wait a minute. "Normandy, the beacon is secured. Request immediate evac."

"It wasn't glowing like that when they dug it up," Ashley commented as the wandered up to the commander. Shepard glanced at her, focusing more on Joker's voice as he tried to reply through the static.

Kaidan let out a startled cry behind them and Shepard spun. Horrified, she watched the green beam of light from the beacon drag the biotic toward it.

_And Jenkins was there, moving in front of her at her order, looking around with sudden bewilderment as the things came out of nowhere...fucking_ nowhere _...shooting at him, the beams ripping through his body and sending him to the ground like so much meat before she could even blink. Before she could even move to help him._

Shepard was moving before she thought, that burning memory tearing through her head. _No, no, no, you can't have both of them, not_ both _of my boys..._ She hit Kaidan full force, wrapping her arms around his waist and throwing him aside. She started to fall and felt a hard pressure in her middle, like some fist of energy wrapping itself around her insides. Digging hot fingers into her brain. She gasped as she felt herself drawn up, her feet leaving the ground.

_"Shepard!"_

Ashley was shouting something but Shepard was beyond hearing.

_burning tkilledandkilled_

_andkilledshadowsthat_

_warnthem WARNTHEMWARNTHEMWARNthe doorwayopened_

_thebeastrosesillouetted againsttheburningplanet_

_theyneverdie_

Ashley hauled Kaidan back as the beacon exploded. The force of it threw Shepard halfway across the platform where she hit with a dull thud, crumpled at their feet like a broken doll, green energy still dancing around her.


	5. In Remembrance

Dr. Chakwas took her job very seriously. She'd been selected as the Normandy's Chief Medical Officer because her skill at keeping the well being of a large crew balanced out came as naturally to her as breathing.

Arian Shepard was an enigma to her in some ways. She hadn't made an issue over her apparent insomnia because Shepard managed just enough sleep to keep herself healthy, probably using light naps here and there to balance out the fact she couldn't sleep more than a few hours at night. In fact, this was the first time since Dr. Chakwas had made her acquaintance that the young woman had slept this long in one period, though it was far from peaceful.

Not that brainwave activity and rapid eye movement were new to Shepard. She'd go to her grave before she'd admit why she had trouble sleeping but the good doctor had seen more than enough to guess. Chakwas looked down at the commander as she twitched on the bed, sighing and leaning over to monitor her vitals. _Having nightmares isn't a weakness, Shepard._

She leaned back and glanced over at the sheltered corner that was serving them as a temporary morgue where they were keeping the Spectre and Jenkins.

Jenkins. Her heart clenched painfully and she suddenly felt weary and old before her time. Jenkins's death had shaken them all. No matter how much death she saw, it was always so hard to see her companions killed, especially someone as young and bright as Jenkins.

A shuffling sound came from behind her and she glanced back as Kaidan came in, as he had anxiously several times since he and the woman from the colony had carried Shepard back to the ship. The woman, Ashley, had been in as well, in between talks with Anderson.

"How is she?" Kaidan's voice was quiet.

"It's promising. She's not in a comatose state anymore, that much is certain. She's showing signs of coming back up into consciousness."

Kaidan looked down at Shepard silently, guilt plain on his face. Ashley had mentioned Shepard had dragged Kaidan out of the way when the beacon hit her. As Shepard had started to rise out of a comatose state, she'd murmured incoherent words and occasionally names. Jenkins, Kaidan, and even the Spectre, Nihlus's, her guilt and anxiety apparently haunting her even in deep sleep.

"We didn't even get the beacon," Kaidan finally murmured.

"Lieutenant, from what I've heard, the entire operation took such a bizarre turn you're lucky that you came out of it alive. The commander would probably be dead too if not for you."

"She wouldn't be suffering like this if it weren't for me, either."

"I know her well enough to know if she'd lost both you _and_ Jenkins, she would have suffered anyway." Chakwas's voice was stern. "Blaming yourself is not going to help her."

The monitor beeped suddenly and Chakwas hurried to the side of the bed. Shepard shuddered, a strange, twitching movement that started at her head and traveled down the length of her body in a wave. Her eyes flew open and she looked around wildly. Dr. Chakwas spoke, her voice loud and sharp. "Commander Shepard!"

Shepard's head whipped around toward her and the doctor felt a chill that went right down her spine. The woman was looking at her but not seeing her, her gray eyes focused on something only she could see. Then, suddenly, her gaze cleared and focused. She relaxed back onto the bed, blinking rapidly in confusion as she looked between them.

"Commander." Dr. Chakwas kept her voice quiet this time. "Commander, do you know who I am?"

"Dr. Chakwas." Shepard's voice was hoarse. She sat up and swayed a bit, letting her head drop forward.

The doctor leaned forward and checked over her vitals, reassured she was stable. "You had us worried there, Shepard."

"What happened?" Shepard looked around groggily and blinked when she saw Kaidan on her other side.

"The beacon exploded."

"Shit...how long was I out?"

"About fourteen hours. Hold still, commander."

Kaidan drew himself up straight. "It was my fault, I must have triggered some kind of security field, you had to push me out of the way. I'm sorry, Commander."

"Eh?" Shepard turned her head to regard him, baffled. "Ah, c'mon, Alenko. How the hell could you have known?" She waved a hand.

"We don't even know if that's what triggered it," Dr. Chakwas added.

Kaidan merely nodded but it was clear their words were helping.

"And unfortunately we never will know now." Chakwas shook her head.

Shepard grunted and threw her legs over the side of the bed, managing to stand, gripping the edge to keep herself steady. "So there was nothing left?"

"Nothing worth studying."

Shepard absorbed it for a moment, taking in that fact, coupled with everything else she could remember. She could only imagine the amount of shit Captain Anderson had been dealing with while she'd been out. "Hell."

"That about sums it up." Chakwas's voice was dry. She came forward and urged Shepard to sit down. "Rest a moment, Commander, you seem fine physically but you had some very interesting brain wave activity going on. Abnormal beta waves. I also noticed an increase in your rapid eye movement, typically associated with intense dreaming."

An odd look passed over Shepard's face. "If you can call it that."

Chakwas frowned. "What do you...?" She trailed off as Anderson came into the med bay.

Shepard pushed herself to her feet and stood at attention as best she could.

Anderson looked as composed and dignified as he always did. It was the shadows lurking around his eyes and the unnaturally straight line of his posture that gave away how tired he was. Like he'd been forced to take on a great deal of weight all at once. Which, undoubtably, he had. "How's our XO holding up, Doctor?"

"All readings look normal, she's going to be fine, Captain."

"Sir..." Shepard swallowed, trying to formulate a proper apology. The mission had been hers to command, therefore the failure was hers.

Anderson held up a hand to forestall her. "I need to talk to you in private, Shepard." He glanced at Kaidan and Chakwas, who took the hint and retired to the mess hall. Anderson looked back at her. "I heard you got hit pretty hard, Commander, are you sure you're all right?"

Shepard rubbed her temples. "I'm fine, sir."

Anderson shook his head. "I won't lie, Shepard, things look bad. Nihlus is dead. The beacon was destroyed and the geth are invading. The Council is going to want answers."

"It was my op, sir, my screw up."

"I fail to see how exactly you screwed up, Commander. Taking responsibility for too much can be just as damaging as not taking on enough, remember. One might even say it was egoistical to do so." Anderson's voice was stern.

Oh, he knew her far too well. Shepard gave that some thought and admitted she couldn't think of a different way the mission could have been handled that would have ended up any better. Moved faster maybe. "Yes, sir."

"Good. I'll stand behind you and your report. But that's not why I'm here. It's Saren, the other turian."

"I thought the name was kind of familiar."

"It should be, Commander. He's a Spectre. One of the best."

Oh, this just kept getting better and better.

"But if he's working with the geth, that means he's gone rogue, which is dangerous. He hates humans."

Shepard's brow furrowed as several things clicked into place. "I don't think that's why he came, sir. I think he was after the beacon."

Anderson nodded. "I agree. And he allied himself with the geth to do it. I don't know how or why." He studied her. "You were there when it self destructed. Did you see anything? Any clue at all that might tell us what he was after?"

Shepard closed her eyes. "When the beacon hit me, I saw something. A...hell, I don't know. A vision."

"A vision?"

She nodded slowly. "People dying. Being butchered, slaughtered, burning...by geth maybe."

Anderson was silent for a long moment, studying her. "Whatever was in that beacon, Saren has it now. Maybe it was lost Prothean technology. Or a weapon of mass destruction. We have to report this to the Council."

Her heart sank. She'd been afraid he was going to say that. _Grow a spine, Shepard._ "Are we going to run some kind of investigation first, sir?"

"No time, Ambassador Udina is already up in arms about it. And I know Saren, Shepard. I know his reputation, his politics. This attack was an act of war." Anderson was almost pacing by then. Shepard had never seen her captain this agitated. "He has the secrets of the beacon. He has an army of geth at his command. And he won't stop until he's wiped humanity from the face of the galaxy."

"With some time we could take him down," Shepard said carefully.

"Not that easy. He's a Spectre. He can go anywhere, do almost anything. We need the Council on our side. We prove he did it and they will revoke his Spectre status."

"But, will they listen to us?"

Anderson stopped pacing and looked at her. "Well, Ambassador Udina has set up an appointment with the Council first thing tomorrow. So we better hope." There was a hint of doubt in Anderson's voice that she didn't like at all. Then he straightened up. "C-Sec has been conducting an investigation into it, hopefully they'll come up with something." He looked away. "We should be coming up on the Citadel. If you're feeling up to it, head up to the bridge and tell Joker to bring us into dock."

Shepard saluted, feeling ill at ease. "Aye, aye, sir."

* * *

The captain had granted everyone shore leave and most of the crew had gladly taken it. Ashley had still be debating whether or not she wanted to go off the ship that night since she was supposed to report to the Ambassador's office in the morning. But when Engineer Adams and a couple of the marines had offered to show her around, she'd figured what the hell.

The crew were proving to be as amazing as they'd been portrayed in the media. She was still reeling from Anderson's revelation that he intended to bring her on as the Normandy's Gunnery Chief. She was afraid she'd stuttered out her thanks rather than speaking it properly but the captain didn't seem to mind. After years of working her ass off without much hope, suddenly a whole new world had been offered to her.

It was overwhelming stuff. Her first sight of the Citadel had been an eye opener. Pictures and vids didn't quite show how truly massive the thing was. And the ships surrounding it were some of the most amazing she'd ever seen.

It was damned impressive, even if it was alien made and populated. Most of the places around the Alliance Tower where the Normandy was docked were human centered for obvious reasons. The bar Adams had wandered into was already populated by several members of the Normandy's crew and most of the other inhabitants were Alliance members. It made her feel more comfortable.

"Hey, it's our new recruit, how you doin', Williams?" Ash glanced over and saw Sargent Howard Kell waving to her. He was sitting at the table with a huge pint of beer in front of him, dressed in casual clothes, his bright green and blue patterned shirt at odds with his morose expression. A slim, fair haired woman was sitting next to him, dressed in a long, loose brown and white skirt and a sleeveless top. Her lips, Ash noted with bemusement, were tinted some weird blue black shade and the dim light glinted off what had to be a dozen earrings as she looked up. Ash received a jolt of shock as she realized it was Commander Shepard.

The commander half smiled and pushed a chair out with one blue gel sandal clad foot. "We were just enjoying the calm before the storm."

Shepard had a large bottle in front of her and poured some of its contents into a glass, pushing it toward Ash. "It's non alcoholic," she said, anticipating Ash's demurral. "Just carbonated juice, really, but it's pretty good. Can't have a hangover going in to see the Council."

"You sound as excited about it as I feel, Commander." Ash took a drink to be polite but found it was, in fact, pretty good.

"Told ya, Ari, just take your piercins' out and don't speak unless spoken to. Though ten to one that prick, Udina, tries to foist everything off on you," Howard said. From his speech, Ash doubted if the pint in front of him was his first of the night. But his eyes were clear and sharp as he looked at her. "We were talkin' about Jenkins. Good boy. Makes you wonder 'bout the galaxy when such a good boy dies like that..."

Ash winced a bit. She'd heard plenty about Jenkins, his death had cast a pall over the entire ship. Ash was uncomfortably aware that she had, essentially, replaced him. Physically, at least. In spirit and in the eyes of the crew it was another matter entirely.

Looking for something to distract her, she noticed Shepard glaring at the doorway and blinked, following her gaze. A tall man in a black hat was standing near the entrance of the bar, watching them. When he noted Shepard and Ashley's gazes, he tipped his hat politely and left. Shepard made an odd growling sound and Ash looked back at her. "Everything okay, Commander?"

"One my uncle's men checking up on me." The commander snorted. "Man thinks he's some kind of clan patriarch needing to keep tabs on everyone. Sending out men to check on us, who does that?"

"If you'd remember to, you know, _call_ and let your family know you're alive after this kind of shit happens, he wouldn't be worried enough to send someone out," Howard said mildly.

Shepard scowled but she looked discomfited. Ash wisely said nothing, particularly since Howard was obviously right.

A hand patted hers suddenly and she looked up at Howard again, startled. The old engineer smiled at her understandingly. "Didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, by the way. Talking about Jenkins. Know it isn't easy trying to fill his shoes. You're doin' a damned fine job, Anderson was real impressed by you."

"With good reason." Shepard tipped her glass toward her slightly in a small salute. Her eyes were a bit more knowing than Ash was comfortable with. "We would've been bad off if we hadn't come across you, Williams, you do know that, don't you?"

"I don't know." Ash stared down into her glass, cupping her hands around it. "I keep seeing their faces. My squad. They're all dead now too. Killed in an instant" She figured if they were reminiscing about the dead, her men deserved mention. She was surprised to find herself speaking openly. "And now I'm worried they'll be forgotten, just another piece of the fuck up on Eden Prime. Just another bunch of numbers in the statistics."

"We remember them." Shepard's voice was soft.

"And more importantly, _you_ remember them. Keep that, Williams, there aren't enough who take a moment to remember the 'expendable' people." Howard's voice was suddenly bitter. "My boy...who remembers him? He was considered an 'acceptable loss', then forgotten because, hey, the job got done."

"Howard..."

He waved a hand at Shepard. "I'm okay, I'm okay." He looked at Ash and nodded. "But you, you remember your boys. And worry about them. That's good, Williams, that's real good to see. Makes me think the galaxy doesn't completely suck, after all."

Ashley found herself blushing a little, not sure she was worth the praise. Howard climbed laboriously to his feet and whistled loudly to get the room's attention. Most of the bar turned to look at him. "Since I know most of you are at least thinking about it, let's take a moment to remember Richard Jenkins. Smart kid, funny as hell. He died doing his duty to the Alliance. Along with Jenkins, Eden Prime lost many of its members and its marines. I don't give a damn what the brass says about how dangerous it was out there, we all know those people would have held off normal attack. Ms. Williams is afraid they'll be forgotten. Her own squad. The people. But I'm telling her I know this crew, and we won't forget them." There were solemn nods all around. Howard raised his glass and most of the room did the same, Ash and Shepard included. "To Jenkins. And the people of Eden Prime."

Later, Ash helped Shepard lead Howard back to the ship. He wasn't dead weight but he was weaving a bit, happily telling Ashley about the first time Jenkins had tried to drive the Mako. Shepard had pulled a small headset out and attached it to her omni tool talking quietly to someone, holding onto Howard's arm with her free hand.

"Wait, I've seen that thing, it's a damn monster, how in the hell did he get one of the wheels to pop off entirely?" Ash eyed him, not sure if he was putting her on.

"It's a mystery to this day, but leave it to Jenkins to be the one who did the impossible."

"Well, I promise I'll try real hard not to bust the wheels off."

"Hah! If you even get a chance to drive it while the witch girl here is around, you'll be lucky as hell. She loves driving that thing even more than I do."

"No one can love that thing more than you do," Shepard retorted.

Ash grinned. "Witch girl?"

"Nickname that's stuck with her. People have weird ideas about biotics. Sounds cool as a drag race nickname, wouldn't you agree, Shepard?"

"I'm sure I wouldn't know," the commander said primly. She turned her attention to the call again. "No, not you, Ray. Yeah. Hey, I _said_ I was sorry! Okay, I'll call her too. Take care."

"There, see, wasn't so hard."

"Shut up. Besides, that was Ray. My cousin," she added at Ash's questioning look. "I can't call my uncle directly because that would be like condoning the fact he sends someone out to keep an eye on me. But Ray will pass on the fact I called to him and Ray knows I'm fine, so me calling Ray and Ray telling him is kind of like us saying we forgive each other without saying it."

Ashley took a few moments to try and work that one through and couldn't follow. It made her head hurt. "So, I guess you have a lot of family on the Citadel?"

"Four. My uncle -he's my mother's brother- two cousins, and my uncle's first wife."

"First? How many has he had?"

Shepard actually had to think about that one for a moment.

"I think he's on his sixth now," Howard said helpfully.

Shepard nodded. "That sounds about right."

"Six?" Ash started to say something and checked herself.

Shepard laughed. "Go ahead and make whatever comment on that one you want, God knows I have."

Howard snickered. "Heh, so has everyone else. Doesn't help that each one gets younger every time."

"I think I get why you were so annoyed. He sounds like a dirty old goat. Ma'am." Ash started to wince at running off her mouth again but both Howard and Shepard were hooting with laughter.

"Pressly mentioned you come from a military family yourself, yes?" Shepard leaned around Howard to look at her.

Ash nodded. "Yeah. Alliance duty is kind of a family tradition." She smirked suddenly. "Heh, if I'd forgotten to call my sisters after something like Eden Prime happened, they'd have ripped the galaxy apart just so they could yell at me."

"How many sisters do you have?"

"Three. I'm the oldest, not that it matters when they got their backs up."

"Little sisters...or cousin in my case...have no mercy," Shepard agreed.

"Only had my boy, myself," Howard said suddenly. "Woulda been proud to have a daughter, though. Or two. 'Specially if they turned out like you two. Woulda been proud to have you as my daughters."

"That's his equivalent of the 'I love you, man, I LOVE you' stage of drunken shenanigans," Shepard murmured to Ash as they entered the Normandy.

Navigator Pressly was at the galaxy map, going over something. He glanced up and just rolled his eyes as they helped Howard back to the crew quarters. Ash leaned against the door, watching as Shepard tucked him in, finding the gesture oddly sweet and at odds with the cool, quiet woman she'd known up until this point. "He going to be okay?" She asked as Shepard came back.

Shepard nodded. "Everyone's a little shaky and he always has some trouble dealing with the loss of a man. Especially when they're young. His son was killed on Torfan, that's where all that about you remembering your men came from." They were both quiet for a moment, thinking about the grand campaign that had destroyed masses of slavers but had cost so many men their lives. "I think it hurts him every time he hears someone talk about how the commander of that campaign was such a monster but no one ever mentions the people who died. Doesn't matter how many years he's served or how many people he's seen die." She was silent for a moment. "The galaxy can be a dangerous place." She sounded like she was quoting someone.

Ash nodded slowly. "Tomorrow...with the Council...man, I'm no good with politics, Commander."

"Neither am I. Like Howard said, just give it like you're giving a report and talk when spoken to. It'll be all right."

"You think we might be getting in over our heads with all this, Commander?"

"Oh, absofuckin'lutely. But that's okay because we're already in way over our heads, nothing else to do but ride it out and see where we need to go from where it takes us."

That probably shouldn't have made her feel any better but somehow it did. Shepard smiled and patted her shoulder. "Get some sleep, Williams, we have a hell of a day tomorrow."

* * *

Shepard sat in a chair in the mess, facing the dark since she knew she wasn't going to manage much sleep. A sketchpad was sitting on the table in front of her, and she tapped a pencil against it lightly as she thought.

The list started with Akuze and went on and on, a long running path of names. Lost in battle, lost in accidents, lost from plain old natural causes. Howard's son, Ashley's squad, Jenkins, Nihlus, not part of the crew but deserving remembrance as anyone else did. Colonists, soldiers, pilots, captains, admirals, she could run their names through her head but part of her always regretted the fact she could no longer put a face to every one of them.

The lost.

Ashley had every reason to be worried they'd be forgotten in the mass of excitement surrounding the fiasco on Eden Prime. So many were lost as they carved a path through space, made a name for themselves in the galaxy. A memorial commemorating the fallen might not quite cut it, but what else could they do?

So many lives laid down.

And now so many at stake.

Shepard closed her eyes. Those faint, barely visible images she _felt_ more than saw were still there. In her head. In half-hazard form on the paper in front of her. So much death. Not in the line of duty or forging a path for people behind them, just death. Pointless, final, driven by hatred.

Shepard opened her eyes and stared at nothing for a long moment. She rose slowly and made her way to the comm room. She spent most of the night reading up all she could find on the geth, the Protheans, and Saren Arterius.


	6. Politics

Commander Arian Shepard and Ambassador Donnel Udina had a straightforward relationship based on equal parts mutual contempt and resentment that they were forced to work together. For the most part, they rarely came in contact, which was best for everybody. But now...

Anderson looked up as Shepard entered the Ambassador's office and breathed a sigh of relief. She was in full uniform, face bare, and she'd even slicked her hair back away from her face in an attempt to tame it. The last time Udina had called her here, he'd made the mistake of calling her while she was off duty and demanding she come immediately. It had resulted in Shepard showing up tattoos, scars, and piercings ablaze in an attempt to offend every sensibility the ambassador had. That was the same memorable occasion Udina had called her to task about a few Alliance members catching sight of her out with an asari dancer she'd been seeing at the time, which he didn't think was 'good for morale'. It was one of the rare instances of someone actually provoking Shepard into a retort when she'd smiled sweetly and assured the ambassador that they didn't have a relationship, they just fucked around. While Udina was sputtering, she'd added brutally that who she fucked, male or female, alien or human, was none of his business.

Anderson met Shepard's eyes as she gave him a salute, while Udina ranted to the Council via holograms behind him. He gave her a quiet warning look. Shepard nodded, understanding, and went to join Lt. Alenko and Chief Williams out on the balcony.

Councilor Tevos finally interrupted Udina. "Citadel Security is finishing up their investigations into the charges against Saren." Anderson winced at the asari's tone. "We will discuss the C-sec findings at the hearing. Not before."

Ambassador Udina hissed in frustration as the holograms disappeared and turned around. Anderson moved forward and Shepard pushed away from the rail, turning toward him. Her face was utterly devoid of expression.

Udina glanced at her, then focused on Anderson. The captain spoke before Udina could. "A hearing? They move quickly."

"They weren't happy about it. Saren is their top agent. They don't like him being accused of treason." He glared at Shepard. "I have to say, Commander, you've done plenty to jeopardize your candidacy for the Spectres. You get a chance to prove you can get the job done and instead, Nihlus Kryik ends up dead and the beacon is destroyed!"

"That was Saren's fault, not hers!" Anderson bristled a bit.

Shepard just stared at Udina sullenly and he scowled. "We'd better hope C-sec turns something up. They may use it as an excuse to block you from the Spectres." He made a slashing, dismissive gesture with one hand and turned back to Anderson. "Come with me, Captain, I want to go over a few things before the hearing. Shepard, you and the others can meet us at the Citadel Tower. Top level. I'll make sure you have clearance." He turned sharply away, moving for the door.

Anderson sighed, nodded at his XO, who managed a bit of a smile, and followed the ambassador.

* * *

"And that's why I hate politicians," Ashley muttered.

Shepard rubbed her hands over her face. "Oh, this isn't going to end well..."

"C-sec and the Ambassador took our statements, I guess they want yours at the hearing itself," Kaidan said, frowning after the Ambassador and their captain. "He doesn't seem to like you much, Commander."

"He hates my guts, which is fine because I don't like him either. Actually, I'm surprised he's so upset. If they ditch me as a Spectre candidate, he can find someone more appropriate."

"Do you even want to be a Spectre, Commander?" Ash looked at her curiously as they walked out of the room.

Shepard gave her a startled look and thought about it. She hadn't given it much thought when Nihlus had first told her. She was the first human offered the honor, it hadn't occurred to her to refuse. Ironically, now that the possibility of it not happening was so real, she found the idea of being able to move through the galaxy, working as she saw fit as she once had long ago very appealing. "Yeah, I guess I do."

"Maybe C-sec found something," Kaidan said reasonably as they emerged from the human embassy.

Shepard made a non committal sound. What she'd found during her searching last night hadn't boded well. Calling Saren Arterius a top agent was an understatement. He was the youngest Spectre ever inducted, he'd completed dozens and dozens of missions for the Council and his brutal efficiency was legendary. She'd also found an article on Nihlus that had stated, to her shock, that Saren had been the one that had brought him into the Spectres. That definitely explained how Nihlus died from such a clean shot, he wouldn't have had any qualms about turning his back on his fucking mentor.

That was definitely a shred of evidence but the fact she was pretty sure the Council was going to stick on was that none of them had seen Saren. The only one who saw him, who was still alive anyway, was the dockworker. They just had small threads of evidence and for Shepard's part, a bone deep certainty that it was him. The trouble was she had nothing to back that up.

Shepard was drawn out of her thoughts as they approached the rapid transit that would take them to the Tower. Kaidan was speaking quietly as he hit in the order to take them to the Citadel Tower. "I just think Udina is too pushy with the Council. It's doing us more harm than good."

"Maybe he just doesn't trust them. Why should he? If all this proves anything it's that we can't trust them to stand beside us," Ashley pointed out.

Shepard listened with half an ear, movement catching her gaze and bringing her attention around to the green creature scurrying past. Like everyone who spent any amount of time on the Citadel, she'd never taken much notice of the Keepers, the insectoid race that took care of the Citadel. They were really good at not being seen, they were just sort of there. Why she had a sudden interest in them, she wasn't sure. She watched one run up to another, then away, heading toward an alley, growing more and more fascinated. The two that she could see suddenly paused, going absolutely still. One of them tapped its legs on the floor and suddenly turned in a little circle, head bobbing as if it was listening to something in the floor. Then they were both off, scurrying so fast they were gone in seconds.

_Kinda cute, in a weird way._ Shepard gazed thoughtfully at the spot where they'd been, only stirring when Ashley nudged her to say the rapid transit had arrived.

The Presidium where the embassies were formed the circle at the center of the Citadel, the Citadel Tower where the Council convened at its epicenter. Shepard had rarely ventured into the Presidium during the times she'd visited the Citadel to see her family or report to one of the embassies. She'd sketched there a couple times but preferred the more...alive...feeling of the Wards. She'd never been to the Tower itself and as they approached it in the rapid transit, she found herself feeling the same discomfort she felt in the Presidium. Everything was shiny and clean and neat and looked like it had come right out of a vid. Artificial. It always reminded her of a false front propped up on two-by-fours.

Behind her, Ashley echoed her unspoken sentiment. "Give me a run down colony any day."

Shepard had to smile.

She took a deep breath as they mounted the Tower stairs, annoyed with herself that she couldn't hold back a case of nerves.

When she'd happily accepted Anderson's offer, Shepard had been thinking about the kinds of missions a ship like that with a Captain like him would be called on to do. It had been, looking back, rather naive of her not to consider the fact that Ambassador Udina had scores of PR people at his beck and call and made use of them. The rules for public image bewildered her and she'd quickly learned talking to PR people and the press was something she was _remarkably_ bad at.

Therefore, when it came to the public in any way, shape, or form, Shepard had become a firm believer in keeping her goddamn mouth shut.

She'd decided if she was called on to speak at the hearing, the only way she was going to get through it without screwing up was to give it to the Council the exact way she would give it to Anderson or any other Alliance brass.

"Saren's hiding something! Give me more time. Stall them!"

She hadn't paid much heed to the two turians standing on the walkway but the younger turian's voice had her slowing her pace and glancing over even before his words registered. _Helloooo, Officer, you're singing my song._

But the other turian was shaking his head, already turning away. "Stall the Council? Don't be ridiculous. Your investigation is over, Garrus." He walked toward the Tower without another word or glancing back.

_Not...a good sign_. Shepard watched him go, her heart sinking, and turned her head to find the first turian was studying her. She'd judged him as the younger of the pair solely on mannerisms: the way he talked, the way he held himself, but she doubted he was a rookie. She had enough of an eye to pick up on the way he moved and it spoke of at least some experience. He was tall, he had a few inches on her, with sharp blue eyes and indigo markings over the silvery plating on his face and head. She didn't pick up any hostility, which was a relief. She was never sure quite what to expect with turians in and around the Citadel. There was a turian bounty hunter out in the Terminus Systems, Lin, with whom she'd actually struck up a friendship with over the years, because she was just a whole lot of damn fun. It was from her Shepard had learned how to pick up on turian body language. Not that was she was an expert but she knew enough she could tell when one was of the mind to put a bullet in her brain. She'd also learned fairly quickly that Lin- strong willed, independent, 'I do it my way and if you don't like it, go fuck yourself' Lin -along with most of the turian mercs and traders she'd come across over the years were exceptions, not the rule. They were considerably looser wound, to say the least...

The officer turned and moved toward her as Kaidan and Ashley moved up to her back automatically. He paused a few feet away and, much to her surprise, addressed her by name. "Commander Shepard?" He continued at her nod. "Garrus Vakarian. I was the officer in charge of the C-sec investigation into Saren."

"You don't sound like a fan of his, Officer."

"I don't trust him. Something about him rubs me the wrong way." Vakarian crossed his arms across his chest, looking over where the older turian had disappeared.

"You and me both, and I haven't even met him," Shepard murmured.

"But he's a Spectre, so everything he touches is classified. I can't find any hard evidence." There was a underlying frustration and edgy tension in his voice that surprised Shepard; she was used to turians being more reserved.

Shepard looked at him, troubled, as she absorbed that. "If you don't mind my saying so, that's kind of like asking you to investigate and then tying your hands behind your back." It also gave quite a bit of insight into how seriously the Council was taking the accusations against Saren.

"You're not kidding. Although I might..."

"Commander," Kaidan's voice was urgent. "I think the Council is ready for us."

Garrus shook off whatever he'd been about to say and nodded. "Good luck, Commander, maybe they'll listen to you." He didn't sound very hopeful though. Shepard couldn't blame him, neither was she.

She followed Kaidan, only glancing back once. Garrus was moving down the steps, looking determined rather than defeated. Despite the fact C-sec obviously hadn't found anything, Shepard actually felt a bit better. There was at least one person out there who was as suspicious of Saren as they were.

* * *

Saren stood in the line of the projection device sending his image into the Council chambers. He took great enjoyment in watching Udina dig himself deeper and deeper into a hole. Any worries he'd had that they knew something for certain had vanished when the C-sec Executor had come in and reported they'd found no hard evidence against him. He knew the Council well enough to know they'd already convinced themselves of his innocence. They were only hearing the humans out for form.

Of course, it helped that Udina's manner had been rubbing them the wrong way from the very start and to make it even better, he'd brought Anderson along. Udina might not have caught the doubtful glances sent Anderson's way but Saren certainly had. _Anderson, you never learn._

But Shepard, now...

"I've given the ground team's statements, including Commander Shepard's. If..."

"Commander Shepard," Councilor Tevos interrupted Udina briskly, "is right behind you, Ambassador. If she has a statement, perhaps she should give it." Saren looked over, not pleased. Of the three, the asari had always been the hardest to read and the hardest to predict, he hadn't been expecting her to hear them out this much.

Udina wasn't pleased either but he stepped aside and motioned to the woman standing next to Anderson. She hadn't spoken a word since he'd brought her in, standing with her hands folded in front of her, her eyes moving between Udina and the Council. He wasn't quite sure what he'd been expecting from Nihlus's files but she wasn't it, and that irritated him. Maybe because, as Nihlus had noted, it was hard to get a proper impression of her from her files alone. They were a mixture of contradictions.

Shepard stepped up onto the platform and looked up at the Council. The asari nodded. "Please give us your version of what happened on Eden Prime, Commander."

"Yes, madame." There was a faint burr of an accent as she spoke the title that Saren couldn't place. Probably one of those hodgepodge patois the colonists ended up having, dragged up from Earth. Like humans weren't hard enough to understand when they could speak properly.

There was none of Udina's impassioned pleading in Shepard. She gave her testimony in a concise, matter of fact manner, like she was giving a report.

Councilor Tevos held up her hand. "Commander, did you actually see Saren with your own eyes at any point on Eden Prime?"

Shepard let out a soft breath. "No, madame."

"We did have an eyewitness, though. He saw Saren kill Nihlus in cold blood!" Udina piped up.

The salarian councilor looked at him. "We've read the reports, Ambassador. The testimony of one traumatized dockworker is hardly compelling evidence."

Saren crossed his arms, taking the impatient tone underlying the salarian's voice as the perfect note to start speaking. "I resent these accusations. Nihlus was a fellow Spectre. And a friend." And a sacrifice that Saren honestly regretted, however necessary it was. But he knew Nihlus, and knew it would have had to happen sooner or later. Nihlus would never have seen what had to be done.

Anderson, who'd been holding himself back up until this point, finally spoke up. "That just let you catch him off guard."

Did he think Saren didn't know what buttons to push with him? "Captain Anderson. You always seem to be involved when humanity makes false accusations against me." His tone was mocking. Out of the corner of his eye, he finally noticed a reaction in Shepard; a slight stiffening of her posture that indicated she didn't like that tone directed at her captain.

He turned his attention to her. "And this must be your protégé. The one who let the beacon get destroyed."

Shepard turned her head and looked straight at him for the first time. She didn't reply, merely looked at him like she was trying to see into his brain. Suddenly, whether the Matriarch was right didn't matter. Even if Shepard hadn't seen anything at all from the beacon, it didn't matter. Pale eyes met glowing blue ones and Saren felt the chill certainty of anyone who'd looked across the battlefield to the opposing side.

_You are my enemy._

A simple acknowledgment, honest, hovering in the air between them.

Saren spoke quietly. "Incompetence. Anderson has taught you so well." He glanced at the Council. "But what can you expect from a human?"

"You're not doing much to dismiss the impression you have a fanatical hatred for humans." Shepard's voice was just as quiet, but it carried.

Saren glared down at her. "Your species needs to learn its place, Shepard. You're not ready to join the Council. You're not even ready to join the Spectres."

"He has no right to say that!" Udina sounded outraged. "That's not his decision!"

The asari councilor held up a hand as if to calm everyone down and looked up at him. "Shepard's admission into the Spectres is not the purpose of this meeting."

"This meeting has no purpose. The humans are wasting your time, Councilor. And mine," Saren sneered.

The salarian councilor made a slight gesture with his hand as if to say 'he's right' without actually saying it. "We have no hard evidence."

Anderson spoke up again. "There is one outstanding issue: Commander Shepard's vision. It might have been triggered by the beacon."

Of course it was and now Saren knew for a fact Shepard had been the one to use it. _Thank you, Anderson._ "Are we allowing dreams into evidence now? How can I defend my innocence against this kind of testimony?"

The ever dependable turian councilor nodded. "I agree. Our judgment must be based on facts and evidence, not wild imaginings and reckless speculation."

"Do you have anything else to add, Commander Shepard?" The salarian looked at her.

Shepard was silent for a few moments, then she finally said: "Only that Nihlus was killed by a single shot to the head. At point blank range. Which means someone either got the drop on him, which seems highly unlikely, or it was someone he wasn't worried about turning his back on." She shrugged and turned away from all of them, not looking at Saren. She walked past Udina and Anderson, gazing over the rail to the gardens below.

Saren watched Anderson, not needing to look at the Council. The captain was good at hiding his emotions but Saren could see the tension in him as the asari councilor spoke quietly. "The Council has found no evidence of any connection between Saren and the geth. Ambassador, your petition to have him disbarred from the Spectres is denied."

Anderson looked up and Saren met his gaze, taking a moment to revel in the fact that he'd defeated him yet again. That they both knew what Saren had done and that Anderson could do nothing about it. He spoke quietly, watching every word hit Anderson like a bullet. "I'm glad to see justice was served."

Saren reached over and turned off the projection.


	7. Three More Players on the Board

Defending oneself from harm was a natural instinct inbred in every species from their very origins. When one had more to protect than oneself, say when one was on a quest to find evidence to expose a traitor and a madman, with not one life but hundreds at risk, well, it was even more important to stay alive in order to do so.

Shepard tried out several more, similar points of argument in her head and wondered if any of them would be grand enough to convince Udina that getting into a gunfight in the Wards wasn't...technically...her fault.

She nudged one of the dead assassins with her foot.

Not a chance.

Kaidan came up beside her, his biotic barriers still glowing. "These are Saren's men."

"Probably."

"They _were_ Saren's men," Ashley corrected, kicking the other body lightly.

"Should we wait for C-sec?"

Shepard gave that some consideration and shook her head. Hey, they _were_ trying to find a C-sec officer. If push came to shove she could point that out. Of course they wanted to find Garrus for an entirely different reason, but details, details. "I don't think C-sec comes around here that much. Not on duty, at least."

"No one else seems particularly perturbed." Ash pointed toward the doorway of Chora's Den where the few that had gathered to watch the excitement had already disappeared.

Shepard shot a message to Udina's office to warn him and stepped over the other assassin as she moved toward the door of the club. "I hope Udina gets that message before the reporters get a hold of this."

Ash snorted. "Just watch, Commander, the sleazy ezines will start up with the conspiracy theories. They'll have you in bed with the dead Spectre and hunting Saren down to avenge him or something."

"What, Nihlus?" She thought that over for a moment. "Well, he _was_ kind of hot."

That earned her stares from both Ash and Kaidan as they tried to figure out whether she was kidding or not. "Didn't know you had a thing for turians, Commander..." Ash said half jokingly, looking uncertain.

"I don't, I have a thing for asari, didn't you hear?" Shepard said cheerfully, sauntering in through the door of Chora's Den like she did it every day. She paused and cocked an eyebrow, tilting her head up to eye the stage that rose above the bar. Speaking of which.

Ash stared at the asari dancers for a moment as she came up behind the commander and sighed. "A million lightyears away from where humanity began and we walk into a bar filled with men drooling over half-naked women shaking their asses on a stage. I can't decide if that's funny or sad."

Kaidan wasn't quite gaping but it was close. He cleared his throat. "What? You don't think they're here because of the food? I see why this place is so popular, it's quite the, uh, view."

"Hey, Lieutenant, put your tongue back in your mouth before you trip on it," Ash said a little louder than was strictly necessary. Neither Shepard or Kaidan were in full armor but Ashley was, so they were already drawing odd looks as they moved through the club. Shepard was just glad none of the bouncers were taking issues with them...yet.

She blinked as she rounded the bar and saw one of the reasons for it. The bouncers had a bigger problem on their hands.

The bouncer guarding the back door to the club was krogan. As a race, they were intimidating and the bouncer was no exception, but the second krogan facing off with him was _huge_. Shepard glanced back at Ash and Kaidan, shifting so they could edge around the two without getting in the way. She tilted her head, listening out of pure curiosity as she passed while studiously not looking at them.

"...Fist told us to take you down if you showed up," the bouncer snarled.

"What are you waiting for? I'm standing right here," the big krogan replied, unimpressed. He took a step toward the bouncer, leaning forward. "This is Fist's only chance. If he's smart, he'll take it."

The bouncer edged back slightly. "He's not coming out, Wrex. End of story."

"This story is just beginning." The big krogan, Wrex, swung around so suddenly Kaidan had to move fast to the right to avoid him. Wrex glanced at them without interest, the dim blue and red lights of the club casting his craggy, scarred face in shadows, making him look like some kind of monster out of a nightmare. "Out of my way, humans, I have no quarrel with you."

_And that, sugar, isn't going to change anytime soon if I have anything to say about it._ Shepard simply stepped back as he strode through the crowd, sending people scrambling to get out of his way. She turned away and scanned the club. Udina and Anderson hadn't been very detailed when they described him so she wasn't entirely sure what he looked like. She actually walked right by the man, thinking to ask one of the bartenders about him when Ash inadvertently found him for her.

"Hey there, sweetheart. You looking for some fun? 'Cause I gotta say, that soldier getup looks real good on that bod of yours." A man sitting at one of the tables leaned across it and leered up at Ashley, who gave him a look that would have sent a wiser man running for the hills. "Why don't you set your sweet little ass down here beside old Harkin? Have a drink and we'll see where this goes."

_Harkin._

Shepard turned back as Ash smiled at him sweetly. "I'd rather drink a cup of acid after chewing on a razor blade."

Harkin snorted, taking a drink. "You trying to hurt my feelings? You gotta do better than that. After twenty years with C-sec I've been called every name in the book, princess." His eyes shifted to Shepard, looking her up and down appraisingly. "Well, hello there, blondie. You should talk to the princess there..."

"Call me princess again, you'll be picking your teeth off the floor."

"Get her to loosen up and the three of us could have a real good time."

Kaidan was starting to look thunderous. Shepard tapped the edge of the table to get Harkin's attention before he said something to piss either one of them off enough they left him in a broken heap. "I was told you were the one to get information on a C-sec officer. A turian named Garrus."

"Garrus?" Harkin snorted again.

"You know him?"

"Damn hothead. Still figures he can save the world. Always bucking heads with the executor. He'll pay for it soon enough. The executor loves to put us lowly field agents in our place. Just look at what happened to me."

That was a clear invitation to ask about it but Shepard wasn't interested in hearing. "You know where he is?"

Harkin stared at her for a moment, then his eyes widened. "Wait a minute here...you're one of Anderson's crew. Poor bastard is trying to bring Saren down, eh?" He laughed suddenly, more bitterness than humor in the sound. "I know where Garrus is. But you gotta tell me something first. Did Anderson let you in on his big secret?"

Shepard's eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly. "Secret?"

Harkin took a long drink, obviously relishing knowing something they didn't. He ran a finger slowly along the rim of the glass. "The captain used to be a Spectre. Didn't know that, did you? It was all very hush hush. The first human ever given that honor."

She felt Kaidan jerk ever so slightly beside her. Shepard managed to cover her own surprise a bit better, but it was a hard thing.

Harkin stared at them, his piggy little eyes gleaming maliciously. "And then...he blew it. Screwed up his mission so bad they kicked him out. Of course, he blames Saren. Said the turian set him up."

"That's ridiculous." Kaidan's voice was low pitched but Shepard didn't have to glance at him to know he was pissed off. Harkin's sneering tone was as insulting as a backhand slap. If he was getting to _Kaidan_ that bad, she didn't even dare glance at Ashley.

"Think what you want. Ask him yourself if you don't believe me. He can't lie to you, I bet." Harkin leaned back in his chair and his self satisfied smile had Shepard clenching a fist.

She forced herself to relax, meeting Harkin's gaze. "Garrus."

Harkin shrugged. "He went to speak to Dr. Michel. Over in the med clinic on the other side of the wards."

Shepard turned and walked away without another word, glancing at her companions. Kaidan had a hold of himself, no surprise there, but Ashley looked like she was giving some serious consideration as to how much damage she could inflict before the bouncers got to her. "Don't bother, Williams, you try and kick him in the balls you'd have to waste hours trying to find 'em first." She pitched her voice just enough so it would carry. Petty? Yes. But satisfying? Oh, yes.

Ash snickered. "Besides he can't really afford to lose the brain cells." She frowned suddenly as they escaped the club. "You think the captain really was a Spectre once? Why wouldn't he mention that?"

Shepard just shook her head, not wanting to buy anything Harkin had said. "Doesn't matter."

"Harkin's an ass. He was probably just trying to mess with our heads," Kaidan said firmly.

She told herself he was right. Although a small voice in her head pointed out the fact there was clearly a history between him and Saren.

* * *

The sound of a frightened woman's voice was the only warning they got as they entered the Med Clinic. Kaidan saw Shepard, a few feet ahead of him, glance to the left and suddenly bring her foot down hard, the sound cracking through the room. He didn't bother questioning why she'd given up the element of surprise, coolly focusing on the group of thugs spinning around to face them. One of them dragged a young woman in a medic's outfit in front of him, snarling at them. "Who the hell are you?"

"Let her go!" Shepard moved to the right making the thug turn slightly to follow her.

Kaidan saw movement out of the corner of his eye and felt a click of understanding in his brain as Garrus Vakarian spun around the open barrier dividing them from the thugs and took the one holding the woman down with one clean shot. The woman stumbled away as the remaining thugs looked around wildly, suddenly confused as to where the danger was coming from. Kaidan was already moving the second Garrus swung the medic out of the line of fire, pushing her behind a line of crates and dropping behind them himself.

It wasn't much of a fight. The thugs were well armed but they were obviously more used to threatening innocent civilians and other thugs, not really good preparation for going up against three marines and an officer. They literally had no where to turn except to back toward a pair of pillars in an attempt to find cover and only one of them made it. He still didn't last long.

"Udina's going to end up getting a message an hour at this rate," Ash commented. She moved around to make sure they were dead.

The turian was helping the doctor to her feet. "Dr. Michel, are you hurt?"

"I'm fine, thanks to you. All of you." The doctor looked shaken but she stood upright, keeping herself steady. She was a pretty woman with sharp, tired green eyes. She probably dealt with violence on a daily basis, it didn't take her more than a minute to regain her composure.

"Ah, there you are." Shepard strolled up to them.

Garrus looked over at her. "Perfect timing, Shepard. Gave me a clear shot at that bastard."

"And a nice shot it was."

"Sometimes you just get lucky."

Kaidan had to agree with Shepard, the shot had caught son of a bitch right between the eyes. He shook his head and stepped up beside Ashley as she joined them.

"They work for Fist." Dr. Michel was saying.

"Isn't that the guy that krogan was looking for back in the strip place?" Ash murmured.

"They wanted to shut me up, keep me from telling Garrus about the quarian."

It took Kaidan a moment to register that. Quarian. He'd never even seen a quarian. The nomadic race responsible for the creation of the geth were rarely seen outside of their fleet.

"She came to my office a few days ago. She'd been shot but she wouldn't tell me who did it. She was scared, probably on the run. She asked me about the Shadow Broker."

Kaidan stiffened a bit. Captain Anderson had mentioned the infamous information broker when he'd suggested they pick someone other than Harkin in their search for Garrus.

"I think she wanted to exchange information for a place to hide." Dr. Michel glanced over at Garrus and shrugged.

Shepard tapped her foot lightly, her eyes narrowed in thought. "What did she do?"

"I put her in contact with Fist. He's an agent for the Shadow Broker."

Garrus shook his head. "Not anymore. Now he works for Saren, and the Shadow Broker isn't too happy about it."

Dr. Michel's eyes widened. "Fist betrayed the Shadow Broker? That's stupid even for him. Saren must have made him quite an offer."

Kaidan rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed, wondering how the hell this had gotten so complicated so fast.

Shepard nodded even though he hadn't said anything. "Yeah, way too many criminal elements getting involved than I like."

"The quarian must have something Saren really wants," Garrus said.

Kaidan was making some quick deductions. "She must have something that proves Saren is a traitor."

Shepard looked at Dr. Michel. "Did she mention anything about Saren? Or geth?"

"She did! She said the information she wanted to trade had to do with the geth."

"She must be able to link Saren to the geth. There's no way the Council can ignore that!" Garrus said, sounding excited.

Kaidan didn't share it, feeling more alarmed by the minute. "But, wait...wait a minute. If Dr. Michel sent her to Fist and Fist is working for Saren now..."

Shepard looked at him, her expression calm. "I do believe we'd better pay Mr. Fist a visit and thanks to our big krogan friend, we actually know right where to go." She looked over at Dr. Michel. "Do you have somewhere to go where it's safe?"

The medic waved her hand. "Garrus already called for someone to come here. I'm not letting Fist drive me away from the clinic, what if someone comes in needing help and no one is here?"

She reminded him so much of Dr. Chakwas as she said it Kaidan had to smile in admiration. Shepard smiled as well, nodding at her.

Ashley was already moving for the door but stopped short as Garrus stepped forward. "This is your show, Shepard, but I want to bring Saren down as much as you do. I'm coming with you!"

Kaidan found it a little disrespectful that he declared it like that rather than asking but admitted Garrus would definitely be helpful. Shepard looked startled at first and cocked her head, studying the turian for a moment, those gray eyes seeming to look right through him. Ashley, on the other hand, was scowling and looked even more displeased when Shepard seemed to come to some decision and grinned at Garrus. "Try and keep up."

* * *

"What krogan?"

Shepard looked over as they walked to the rapid transit terminal. "Hm?"

"You said something about a krogan letting you know where Fist was," Garrus said, falling into step beside her.

"The bouncer at Chora's Den was arguing about Fist with a big, scarred krogan. He sounded like he had something to settle with Fist. I think that puts Fist in trouble because I would _not_ want that one looking to settle something with me."

"Was his name Wrex?"

Ashley was startled into speaking: "That's what the bouncer called him."

The turian nodded. "He's a bounty hunter. The Shadow Broker hired him to take Fist out."

"Ah. I think I'd like to get to Fist and ask him some questions before he does then. I don't think there will be enough left of him to question otherwise," Shepard said, settling into the cab.

"I think he's still at the C-sec Academy, they brought him in after Fist complained," Garrus had settled in the seat behind Shepard and leaned forward to talk to her clearly. "I don't know how long they can keep him, though, since he hasn't done anything. Yet."

Ash watched him out of the corner of her eye, biting back a scowl. She liked having him along less and less with every step. This was _Alliance_ business. What did they know about this turian anyway? For all they knew he could be working for Saren. The assassins had been turian, after all.

Ashley had never worked close to a turian before. She'd never wanted to. She was aware that the human and turian governments were trying to mend fences over the First Contact War, and that the Normandy had turian design as well as human. She tried not to think about it. The fact the Alliance officials made noises about making peace with the turians and then turned around and quietly condemned her family name never failed to piss her off.

Oh, well. It was just one turian. She could keep an eye on him. And watch Shepard's back.

* * *

Shepard, however, seemed bound and determined to put dangerous aliens right in the position to carve her spine out.

That was the only reason she could think of why that damn scary krogan was following them as they raced to save a quarian.

Ashley had reluctantly started to admit having the turian with them proved useful. The second they'd hit Chora's Den they'd been in the middle of a firefight. Kaidan and Shepard were both good with a gun but not great, which was okay since they were balanced out by all the biotic and tech crap that they could do, but having another gunslinger on the team made for short work of their enemies.

By the time it ended, Shepard was standing behind the bar, looking around at the litter of bodies. There was a beep and she lifted her omni tool. The way she winced gave Ash a pretty good idea of who was trying to reach her. Shepard met her gaze and casually deleted the message without answering it, then placed a hand on the bar and vaulted over.

Apparently, that attack had used up all of Fist's guards in the club because when Shepard hacked the back door and got through into the warehouse in the back, they'd been met with two clearly terrified men dressed in simple tunics. There was no way they were gunmen, it only took Shepard a moment to convince them that now would be a good time to get a new career and less than that for them to take off without a glance back.

The turian watched them go. "Wouldn't have thought of that..."

Of course not. "Shooting doesn't solve everything."

He shot her a look but she had no way of telling what expression it was with that weird face. She assumed it wasn't friendly.

Shepard glanced over. "I like saving lives instead of taking them when I can, despite all evidence to the contrary." Something about her voice had the turian turning his head from Ash to the commander even as she turned away. Ash had heard that undertone in Shepard's voice a couple times before; an edge of laughter, like she was mocking herself instead of someone else. The turian watched her for such a long moment Ashley almost called him on it but Shepard was already leading the way toward the office in the back.

Fist was ready for them with attack turrets that had Ash's shields down to minimum by the time they managed to take them down. Not surprisingly, Fist himself wasn't that tough. She would have made a comment about overcompensating but frankly she wasn't in the mood and neither was Shepard. "Kaidan, watch the door." She hauled Fist to his feet roughly and shoved him against his desk. She nodded to the two of them and they kept their guns trained on Fist. He was talking fast, begging for his life, offering money, information, anything, all which Shepard ignored, moving around the other side of his desk and poking through it. She finally looked up and spoke casually: "Where's the quarian?"

Fist turned his head to look at her, his mouth frozen open in mid plea. He hesitated, visibly, and the turian shifted beside Ashley. Whatever Fist saw in that move got him talking again. "She's not here. I don't know where she is."

"Liar..." Shepard's voice took on pleasant, almost cheerful tone that creeped Ashley the hell out.

Fist glanced back at Shepard again, his eyes wide. She smiled at him and Ashley actually saw him gulp. "She isn't here, I swear! She said she'd only deal with the Shadow Broker himself."

The turian made a disgusted sound in his throat. " _No one_ deals with the Shadow Broker, he only works through his agents."

"Ah, but I bet she didn't know that. Did she, Fist?" Shepard's voice was still low and pleasant and she continued whatever she was doing- probably hacking his files- as if they were just having a nice business conversation.

"Commander, there's gunfire out there," Kaidan said abruptly.

Shepard looked up. "Check out as much as you can without actually going into the club."

Kaidan disappeared down the corridor and Shepard turned expectantly back to Fist.

Fist closed his eyes. "No, she didn't. I told her I'd set a meeting up and she fell for it. No one meets with the Shadow Broker. Ever. Even I don't know his real identity." He looked angry all of a sudden. "If she's stupid enough to come in trying to play that kind of game without knowing something like that she deserves..."

"You don't want to finish that sentence, sugar, you really don't."

"You're not fooling anyone. You set her up with Saren's men!" Garrus snarled, taking a step toward him. Fist scrambled back but he had no where to go, even if he got around the desk, Shepard was right there.

"So why don't you just tell us where you sent her and we'll all be on our way?"

"If I tell you, you have to..."

Shepard lashed out and dragged him across the desk. "The location, Fist."

Even he wasn't stupid enough to push his luck, starting to babble again. "Here in the wards. The back alley by the markets. She's...she's supposed to meet them right now. You can make it if you hurry!" Ashley was pretty sure he was fibbing about the last couple things but Shepard obviously wasn't willing to take the chance. She released him abruptly and he staggered back. Even before he could regain his balance he was blown forward, the back of his head disintegrating in a red haze. He slammed against the desk and collapsed in front of it, twitching.

Ashley was already spinning. The big krogan they'd seen in the club earlier stepped out of the doorway, his gun lowered. Ash still almost pulled the trigger on impulse when she registered the field that wasn't a kinetic barrier rippling the air around him. She recognized it, because she'd seen the same shimmer of energy around Kaidan and Shepard. _He's a_ _fucking biotic..._

_Kaidan._ "Where's Kaidan?" She demanded, glowering at the krogan, who looked entirely unimpressed at the guns aimed at him.

"He's right behind him, Ash, stand down. Both of you," Shepard ordered, coming around the desk.

Kaidan edged around the krogan and stared at Fist for a moment before looking up at his commander. "He was killing off the rest of Fist's men. He helped me."

"I told you, I have no quarrel with you." The krogan moved forward and checked to make sure Fist was dead.

"Thanks for letting him tell us what we needed to know before you killed him." Shepard said after a moment. "Wrex, right?"

The krogan turned toward her. "And you're Shepard. You're going after Saren."

Everyone stared at him in shock and Shepard blinked. "So much for discretion. Does _everyone_ know that?"

"Only the ones that are smart enough to see that bastard for what he is. I was thinking I'd come along." He stated it, though he paused as if waiting for an answer, which was more than the turian had done.

_Damn it, commander, this one is even less trustworthy than the turian!_ Ashley thought.

Shepard obviously didn't think so. Whatever she saw as the looked at him she was obviously satisfied with because she nodded a bit. "Why the hell not? We have a quarian to save in a hurry."

So here they all were.

And there she was.

At least, she assumed that was the quarian. She'd never seen one before but she was a lithe figure on odd, bent backward legs, like turian legs, swathed from head to toe in a skintight bodysuit complete with a hood and a mask.

Shepard motioned for Ash to take the opposite side of the alley and moved quietly as a turian approached, flanked by a pair of guards in armor. Ash wasn't close enough to hear what they were saying but the quarian took a step back as the turian ran a hand down her arm in a manner that would have made Ashley take a swing at him. She happened to glance over at the commander in that moment and felt a jolt go through her. Shepard's face had gone completely blank but her eyes glittered coldly as she stared at the turian, her fingers curling around the butt of her pistol.

The quarian jerked back suddenly and threw something. A small explosion shook the alley and she dodged away, running toward them. She almost skidded to a halt when she saw them blocking the alley but then Shepard opened fire on the bodyguard coming up after her and she lunged forward, ducking behind a crate just to Ashley's right as she moved down the alley.

Ash felt a ripple through the air as the remaining bodyguard swung on them. He dropped his weapon as his body twisted painfully in mid air. Ash glanced back to see Wrex glowing, his red eyes fixed on the twitching figure. When she shot the bodyguard, it almost seemed like she was putting him out of his misery.

The turian fared better at first but caught between the closing vice of Garrus on one side and Shepard on the other, even taking refuge behind a wall didn't save him. Eventually he put himself in range enough for Shepard to overload his shield and Garrus shot him down.

"Fist set me up! I knew I couldn't trust him!"

No expressions showed through visor of the quarian's helmet but she certainly sounded angry. Kaidan was looking her over for injuries. She brushed him off, with a nod of thanks and stood up turning her head toward Shepard as she approached. "I can take care of myself. Not that I don't appreciate the help. Who are you?"

"My name is Shepard, and you are?"

"Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. Tali."

"Well, Tali, actually we went to Fist, who pointed us to you with some persuasion, because we're looking for evidence against Saren Arterius. To prove he's a traitor."

The quarian jerked a bit at the name. "In that case I have a chance to repay you for saving my life. But not here." She looked around. "Somewhere safe."

Shepard's lips curved into a wicked smile. "I know just the place."

* * *

Udina kept his back to them as they came in, punching the buttons of the console in front of him a bit harder than he needed to. "You're not making my life any easier, Shepard." His voice was low. "Firefights in the Wards? An all out assault on Chora's Den? Do you know how many..."

He turned around.

Ashley had to admit that despite the discomfort of being surrounded by so many aliens, the look on Udina's face when he took in the scene before him-with Tail standing next to Shepard, Garrus leaning casually against the wall and Wrex, his eyes gleaming, leaning in to look at the ambassador through the doorway- was absolutely priceless.


	8. Spectre Out, Spectre In

Kaidan watched silently as the Council came in, standing beside Ashley at the top of the main stairs leading into the Council Chambers. Udina had been too excited about the evidence to bother telling only Anderson and Shepard to come in to the chambers with them. That didn't mean they were invited but the others seemed perfectly content to see it that way.

The ambassador and Anderson were once again on the end of the walkway that faced the Council's stage. Shepard had broken away from them to stand beside the quarian a few paces behind them, her head bent toward her, probably giving her a few words of encouragement or reassurance. It was hard to tell with her but Tali definitely seemed nervous. Kaidan doubted she had missed the looks she'd gotten from the Council as they came in. It was nothing compared to the looks Wrex had gotten when they'd caught sight of him at the end of the walkway, standing casually just in sight. Even the ever composed asari councilor had seemed mildly taken aback by the sight of the krogan. Kaidan knew a bit about the Krogan Rebellions, enough to make him wonder how long it had been since a krogan had been in these chambers, if ever. Garrus, even bolder, had come up onto the walkway itself, standing a respectable distance behind the commander but close enough he could see what was going on. Only Kaidan and Ashley had stayed in the doorway.

Ashley glanced at him, then shrugged and moved forward, not close enough to put her near Wrex but nearer to the stage. Kaidan sighed and did the same. The ambassador was speaking triumphantly, gesturing behind him. "The quarian here..."

"Tali," Shepard spoke up, scowling at him.

"Tali'Zorah nar Rayya." Tali concurred, an edge to her voice. She was probably sick of being referred to as 'the quarian'.

Udina turned his head to glare at them both slightly then gestured again. "She brought us concrete proof!"

The salarian councilor looked at the other two, blinking. The turian was silent, his arms crossed over his chest. Kaidan got the distinct impression he wasn't happy at all with this. He kept looking from one human to another with obvious impatience. The asari councilor frowned slightly, one of the few times Kaidan had ever seen some kind of strong expression from her, but she motioned for Tali to come forward. Anderson and Udina moved aside for her and she stepped forward, straightening her shoulders. Shepard leaned against the rail, keeping her place behind Tali.

Tali told them how she'd gotten the recording from a geth's memory core as she'd been traveling on her people's rite of passage (he thought she'd called it a Pilgrimage) and the events that had led up to her attack, her voice shaky at first but growing firmer. She finally lifted her omni tool and played the recording.

_Eden Prime was a major victory! The beacon has brought us one step closer to finding the Conduit._ Kaidan could see the shock of recognition go through all three of the councilors.

Then a woman's voice none of them had recognized: _And one step closer to the return of the Reapers._ The asari councilor straightened up a bit, her brows furrowing.

Udina pointed at them, rather dramatically, Kaidan thought. "You wanted proof. There it is."

The turian councilor uncrossed his arms slowly and nodded. "This evidence is irrefutable. Saren will be stripped of his Spectre status and all efforts will be made to bring him to justice."

Kaidan breathed out a sigh of relief and Ashley grinned.

"That was Matriarch Benezia speaking with Saren," the asari councilor said. For all her poise, she looked deeply troubled. "A matriarch of great influence. She's a powerful biotic, and she has many followers. She will make a formidable ally for Saren."

The salarian councilor leaned forward. "I'm more interested in these Reapers. What do you know about them?"

The ambassador shook his head. "The quarian..."

Shepard growled.

Udina rolled his eyes but politely amended himself. " _Tali_ said something about the geth worshiping them."

Tali nodded. "They were an ancient race of machines that wiped out the Protheans. Then they vanished."

"The geth think Saren is the prophet for their return." Shepard's voice had an odd tone that rang through her voice whenever the subject of the Prothean beacon or, now, the Reapers came up. She'd been agitated ever since she'd heard the recording, making some kind of connection to these Reapers and the vision that obviously still plagued her. Kaidan really hadn't understood what she was talking about. While they were waiting for Udina and Anderson, she'd been pacing back and forth in front of the steps, muttering to herself. Wrex had ignored her but Garrus and Tali had both watched her uncertainly until Kaidan had explained how she'd been hit with the same Prothean beacon that Saren had used.

" _Did it make her...unstable?" Tali had asked, her voice pitched low so only Kaidan could hear her._

" _Oh, no. She always does that. You get used to it."_

" _Besides, I prefer the term 'eccentric'," Shepard had spoken up without stopping her pacing._

" _...You get used to that, too."_

Anderson stepped forward. "We think this Conduit is the key to bringing them back. Saren is searching for it, and that's why he attacked Eden Prime."

"Do we even know what this Conduit is?" The salarian councilor said pensively.

Shepard shrugged. "Saren wants it for the Reapers. That's bad enough."

"Listen to what you're saying!" The turian councilor exclaimed suddenly, sounding exasperated. "Saren wants to bring back the _machines_ that wiped out _all life in the galaxy_? Impossible. It has to be." He made a slashing motion with his hand. Anderson started to speak but the councilor overrode him. "Where did the Reapers go? Why did they vanish? How could we have found no trace of their existence? If they were real, we would have found something!"

Tali looked over at Shepard helplessly. The commander shook her head, conceding that she had no answers.

"Let us go with what we know," the asari councilor said, trying to calm things down. "We know Saren is using the geth to search for this Conduit, but we don't really know why."

The salarian made a dismissive gesture and then folded his hands into the sleeves of his robe. "The Reapers are obviously a myth. A convenient lie to cover Saren's true purpose. A legend he's using to bend the geth to his will."

Shepard held her hands up, obviously not agreeing but she wasn't going to argue the point. For the moment.

The turian councilor nodded firmly. "Saren is a rogue agent on the run for his life. He no longer has the rights or resources of a Spectre. The Council has stripped him of his position."

"That's not good enough!" Udina stepped forward. "You know he's hiding somewhere in the Traverse! Send your fleet in."

"A fleet can't track down one man," the salarian pointed out reasonably.

"A Citadel fleet could secure the entire region. Keep the geth from attacking any more of our colonies," Udina insisted.

The turian councilor leaned forward. "Or it could trigger a war with the Terminus Systems! We won't be dragged into a galactic confrontation over a few dozen human colonies."

Udina's voice rose, shaking with anger now. "I'm sick of this Council and it's anti-human bull..."

"Ambassador!" The asari's voice rose like a whip crack. "There is another solution. A way to stop Saren that does not require fleets or armies." She looked at Shepard pointedly.

"No!" The turian turned to look at her. "It's too soon. Humanity is not ready for the responsibilities that come with joining the Spectres."

"I'm going after Saren either way." Shepard's voice was quiet but firm.

There was a low chuckle from Wrex that had everyone turning to look at him. The krogan bared his teeth in some semblance of a smile. "Knew you had some spine in you, Shepard," he rumbled. "You'll lead us right into the thick of it, no question."

"You'll be joining her then, krogan?" The turian councilor's voice was laced with doubt.

"Oh, yes." Wrex straightened up to his full height, moving so he could see the Council clearly. "Because there's a storm brewing through the whole damn galaxy and she and Saren are right in the middle of it. Even if you're too stupid to see that, I'm not."

Kaidan saw Garrus nod his head a bit in agreement. _They just want to be in the middle of the action,_ he thought with some disapproval.

There was a moment of uneasy silence. The asari councilor said something quietly to her compatriot. The turian listened and nodded at last, if reluctantly.

The asari looked back over. "Commander Shepard, step forward."

Shepard glanced at Anderson and stepped up.

"It is the decision of the Council that you be granted all the powers and privileges of the Special Tactics and Reconnaissance branch of the Citadel."


	9. Of Bad Press and Blackmail

Garrus was starting to think his mind had been playing tricks on him when he caught sight of the figure again, ducking into an alley across the street.

It was midday and there was a stream of people moving down the street, plenty enough for one figure to disappear into. By all accounts, it just looked like another human in a bad mood stomping through the Wards, shoulders hunched and head down, dressed in a long jacket and one of those lopsided hats human soldiers seemed so fond of, moving past the reporters without earning a glance. Garrus glanced over his shoulder at a couple of the reporters still flitting about and moved into the alley. It wound between several buildings and Garrus moved around one of the corners just in time to see the figure he'd been tailing straightening up into a more familiar posture.

Shepard froze midway through pulling the hat off her head, her eyes narrowed. She blinked in surprise as she recognized him. Garrus crossed his arms across his chest casually. "Nicely done, Commander, they didn't even see you."

Shepard ran her fingers through the short, messy cap of hair on her head. It didn't make the hair any neater so what purpose the move served, Garrus had no idea. "How'd you spot me?"

"I was in the right spot at the right time. Also, you move like a fighter, Shepard, posture can't change that. You're lucky the reporters are human. No turian would have been fooled for a moment."

"Ah, I'll make sure to carry a shock baton for the turian reporters then."

Garrus spoke without thinking: "You're a Spectre now, Commander, representing all of the galaxy. If you're going to use a shock baton on the turian reporters, you should use it on the humans too. It's only fair."

He paused for a moment, uncertain if he'd stepped over the line, until she glanced over at him, her mouth curving. He'd had enough experience learning to read human facial expressions to know the look in her eyes and that slow curve of the lips was genuine amusement. "What brings you down here to the Wards? I'd say you're cutting it close to when we're supposed to meet up at the docks but then again, so am I." She glanced down at the display set into her omni-tool as she fell into step beside him. She tugged the hat back onto her head as they emerged onto one of the streets, hunching her shoulders to take down her posture again. Garrus was fascinated by how such a small change in demeanor could make such a difference.

He gestured behind him. "I was checking up on Dr. Michel."

"How is she?"

"She's fine, she's seen worse than those punks and with Fist dead..."

"Yeah, can't say my heart is broken over that one. I guess Wrex saved Saren the trouble of killing him later."

Garrus thought that over and nodded slowly. "Once he didn't need him anymore."

"Are you heading up to the docks, then?"

"Actually, Dr. Michel needed some help and since there's still some time, I thought I could give it to her."

"What kind of help?"

"It's kind of...delicate." Garrus hedged around the question automatically, the same way he would have with Executor Pallin if he was trying to maneuver around him.

Shepard suddenly took a few steps forward and turned to look at him, walking backwards, her eyes gleaming. "Wait a minute, Vakarian, you're starting to sound an awful lot like me when I'm trying to put something past Udina. What's up?"

He shifted his eyes away from hers, uncomfortable. "Just Garrus is fine, Commander."

"Glad to hear it, but you still didn't answer the question." Her grin faded abruptly and she fell into step beside him again. "Is she in trouble?"

The concern in her voice gave him a pause, reminding him about who he was talking to. Shepard wasn't Pallin. In fact, he'd be hard pressed to find someone _less_ like his former boss. "She was fired from her last job for giving away med supplies to people who couldn't afford it. She said there were no charges filed, but apparently someone did their research well."

For a moment Shepard just looked at him, clearly confused, and then her eyes narrowed. "Someone's blackmailing her?"

Garrus nodded, encouraged. "If the board finds out she could lose her license. The clinic could shut down. That isn't right. She helps more people with that clinic then the damned board ever will." He turned, moving toward a warehouse district a few blocks away from the clinic. "She's supposed to deliver medical supplies to the blackmailer in a few minutes. In that building right there." He let the implication hang in the air.

Shepard studied the building for a long moment- long enough for Garrus to worry a bit she might disapprove enough to order him not to do it- then she looked back at him, her lips curving again. "Imagine their surprise."

* * *

'Surprise' was a bit of an understatement.

Shepard was more than happy to go in ahead of him and draw the blackmailer out. No more than a few seconds after she disappeared inside, a krogan that had been attempting to lurk unseen at the side of the building followed her in. Garrus moved up behind him silently, shadowing him without the krogan even noticing. Small time hood, Garrus judged. Poor Dr. Michel seemed to be a magnet for them.

The krogan stopped short as he passed through the doorway and Garrus peered around him. Shepard was perched on the edge of the counter, swinging her legs a bit. She beamed at the krogan as he came in. A flustered salarian stood behind the counter, his hands starting to flutter on the counter top as he took in the sight of the krogan and Garrus moving up silently behind.

"What the hell's going on here? Who are you?" The krogan snarled at Shepard, taking a step forward.

"You're blackmailing Dr. Michel," Shepard said without ceremony, still swinging her legs. She was smiling, all friendly good cheer. "Bad manners."

Not to be outdone, Garrus deactivated the safety on the pistol in his hand with a loud click, fixing his eyes on the krogan as he whirled around.

The salarian ducked behind the counter.

The krogan hesitated. "Look, all I need is the medical supplies and no one needs to know the doctor's little secret." He kept himself turned toward Garrus, obviously considering the turian the more dangerous of the two.

"Well strictly speaking, no one _needs_ to know the doctor's secret at all. It's not vital information. If it remained unknown, it wouldn't bring harm to anyone. If the doctor's clinic is shut down, however, it could bring harm to plenty of people," Shepard said.

"Also, you couldn't tell anyone anything if you're dead," Garrus pointed out.

"There is that, too."

Up until that point the krogan had done a heroic job of managing not to look nervous but he was starting to fray around the edges, shifting back and forth from one foot to the other. Definitely small time hood, Garrus thought contemptuously. "Okay, hold on, I'm just the middleman..."

"Which begs the question of whether this job is worth dying for." Shepard slid off the counter and moved a few steps closer to the krogan, making him even more nervous. Now he didn't know which way to turn. If he attacked one, he put the other at his back. Shepard paused just out of reach and cocked her head, her hands in the pockets of her trench-coat.

Garrus cocked his gun pointedly. _It isn't._

"Yeah, this is more than I bargained for." The krogan held his hands up.

"Wise decision. And of course, you should tell your boss that there's no need to take things out on the doctor by spreading her secret around. Because then we'll have to track y'all down. Which will make me rather irritated and I'm not at _all_ fun when I'm irritated."

The krogan took a couple steps backward, almost running into Garrus. Garrus didn't blame him, if she'd been smiling at him like that, he'd be looking for an exit too. He stepped aside, putting his pistol away, and turned to give the krogan room to pass, watching him as he left.

When he turned around, the salarian had popped back up and was babbling at Shepard. "It's good to see him humbled so!"

"What the hell was that all about, anyway? Who was he working for?" Shepard turned back toward him.

"Someone named Banes and that's all I know, human. I only ever spoke to the krogan."

Garrus filed the name away in case they needed it. "So, you won't be giving the doctor any trouble either, right?" He made it a question but his tone made it clear what the answer needed to be.

The salarian's eyes widened. "Oh, no. No, no, I mean the doctor no harm. She's got nothing to worry about from me!"

Shepard smirked and sauntered toward the exit, following Garrus out.

He glanced around to make sure the krogan was definitely gone and headed for the clinic. "I really didn't think talking would work, I thought I'd have to end up killing him. Probably would have been more efficient."

"Yeah, but come on, it wouldn't have been nearly as much fun."

He made it a point not to agree out loud to that one.

"Besides," Shepard continued, "you go around killing everything that bothers you, you run the risk of becoming boring and predictable." Garrus eyed her, not sure how to respond to that. She just smiled.

Dr. Michel was understandably relieved to hear she wouldn't be bothered anymore, thanking him so warmly Garrus was actually a bit embarrassed. But it lightened his heart to see her turn back to her patients, looking like a great deal of weight had been taken off her shoulders. Shepard leaned against the wall, giving the doctor a little wave but otherwise keeping back and letting them talk. When he broke away, she watched him approach with the same kind of look she'd had when he'd asked to join them; thoughtful, like she was coming to some sort of decision about him. She was silent for a moment when they left the clinic, then: "She and some of the other nurses were surprised to see me, kind of protective of you. I guess your boss doesn't approve of you helping people on the side like this, yes?"

"Former boss. And no, he didn't."

"Former...you quit?"

"I handed my paperwork in earlier today. The bureaucracy...well, you saw it. The Council ignored my investigation completely because they didn't want to even consider that Saren might have done something. The damn bureaucrats are always on my back." Garrus stopped himself. The frustration with the whole Saren affair and C-sec in general was apparently not as faded as he'd thought it was because it had all come bubbling up at that simple question.

But Shepard was nodding slowly. "Like I said when we met up with you, it looked like you were pretty tied up in that regard."

"If I'm after a suspect, it shouldn't matter how I do it, as long as I do it. But that's how it always is. Protocol and procedure always come first. It didn't start out that way, but as I rose in ranks, I got saddled with more and more red tape. I couldn't stand it anymore." Garrus gave her a quick look and found her studying him with that thoughtful, assessing expression again. It was starting to worry him a little bit. It had been a risk he'd jumped at, teaming up with Shepard, but he had no illusions she could and would cut him loose if she disapproved.

She finally looked away. "I'd just hate for you to regret it later."

She sounded genuinely concerned, which smoothed out a twist of anxiety in his chest. "I hate leaving. But working with you...it gives me a chance to get off the Citadel. See how things are done outside C-sec. You're a Spectre, you make your own rules. You're free to handle things your way."

Shepard gave him an odd look he couldn't quite interpret, then looked away. "You're right, I suppose I am. Strange, I guess that hasn't quite sunk in, yet. I haven't been without a chain of command for...hell, eleven years. I never expected I'd be without it. Hah! No wonder Udina keeps looking at me like I'm a time bomb, I bet he expects me to use hunting Saren down as some kind of springboard to build an army and take over the universe."

Garrus couldn't help himself. "I'm glad I picked the right side, then."

Shepard laughed. "We'll have to stop Saren from doing it first, though."

Tali'Zorah was waiting at the entrance to the docks. She waved exuberantly as they rounded the corner and hurried toward them. "Captain Anderson asked me to find you and tell you they're waiting in a private dock instead, over there. I've seen it. Your ship's amazing, Shepard!"

"Hey, Tali. I guess Udina came through on that, then. What..."

"Commander! Commander Shepard!"

Shepard looked behind her and rolled her eyes, cursing softly. Garrus followed her gaze and shook his head as Khalisah al-Jilani crossed the floor toward them in as close to a dead run as her dignity would allow her, a camera drone floating behind her like a faithful pet. She'd obviously been laying in wait out of sight somewhere, otherwise Alliance members would have shooed her away.

"Who's that?" Tali peered around them curiously.

Shepard kept walking, drawing Tali along. "She's the decline of modern civilization in one surgically altered package. Don't look into her eyes, Tali, she'll kill your brain cells off by the dozens."

al-Jilani picked up the pace when she realized they weren't going to stop, doggedly pursuing them. "Any particular reason you've been avoiding the press, Commander Shepard?"

"I gave a press statement to Ambassador Udina's people and spoke to Emily Wong earlier, Ms. al-Jilani. The only reporter I've been actively avoiding is you and why you're surprised at that is anyone's guess."

Garrus didn't believe for a second the reporter was actually surprised. She was one of the loudest, shrillest reporters from the notoriously shrill Westerlund News and the ongoing battle between the pro human news group and the crew of the Normandy was reaching legendary renown. Some C-sec officers had actually been taking bets on who would get called in when the reporters' constant harassment finally brought a fight on.

The camera drone swooped around them in an attempt to cut Shepard off and almost crashed into Tali, who jumped back with a yelp of surprise. Shepard caught her arm to steady her and glared back at the reporter. "Shall we see if I can turn that into an assault charge on one my crew?"

"Your _crew_ ," al-Jilani's voice was snide as she raked a gaze over the three of them. Garrus could only imagine what she was thinking seeing humanity's first Spectre with a turian on one side and a quarian on the other. She didn't turn her camera on but Garrus caught the soft beep that indicated she was recording sound from either it or her omni-tool. Obviously, she considered any legal action the Alliance might take worth it to get something she could twist from Shepard. "Is your crew comprised entirely of aliens now that you're answering to them, Commander?"

"I didn't agree to an interview, Ms. al-Jilani, take your agenda and find someone else to annoy." Shepard started walking again. "Or make shit up, that's what you do anyway."

"Your report on the depths of turian corruption in C-sec wasn't true at all but it was well received, I hear. On Earth, anyway," Garrus commented. When al-Jilani moved forward, he made it a point to put himself between her and his commander.

"Which is pretty much the only place in the galaxy that watches Westerlund News." Shepard smirked.

"Wait, weren't you the woman that did that idiotic report about how quarian 'space bums' are responsible for the spread of half the galaxy's plagues? I saw it while scanning some news archives." It was hard to tell but Garrus was reasonably certain Tali was glaring at the reporter.

"Doubt it was her, she doesn't care about the galaxy," Shepard murmured to her.

"The Council has been treating humans as 'poor relations' for the past 26 years. Is that why the turian is with you? To make sure you put the Council's needs above the needs of Earth?"

"Garrus, are you a spy for the Council to make sure I put its needs above the needs of Earth?"

"Not last time I checked, Commander."

"Glad we cleared that up."

Tali started giggling, which _really_ annoyed al-Jilani. She kept at it, her words snapping out in short, staccato bites of irritation. "You've been given command of an advanced human war ship..."

Shepard's head jerked softly, as if in surprise. The reporter honed in on it, her eyes lighting up. She opened her mouth but Shepard overrode her. "Speaking of which, these docking bays are off limits to reporters by command of...well, everyone, really."

al-Jilani hesitated and Shepard paused, looking back at her with her eyebrows raised. A couple of Alliance soldiers were standing guard further down the docks and sat up when they came into view, taking in the scene. Garrus saw al-Jilani take it all in, process it, and decide not to push her luck. Looking disgusted, she called her camera drone back to her. "Let's hope having you as our first Spectre is a step forward for humanity and not backward." With that dramatic line, she turned sharply to stalk off...

...and ran straight into Wrex, who'd come up behind her.

The reporter let out a shriek and jumped a full foot in the air backwards, stumbling and landing on her ass. Wrex snorted and stepped around her.

Shepard hooted with laughter. "That's one for the five o'clock news."

al-Jilani glared at her as she climbed to her feet.

"Commander." Everyone turned as Captain Anderson came out of one of the docks. He gave al-Jilani a hard look. "Commander, the ambassador is waiting for us. Ms. al-Jilani, you have ten seconds to get off the docks before I have you taken into custody. An officer is waiting at the end of the corridor to make sure you haven't taken any illegal images or sound bites that might be a threat to security. Commander, if you please." He turned around and disappeared back into the bay.

Shepard sighed. "I wish I could learn how to do that."


	10. Past to Present to Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: The description for Anderson's heritage was lifted straight out of Mass Effect: Revelation, by Drew Karpyshyn.

"Your actions still reflect on humanity as a whole, Commander. You make a mess and I get stuck cleaning it up."

Anderson didn't need to turn around to know she was pasting a neutral expression on her face, listening to Udina's lecture about what she should do and that she'd been a human long before she'd been a Spectre. She'd listen. She'd nod politely. And probably dismiss all but a few words.

Anderson doubted Shepard would have any problems adapting to doing things her own way.

He stood at the edge of the dock, looking out over the Ward below, his back to the Normandy. Unlike the Presidium, the Wards didn't have artificial daylight; it was always dark as a night on earth and the view was always a magnificent landscape of light. When he'd first visited the Citadel, he'd enjoyed the tranquil order of the Presidium much more. But now there were so many bad memories he associated with it. They had soured the enjoyment. Saren had soured it.

_This is how it has to be. This is the kind of thing the Normandy was built for. She knows that ship, and the crew knows her. But you...your past with Saren will taint any decisions regarding him if Shepard manages to catch up with him. The Council will be watching every step she takes and if you're there alongside her, they'll wonder what kind of influence you have over her._

He knew Udina was right and so did Shepard. She'd protested at first- vehemently- saying the Normandy was _his_ ship, but he knew her well enough to know she would bow to necessity. As he had. Stopping Saren was more important than either of them.

But he allowed himself one moment of heavy heartedness. He'd had the Normandy for such a brief time, then circumstances had taken it from him the same as it had so many other things. He wondered if he'd ever quit paying for the past and the weight of Saren's hatred.

"Sir?"

He turned from the view of the Wards to look at her as she approached. He imagined they made quite a picture against the backdrop of the Normandy. Two generations of a culture that had just started to come together. You could see it in both of them. Anderson was well built and dark skinned, his features reflecting ancestors African, Native American and Central European. Shepard's skin was a soft tan several shades lighter than his, the tilt of her eyes and sharp planes of her face mixing Asian and Eastern European features. Most humans these days were similar mixed bags of genetics, offspring of the Alliance bringing humanity together. They'd come so far from the days when they were at war with each other constantly and yet it was disconcerting how young humanity was to the stars, especially compared to the other Citadel races.

The symbolism of him, from the First Contact war generation and first Spectre candidate, handing the reins over to her, from the generation expected to help humanity pull all those threads together and the first inducted Spectre, wasn't lost on him.

He couldn't quite manage a smile. "Take care of her, Shepard."

She stopped a few feet from him, twisting her fingers in front of her with an anxious expression he'd never seen on her before. "I never planned to take her from you, sir."

He wondered if it was cynicism that made her so worried he'd think she had stabbed him in the back or if she was simply used to her superiors questioning her motives. "I know that, Shepard. But Udina was right. You're a Spectre now, you can't answer to anyone but the Council. It's time for me to step down."

"Is it because of this past you have with Saren?" she asked, moving up beside him.

He looked away. "What have you been told about it?"

"I saw how Saren spoke to you at his hearing." She paused. "And Harkin said something about you having been a Spectre."

"I wasn't. I didn't make it that far. But I was being considered. I went on a mission alongside Saren. He was supposed to evaluate me the way Nihlus was for you." Anderson closed his eyes for a moment. "We were after a scientist who'd taken refuge in a refinery. The plan was to sneak in and get him and get back out but Saren and I split up to cover more ground. About halfway through the mission, there was a massive explosion at the refinery core."

"Saren."

"It was ruled an accident but I think he did it purposefully to draw off the enemy guards." Anderson shook his head. "More than five hundred dead, Shepard. Most of them civilians. But Saren didn't care. The mission was accomplished, the target eliminated. And I ended up taking the blame. That ended all talk about me joining the Spectres."

"How could they blame _you_ for it?"

"Saren lied in his report. He claimed I blew his cover and the guards were ready for us. That's why it turned into a massacre. It was all the Council needed."

Shepard was silent, staring out over the Ward, her face coldly blank. For a moment, Anderson almost regretted telling her because it was clear if her anger toward Saren hadn't been personal before, it definitely was now. He couldn't hold onto that regret, though. He hadn't missed that silent exchange between her and Saren at the hearing. Nonetheless, he moved into her view, drawing her attention back to him. "Don't go hunting Saren, Shepard. It will do no good. Keep your focus on the Conduit."

Unlike Udina, she actually listened to him, taking his words to mind. It was probably wrong for him to take some enjoyment in that fact but, well, there it was.

She nodded without replying, her gaze troubled now. She was silent for a long time, then she spoke hesitantly, "May I ask you something, sir?"

"What is it?"

She was quiet for a moment longer and then bust out in a sudden, anxious torrent of words so utterly unlike her it made him stare at her in shock. "Why me? With my background... I mean, I'm not a good soldier. Not the way Alenko and Williams are. Certainly not the way you are. Under normal circumstances, there's no way in hell I'd be the captain of any ship, much less this one. I've only advanced as far as I have because I was out along the Traverse where they're desperate. Hell, if I wasn't a biotic, I wouldn't have even _been_ in the military. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud to serve, I'm glad I was given the chance. I was perfectly okay with where I was and what I was doing." She paused and stammered for a moment. "And don't get me wrong _again_ ; it was like some kind of miracle when you asked me to join the crew. But that's just it. You could have chosen anyone from the ranks you wanted for the Normandy's XO. You could have chosen a...well a hero. Someone decorated. A _real_ soldier. You had to have gotten grief for choosing me, so why did you?"

Udina must have gotten to her more than she'd let on. He considered her question for a long time. In some ways, she was right. She seemed tailor made not to hold so much responsibility. She'd graduated from the middle section of her class, and her skills reflected it; strictly middle of the road, spiking highest in tactics, hand to hand combat and computer based electronics. Her biotics were low to mid level, high skill in stasis fields but nothing remarkable otherwise. A natural leader, personable, smart, very manipulative, a bit of a wild streak. Her only repeated warnings were in regard to her not keeping up an appropriate appearance, which Anderson had come to find was honest forgetfulness rather than defiance. She respected the rank but was willing to bend rules, even orders, to suit her needs. She was one of those that people serving under her spoke highly of and people that ranked above her kept a close eye on, just in case. Because there was always something just a bit off about her...not bad or unstable, exactly, nothing you could put your finger on or define. Just...off.

Akuze had drawn his attention to her but it was one fact that echoed in every report that had fixed his eyes and had advanced her through the years; when problems arose, Shepard stepped up to the line. Always.

_Spectres are not trained, but chosen. Individuals forged in the fire of service and battle—those whose actions elevate themselves above the rank and file. They are an ideal, a symbol. The embodiment of courage, determination, and self reliance._

She was that.

"I needed someone I was certain would balance the needs of a mission with the safety of the crew and you proved you could do that for both civilian and soldier alike many times out there on the Traverse. You laid your life on the line once to save children that weren't from any of the colonies...who weren't even human. I say the same thing then as I said when I was considering you; if you were willing to do that, what would you be willing to do to save your crew? To save the galaxy itself?"

_Anything._

The word hung unsaid in the air between them.

He looked at her, his eyes meeting hers squarely. "Shepard, whatever the circumstances were that brought you in, you've served the Alliance. And you've served it well. Remember, I'm N7 too. I know perfectly well that you don't finesse your way to that level, you earn it."

Shepard looked at him for a long moment, meeting his gaze. She straightened up and nodded. "Thank you, Captain. For everything. I...it's been an honor serving under you." Though she technically didn't have to salute him anymore, she did it anyway. "I won't let you down, sir."

"Good luck, Shepard, we're counting on you."

She turned to head to the Normandy.

Anderson remembered another piece of advice he'd been meaning to give her. "Shepard."

She turned back.

"I overheard Udina giving you grief about avoiding the press."

She scowled, no trace of anxiety or uncertainty in her now. "He's got a hundred people on his payroll whose job it is to spin the news in the Alliance's favor. That's all they do all day."

"Just continue to give statements to his PR people and give them as little as possible if the reporters corner you. And keep the orders about steering clear of Westerlund News. Especially al-Jilani, she'll have it in for you now."

"Yes, sir." She turned away again, not quite muttering quietly enough, "I bet Wrex would shoot her if I asked him politely."

"Barring the legalities, Shepard, if shooting them actually solved anything, they'd all be dead by now."

"Yeah." Shepard blew out a breath. She started to turn back toward the ship and paused again. "Sir? What are you going to do now?"

"I'll be here at the ambassador's office, looking into Saren's activities. If I find anything of importance, I'll let you know."

"Likwise, sir."

Anderson turned back to stare out over the Wards. Udina wanted to talk to him but he put it off for now, not up to dealing with the ambassador any more than he was up to watching the Normandy take off without him.

* * *

"Man survives a hundred battles and gets taken down by backroom politics," Joker muttered, punching buttons as they left the Citadel behind.

Shepard remained silent, standing a couple paces behind his chair, her eyes on the window.

He glanced back. "Just watch your back, Commander. Things go bad on this mission, you're next on their chopping block."

Shepard didn't even have the heart to come up with a quip in reply. "It's not right..."

Joker turned to her. "Hey, Commander, nobody's blaming you. Anderson got screwed but it's not like you could have done anything to stop it." He looked back to the console. "Everyone on the ship is behind you. One hundred percent."

Or pretending to be, at least. Shepard nodded and gave him a slight smile, appreciating the support. You could always depend on Joker. The snarky bastard. Modern medicine had eliminated most diseases but there were always exceptions and the Normandy's pilot was an unfortunate victim of one of them. Known as Vrolik syndrome, it gave him bones so brittle they could break with the greatest of ease, leaving him barely able to walk. He only got defensive about it when someone started suggesting it was charity in regards to his condition that had gotten him this far rather than his own skill.

When they'd first been introduced, he'd made it a point to state several times he was the best pilot in the Alliance fleet. She'd made it a point since then, on general principle of course, to never let him know she fully agreed.

The pilot nodded toward the intercom. "You want to say anything to the crew, now's the time."

"Oh, hell..." Shepard winced, eyeing the intercom like it was a snake.

"Aw, Commander, your speeches aren't that bad." Joker's attempt at comfort was negated by the fact that, A- it was a blatant lie, and B- he was smirking while he said it.

Shepard stared at the console for a long moment, trying to formulate what to say. _Hey, I know Anderson is the kind of man we want leading a crazy mission like this one but I hope you'll accept me instead._

Yeah, maybe not.

She ran her fingers through her hair. She found it both amusing and sad that she was better at twisting an enemy with words than speaking to people she actually gave a damn about.

_Man it up, Shepard. This isn't about you, it's about being their commander. You want their complete confidence, start fucking earning it. They deserve that much._

She sighed and reached for the button, pausing a moment to squint at Joker, who was clearly on the verge of a snicker. "You laugh at me, I'll steal your hat and toss it into a volcano when we get to Therum."

"You wouldn't dare..." Joker laid a hand over his ball cap protectively.

"And I'll laugh while I'm doing it, too."

Joke muttered something that was, no doubt, _very_ uncomplimentary under his breath. Shepard smirked and finally pressed the button.

* * *

_"All hands, this is Commander Shepard."_

Sargent Kell, who'd been talking to Navigator Pressley, glanced up and cocked an eyebrow. Ashley, as well as most of the people on the command deck, turned to listen as the commander's voice echoed over the intercom. It was a bit of a relief really, most of them had been divided between watching the krogan nervously as he passed by and watching the turian prowl around the deck, looking everything over with interest. Shepard had introduced everyone earlier but this was still the first time many of the crew had been trapped on a ship with an alien, much less three at once. She was glad she wasn't the only one that felt a bit nervous about that.

_"You know me, so I won't torture you by making you sit through an attempt at a speech."_

Chuckles echoed across the deck and Kell grinned. Ashley noticed that the krogan had paused to listen and the turian and come up beside her near the map.

_"Our orders are to find Saren and find out what this Conduit is before he gets to it. Saren knows it, too, which isn't going to make our job any easier. His followers will be ready for us, but we're ready for them too. And he thinks this crew isn't a match for his, which is his mistake. He has to be stopped, for everyone's sake, and we are going to stop him."_

"Not too bad, maybe she's getting the hang of it," one of the techs commented.

"This is definitely going to be an interesting mission," Pressley said quietly.

Sargent Kell started chuckling again. "Oh, you ain't seen nothing yet. I'm waiting for it to sink in she ain't got a chain of command wrapped around her neck and she can do things her way."

Ashley and the turian glanced back at him. Kell simply grinned. "Then, ladies and gentlemen, things are gonna get real interesting."

* * *

Shepard sat in the dark in the captain's office, her bare feet braced against the desk. Anderson hadn't been a man who loaded his space with personal objects, there was virtually nothing in the office or cabin that indicated he'd ever been there. She was trying not to let that bother her.

She fingered the battered leather case in her hand for a moment before flipping it open, revealing her last hand rolled cigarette from Angelus. Health risks from smoking weren't generally a problem anymore, thanks to advanced medical and chemical research, but Shepard still kept her smoking down to an occasional one now and then. Because no matter how advanced your medicine, breathing smoke into your lungs just seemed like a non-healthy thing to do.

Shepard finally shrugged and lit it. She couldn't think of a better occasion to smoke it. Out with the old and in with the new. _Au revoir_ to the past, and all that jazz.

She blew out a stream of smoke and leaned back, letting the darkness settle her thoughts now that she was behind a closed door. It wouldn't do to let the crew see how she was reeling. So much had happened so fast, she felt like someone had hauled up and tossed her into the air with a rock of responsibility on her shoulders. She was now a symbol for humanity. That was just...sad. And funny as hell. _If Maman could see me now..._

A sad smile curved her lips at the thought of her mother, long dead, lost in some careless, unmarked grave with so many others from the massacre on Mindoir. From this angle, she could look down the length of her legs to where her right pant leg had drawn up. She could barely make out the tattoo there on her ankle, one of the first she'd gotten. A tarot card, an exact replica from the design in her mother's old deck she still kept with her. The Queen of Cups. Maman.

Her eyes drifted to some of the sketches she'd been fiddling with over the past few days, pinned to the wall, and she rose to walk over and study them. Hazy scenes that twisted through her mind, haunting her already haunted dreams. Scenes of violence, death, of a threat far more than batarian slave rings. The weight of it was heavy in her mind indeed but...it was inevitable and she wasn't proud of it...there was also a low thrill of violence to come, of pitting herself against impossible odds.

She laid her finger on the sketch of the image that haunted her the most: a monstrous shape silhouetted against a bloodied sky. It was a vague blob, all she could make out without making her head hurt, but it haunted her. Chilled her. Brought her thoughts together into one cold, simple focus. _Past, present, future, it's a threat to all of it. I don't know how I know that. I don't care. And I don't know what the hell you have to do with this, Arterius, but you'd better believe I'm going to find out...and find you._

* * *

Across the galaxy, in the depths of a ship that glided through space like a shadow in the night, Saren Arterius lifted his head, his thoughts momentarily drawn away from the voice layered over a thousand other voices whispering in the back of his mind.


	11. The Matriarch's Daughter

Prothean ruins were usually little more than husks with a bit of machinery here and there. They were like books so old they had to be studied with great care, lest the slightest wrong move destroy thousand year old information. To Dr. Liara T'Soni, they were often their own enclosed little world, a walled off section of the past in which the present had no place being.

Sometimes the present didn't agree. She'd had to deal with grave robbers, mercs, and pests like varren. But she'd never come across something that had overwhelmed her until she'd turned a corner and found herself staring at a robotic creature the likes of which she'd never seen in her one hundred six years of life. A creature she'd finally had to force her mind to accept was, in fact, a geth.

Her initial shock and fascination had quickly faded when she realized the entire ruin was overrun with them and her survival instincts had kicked in. She didn't know what frightened her more: the geth, the krogan leading them, or the fact he kept yelling at them to take her alive.

The krogan reappeared outside the barrier, leering in at her, and Liara flushed with humiliation. She'd been so excited when she'd found this area intact and even more so when she'd actually managed to get the technology working, identifying it as some kind of security device. The barrier it had put up when the geth had overwhelmed her had seemed like a gift from the Goddess herself right up until the point she'd found herself suspended helplessly in some kind of containment field. Now they couldn't get in but she couldn't move and the krogan, while furious at first, had soon realized that time was on his side. Eventually they would find a way in, and she couldn't do anything about it.

The krogan's scornful gaze turned away from her toward one of the geth. She guessed it was alerting him to something...somehow. She had no idea how the geth communicated with the krogan, she'd never heard them speak. Whatever it was, the krogan glared at her once more before moving away from the barrier, barking orders for them to head toward the surface again. He didn't look pleased at all, which was good news for her.

She hoped.

* * *

"Fucking creepy," Shepard muttered.

"Uh, Commander? You do see the giant geth tank thing we just took down _behind_ you, right?" Ashley came up beside her.

Shepard didn't look up from the dead geth at her feet, one of many they'd just taken down. "That's dangerous, not creepy. This thing is creepy."

"I guess..."

"It _hops_." Shepard kicked it.

As they'd made their way to the ruins they'd come across even more varieties of geth than they'd found on Eden Prime. The one at Shepard's feet was definitely a new one. It moved so smoothly it might have been made of flesh and bone, bounding up and down walls around them with frightening speed.

Shepard looked back at the big four legged tank...thing. She had no idea what to call these, they were big and lumbering and had a lot of firepower. They'd been a pain in the ass on the drive over though she would be happy to inform Howard the Mako had performed wonderfully, particularly when Garrus had taken over the guns.

And thanks to big old ugly that had been dropped on top of them they knew they could take one down without the Mako. Not easily, but it could be done.

She tapped her comm. "Tali, you read?"

" _Yes, Commander?_ "

"I got a new one for you." Shepard brought up a recording device installed in her omni tool and scanned the hopping geth's image, sending it back to the quarian on the Normandy. As more and more geth appeared, they'd taken to gathering intelligence for future reference, creating a database with more and more information as Tali was given a chance to study them. Their Chief Engineer, Adams, and Howard had both been raving about Tali almost from the day she'd joined them. There wasn't a machine she couldn't master, wasn't a program she couldn't understand, wasn't a system she couldn't get a feel for within minutes. She, in turn, was enraptured by the Normandy and spent most of her time in engineering and had become almost as much a fixture there as the drive core itself.

Or as Howard had put it: " _Don't fret, Mother Hen, she's settled in and no one is going to give her any trouble. The engineers would tear them apart if Adams didn't get to them first_."

The mother hen part was an exaggeration, of course, though Shepard admitted she felt a bit protective of Tali. Considering the circumstances when they'd found her, that was perfectly understandable, right? Right. Shepard wasn't _overprotective_ , though. Tali could take care of herself, after all. She just, you know, needed a little help doing it once in a while. That was all.

" _Amazing...they've developed so much and with such variety_ ," Tali marveled as the images came through. " _Bad for us, but amazing. I'll add this to my databanks and study it with the rest_."

"Sounds good." Shepard clicked off and adjusted her visor, scanning around before signaling the rest of the team toward the platform the geth had dropped down to guard. If she'd read the maps they'd found correctly they should be right on top of the main ruins. She just hoped they'd arrived in time to save Liara T'Soni.

Although Shepard hated... _hated_...admitting that Udina had a point, his suggestion of finding Matriarch Benezia's daughter before Saren did was a good one. The presence of the geth here only proved Saren...or her mother...was after her.

Shepard had another, more self centered reason for wanting to find Dr. T'Soni: she was an expert on Protheans. Most of the articles Shepard had found doing research had been authored by her. Shepard was hoping the archeologist would be able to help her make sense of the images that still boiled through her mind every time she rested. It would have been maddening enough if she had a clear picture of what she was dealing with, but it was like trying to put together a puzzle she couldn't see clearly and didn't have all the pieces to. She felt the danger, but she couldn't make sense of it. Which was driving her out of her goddamned mind.

Probably literally.

Shepard shook that thought off, moving up the ramp. She motioned Wrex and Ashley forward as the doors opened to reveal a tunnel that sloped down into the ruins, while Garrus and Kaidan brought up the rear. Her muscles tightened a bit as they moved down, the heat and heaviness of the air closing around them like an echo of the layers of rock above their heads. It already made her twitchy, she couldn't imagine how the miners stood it.

The tunnel soon gave way to more open caverns with platforms, stairs, more geth, elevators and... "What the hell is that?"

Shepard moved up behind Ash, who was peering into a round, open room laid with tile that seemed incongruous with the rest of the area, surprisingly neat and almost clean, a glowing barrier blocking it off from the rest of the cavern.

"It must be the ruin. Look, the tunnel looks like it was formed around it," Kaidan pointed out.

"It looks like dead instrumentation. That's all most Prothean ruins have. I wonder what Dr. T'Soni is looking for here." Garrus gave the Prothean room a glance, an edge of suspicion to his voice.

Considering who Dr. T'Soni was related to and all the trouble Saren had gone through to get the last bit of Prothean technology they'd come across, that was a good question to consider. "I guess we'll find out when we find her."

"Yes, ma'am." The turian nodded politely. Shepard eyed him curiously for a moment before she hit the button on the elevator panel. Since they'd headed to Therum, his manner had become excessively formal and she didn't have the faintest idea why. He'd always been polite, of course, but he hadn't been that...rigid...on the Citadel. She could see why he might be that way with the crew, but Shepard had already seen the hot headed smart ass beneath all that reserve, there really was no point in pretending otherwise. Maybe it was a turian thing.

The elevator creaked and shifted as it took them to the next platform down and when it shuddered to a halt, a closer look revealed that both it and the platform outside it had sustained some serious damage recently. From the look of it, it had been some kind of fight...

"Uh...hello?"

She whirled around. It took a minute for Shepard to pinpoint where the voice had come from. It had an altogether strange quality that gave it a faint echo and yet it sounded muffled. She saw something glowing just below and moved down a broken walkway. Ash covered her as she picked her way down and she heard the others moving up behind her as she peered through the mass of wires and twisted metal. She blinked slowly. It was another of those round, tiled areas with a glowing barrier across its entrance. She had to move closer and squint to make out the figure- an asari -suspended in some kind of energy bubble beyond it.

"Could somebody help me? Please?"

* * *

Liara had felt a thrill of hope when she'd heard a woman's voice above her. She thought maybe another scientist from the academy or one of her colleagues from the Institute had either come looking at the ruins or looking for her.

But the woman that stepped up to the barrier was human. Liara blinked in surprise and spoke a bit more hesitantly. "Can you hear me out there? I am trapped. I need help..." Her voice faltered as a hulking figure came up behind the woman. A krogan.

"Dr. T'Soni?" The woman peered in at her and to Liara's relief, the figures gathering around the human were not geth, nor was the krogan the one that had been harassing her.

"Thank the Goddess!" Even to Liara her own voice sounded giddy with relief. "I did not think anyone would come looking for me. This thing I'm in is a Prothean security device. I cannot move, so I need you to get me out of it. All right?"

A turian stepped around the krogan and took a closer look at the barrier. The human woman moved along it cautiously, studying where it came out of the wall and floor. "How the hell did you end up in there?"

"I was exploring the ruins when the geth showed up, so I hid here. Can you believe that? Geth! Beyond the Veil!"

"Trust me, we can believe it." That came from another human woman standing a few paces off to the side.

Liara couldn't get a good look at her and couldn't interpret the tone to see if that rather intriguing statement was serious or not. She continued, deciding she'd find out later. "I activated the tower's defenses. I knew the barrier would keep them out."

The turian said something to the first woman, obviously the leader, that Liara couldn't hear.

"When I turned it on, I must have hit something I wasn't supposed to. I was trapped in here. You must get me out of here. Please." She couldn't stop the hint of desperation that edged into her voice.

"Calm down, Doctor, we'll get you out of there." The easy confidence in the woman's voice was a balm to her nerves after to much uncertainty throughout this hellish day. Or days, it was hard to tell the passage of time underground.

"There's a control in here that should deactivate this thing. But you'll have to find some way past the barrier curtain. That's the tricky part, the defenses cannot be shut off from the outside. I don't know how you'll get in here."

The turian straightened up and nodded, seemingly in agreement with her statement. He said something to the leader again too quietly for Liara to hear. The woman nodded, frowning and peering into the barrier again. "All right, let me take a look around and see what we can come up with."

"Be careful," Liara said anxiously. "There's a krogan with the geth. They have been trying different ways to get past the barrier."

The second woman said something sharply to the leader, who shrugged and jerked a thumb toward the krogan with them. He bared his teeth in what appeared to be a smile. Suddenly Liara wasn't so sure they were in danger from the krogan leading the geth. Maybe he was the one that needed to be careful.

The leader turned back to the barrier. "We'll be back, Kaidan here will keep an eye on things. Don't worry." She and the others disappeared down the platform.

The last of the group, a human male, moved up to the curtain and smiled reassuringly at her. "You really don't have to worry, you know." Gunfire reverberated through the cavern, the sound amplified by the rock. The man, Kaidan, turned and looked out tensely, his gun drawn, but apparently nothing alarming was happening because he turned back. "The geth have thrown everything they have at us so far and haven't managed to even slow her down yet."

"Who is she? Who are all of you? Not that I'm ungrateful you showed up." She might as well find out what was going on since he seemed to know a lot more than she did. She wasn't going anywhere.

"Her name is Shepard. Commander Shepard. She's a Spectre."

"A human Spectre?"

"They inducted her a couple days ago to deal with Saren and the geth...and your mother..."

"Saren." Anger swept through her at the name.

Kaidan nodded. "He attacked a human colony a few days ago with the geth. Shepard is leading the hunt to bring him down."

Thousands of questions buzzed through her mind but before she could voice any of them, a rumble shook the cavern. Kaidan grabbed a hold of the wall to steady himself and moved forward as a cloud of dust obscured the room beyond the barrier. He waved the dust away, peering over the edge of the catwalk. After a few moments he came back to the barrier. "Hang on, we'll be right up."

He disappeared before she could say anything and she was left blinking, baffled. After so much talking, the silence was deafening. She peered through the dust as it slowly cleared, starting to become anxious. Suddenly, there was a rumble of machinery behind her. She twisted her head back as far as she could as footsteps echoed on the tiles and the human woman- Shepard -stepped up beside her. Liara stared at her hard to make sure she wasn't some kind of hallucination. "How...how did you get in here? I didn't think there was a way past the barrier!"

"We used a mining laser to blast a tunnel into the room beneath this one. Thank Garrus, he's the one who found it." Shepard moved to the control panel. "We need to get you out of here before more geth arrive."

Liara nodded. "Yes, you're right. I've seen enough of them to last a lifetime. That button should shut down my containment field."

The other woman, she looked like a soldier or a commando, spoke up. "Wait, Commander. Her mother's working with Saren, remember..."

"No way to tell if she's on our side," the krogan rumbled.

"I am not my mother!" Liara snapped indignantly. "I don't even...I don't know why Benezia joined Saren in whatever he's doing. I don't want anything to do with that turian bastard!"

"If this is a set up, it's a ridiculously elaborate one," Shepard pointed out. "I believe her. The geth wouldn't be after her if she was working with them." She moved out of Liara's line of view. A soft beep was all the warning she got before the containment field vanished and she fell to the floor.

She sat there for a long moment, her limbs tingling, and slowly pushed herself to her feet. Her body felt heavy and slow and she stumbled a bit. Shepard reached out and steadied her. "All right, there?"

"Y-yes, thank you..." Liara brushed herself off slowly.

"Any ideas how we get out of here?" Kaidan came up beside Shepard and smiled at her. It made her feel a bit better. Despite the suspicion of the others, not all of them were wary of her.

She peered around Shepard. "That's the center of the tower, so the elevator should go all the way to the top. At least, I think it's an elevator." Liara edged herself around so she kept near the commander as they stepped onto the platform. She wished she could ignore the sideways glances she was getting. She spoke anxiously as the turian, who hadn't spoken a word, hit a few buttons on the panel. "I...I still cannot believe all of this. Why would the geth come after me? Do you think Benezia's involved?" That last thought made her stomach roll. Things hadn't always been warm between her and her mother, especially not in the last few years, but surely Benezia wouldn't have allowed geth to be sent after her. She wouldn't have deliberately put her daughter's life in danger. Would she? She looked at Shepard without thinking about it, looking for some kind of reassurance. The commander shook her head. "Saren is most likely the one who sent them."

"Saren is looking for the Conduit," Kaidan agreed. "You're a Prothean expert. He probably wants you to help him find it."

Liara wasn't quite certain she'd heard correctly. "The Conduit?" How did they even know about it? "But I don't..."

The elevator jerked slightly and an ominous rumble started from far below them. The krogan peered over the edge of the elevator platform. "What the hell was that?"

A really, really bad noise, that's what it was. "These ruins aren't stable. The mining laser must have triggered a seismic event."

"Ah...well, shit..." Shepard turned toward the panel.

The other human woman was already there. "Okay, yeah, can this elevator go any faster?"

Tremors were starting to roll up through the walls, making the entire tower shake. Liara lunged for the panel, seeing if she could hurry the platform up. "We have to get out of here. This whole place is caving in!"

"Joker!" For a crazy moment, Liara thought Shepard was talking to her then realized she was speaking to someone over her comm. "Get the Normandy airborne and lock onto my signal! On the double, mister!"

Liara heard a man speak through the soldier's comm. _"Aye, aye, Commander. Secure and aweigh. ETA eight minutes."_

Shepard looked around as a loud snapping sound filled the air and fissures began to form on the walls. "Uh, try and cut that down a bit..."

"If we die in here, I'll kill him," the krogan growled.

Shepard laughed suddenly. "Undead Wrex, now _that_ is a scary thought."

The elevator soared upward and the tremors seemed to be chasing them, the violent sounds from below becoming louder and louder with every passing moment. Liara breathed a sigh of relief as the elevator groaned to a halt, settling into the center of a large circular platform at the top of the tower. She turned hurriedly and felt her heart stutter in her chest. That krogan bastard who'd been harassing her was blocking the entrance, running toward them with several geth at his back.

He bared his teeth at her as he came to the edge of the platform, his red eyes flicking to Shepard. "Surrender. Or don't. That would be more fun."

"You've got to be kidding me," Kaidan said incredulously. "This whole place is coming down!"

Their krogan, Wrex, let out a low chuckle. "Exhilarating, isn't it?" His eyes were gleaming.

Shepard glanced back at him and Liara saw, just for an instant, a strange, wild excitement in her eyes that said she agreed. Then it was gone, shuttered down.

The enemy krogan grinned. "Thanks for getting rid of that energy field for us. Hand over the doctor."

Liara glared at him. "Whatever it is you want, you're not getting it from me."

"I think the lady is saying she'd rather stay with us," Shepard said. She shifted her weight as another tremor ripped through the cavern, shaking it hard enough small puffs of dust and pebbles rained down onto the platform.

The krogan seemed to take no notice. "Not an option. Saren wants her. And he always gets what he wants." He turned toward the geth. "Kill them. Spare the asari if you can. If not, doesn't matter."

Shepard drew two pistols. "You heard the man, he wants to die." She fired.

Liara wasn't about to allow herself to be taken without a fight, earthquake or no. Her biotics flared as the battle exploded around her. A geth rushed her and she lashed out at it, sending it flying. An almighty boom came from Wrex's gun and the thing's legs shattered.

Liara had never been in a fight like this before. She was usually on her own which meant she relied on stealth attacks and using her knowledge of the area to her advantage. This dizzying collision of violence was making her head spin and it wasn't helped by the fact the platform was starting to sway beneath their feet as the cavern collapsed beneath it.

The turian was caught in a gunfight with one of the geth, the two firing at each other in attempt to take each other's shields down. Liara sent a warp field at the geth and it stumbled back, caught off guard. The turian pressed his advantage, using something on his omni tool to get the geth's shield. A well placed shot took it's entire head off. The turian turned toward her and started to say something, then paused, staring, as a crack appeared down the center of the platform, splitting the elevator in two. He shouted something that got drowned out in the sudden roar as the cavern started to tear itself apart.

Liara ran as more cracks appeared along the platform. There was a screeching groan as one side of it started to cave in. She scrambled up to the edge of the circle and turned. The human woman managed to knock a geth back enough it stumbled and fell into the chasm before she leaped away clawing her way up to where Liara and the others were. Shepard and the enemy krogan were on the other side of the room, battling as the ground cracked beneath them. He'd gotten up close to her and was swinging out, using biotically enhanced swings to try and take her shields down. Shepard was also glowing with biotics. She was dodging, trying to move along toward the exit as the squad struggled to get to her and take down the rest of the geth. The krogan landed a blow that should have brought her down but instead the biotic field around her flared oddly and held as she leaped away. Momentarily distracted, Liara tried to figure out what she was seeing. Something odd about that biotic barrier Shepard had around herself. It was almost like she'd...layered it. Laying a protective barrier in several levels over her armor and kinetic shields so when his punch landed it only broke through one layer. Which wasn't unheard of but she hadn't thought humans could...

She didn't have time to finish the thought. The far side of the room was gone, the walls starting to crumble, and the remaining floor was tilting downward. Shepard came sprinting toward them, keeping to the edge of the room. She leaped over a piece of collapsing floor and the krogan lunged forward, catching her ankle and hauling backwards. Shepard hit the ground with a grunt and twisted, kicking out at him. Both the krogan and Shepard skidded downward, the krogan losing his grip on her. Shepard lunged up and grabbed the edge but the krogan snatched at her leg again, determined to take her down with him.

"Shepard, hold still!" Kaidan skidded up to the edge ahead of Liara. If Shepard's display of biotic ability was impressive, then Kaidan's was awe inspiring. His arm tensed and he drew a rock almost the size of the krogan across the sinking floor. Shepard, clinging with the krogan still snatching at her, tried to stop herself from swinging as the turian ran to the edge and ducked down, reaching for her. He caught one of her flailing hands tightly in his own, giving her enough leverage to pull her foot free completely of the krogan's hold. Kaidan threw the rock downward past both of them with deadly accuracy, slamming it into the krogan. Knocked loose, he bellowed in rage and pain as he disappeared into the pit below.

The turian hauled Shepard up, his own feet starting to skid on the floor, and dragged her backwards. Shepard clambered to her feet and joined them as they all ran for the exit. Liara later judged they made it onto the catwalk leading up to the entrance with only seconds to spare before the entire tower caved in. Showers of rock, choking clouds of dust, and bits of broken machinery rained down on them. Liara kept her head down and kept running forward, upward and upward desperately as they hit the mining tunnel.

The air on Therum was hot and dry and stank of burnt rock and chemicals. And nothing had ever felt or tasted better to Liara as they burst out of the tunnel and ran to where a ship was waiting for them just above the surface.


	12. Undercurrents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got some rough sketches of Arian here: http://kdlala.deviantart.com/gallery/38174113#/d32lnwl

"That was one hell of a display, Alenko. Humans never should have switched to the L3 implants if that's the kind of things you can do with the L2s." Wrex leaned forward in his seat, looking across the comm room where Kaidan was sitting.

Liara was sitting, somewhat tensely, between him and the turian, who had been properly introduced as Garrus. She'd also met the other member of the team: a young quarian named Tali, who was currently sitting on Garrus's other side. It was a very...interesting group.

Kaidan settled back, his fingers at his temples. "My headaches can get pretty bad, and I'm one of the lucky L2 implants. The L3s are safer."

Wrex snorted. "You don't stop using a gun because the kickback has a little sting."

"You do if you find a better gun that doesn't have a kickback," the female soldier, Ashley, retorted.

Tali was working earnestly on something with her omni tool. She'd introduced herself earlier, quite friendly, but beyond that she hadn't looked up from her data once. However, she nodded once as Ashley spoke. "I've never understood that kind of thinking. What good is using something that hurts you if you have a better alternative?"

"Because humanity will be judged by the sacrifices its people are willing to make," Garrus spoke up. It was the first time Liara had really heard him say anything since they'd come into the comm room. "The turians would have kept the L2 implants."

"Ah, well maybe switching to the L3s was the smarter idea after all." Wrex leaned back casually and Liara found herself, much to her discomfort, pinned between them as Garrus glared at the krogan.

She spoke up before she thought, uncomfortable with the sudden tension and sitting quiet while everyone else talked around her. "That really was an amazing throw, Lieutenant, you must have practiced a great deal to be so precise." She flinched a bit as all eyes in the room turned toward her.

"I wish." Kaidan chuckled. "I didn't even think about it. I saw he had a hold of Shepard and just reacted. Actually," his voice became quieter, "I've always held back a little when I used my powers on living targets. Fear of hurting someone I guess." He lifted his head and his gaze went hard. "But after what I saw on Eden Prime, I'm not holding back anymore. Not against the geth, not against anyone."

Silence followed that and now Liara was the only one in the room who wasn't uncomfortable. She felt too sorry for him to feel awkward. She'd only had a brief description of what had happened on Eden Prime but it must have been horrible for him arriving to find so much death and destruction. Apparently they'd lost a comrade as well. Poor man.

Perhaps luckily, the pilot's voice broke over the intercom as Shepard walked in. _"Too close, Commander. Ten more seconds and we would have been swimming in molten sulfur."_

Shepard rolled her eyes and moved to the front of the room.

" _The Normandy isn't equipped to land in exploding volcanoes. They tend to fry our sensors and melt our hull. Just for future reference."_

"Duly noted."

Liara found his attitude to be in extremely poor taste. "We almost died out there and your pilot is making jokes?"

"Bad jokes are his trademark," Shepard said dryly.

The comm buzzed suddenly. _"Hey! My jokes are legendary, I'll have you know."_

"Get off the line, boy wonder." The commander looked over at Liara. "It's just a coping mechanism, Doctor, you get used to it."

"I see." She didn't. "It must be a human thing. I don't have a lot of experience dealing with your species, Commander." Ashley raised her eyebrows and seemed on the verge of saying something. Liara, realizing how that must sound, hurried on. "But I am grateful to you, all of you. You saved my life back there. And not just from the volcano. Those geth would have killed me. Or dragged me off to Saren." Which was something she didn't want to think about.

"You know what the Conduit is, don't you? I saw you react when I mentioned it," Kaidan said.

Here was something she knew how to talk about. "It's somehow connected to the Prothean extinction. That is my real area of expertise. I have spent the past fifty years trying to figure out what happened to them."

Ashley was squinting at her. "Fifty years? How old are you, exactly?"

Liara looked down, embarrassed. "I hate to admit it, but I am only a hundred and six."

"Only." Ashley gave her an odd look and then smiled suddenly. "Damn! I hope I look that good when I'm your age."

"Well, it may seem like a long time to a short-lived species like yours. But among the asari, I am barely considered more than a child." She leaned back in her seat. "That is why my research has not received the attention it deserves. Because of my youth, other asari scholars tend to dismiss my theories on what happened to the Protheans."

"Well I, for one, would be delighted to hear them." The intensity of Shepard's gaze was unnerving.

Liara shifted in her seat. "Well, there are lots of them, the problem is finding enough evidence to support them. The Protheans left remarkably little behind. It is almost as if someone did not want the mystery solved. It's like someone came along after the Protheans were gone and cleansed the galaxy of clues. But here is the incredible part." She leaned forward. "According to my findings, the Protheans were not the first galactic civilization to mysteriously vanish. The cycle began long before them."

Shepard jerked a bit, bringing a hand up to her head. "The cycle." Her voice was odd, as if she was trying to remember something.

She hadn't exactly asked a question but Liara answered her anyway. "I have tracked down every scrap and shred of evidence. Eventually, subtle patterns start to emerge. Patterns that hint at the truth. The galaxy is built on a cycle of extinction. Each time a great civilization rises up, it is suddenly and violently cast down. Only ruins survive."

Shepard cocked her head. "Entropy? All civilizations fall eventually."

Liara shook her head, recognizing her tone as a request for clarity, not an argument. It was refreshing. She barely noticed the fact they all had their eyes on her now. It was so rare for her to be able to talk about this to people who were actually _listening_ to her instead of just hearing her out with indulgence and condescension. "That's true, but this is different, Commander. It is not a slow disintegration of a society or a violent upheaval from within. This is something causing sudden, massive destruction on a galaxy wide level. The Protheans rose from a single world until their empire spanned the entire galaxy. Yet even they climbed on the top of the remains of those who came before. Their greatest achievements- the mass relays and the Citadel -are based on the technology of those who came before them. And, like those forgotten civilizations before them, they disappeared. And I don't have any solid reasons why."

"The Reapers."

Everyone in the room stirred at those two words, spoken so quietly Shepard almost seemed to be talking to herself. Liara looked from one face to another. "Reapers?"

"They're a race of sentient machines." Tali looked at her. "The geth worship them."

"You think they- but I've never heard of-How do you know this? What evidence do you have?" Liara looked around again. Everyone except Wrex, who never looked nervous as far as she could tell, shifted uncomfortably and looked at the commander. Kaidan in particular looked troubled.

"There was a damaged Prothean beacon on Eden Prime. It burned a vision into my brain. I'm still trying to sort out what it means." Shepard was still speaking absently and she was staring at some point in the middle of the floor, but Liara had the impression she wasn't really seeing it, her gaze somewhere faraway at something only she could see.

Her words sank in and Liara felt a thrill unlike anything she'd felt before. She looked at Shepard with new eyes. This woman had been touched by _actual working Prothean technology._ "Visions? Yes...that makes sense. The beacons were designed to transmit information directly into the mind of the user. Finding one that still works is extremely rare." She couldn't keep the excitement of discovery out of her voice. "No wonder the geth attacked Eden Prime. The chance to acquire a working beacon- even a badly damaged one -is worth almost any risk."

"I'm sure the people who died there and the people that lost someone will be happy to know they didn't die for something worthless," Ashley said, her voice cutting.

"Ashley." Shepard's eyes were focused on them once again and there was a note of quiet warning in her voice. Kaidan leaned over and said something quietly to the soldier.

The coldness in Ashley's voice had sliced through her excitement and Liara stuttered for a moment, fidgeting. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean..."

Shepard raised her hand slightly. "Eden Prime is still a very raw wound. You can help us, and the people who died there, by telling us what you know about the beacons. Because Saren came there specifically for it, so it's likely he used it too."

Liara pulled herself back on track, glancing at Ashley uncertainly. The human woman had subsided and stayed quiet but there was a tightness around her eyes and mouth that gave her anger away. And a pain in her eyes that the anger shielded. Liara cleared her throat. "The beacons were only programmed to interact with Prothean physiology. Whatever information either of you received would be confused, unclear."

"Yes. It's a bunch of random images I can barely make out."

Liara stared at her, doing some quick calculations in her head. "I am amazed you were able to make sense of it at all. A lesser mind would have been utterly destroyed by the process. You must be remarkably strong-willed, Commander."

"This isn't really helping us find the Conduit," Kaidan spoke up. He paused for a moment. "That's also an understatement."

There were chuckles all around and Shepard snorted.

"Um, right. Sorry. My scientific curiosity got the better of me. Unfortunately, I do not have any information that could help lead you to the Conduit. Or Saren." Inspiration struck. "Unless..." She paused, caught between curiosity to see what exactly the beacon had left and concern. Everyone was looking at her expectantly. "The message from the beacon is in your mind...you just can't get to it, can't translate it. I know a great deal about Protheans, maybe I can help clarify it." She stood slowly. "You...ah, you do know my species has the ability to...join with the minds of others?"

Shepard narrowed her eyes thoughtfully. "You think you could help make the images clearer?"

"It's possible, yes. At the very least I can see what you see and help you try and make sense of it."

"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. You're going to go digging around in her _brain_?" There was genuine alarm in Ashley's voice. "Commander, maybe that isn't such a good idea."

Liara was a little offended. "It's nothing so crude."

"We have no way of knowing she'll even find the vision."

Wrex snorted suddenly. "What, Williams, you afraid she's going to go digging around for Alliance secrets?"

The way Ashley's mouth tightened into a line told Liara that was indeed something she was worried about, which was more than just offensive, that was out and out insulting.

Wrex wasn't done, his eyes gleaming as he stared at Ashley. "Bad enough Shepard lets aliens wander around the ship freely, eh?" Ashley stiffened, surprise passing across her face. Wrex nodded once, his tone mocking. "You really ought to learn to keep your voice down when discussing Alliance matters with aliens nearby. You're more a threat to security than we are."

Ashley glared at him. Liara looked between them nervously without a clue what was going on.

"Enough."

That one word had everyone in the room tensing and turning their attention toward Shepard. She'd taken a few steps forward and stood straight with her arms crossed across her chest. Her face was utterly calm but her eyes were icy. "This isn't helping us find the Conduit either." She turned her attention back to Liara. "It's worth a shot."

Liara was starting to feel sorry she'd even brought it up, but again her curiosity got the better of her, her eagerness to see what Shepard had seen. She walked up to the commander slowly, a bit intimidated. She paused and looked over at Ashley. "As I said, Shepard has a strong will, I can't see anything she doesn't want me to see. And I won't hurt her."

She meant it to be reassuring but Ashley just looked away.

Liara took a deep breath to calm herself and stood in front of the commander. Shepard had several inches on her, she had to tilt her head back slightly to look her in the eye. She met those gray eyes for a long moment. Strictly speaking, she'd never done this before, but it wasn't that far from her training with her biotics. And it came naturally to her. "Relax, Commander." She closed her eyes, letting her mind open. After a moment, she was able to hone in on Shepard's as well.

"Embrace eternity..."

_and she had a brief and blurred glimpse of violence that her mind shrank from and an instant later she saw the vision a bright spot in the twisting corridors of Shepard's mind_

_it hit her with a mass of blurred images overlaid by thoughts she could barely make out_

_deathsomuchdeath_

_and there were images that frightened her to the core strange machinery_

_nowaytofighthidewarnthe_

_for a fleeting moment she thought she saw the Citadel and as she prepared to press deeper she became aware on the highest level of instinct that trying to translate and see clearly with her limited knowledge of the Protheans' language was no problem for her but it was too much too much for the mind twined with hers and she_

pulled back to a cry of alarm from behind her and her mind and vision cleared in time to see Shepard stumbling back, her legs giving out. Alarmed, Liara took a step toward her and found a furious Ashley suddenly blocking her way, a small pistol in her hand. "What the hell did you do?"

Liara tried to speak but there was a buzz of conflicting voices all around he and the strain of trying to make the vision out left her thoughts slow and awkward. She was vaguely aware of the large, threatening presence of Wrex just behind her and Kaidan trying to talk Ashley down. Sheer survival instinct had her freezing, afraid to move. She turned her head and saw Tali kneeling beside Shepard, who was still on her knees on the floor. She heard Garrus say something sharply but she wasn't sure who he was talking to. She opened her mouth to apologize, to try and explain but again nothing would come out and she wasn't sure who she should try and explain to first, she didn't think Ashley would listen to her.

Someone grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the line of fire.

"Ash, stand down. _Now._ "

Shepard's voice sliced through the noise in the room and left silence in its wake. Ashley's hand dropped and Liara had the distinct impression she didn't even think about it. For a moment she was forcibly reminded of her mother; Benezia had that exact same tone of command that you obeyed automatically.

Shepard swayed for a moment and then straightened herself, those gray eyes burning as they swept the room. She kept Liara slightly behind her to ensure no one would come after her.

"Commander?" Kaidan took a step forward, obviously worried.

Shepard nodded to him and then Tali, who was still behind her. "I'm fine."

Liara wasn't so sure of that. "I'm sorry…"

Shepard held up a hand to silence her and motioned to all of them. "Sit down."

She stood until everyone had taken their seats again and cocked her head toward Liara. "I think it actually started to work at first."

"I'm so sorry, Commander, I didn't take into account the fact there was no real way to translate what the vision was trying to say."

"Are you all right?"

She was pale and strained and far from all right herself, Liara couldn't believe she was worried about _her_. She touched her temple. "Just a little worn."

"I think without a bit more information on the Protheans trying that again will leave both of us with our brains leaking out of our ears."

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't, Doctor, it was a good idea. You had no way of knowing how much of a strain it would be." Commander Shepard looked around to make sure everyone got the message and ran her fingers through her hair slowly and let her hands drop. "All right, look…once Saren learns we got Dr. T'Soni away from his troops he's going to know beyond a shadow of a doubt who is after him. So will the Matriarch, and all those geth at Saren's command, and the Reapers or whoever he's working for. That means things are only going to get harder from here on out." Her eyes lingered on each of them for a long moment. "You can't fight an enemy like that if you're looking over your shoulder at that the people who are supposed to be on your side. And no, Ash, I'm not targeting you, I mean everyone. Everyone in this room was thrown together by sheer, bloody circumstance and I'm asking a lot from you. I don't expect you all to become best friends like in some dumb ass adventure vid. I do expect you to trust me. I wouldn't have brought any of you onto this ship if I didn't think you were trustworthy. If that isn't enough…" She shrugged, "I'll drop you off wherever you want to go and I won't blame you a second for it."

Wrex snorted. "You aren't getting rid of me that easily, Shepard."

That got a tired smile.

"If I may, Commander," Ashley hesitated, and then looked at Liara. "You might be safer with us now that Saren is after you. There's nowhere safer. Anyway, you know more about these Prothean things than any of us do."

Liara knew a peace offering when she heard one. "You're right."

"Those biotics of yours will come in handy when the fighting starts too." Wrex nodded at her.

"I can't think of anywhere more safe for the moment and I'd be happy to help. Commander?"

"You'd be welcome, Doctor."

"I'm very grate…" A wave of dizziness swept through her and she swayed on her feet. Shepard grabbed her arm, alarmed. "Sorry….sorry….I feel a bit light headed."

"Kaidan, take her to Dr. Chakwas, will you?"

"Yes, she'll want to take a look at you, Dr. T'Soni. When's the last time you ate? Or slept?" Kaidan took a hold of her elbow gently.

"It's just mental exhaustion, I think, but I'm sure a look over from a medical professional won't hurt."

"She'll take care of you. The rest of you…dismissed."

"Commander, you ought to let her look you over too." Garrus rose from his seat, sounding concerned.

Shepard waved a hand. "After I give my report to the Council." She wasn't looking at Kaidan and Ashley so she didn't see the two trade exasperated looks.

"What do you think the odds are she actually goes to Doc Chakwas?" Ashley asked, falling into step beside them as Kaidan led the way to the med bay.

"Very good, since I'm not above telling Dr. Chakwas she needs to take a look at her," Kaidan said grimly.

"That's low. I like it."

Liara glanced back through the door of the comm room. Shepard had turned toward the holograph projectors and even as Liara watched, she straightened herself up, shaking off whatever fatigue was dogging her.

Garrus had also paused a few feet outside the door and was peering in. He caught Liara's glance as he turned and then looked away quickly, moving off in another direction.

* * *

Ambassador Udina wasn't sure if it was luck or if the Council had deliberately timed it so he was in the room when Shepard made her first report. Probably the latter, since they didn't ask him to leave.

Shepard patched through and her image shimmered into view on the projector in front of the Council. Udina moved so he could see the commander's face. Shepard would be seeing the three Council members on the Normandy but she had no way of knowing Udina was there. Which suited him fine.

The asari councilor spoke first. "We've received your report, Commander. I understand Dr. T'Soni is on the Normandy?"

"Yes, madame. She's decided to stay for now."

At least she was still being polite, Udina grudgingly acknowledged. He wondered if it would last long. After all, _she_ didn't have to deal with the fallout. _She_ could just blithely walk away and leave that to him the way everyone did. She didn't have to deal with the waves of outrage from every branch of the Systems Alliance over humanity's new Spectre. Neither did Anderson, or Admiral Hackett, or Admiral Kahoku, or anyone else who had supported her as a Spectre candidate without regard to how it would reflect on humanity. True, it had been Nihlus who'd chosen her, but in Udina's opinion she never should have been put forward as a possibility. She shouldn't even have been brought onto the Normandy! As far as Udina was concerned, Shepard had been perfect where she was; out on the Traverse keeping the colonies safe. Fighting the good fight for the good of the Alliance. Out of sight. Leaving such important positions in the limelight to one of the hundreds of possibilities who had just as distinguished a service record _without_ the criminal background.

Damn her to hell for making sure that little tidbit was a part of her public record anyone could see. Any time someone tried to hide it, she simply put it back in either through official channels or unsavory ones. When he'd confronted her about it directly she'd insisted that eventually it would come out anyway, it was better to be honest about it. How a woman of her experience could be so naive and unobservant of the world around her was a mystery to him.

The turian councilor, the one Udina was most worried about as usual, fixed his sharp eyes on Shepard as he spoke. "I assume you're taking the necessary security precautions?"

Shepard turned her head to regard him and blinked. "If you mean for her safety, most assuredly. If you mean am I having her watched or locked up, no need. The geth were under orders to drag her back or kill her and weren't picky about which it was."

"Benezia would never allow Saren to kill her daughter," the asari protested. She sounded like she was trying to convince herself of it.

"Maybe she doesn't know," the salarian councilor said thoughtfully.

"Or maybe we don't know her." The turian made a slight attempt to soften that possibility for his asari compatriot in a way he would for no one else. Udina automatically filed that weakness away in case it would become useful later. "We never expected she could become a traitor."

Shepard said nothing.

The salarian bobbed his head a bit. "At least the mission was a success."

_But…_ Udina thought, his eyes moving to the turian councilor.

"Apart from the utter destruction of a major Prothean ruin," the turian said.

Like clockwork.

The turian glared at the commander. "Was that really necessary, Shepard?"

"Unfortunately yes, sir." There was an expectant pause as they waited for more, but apparently that was all Shepard had to say on the subject.

The salarian slipped a hand out of the sleeves of his robe. "Of course, the mission must always come first."

The turian looked over at him, just the slightest move of his head but Udina could have sworn it was surprise. Apparently forgotten, he watched the whole thing avidly. Bringing Shepard into the Spectres was the first time they hadn't been completely in accord in a long while and he relished the opportunity to watch them interact with her. It gave him a great deal of insight that could be useful.

Then the asari glanced at him for a moment, just long enough for him to wonder if she knew exactly what he was thinking. Then, to add to his shock, Shepard turned her head and looked right at him. Oh, she couldn't see him, but it was clear she'd taken note of the asari's gaze and was aware there was someone else in the room. He didn't think she was capable of picking up on something he'd barely picked up on himself.

The asari nodded ever so slightly and smiled. "Good luck, Commander. Remember, we're all counting on you."

Shepard nodded and her image vanished.

Years of practice and training allowed Udina to hide his momentary confusion. There were too many undercurrents here, too many things unsaid beneath the words being traded.

The asari turned her gaze toward Udina and he didn't like how knowing those eyes were. Not at all. It was a sharp reminder that this woman had been playing this game not just for years, but for centuries. And she would be playing it for centuries after he was long gone. She smiled at him. "Sorry for the interruption, Ambassador, was there anything else you wanted to discuss?"

"No...nothing that can't wait." Until he had his mental balance back.

The asari nodded to dismiss him and gave him that cryptic little smile again as the Council rose and filed out. Udina headed back to his office, taking his time, trying to sort out what had happened. By the time he'd settled behind his desk, he'd come to a decision about what he needed to do to try and keep Shepard in line. However, he also had two very important questions and no answers to them.

The first had him looking back at all the times he'd thought Shepard had done something stupid because she was naive and a fool and wondering how many of those times had been an act on her part. If Shepard showed a different face to everyone she met, how in the hell did he know who he was dealing with?

Second, and more importantly, who had been observing who in that meeting?

* * *

It was late by the time Howard got up to the captain's office. The ship was quiet enough he could hear her pacing and muttering to herself through the open door even before he got there. He peered in and watched her for a moment. Her pacing circles around the office was not without purpose. She moved from the console at her desk to a datapad she had set down on a chair to looking down at her omni-tool, working on several minor things at once.

At first Howard thought she hadn't even noticed he was there but even as he raised a hand to knock, she turned to face him and motioned for him to close the door. He raised his eyebrows and turned to do it, thinking: _Oh, boy..._

He'd known Shepard almost since she'd graduated from the academy. When Anderson had offered him the position working under Engineer Adams, he'd accepted immediately half because it was an opportunity like no other and half because it would allow him to keep working with her. He knew her as well as she'd allow anyone to know her- more than she thought, even -and therefore was quite apt at figuring out her moods. She was pissed off, but not the scary kind of pissed off. Nothing to get worried about but it did pique his curiosity. "How'd your first meeting with the Almighty go?"

She went behind the desk and sat down, her gray eyes fixing on his. "How many of your old contacts are you still in business with?"

Now the closed door made sense. Alliance members who didn't spend a lot of time swaying in and out of the Terminus Systems might not like to hear exactly how many kinds of contacts the colonists along the Traverse might make in order to get the supplies they needed. And when and Alliance member made friends with the colonists, well...they could find those contacts useful too. Howard had many and since he knew the Alliance had inner workings and backroom deals ten times as shady, he'd never felt particularly guilty about it. "Which ones?"

"Supplies. More specifically weapons and armor and such."

More and more interesting. "Might I ask what this is about?"

Shepard silently pointed to the datapad on the chair next to his. He picked it up. It was a message from Ambassador Udina. He looked at Shepard, startled, and she simply motioned for him to continue. Howard scanned it silently. Predictable platitudes and politician jargon and pro-Alliance/humanity stuff that he imagined had as much effect on Shepard as it did on him. Udina was laying it on thick, even forwarding a couple angry messages he'd gotten from Alliance brass so Shepard would understand what he was going through. He got the idea where it was all leading which was confirmed with a few choice phrases toward the end of the letter: _"...remember your crew are still Alliance members...sure you don't want to cause the Alliance alarm...even with Spectre status keeping a squad with proper armor and supplies is costly...Alliance is always happy to help its own..."_

Howard set the datapad aside. "Didn't think he'd play this hand so early in the game," he said mildly.

"I'm fairly certain he was there at the Council meeting, which meant there was something about that meeting the Council wanted him to see. Maybe it made him nervous, I don't know, there was too much going on below the surface of things for me to really get a handle on it."

"What do you want me to do, Ari?" Howard felt very calm now, already making a list of messages in his head.

"How busy are you?"

"Not at all. With the turian...that boy's a hellraiser in the making, Ari, he really is...helping out with the Mako and that little sweetheart of a quarian revitalizing the ship single handedly, I have the time to take on a side project or two." Or three, or four, or however many she needed him to.

"I need you to up planet scanning as much as possible." Scanning and mining planets was a good way to make credits on the side, and an art many an engineer was apt in. "Find buyers for the scrap and such we've picked up so far...and will along the way. Every credit of official funds goes toward the ship and the crew through the Normandy's account. But the stuff we make personally...I want you to run most of it through the Daniels account with Sol."

_Not pulling any punches, are you?_ Vin Sol was a volus he'd introduced her to several years ago and one he used for his own accounts. He operated along the Traverse, one foot in Citadel space and one foot in the Terminus and had a reputation for dealing straight and fair, which in turn made him very valuable to some very, very powerful people. Which made it a very bad idea to get on his bad side.

Technically, dealing with him wasn't a violation of anything since it was personal, but it was still something you didn't go about trumpeting. Likewise having an alternate persona wasn't...technically...illegal, but he and Sol were still the only people who currently knew Mrs. Nicole Daniels, trader, also went by the name of Arian Shepard.

Howard nodded slowly. Officially, nothing had changed, but unofficially he'd just become the Normandy's requisitions officer.

Shepard met his gaze again. "This isn't an order, Howard. It's a request."

Giving him a chance to back out, of course. Like he ever would. They'd played this game before, he and Shepard, to help people who needed it. _Looks like it was you who helped her step up into the Spectre role, Udina. Shouldn't have put the welfare of her squad at stake. It'll be interesting to see if you're as good a player as we are._ "I've seen some very interesting weapons and armor available on the market when the need comes up."

Shepard smiled.


	13. A New Lead

_She can make a warp field around a knife that'll slice through shields but she has trouble picking up a crate._ Kaidan thought.

He admitted he was getting curious about Shepard's biotics. She'd gone through training with the Alliance...it was a requirement when she enlisted...but there was nothing in her records that really showed how out of balance she was. She could do one or two things really well but was barely able to do things that were a snap to him.

He and Liara had started discussing and practicing biotics here and there. Nothing big- you couldn't exactly go around the ship tossing warp fields around -but it was enjoyable to have someone so knowledgeable to talk and debate tactics and uses with. Shepard had overheard and started joining them lately.

"What, the layer thing?" Shepard looked at him now, surprised. They were in the science lab where Liara had taken up residence. Kaidan was leaning against the wall facing both women. Liara was sitting at the desk, the chair turned around all the way so she could face them. Shepard had been painting her nails black when he'd come in and now had a hold of Liara's hand so she could paint hers. Why, Kaidan had no idea, but Liara didn't seem to mind, studying her already painted right hand with bemusement. "I learned it from an asari when I was out on the Traverse. Learned a lot of stuff from the asari over the years, haven't you?"

"Not really, I think a couple officers I've served under would have had a real problem with that."

Liara blinked. "Why?"

Both she and Shepard were looking at him with almost identical looks of bafflement. Kaidan shrugged. "I guess they don't want any more information about our biotics getting outside the Alliance than necessary."

"Anything we can do biotically the asari could do two thousand years ago," Shepard pointed out. Liara glanced away, too polite to agree out loud. Shepard capped the polish and blew on Liara's nails to dry them. Kaidan thought he saw the asari shiver a bit but Shepard didn't seem to notice.

"I'm guessing that's one of those things no one in the ranks likes to talk about, Commander."

Case in point, it had never occurred to him to learn biotic tricks from the asari. He supposed it came from refining what he knew to be exactly what he needed and he'd never thought of adapting it further unless he had to.

He'd never had much of a chance to discuss such things, either. Having one biotic on an Alliance ship was becoming increasingly common as humanity adjusted to having them, but having two was rare, and having _four_ on one ship was unheard of. Not that Wrex was interested in joining in. Kaidan supposed with his career the krogan had also refined his abilities to be exactly what he needed, and Wrex had been doing it a lot longer than he had.

Shepard shrugged. In the lab's bright light, her face looked more drawn and pale than usual. Kaidan found himself wondering if she was getting enough sleep. She didn't seem worse for wear after Liara had tried to meld with her.

But something had happened after that meeting that he couldn't put his finger on; a subtle shift in her demeanor. Shepard had always been good at hiding what she was thinking but there was a sense of...balance, for lack of a better word...with her now, as if things that had been up in the air had settled. It showed in little ways with her appearance, like the fact she didn't wear an Alliance uniform anymore.

That itself wasn't enough to make him uneasy. He trusted Shepard, but there was a growing sense of animosity between her and Ambassador Udina that he didn't like at all. He also didn't like that she wasn't going through the Alliance for armor and weapons anymore, despite the fact it gave them more options and access to pieces they never would have otherwise.

Everyone on the ship except for Garrus, Liara, Wrex, and Tali were Alliance members, many of them had been in the Alliance military all their lives. They'd fought for the Alliance, shed blood for the Alliance, had watched friends and loved ones die for the Alliance. And it was starting to sink in that they were no longer led by an Alliance captain; they were led by a Spectre. This was an entirely unique situation.

If it came down to a conflict between Shepard and the Alliance, who were they supposed to listen to?

Kaidan shook the thought off. She wouldn't let it come to that...

"The way I've seen it done is to simply split the barrier into two smaller layers," Liara was saying as he tuned back into the conversation.

Shepard nodded. "Exactly. It's not hard. Hell, the asari I learned it from could build up several on top of each other. It's just taking what you know and finding new ways to use it. Cleo...that's Cleo Thelwis, she's the other Sentinel that graduated with me...is a wiz at it. Any biotic that serves under her will come away knowing all kinds of new shit. And she learned most of it from asari."

"Many asari would think it was their duty to teach humanity how to use biotics responsibly," Liara said.

"Well, I don't know about that, but the ones that don't want to show you just for the hell of it are usually willing to trade their knowledge for information or something else."

"It's the basics you have trouble with." Kaidan didn't realize he'd spoken aloud until Liara stared at him.

Rather than getting angry, Shepard looked down sheepishly. "Yeah, I had trouble with it during training."

"At least they don't break your arm if you screw up anymore," Kaidan half joked.

Liara's eyes widened and Shepard looked up, shocked. "Jesus, did they do that to you?"

"Not them..." Kaidan hesitated. "Brain Camp. Ah, sorry, 'Biotic Acclimation and Temperance training.'"

"Was that an Alliance training program? I've never heard of it." Shepard frowned.

"They don't talk about it, I wouldn't be surprised if they wiped all the records."

He realized there was no way he was getting out of explaining now. Both women were staring at him. He was used to staying quiet about it because it wasn't something for the Alliance to crow about. "It was an early program. They came in and hauled us out to this space station...excuse me 'encouraged us to commit to an evaluation of our abilities, so an understanding of biotics could be compiled'. That was back when the kids affected by the 'accidental' exposure to eezo were just showing potential- or dying of brain tumors -and no one knew a damn thing about biotics or how to use them. They took us away from our families and friends out to the edge of nowhere. Actually, Commander, I'm surprised you didn't get dragged up there. I knew a lot of kids that came from colonies."

Shepard shook her head. "I didn't start showing anything until I got hit with a secondary exposure...I was around twelve at the time. It was an _actual_ starship accident. And then a few months later, you know..." She made a vague gesture with her hand, looking pained. Kaidan nodded, understanding; the colony had been destroyed. Around thirteen when her world had been torn apart in a different way than his had been.

Liara looked very confused. Shepard leaned over and explained quietly. "Most human biotics were exposed to element zero in the womb. Most you see now were exposed because of a series of starship...well they call them accidents."

"Only because no one has been able to find solid poof otherwise," Kaidan said darkly.

Liara frowned. "By the time you were training, Lieutenant, the Alliance was part of the galactic community, why didn't they do research with the asari or others that have been using them for a long time before they tried training children?"

"They did. They hired turian mercenaries led by this commander who was an expert in biotics."

Shepard stared at him. "Mercs? Are you fucking serious?"

"I couldn't make this up, Commander. It was Conatix Industries we had to thank for that idea, though the Alliance allowed it." Kaidan thought he could feel the ghosts of bruises long healed. Even after all these years he could see Vyrnnus clear in his mind's eye. It was funny the kinds of things you remembered.

He realized with a painful jolt that he couldn't picture Rahna's face anywhere near as clearly.

"Why would they hire mercenaries instead of turning to a lawful group, surely they could have done so with the Citadel's help?" Liara was shaking her head, utterly confused.

"I guess they thought trying to get help from the Citadel would make us look weak."

Shepard scoffed. "Better weak than stupid."

"I agree and wish they had too, Commander. The leader's name was Vyrnnus and he did speed things up and get results. Of course, no one seemed to care he was torturing us to do it. With his methods, you either came out a superman or a wreck. A lot of kids snapped, a few died."

"God..." Shepard looked sick.

"Was he the one that broke your arm?" Liara asked, her voice hushed.

"No...no, not mine..." Kaidan looked away, not ready to talk about that particular day.

Shepard jerked upright as a jarring note came to her omni tool before she could speak. It sounded like some kind of punk rock guitar riff accompanied by a man shrieking. "Whoops, sorry, forgot to turn the sound off."

For the first time, Kaidan was actually grateful for her VI. Shepard had, in Kaidan's considered opinion, the most annoying personal VI in the universe. So, naturally, she'd designed it herself. Every single alert was a variation of that stupid punk rock noise and the hologram for it was a big guy with big hair and a skintight jumpsuit playing a guitar that Shepard had introduced as 'Herman'. She usually remembered to turn the sound off for all their sakes.

She slid off the counter. "We've got a confirmed sighting on Saren."

* * *

_Why don't you head back to the Normandy, kid? If you stay out here in the real world, you might have to learn something._

Almost a week since he'd said it and Wrex's words still made annoyance rise up in Garrus. His conversation- if you could call it that -with Tali seemed to punctuate the mocking words. Tali had mentioned on the Citadel how people thought less of the quarians, which was true. People didn't trust wanderers, people without roots. Scavengers, honestly. If the quarians settled on a planet instead of endlessly circling the galaxy, people would accept them more readily. At the time, it had seemed that simple. Today, his offhand comment about her limited armor had provoked a snapped response he had not been prepared for. He hadn't known until now why the quarians always wore environmental suits and helmets. Admittedly, he'd never given it much thought. He'd had no idea that their immune systems were shot. It made sense now why they had to be careful where they settled on a planet, which made him feel bad about his cavalier attitude toward her people earlier on.

He'd apologized, hadn't he? It didn't make him ignorant, just not...knowledgeable...about other species like the quarians...and the krogan. Tali wasn't what he'd been raised to expect from the quarians and Wrex was nothing at all like what he'd been raised to think about the krogan.

Well, he'd wanted off the Citadel to learn...he just hadn't expected _everything_ to be different from what he'd known.

Not that he regretted it, especially as he got to know the Normandy and her crew better. It had taken the humans a while but most of them had adjusted to him. He'd even found he liked many of them and enjoyed their company. Sgt. Kell and the people who worked with him. The engineers. Kaidan Alenko. Joker...well, kind of. Sometimes. And Shepard, of course...

In fact, at this point only Chief Williams and the Navigator kept looking at him and the others with any form of suspicion. Navigator Pressley he could deal with since they seldom crossed paths. Also, he'd found out Pressley was a veteran of the Relay 314 Incident and his suspicion seemed more angled toward the fact he didn't want to rely on non-Alliance people. Garrus didn't agree but he could understand that attitude. A lot of turians felt the same way toward humans.

Williams was another matter. Wrex had been more than happy to repeat what he'd overheard between her and the Commander since Williams had specifically voiced concerns about letting the two of them wander freely around the ship. He didn't mind giving people time to adjust to his presence but he resented suspicion when he hadn't done anything to earn it. They weren't at war. Did she really think he was going to hack into the ship's systems and steal information? At least Shepard didn't share her views.

As if summoned by the thought, the commander and Alenko came swinging through the doorway onto the command deck, hurrying up beside Pressley as he looked over the star map. Her omni tool was activated and she was looking at it while she walked, stumbling over her own feet a bit. She ordered the map up and gave Pressley a series of coordinates. Garrus came around the map to join Alenko. "What's going on?"

"Saren. Somewhere in the Theseus System."

"Feros," Shepard confirmed, not looking up from her omni tool.

Navigator Pressley tapped out a few commands on his console. "Barren place. The only real colony there is called Zhu's Hope. Founded by the ExoGeni Corporation." He looked up at the commander pointedly. "There's a huge Prothean ruin there."

Shepard tapped the comm. "Joker, set a course for Feros. Pressley, try to contact the colony as soon as we get in range of a comm buoy."

"Aye, Commander."

"Keep me informed." Shepard turned toward them, stepping down from the map. "There must be something in those ruins Saren is interested in. We'll see what the situation is there but I want everyone ready to go at a moment's notice."

"Yes, Commander." Shepard gave him one of those odd looks again at the formal tone. She passed him to head out of the command deck.

The formality was for his own sake because he didn't know what else to do. He was glad to be after Saren with so much at stake and no regulations to hold him back. He was glad to be part of this mission and didn't want to unbalance things...but he was having a hard time reconciling what he'd found out from her files with the woman commanding them now.

He'd been wrapped up in his thoughts he hadn't noticed Kaidan coming up beside him. "You read her public files, didn't you?" The lieutenant's voice startled him and he turned his head. Kaidan nodded, almost to himself. "Can I offer you a bit of advice, Garrus? As someone who had those same kinds of questions when I read it for the first time?"

Garrus just looked at him, wondering how the hell he'd known.

Kaidan gave him a slight smile. "Ask her."


	14. Something Strange Here

_"So, anyway, Mum wanted me to tell you thanks for all the extra business sent the club's way even if it does make us a target for people who hate you. Love you, Ari, take care out there!"_

St. Jude made flashing circles in front of her as Shepard listened to her cousin, Micha's, audio message. She snickered, wondering what people checking out her aunt's club out of curiosity felt when they got there. Micha was the main act and gave the word 'burlesque' a whole new meaning.

Her smile faded and she made a mental note to check with her uncle to see if his people had seen anything. Her family made light of the idea of Saren sending people after them, but she knew it was a very real possibility. Unfortunately, it wasn't an uncommon one. She'd made enemies, particularly among the batarians, and the fear that someone would use her family to get to her never went away. Aunt Janine had some good connections, so did her uncle, they could take care of themselves, but Ray and Mischa...

Lucky for them their psychotic cousin is balanced out by a meddlesome father with enough money and questionable connections to look out for them.

She quit spinning her St. Jude medal and tucked it back beneath the collar of her armor. One of the few pieces of her past. It probably would have been safer if she'd quit the habit of spinning it when she was thinking; it had already cost her more chains for it than she could count.

Shepard deleted a couple messages from Ambassador Udina, who was swiftly becoming the last person in the universe she ever wanted to talk to. She'd rather get a message from Saren at this point and that was God's honest truth. A surprised smile curved her lips as she clicked the last one, listening to Denali's smooth, amused voice as she put her boots on. Another piece of her past, in this case one good piece from a period of her life she struggled to forget.

_"I can't leave you alone for two seconds, can I? I'd say congratulations on the Spectre appointment except you're working for the damned Council."_

Shepard snorted.

_"Also, darling, I hope you appreciate exactly how crazy this Arterius character is. He's been out here several times over the past couple of years though he didn't stay long enough for anyone to really figure out what he was up to, although we certainly looked. You know how Her Highness is."_

Oh, yes, she'd heard plenty.

_"Just that he was talking to a lot of batarian scientists that specialize in deep space exploration. That was quite a few years ago, though."_

Shepard paused, narrowing her eyes thoughtfully. Now _that_ warranted looking into. What had Saren been after in the years leading up to the attack on Eden Prime? On Omega, of all places? She'd have to ask Denali for more details.

_"Anyway, I've been in Citadel Space...not of my own choice, mind you, and no I can't tell you why...for a bit and might head to the Citadel before I leave. I'll let you know, I'd like to see you if you can tear yourself away from saving the galaxy. We can make it just like old times...well, not all of it."_

That would be nice, it had been years since she'd seen the asari face to face...

Shepard started as the copy of Herman she'd installed on her console alerted her to an incoming message with a loud bray of guitars. It was Anderson. She sat down again and clicked to answer it. The captain's face appeared on screen. "Shepard."

"Sir." Shepard bit back a frown. Anderson looked tired and there was a tightness around his eyes and mouth that always signified he was angry. Arguing with Udina again?

"I heard you tracked Saren down."

"We just missed him. Pressley says he's never seen a ship vanish that fast. He disappeared off the grid yesterday and left a whole lot of geth behind to finish the job." Some of her frustration leaked into her voice despite herself.

"Not surprising, after all no one has seen a ship like his before. I take it you're not going after him, then?" Anderson leaned back into his chair.

"No, sir, seemed like a lost cause. We're coming up on Feros right now, I want to know what he was after." Shepard realized with a touch of annoyance that she was explaining herself when she was only required to do that for the Council. Ah, well, old habits died hard. Besides, this was Anderson.

"I figured. I thought you ought to know we had some surveillance on the ExoGeni Corporation."

"Surveillance?"

"As you know, corporations have a tendency to 'forget' reporting when they find important Prothean technology. With ruins like the ones on Feros, it was considered best that we keep an eye on them. There have been no reports of overly suspicious activity at Zhu's Hope, but.." Anderson trailed off, frowning. Shepard waited, her curiosity piqued. "There's been reports from agents and traders that the colonists have been acting increasingly odd. There's also been reports of some minor health problems from people after they leave. Headaches and such."

Interesting. "Thanks for the heads up, sir."

Anderson nodded and said goodbye. Shepard signed out and sat for a moment, tapping her fingers against the desktop and scowling into the darkness. The more she learned, the more uneasy she felt.

Joker's voice crackled over the intercom. "Commander, we're coming up on Zhu's Hope."

* * *

Shepard would have given a lot to know what was drove Ashley. She would have chalked up her suspicion of Wrex and Garrus to the same wariness that Pressley had except there was an edge to Ashley's that somehow made it personal. Ever since Shepard had refused to limit Wrex and Garrus's access to the ship and the incident when Liara had tried to help her figure the vision out, there had been a change in Ashley's attitude. Oh, Ashley followed orders without question and didn't cause a hint of trouble, but there was a tension between them now. That friendly ease they'd had at the start was gone and Shepard regretted that. She wished there was some way she could understand why Ashley was so defensive, as if she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Case in point was the flash of resignation and bitterness that had crossed the soldier's face when Shepard had told her to stay with Kaidan and Liara at Zhu's Hope.

She'd had to. The unease that gnawed at her had only intensified when they landed and took stock of the situation. It wasn't the geth that made her uneasy. Between hunting for Saren, they'd been taking down geth outposts at the request of Admiral Hackett. Tali reckoned they'd seen about the extent of the forms the forces took. They'd all gotten good at figuring out the best way to take each one down.

It wasn't the colonists, either. Despite Anderson's warning, she'd seen no behavior from them that indicated anything wrong. They were just the remains of a colony that had suffered a horrific attack, pressed by geth on all sides, desperate and terrified. The geth were everywhere, swarming over the still majestic ruins like ants.

No, she couldn't put her finger on what was causing alarms to go off in the back of her head. It was pure gut instinct that made her decide to leave some of her squad to help the colonists put the outpost back together and protect them...and the Normandy.

To give her credit, Ashley had relaxed a bit when Shepard told her the colonists were shell shocked enough and having human Alliance soldiers helping them out would ease them. Leaving them with the colony and Liara with the ship eased her mind enough she was able to concentrate fully on the problem before them.

Now, Shepard glanced back at the weigh station as they made their way back to the Mako. They'd left a few survivors fortified there, including ExoGeni's only remaining representative, one Ethan Jeong, who seemed more nervous at their arrival than the geth's. Shepard didn't like the look of him, but the other woman leading them, Juliana Baynham, seemed solid. "Well, that wasn't suspicious at all."

Garrus snorted. "He's got geth crawling all over the place and he's worried about us stealing or damaging corporate property. Sure."

"Well, let's be fair, we do tend to leave the battlefield in...rather bad shape," Shepard ducked into the driver's seat and strapped herself in.

"Say that with pride, Shepard, that's the only way to leave a battlefield." It was a testimony to how surprisingly limber Wrex was that he was able to fold himself into the Mako.

Shepard grinned and steered the vehicle through tunnels, up toward the skyway that would take them to ExoGeni's headquarters, bumping over debris and dead geth. The Mako had been made to withstand much worse and she gunned it with enjoyment, racing along the corridors. She figured she might as well enjoy the drive. Once they hit the skyway, they'd be battling geth from all sides once again, just like on the way up.

"Do you really think her daughter is still alive? Juliana?" Tali asked hesitantly.

Shepard's good humor vanished and she glanced over her shoulder. When Juliana had found out where they were headed, her plea for them to look for her daughter had been too much for Shepard to say no too. The odds Lizbeth, her daughter, had survived were slim to none. But the odds meant nothing to a mother when it was her child she was talking about. "I hope so." She snapped her gaze forward again as they emerged onto one of the skyways again. "Garrus."

"On it, Commander." The turian took control of the guns.

It was, as always, an ugly fight. Geth literally swarmed them, if she hadn't been there herself she wouldn't have believed they'd killed dozens, maybe hundreds, of geth to get to this point. Not for the first time, she wondered exactly how many geth there were out there...and how many Saren had. She trusted Garrus with the guns and focused on driving, swerving the Mako back and forth to dodge fire from the bigger geth. At one point one of them made it close enough to jump onto the vehicle itself until Wrex opened the door on his side, leaned out, and almost casually grabbed its leg, throwing it off and beneath the Mako's wheels.

"I can see why you like driving this, Shepard," Tali's voice was giddy with relief as they aimed for a set of double doors that would take them into the headquarters...and cover.

"It's almost as much fun as the vehicles colony kids cobble together from old military vehicles and broken down ships out on the Traverse to race," Shepard said, slowing down as Garrus aimed a few shots into the chamber ahead to clear out any geth there. She paused, then added somewhat primly: "Not that I would know, of course."

"Of course," said Tali, matching her tone. "The same way I don't know about quarians who do the same thing with leftover parts."

Shepard made a clucking sound. "Kids today." She checked the screens in front of her, squinting. "It looks clear for the moment. Let's go."

* * *

"You know, I'm starting to see Shepard's point," Kaidan murmured, looking over at the colonists as they went about their work. Shepard had been incorrect assuming they'd be more comfortable with human soldiers helping them out. Kaidan had the impression anyone at all could have been helping them and they would have acted the exact same way. "Even that salarian is acting strange." He nodded to where the salarian merchant, Ledra, was sitting.

Ashley snorted. "He's a salarian, how can you tell?"

Everything had started out perfectly normal. He, Ashley, and Liara had spent most of the past few hours getting water and power running to the colony again. And killing off the biggest of the varren so they smaller ones could be hunted, which was a new experience for him. Varren were vicious pests, they always reminded him of some odd crossing of a snake and wolf, and they were found on many planets. This was the first time he'd ever heard of eating them, though. Ashley, however, had informed him that a lot of the colonies supplemented their regular meat rations with varren meat, especially when they were on the outskirts of Citadel space.

She broke off a piece of a protein bar from the ship's rations and popped it in her mouth. She actually didn't mind varren meat but she felt bad eating anything from the colony when they were in such a bad way. She chewed slowly, watching the colonists, and finally spoke: "You're letting that nut Newstead get to you."

She didn't sound entirely sure of that, though, Kaidan noted. They fell silent for a while, giving themselves a moment of much needed rest. Liara had gone back into the ship to continue her research on the ruins, trying to pinpoint what Saren might have been looking for. Kaidan was finding it hard to relax. Liara had worriedly told them she was picking up strange readings in the air and cautioned them to keep their helmets on. Then she'd tried to radio in to Shepard only to find the radio was being blocked somehow.

And then there had been Newstead. They'd found the man wandering around in the tunnels. Trying to talk to him had only made them even more jumpy, his speech a mixture of nonsense, screams, and laughter. He'd refused to come back with them and had found colonists oddly unconcerned with his behavior, telling him- as always -to talk to Fai Dan, their leader. Fai Dan, however, seemed even less concerned, only telling them Ian was sick and there was nothing to be done for him. He refused to speak any further, his expression tight and tense.

Since then, there was a strange tension in the colonists that had Kaidan feeling twitchy. Every time he glanced at them he thought maybe they were watching him out of the corner of his eye.

Ashley finished her protein bar and threw the wrapper in one of the few trash receptacles. She scowled. "Has Joker managed to get a hold of Shepard yet?"

"No, he tried a few minutes ago, there's still something blocking him. Probably the geth." Kaidan's gaze drifted to Fai Dan and found the man openly staring at him. Ashley noticed to and went stiff beside him. "I hope we get a hold of her soon. You're right, there's something weird going on around here."

* * *

"Too bad we don't have time to skin some of these and cut them up. Nothing like a good chunk of roast varren after a battle." Wrex kicked one of the dead beasts off to the side with a sigh of regret.

Garrus couldn't hide his disgust. "Eat them?"

"It's not that bad," Shepard said absently. She was flipping out Lizbeth Baynham's ID card, sliding it through the reader to let them in the one door they'd found that worked besides the one the geth had put a field over. Despite all the odds, the young woman had survived the geth and the varren that had taken over the complex. Shepard had never been happier to see the odds beaten. She'd been more than happy to give the card over before she'd gone into hiding again, leaving them a hell of a lot more questions than answers about what the hell Saren and the geth had been after here.

They had attached their ship to the side of the complex and currently had some kind of impenetrable field over everything that reminded her of the one Liara's ruin had activated. Lizbeth wasn't going anywhere until they dealt with it. None of them were.

Wrex started to say something and checked himself, listening closely as they mounted the stairs. They didn't have to listen very hard, whoever the speaker was, he was pissed off and not afraid to show it. "Stupid machine! Access encrypted files!"

Shepard motioned to them and made her way up the stairs. The voice grew louder and there was the distinct sound of someone smashing a fist into something. That and the pitch and tone of his voice told her he was krogan even before she glanced around the corner.

"No, I don't want to review protocol!"

It was indeed a krogan. What surprised her was the VI interface, a simple one in the shape of a human man, that glowed in front of him. _"I am unable to comply. Please contact your supervisor."_

The krogan growled, hitting the wall next to the punch mark where he'd obviously struck it earlier. "Damn it. Tell me what I want or I'll blast your virtual ass into actual dust!"

"Threatening a VI." Wrex closed his eyes and shook his head in despair.

The VI, of course, didn't respond in the slightest to the threat of violence. It spoke in that calm, pleasant tone recorded for all VI interfaces that dealt with the public. It had to be sending the krogan's blood pressure through the roof. _"Please contact your supervisor for a level 4 security exemption or make an appointment with..."_

"Stupid machine!" The krogan's roar of frustration echoed down the hall. He took a step forward as if to smash the projector and Shepard brought a pistol up, signaling to Garrus and Wrex.

Unfortunately, while the krogan hadn't registered their presence, the VI had. _"If there is nothing else, please step aside. There is a queue forming for the use of this console."_

The krogan froze, absorbing that, and spun to face them. He snarled. "Oh, good, I really need to kill someone!"

Shepard simply pulled back around the corner. To give him credit, the krogan put up a better fight than she'd expected but it was still four against one.

She skirted around his body and headed for the VI, not even flinching when Wrex's gun boomed one more time behind her, putting a bullet in the other krogan's brain to make sure he didn't get up again. Wrex believed in being thorough.

The VI was still running. _"ExoGeni corporation reminds all staff that the discharging of weapons while on company property is strictly forbidden."_

"Uh huh." Shepard scanned in Lizbeth's card.

_"Welcome back, Research Assistant Baynham. What can I do for you?"_

Research Assistant, huh? "What information was the last user attempting to access?"

_"Fetching data."_ The VI flickered. _"The previous user was attempting to access details on the study of Species 37, the Thorian. I was unable to provide the previous user with any relevant data. Aside from lacking proper access, there has been no new data available on Species 37."_

Shepard leaned forward, eager to finally get an answer to the question that had been burning in her mind since Lizbeth mentioned it. "What is the Thorian?"

* * *

Liara frowned and ran through her data one more time. This anomaly in the air was driving her crazy. It wasn't a gas or a chemical imbalance in the atmosphere, if that were the case the entire planet would be affected. It was just this area around the Zhu's Hope where these odd readings...

She trailed off as she took a closer look at the spots that were bothering her, magnifying a sample. They almost looked like...spores?

She frowned, doing a quick comparison. Yes, that was the closest thing she could find to that matched, but she'd never seen anything like this before. Liara leaned back in her chair, tapping the arm. Was the ruins? That was a possibility. In the rare places where there were large amounts of active Prothean technology, it could have a strange impact on the environment. It was possible it could have altered or outright mutated some of the plant life. But where was it? There would have had to be significant amounts of plant life around here to account for so many spores in the air. Zhu's Hope was high up, built on one the spires of the ancient Prothean city but even if it wasn't, there was significant dust and pollution below.

Liara rubbed the spot between her eyes. She didn't have enough evidence to draw any real conclusions, but considering the amount of spores in the air and the behavior of the colonists...

She reached for her comm and contacted Kaidan. "Lieutenant, I think you'd better come back onto the ship..."

* * *

As the two soldiers disappeared back into the ship, some unseen signal passed through the colonists. They straightened up, turning from whatever task they'd been engaged in. Fai Dan went still, his face twisting into a mask of agony, his hands flexing again and again before the expression suddenly dropped from his face, leaving it expressionless again. For a long moment, the colony was still, as if listening to something. Then all eyes turned toward the Normandy.

* * *

It was almost shameful how much the problem of the geth ship was solved due to sheer, dumb luck.

The ship was attached to ExoGeni's headquarters by a series of claw like attachments that had torn through the walls and clamped on, anchoring it. From there it generated the field that was preventing them from leaving and blocking communication back to the colony and their ship.

The legs they'd come across earlier were dead ends. There was no way to create an explosion big enough to dislodge the claw without killing all of them in the process and probably bringing the building crashing down. In case killing themselves wasn't enough and they wanted to kill off Lizbeth and the people at the weigh station too.

The solution came from an irate note on the shuttle bay door controls from a supervisor worried the door was going to take someone's arm off.

Because with the right push they slammed hard enough to shear through metal...

It was very lucky the geth had decided that shuttle bay looked like a good place to park a claw. Right through the open door.

All it took was a little careful toggling and...

Shepard stumbled as the building shook. The scream of tortured metal filled the air. With the top claw free, the ship's balance was thrown off and its weight pulled the other two away from the building. She heard the crash below and the hum of the ship faded. She picked her way across the shuttle bay, glancing out the doors carefully. The ship was gone, tumbling into the thick, swirling clouds below.

She scooted away from the edge and turned. Tali was cheering. "I hope that ship was full of those geth bastards!"

Shepard was eager to get down and make sure the field around the exit had vanished but even as she made her way back over, her comm was crackling. _"...yone there? Normandy to shore party. Come on, Commander, talk to me!"_

Thank God, at least communications were open again. "Joker?"

_"Commander! We're in lockdown here!"_

"What? Why, what's happened?"

_"Something happened to the colonists. They're banging on the hull, trying to claw their way inside the ship. They're freaking out!"_


	15. Orders from on High

By the time they got back to Lizbeth Baynham, Shepard reminded Garrus of a pressure bomb about to go off.

They were all tired and angry. With the geth ship taken care of, they made their way back down, picking off the remaining geth as they went. As it had been from the start of this mission, Tali was their savior several times over, her combat drone and her knowledge of engineering invaluable. Many a time had a squad of perfectly synched geth suddenly turned on each other at the quarian's behest or their shields suddenly failed in time for a well placed shot to take them down. Still, Shepard and Wrex had both taken bad hits at some point, although neither of them seemed to take notice. Shepard had smoking hole in her armor in the side but she refused to stop and look at it yet. Wrex had taken a direct hit from one of the larger geth that had busted his shields and sent him flying. Anyone else would have been dead ten times over but the krogan only seemed winded, applying medi gel to a few burns and moving on like nothing had happened, gruffly refusing any offers to stop.

It wasn't pain that made Shepard quiet, though. That quietness had started the moment the ExoGeni VI had explained what was going on at Zhu's Hope and had grown since they'd gotten rid of the geth ship. After Joker had gotten through, she'd gone absolutely silent except for the occasional order or comment. Her face carried and almost serene expression and her voice was utterly calm. But her eyes...

Garrus had been angry by the time the VI had finished telling them about the Thorian but he knew it was only a fraction what Shepard was holding back.

Shepard fixed her eyes on Lizbeth as she emerged from her hiding place, hurrying toward them. "There you are!"

She froze as Shepard spoke. "'The Thorian is a simple plant life-form that exhibits a sentient behavior uncommon in other flora. Through dispersion and eventual inhabitation of spores, it can infect and control other organisms, including humans." Shepard's voice took on a cold, vicious edge. "'Zhu's Hope control group has yielded interesting results. Before sensors went offline, almost 85% of all test subjects were infected'." She was quoting the ExoGeni VI and Lizbeth knew it. Her face went pale and her eyes widened. "'It was deemed necessary to assess the true potential of Species 37'."

There was a thread of burning anger beneath that cold voice and it stirred Garrus's own up. He couldn't wrap his head around the justification for it. Say what you would about the restrictions of the duty bound society of his people, those higher up held themselves responsible for those below them. ExoGeni obviously didn't see the colonists as anything but property.

Lizbeth closed her eyes. "They told me I'd be next. I-I was afraid. I wanted to stop the tests but they threatened me, told me I'd be next." She rubbed her hands over her face before she lifted her head and looked at Shepard. "When the geth attacked, I stayed behind to send a message to Colonial Affairs. I tried to tell them, but the power cut before I could send it. I never thought they'd..." Her voice caught. "I never meant for this to happen."

Garrus believed her. The VI's files had showed Lizbeth had protested and been put on probation and her stress and guilt showed clear. Shepard's expression had softened a little, her gaze fixed on Lizbeth's, assessing. She spoke again, her voice still quiet but the cold edge was gone from it. "Where is the Thorian, Lizbeth?"

"It's underneath Zhu's Hope, but the entrance is blocked. The colonists covered it with the freighter there before the geth attacked."

"Why would Saren want it, do you know?"

Lizbeth shrugged helplessly. "It must have something to do with its unique mind control abilities. That's what ExoGeni was interested in."

"I just bet." That cold anger was back but it wasn't aimed at Lizbeth. She paused, listening to something on her headset, probably Joker. Her face took on a grim expression. "We have geth bearing down on us. Come on, the Mako isn't far. Lizbeth, stay behind me."

* * *

"I think maybe they're a bit annoyed with us," Wrex said, bearing his teeth in a grin.

He wasn't kidding, either. They weren't fighting off the standard troops as they raced back toward the weigh station. The geth were only throwing the big guys at them, the heavily armored juggernauts and the big four legged ones Tali had christened 'armatures'. Even with Garrus at the guns and the Mako's maneuverability she wasn't able to avoid hits this time around. The Mako was going to need a good tidying up after all this was through. Howard was going to be babying it for weeks.

That thought made her stomach twist as she guided the Mako carefully back into the tunnels. She reminded herself for probably the fiftieth time that the colonists couldn't do much damage to the Normandy with what they had and they certainly couldn't get inside. She just had to figure out how to get them away from her crew without killing them. She'd already radioed Liara to see if she could put some kind of sedative together from what she had on the ship but that wasn't looking good.

"Shepard, I'm getting chatter over the radio, I think you should hear this!" Tali called.

"I guess they managed to get the outbound radios back up. Good they might be able to get help down here. Go ahead."

The quarian switched the speakers on. "...anybody. Is there anyone picking this up?"

Lizbeth gasped. "Mom?"

A harsh male voice suddenly broke in. "Get away from that radio."

The radio popped and static came over the line, making them all flinch. "...this is Juliana Baynham of Feros colony...Please help us..." There was a loud crackling sound and the radio went dead.

"Mom? Mother!" Lizbeth's voice rose in desperation.

"We're almost to the weigh station, sugar, just try and hang on there," Shepard said grimly. She had a feeling she knew what might have happened and felt rage twisting through her again, chilling her.

The whole 'sacrifice the few to save the many' declaration- a variation of which she was quite sure the ExoGeni executives had used to justify what they were doing -didn't sit well with Shepard. Not at all.

It used to, in those insane, blood drenched years leading up to her incarceration. She'd justified _anything_ she'd done as long as it would get her closer to her targets, because once they were gone, so many would be saved.

It had cost at least two good men their lives, one by her own hand.

Collateral damage. Sacrifices. For the good of many.

She doubted the upper management of ExoGeni would ever be crippled by guilt the way she'd been.

In her years during service in the Alliance, there had been times when it simply couldn't be avoided. But she also knew that it was really fucking easy to sit there and deem it necessary when you weren't the one being sacrificed. And it got easier and easier the farther away you were. She'd been lucky. So far, she'd only seen the aftermath of a situation that had come down to that, she'd never had to make such a judgment herself.

She brought the Mako to a halt outside the weigh station. Lizbeth was out of the vehicle before she could warn her to look out for geth and she cursed softly, jumping out after her.

Lizbeth at least had the sense not to run into the middle of the room, hanging just out of sight on the ramp leading down. "What's going on?" she whispered. Shepard didn't answer her, eyes narrowed as the took in the situation.

Jeong was pacing back and forth, arguing with Lizbeth's mother. She counted three armed guards with ExoGeni armor, two of which had guns drawn. The third came forward and grabbed Juliana Baynham as she shouted at Jeong. "You won't get away with this!"

"Get her out of here!" Jeong was not in a good state. His movements were panicky, fluttering, like a moth trapped in a jar. He was obviously scared and out of his league, but he also had three armed guards at his bidding, and that combination made him very dangerous.

She was so focused on Jeong she'd stopped paying attention to Lizbeth, who exploded into the room with an angry cry as the guard dragged Juliana back. "Get away from her, you son of a bitch!"

Jeong spun around, his eyes bugging out. "Damn it! Come out where I can see you! All of you!" He obviously meant for it to sound strong and commanding but his cracked on the last couple of words.

Shepard signaled to the others to keep their weapons drawn and walked down the ramp slowly.

Lizbeth had drawn her mother back protectively. Shepard couldn't see herself, of course, but Lizbeth did. The commander came down the ramp slowly and stopped at the end, crossing her arms over her chest, her gaze on Jeong, ignoring one of the guard's motion for her to come further. The krogan and turian flanked her silently while Tali moved slightly off to the side. Lizbeth clearly saw the guards hesitate and she didn't blame them. The sight of those four was like a bucket of cold water. They were all ExoGeni employees, meant to keep peace on the colony. The four standing at the entrance were more dangerous- even standing still without their weapons -than any of the ExoGeni guards could ever be and they all knew it.

Shepard noted the glow of Tali's omni-tool, still activated though her arms were hanging loose at her sides, and applauded her silently. The guards were only focused on the guns.

"Hah...Shepard. Damn it! I knew it was too much to hope the geth would kill you." Jeong bared his teeth in what was more of a grimace than a smile. "I found some interesting facts about you in ExoGeni's database. I know what happened on Akuze. This doesn't have to end like that."

"I certainly hope not. Thresher maws are no fun, believe me," Shepard replied, deliberately misinterpreting. She kept her voice calm and her posture relaxed and unconcerned. The confidence was only half feigned. The guards were hesitating more with every passing moment. With luck and a bit of pushing, Jeong might do all the work for her. "There's no need for anyone to get hurt here, Jeong. Whatever the problem is, we can talk it out."

Jeong made a wild, jerking motion with his hand, shaking his head. "No, you don't understand. It's not that easy. Communications are back up. ExoGeni wants this place purged."

She'd thought she'd gotten her anger under control but she felt the sick throb of it start up in her head again.

"This is a human colony! You can't just re-purpose us like we were some kind of...of malfunctioning machine!" Lizbeth cried.

"It's not just you. There's something here far more valuable than a few colonists." Jeong sounded like he was parroting whatever he'd been told.

That cold, throbbing rage in her suddenly shifted into a sense of loathing so intense is shook her, forcing her to take a slow, careful breath before she spoke. "We know. The Thorian." She managed to keep her voice from shaking but some of the contempt she was feeling leaked into it.

Jeong glared at her, clearly not liking her tone, but Juliana spoke up before he could say anything. "The _what_?"

"It's a telepathic life-form living under Zhu's Hope. It's taking control of the colonists there. ExoGeni knew it all along," Lizbeth said.

For a moment, Juliana stared at her daughter in shock, then the implications sank in and she whipped around to face Jeong, an outraged expression on her face. "You. You won't get away with this!"

Jeong's face took on a closed, arrogant expression. "So you keep saying. But no one is going to miss a few colonists."

_Pencil pushing little prick, how many times did your superiors drill that into you?_ _You weak, useless,_ worthless _excuse for a human being._ She spoke sharp and fast, making the ExoGeni representative jerk in reflex. "We aren't colonists, Jeong. What are you planning to do about us?"

The guards tensed and looked at Jeong, who hesitated...a single moment of uncertainty he couldn't afford. One signal and Garrus and Wrex took the two armed guards out. Wrex simply shot one of them in the shoulder, his cannon of a gun blowing her backwards, hurt but alive. Garrus was more precise, shooting the gun out of the other one's hand. It all happened so fast the remaining guard, who had been watching over Lizbeth and Juliana, didn't even register it for a few moments. When he did, his hand jerked toward his gun and Tali held up her omni-tool in warning. He held his hands up in surrender, eyes wide.

Shepard took it all in and registered none of it, her eyes on Jeong. One of her pistols was in her hand and she didn't remember drawing it. She pointed it directly between Jeong's eyes as he reached for his own weapon. He froze, the whole world seeming to narrow down to just the two of them. Her eyes burned into his from inches away and she saw his face pale as he took in what he saw there. Saw how much...how _desperately_...she wanted to kill him.

She was glad later on that no one really understood the quick, savage battle she fought with herself.

_Kill the fucker._ That bloodthirsty, ice filled voice at the core of her hissed. _Do it. He knew from the start. He doesn't even understand what the fuck the thing is, he's just doing what he's told. He's not even one of the people that decided this, just the one that covered it up. Followed orders. Does what he's told. He put the colonists at risk. He put_ my crew _at risk. He's willing to kill us all. Why? Because he was told too and the moron can't do anything but what he's told._

He deserved to die. He deserved to _suffer_ , the way those colonists he was so cavalierly ready to sacrifice had. And oh, how easy it would be. There was no one here who would stop her. One twitch of the finger and she'd have the sweet satisfaction of knowing he'd never bring harm to anyone ever again and the colonists lost to the Thorian would be avenged.

_But you're not the one that will have to deal with the fallout, Shepard. The colonists will pay for it, not you._

She had years of training and experience layered over that violence now, and that discipline was what stilled her finger on the trigger. Made her speak in a rough voice. "Put your weapon on the floor. You might pull this off with colonists, Jeong, but I'm a Spectre. The odds are _not_ in your favor."

Jeong swallowed. "A Spectre? That's a load of crap. There aren't any human Spectres." His voice was shaky. Surprisingly, his eyes flicked to Juliana and Lizbeth, searching for reassurance. "Right...?"

"Is that really a chance you're willing to take?" Lizbeth asked.

"I assure you, Mr. Jeong, she is the first human Spectre," Tali said from behind them.

"She is," Garrus confirmed.

Jeong hesitated for a moment longer but Shepard had clamped control over herself once more. _He's of no use if he's dead._

He slowly knelt and put his gun on the floor.

* * *

"God, I know they were here. They have to be here." Juliana rummaged through one of the crates piled around the room frantically.

"I'm almost certain that killing the Thorian will be enough to stop the infection," Lizbeth said. She watched her mother anxiously. "I didn't add my research on that subject to any of the official files, for obvious reasons. Neutralizing the colonists should give you enough time to get down there."

Juliana let out a cry of triumph as she rose from one of the crates, holding several gas grenades in her hands. "Here they are! Launchers too!"

Shepard walked over and counted. She felt a surge of hope they might actually get through this without killing off any of the colonists. There were enough gas grenades for all four of them to use, hopefully enough to put all the colonists out long enough for them to deal with the Thorian. "Good." She handed the grenades out to the others. Wrex looked faintly impatient but he took them. Tali sighed in relief. "I'm so glad. It's not the colonists fault that thing has a hold of them." Garrus simply nodded, loading one of the grenades.

Shepard looked over at Jeong. "If you tell ExoGeni's men the geth killed the Thorian and they see the colonists aren't effected anymore, there won't be any reason to purge the colony, yes?"

"I think so. With the Thorian dead, there isn't anything worth the risk anymore."

"I'm sure you can convince them that purging the colony isn't worth the risk of bad press," Shepard said. The mildness of her tone only underscored the unspoken _You'd better_ beneath the words _._

He nodded, looking nervous.

"Thank you so much, Commander," Juliana said quietly.

"We'll be in touch," Shepard said as they walked back toward the Mako. She didn't deserve thanks yet, not until she knew for sure they could get the colonists of Zhu's Hope out of this alive.

She radioed ahead to the Normandy as she settled in the driver's seat. "Joker? Hang in there, we're on our way."


	16. The Lair of the Thorian

She would not collapse.

_They were hiding, shielding each other against the hideous light swallowing them up._

She would not.

_Images frozen in time of a people long dead, frozen in their pain._

Would _not_.

_And now that figure silhouetted against one of those burning planets was clear._

_It was the ship. It was Saren's ship. He wasn't just working for the Reapers, he'd brought their ship here._

"Commander, you're hurt, let me get Dr. Chakwas." That was Kaidan.

"No." The colonists were the ones that were suffering and the doctor was doing all she could to help them until help arrived. The Thorian had apparently tried to take them all along for the ride when it had died. Bastard thing.

She paused in front of a pile of crates that needed to be opened. She just needed to catch her breath and give her brain a moment to rest from those damned images burned into her brain. She was still reeling, wondering how she could have been so stupid not to match up that half seen form...she'd had a sketch of it for God's sake...to the monstrous ship.

" _Shepard_." A strong grip took hold of her arm as she tried to pick a crate up. She looked up into Wrex's red eyed glare.

She made a futile effort to pull free. "Don't you start, it got you even worse and you're not crawling off to the med bay."

"You stubborn bitch," Wrex said with perhaps a hint of admiration.

"I'm fine." Okay, the gunshot in her side was burning a bit under the medi-gel and one of the zombie things the Thorian had created had caught the side of her jaw and she had aches everywhere but she'd suffered worse. Akuze...the Thresher Maw's venom burning into her neck and shoulder; just a few thick drops and a couple days alone and it had eaten away at the flesh and started to rot it by the time they'd gotten to her. _That_ had been suffering. This was nothing. Nope.

"Commander." Dr. Chakwas's voice brought her gaze from Wrex and she shook her head. "No. The colonists..."

"There's a ship arriving, Commander."

"ExoGeni? Motherfuckers, I'll..."

"No, it's an Alliance vessel. That Jeong and the asari are going to represent them. The colonists are going to be fine."

"Oh." The world swam suddenly and she fought it. "Fai Dan..."

"I'm sorry, Commander, he didn't make it..."

Shit, shit, shit...guilt clenched her stomach. And they'd come so close to saving all of them. The gas had worked like a charm. But Fai Dan...

"Commander?"

She'd thought they had gotten them all. She'd set her gas grenade launcher aside for just one minute. Just a minute. Just long enough it was out of reach when the colony leader had lurched into view, a gun in his hand, his face twisted with agony as he fought the Thorian's will.

" _Commander_."

She hadn't been able to reach the launcher before he'd taken matters into his own hands. Had put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger rather than submit.

"Someone has to...make sure they know what he did. Fai Dan."

"That I can promise you, Commander," a quiet voice said. Shiala.

The world tilted and her mind was suddenly bombarded with images again.

"Hold her up! Get her onto the Normandy."

She wasn't going to collapse, no...she thought that even as her world became fire edged darkness.

"Oh, hell..." Everything faded away.

* * *

The scent had hit her first. Like a swamp, like black mud made up of dead things, like stagnant water and rotting vegetation. But with something else. Something old and alien she had no word to properly describe.

That, more than anything, even more than the grip it had on the colonists, even more than the human shaped creatures with their claws and empty eyes that it had sent against them, had shown her she hadn't given the Thorian the consideration she should have. She'd been so angry at what it had done to the colonists she'd allowed herself to underestimate it.

" _Commander? Can you hear me?"_

Hazy voices broke through the fog of memory and faded in and out.

" _Damn, this is worse than when she got hit with the beacon."_

The central shaft of the ancient Prothean tower had been transformed to suit the creature. Long thick stems branched off from it. Flexing tentacles of plant matter dangled everywhere around swollen nodes of strange material that dotted the walls like boils ready to be lanced.

And even as she'd thought it, there it was. Hanging beneath the colony in all its bloated glory. The huge, sick, pulsing heart of Feros.

"What the hell is that?" Wrex said from behind her.

"That should really be our motto..." she said, numb.

" _I think she might be suffering from the beginning of the spores' infection, she didn't have a helmet when they went down to kill it. It couldn't have gotten to her quick enough for control but..."_

" _Combine that with the Cipher getting shoved into her mind..."_

" _I want anyone who isn't a med tech or a patient out of here now."_

How much intelligence did a creature need in order to have an ego?

The Old Growth had plenty of that. And yet it had no voice of its own to speak it. It couldn't even make a voice through the creepers it created. It had to use an asari...the clone of one though she hadn't realized that at the time...to speak. To call them meat. To demand awe. To speak of some kind of trade with Saren.

Unsurprisingly, Saren had tried to kill it once the deal was through, which made it less than willing to cut the same deal with them. It had no intention of letting them go.

The fact it had paused to speak to them in the first place instead of killing them outright made her wonder exactly how much of its personality...if it could be called that...had been absorbed from the 'meat' it showed so much disdain of.

" _This isn't like when she got hit with the beacon. This brainwave activity isn't being caused by dreaming. I don't know what the hell it is."_

" _She's going into spasms again!"_

" _We're going to have to restrain her."_

It threw everything it had at them, waves and waves of creepers, asari clones, thin vines from deep in the cracks in the foundations trying to trip and sting them.

One caught her and sent her stumbling so she was bowled over by a stunning attack by one of the asari. She heard Tali yell. Saw Wrex go down under a writhing pile of the creepers while those damned tendrils tried to pull his legs out from under him. He threw them off with a roar, scattering them everywhere, hefting his gun and firing on the Thorian's bulk.

She'd seen Wrex's gun take out two legs of those huge geth armatures with one shot and blow another krogan into bloody chunks with a few well placed ones. It didn't even _scratch the surface_ of the Thorian.

It was the geth and Garrus that saved them. If it weren't for the fact they'd been running around trying to dislodge the damned geth ship, she might not have taken note of those thick stems branching out from the Thorian.

Anchor points...

The chaos of the battle narrowed down to a search and destroy mission. Wrex's gun worked fine against those stems holding it to the walls but it was Garrus who figured out the weak points and focused on them, his rifle blasting away at them with deadly accuracy.

With every anchor point that fell, she felt a buzzing in the back of her head that grew worse and worse. The Thorian giving voice to its panic as it sank toward oblivion, unable to hold its own weight up...

" _No way! Doc, you can't allow her!"_

" _If she knows the Prothean's language now, I can help her reconcile what she now knows with the vision. It might help her!"_

" _It was that kind of asari mumbo jumbo that did it to her in the first place! I can't believe she let that bitch live!"_

" _She's suffered just as much as Shepard. Shiala knew no one would trust her to meld with Shepard again, that's why she told me what she knew and what the Cipher was so_ _ **I**_ _could!"_

Her name was Shiala and she'd been one of the Matriarch's followers. Shepard thought maybe Liara would be relieved to know her mother had joined Saren with the intent of guiding him off his path. Instead she'd been dragged onto it. Persuasive bastard, Saren. With a little help from his damned Reaper ship. Sovereign. She had a name for it now. Whatever technology the Reapers had, it filled that ship, dominating the minds of his followers.

She could deal with death. She could even deal with destruction. They were horrors in and of themselves but she'd seen both before. But what Shiala was talking about...not just control like the Thorian but utter dominance, the systematic rape of a person's mind and soul, filled her with a horror it would take her more than a few minutes to steel herself against.

It turned the Reapers from a threat to an utter perversion.

Not just the loss of your life, the loss of _yourself._ It turned a good woman onto an evil path against her will. Allowed a strong willed asari commando to calmly allow herself to be fed to a monster, sacrificed so she could use her abilities to gain and pass on the ancient knowledge it possessed from consuming and studying the Protheans: the Cipher.

Lucky for them, it obviously hadn't occurred to Saren that Shiala still possessed that knowledge. She was supposed to die with the Thorian when he sent the geth to attack them. Instead she was free of both the Thorian and Saren, and free to pass that knowledge on to Shepard.

"Brace yourself, Commander. Keep in mind this is the entire language, history, and society of a race all at once, it's not exactly pleasant." Her eyes went dark. "Embrace..."

_"...eternity."_

_Liara didn't need to touch Shepard to make the connection_ _but she did this time, more to give herself a focus than anything. Her fingertips rested lightly on Shepard's temples. Connecting with someone when they were unconscious had wildly varying results, it could be much easier or much harder. Luckily for them both, she didn't have to push hard._

_Again she brushed along the commander's memories. Those brief images of wild violence that repulsed her for the most part...and yet she found herself intrigued by the woman that possessed that violence, which left her frightened._

_She focused and winced as she met that chaotic jumble of images and thoughts that had been forced into the commander's mind twice over, using her own knowledge and mental discipline, honed over several centuries, to soothe and carefully help put those images in order._

_It was a different kind of violence. She shuddered, watching Protheans die by the thousands. This time she could make out the faintest of noise entwined with the images._

" _Systems isolated..."_

" _No response to surrender messages..."_

" _Make it go dark..."_

" _Warn them, warn them all..."_

_Shepard now understood the Protheans in a way no one else besides Saren did and it was fascinating to see things filtered through her mind. It took everything she had not to press, to simply help Shepard's mind sort the message out. She so wanted to see more. The images were still random but they were clear. They could get the gist of the warning the Protheans were trying to pass on. And realize what terrifying plague Saren was trying to unleash on the galaxy. To help the Reapers. To start..._

_...start..._

"...start the cycle," Shepard murmured, her eyes flickering open.

Liara nodded silently.

Shepard sank back onto the cot, her eyes closing again. Liara frowned, alarmed. "Shepard?"

"It's all right." Dr. Chakwas leaned over the cot on the other side and breathed out a soft sigh of relief. "Her brain-waves are stable. She's just sleeping now."

* * *

The first thing Shepard noticed when she woke up was she felt more mentally clear than she had been since the beacon. The fuzziness that usually accompanied her when she woke was gone. The images were there but she could file them away in the back of her mind now. Nice. She probably had Liara to thank for that one, and she would. If she could sleep without nightmares now, she'd fucking build her a monument.

The med bay was dark and quiet. It must have been late, she didn't even see Dr. Chakwas around. She sat up in bed with a grunt, wincing a bit as she pulled her bandaged side. A shuffling sound to her right made her freeze and squint through the dim light of the room.

Wrex was sitting in a chair next to another cot. The scratches and bites that had managed to pierce the softer parts of his exposed skin when that wave of creepers had fallen on him were already healing, that amazing krogan metabolism of his patching him up better than the doctor ever could.

"Wrex."

"Shepard. Looks like the asari saved you from going crazy." He paused for a moment. "Crazier."

"I'm not crazy," Shepard muttered in token protest.

Wrex just looked at her.

"Not _that_ crazy," she amended petulantly.

"Sometimes crazy's the best way to go," Wrex said, his tone matter-of-fact.

Shepard sighed and rubbed a hand through her hair, then blinked in realization and looked at the krogan. "What are you doing here, Wrex? I've never seen you in here for more than five minutes before." Her voice sharpened with concern.

Wrex flexed one of his big hands. "Damndest thing, something felt off and the Doc finally figured out I got burned _under_ the skin. Either the geth or one of those damned asari freaks did it probably."

"Glad you let her take care of you, then, you took some serious punishment out there."

Wrex just grunted dismissively. "It was worth it. We're alive, they're dead."

The Tao of Wrex. Shepard chuckled and glanced around at the clock. She winced when she saw how long she'd been out. She did some quick math with the time difference and judged it too late to make a report to the Council. Actually...making a report directly to them this time was probably her best option. Anyway, there were very few places better than the Citadel to restock and she figured everyone had earned a break. "Damn. I wish we'd found out more about the Cipher."

"You didn't see anything in that vision of yours?"

"No. I understand a bit more about the things backing Saren up but nothing more than that."

"We should have wounded that idiot at the VI and questioned him."

It took Shepard a moment to remember who he was talking about. "Oh, yea, the krogan. No...I don't think that would have done much good. You guys are hard to interrogate. And I mean that as the highest of compliments."

"I wouldn't have minded taking the time to try. Idiot."

"He was probably indoctrinated. You heard Shiala, anyone who spends time around that damned ship of Saren's loses their mind."

"He couldn't have gotten indoctrinated if he hadn't joined up with Saren in the first place. At least I had the sense to get out when I saw him."

Shepard had no reply for that one. Wrex had offered up that particular story when she'd asked him why he hated Saren so much he'd be willing to join up with a complete stranger. He'd been on a job for the turian but got a bad feeling and left, which proved right on the money since every other merc that had been working for him had ended up dead.

"I doubt he even had to offer the krogan working for him all that much. The promise of a war against the rest of the galaxy would have been enough for them. It's killing us faster than the genophage ever could." Wrex fell silent for a few moments, probably thinking about genetic infection killing off his people. When the krogan had rebelled against the galaxy, their amazing breeding capabilities had been one of the worst threats. The salarians had created the genophage to counter it, and the turians had used it. Now their birth rate was so low, it was getting hard for the krogan to keep their numbers up. "Have you ever seen the Krogan Monument, Shepard?"

She looked over at him again, surprised by the question. "Yes, a couple of times."

"That represents what the krogan used to be: a proud, fierce nation. Now we're just brutes for hire to the highest bidder. We've forgotten our roots. Instead of trying to overcome the genophage, we go out looking for a fight. The fact so many krogan joined up with Saren is just a testament to how we're killing ourselves off. Not a one cares enough to even try."

Wondering where this had come from, Shepard watched him silently, not wanting to break the spell. Such candidness from Wrex was a rare thing. She'd made attempts to get to know him, mostly because she was nosy and interested, but he usually rebuffed questions with a sarcastic remark or a suggestion to 'talk to the quarian if you want stories'. Most of what she knew about Wrex had come in increments. "You care," she finally said.

He shrugged. "I gave up on the krogan long ago. Nice of you not to point out I'm right out there with the rest of them working for the highest bidder," he said sarcastically.

"I was never going to make a crack about that, Wrex. If I sat here and tried to lecture you from the moral high ground, the sheer hypocrisy of it would kill us both," she said with complete honesty.

Wrex let out a surprised bark of laughter. "You're all right, Shepard. Crazy and naive as hell, but all right."

She smirked. Coming from Wrex that was a high compliment indeed. She hesitated and then dared to ask, very curious: "Have you ever considered going back to Tuchanka? I bet if anyone could rally the krogan to get beyond the genophage, it's you."

Wrex shook his head. "A few times, maybe, but I doubt it'd work any better now." His tone was final, discouraging any questions about that odd statement. The moment of openness was gone, Shepard just hoped it wasn't the last.

She stretched. "I'd better see how many people want to yell at me."

"Plenty from what I've heard. Alenko said the Council sent a message, probably to scold you for not asking permission before you killed off the damn Thorian."

"Well, that's my own fault." She smiled serenely. "I was told on no uncertain terms that the phrase 'It's better to beg forgiveness than ask permission.' no longer applies to me. But it's such a convenient method."


	17. Citadel Tales 1

Shepard came from her report to the Council with the conclusion that nothing she ever did was going to please the turian councilor and she might as well get used to it. Besides him, though, everyone else was happy the colony was saved. Even Udina grudgingly admitted she hadn't screwed up too badly.

She strolled down the steps. One good thing about the Presidium was they were picky about letting reporters around. Too many high officials around with too many secrets. To top it all off, interest in her had tapered off, though she guessed that would spike up and down. Westerlund News had run a story about her criminal background while she'd been on Feros, Udina had been happy to point it out to her, but since that had already come up when she'd been appointed to the Normandy, it was rather old news. Other news stations had been endlessly playing the moment they'd cornered Captain Anderson about it as he dryly congratulated Westerlund's reporters for their stunning journalistic skills in finding information in Shepard's public files where anyone could look it up. Which just further proof Captain Anderson was one of the coolest people to ever live. Since no one was making a big deal about it and other stations didn't seem all that interested, it had passed away fairly quickly. Besides, there were more important things to focus on. Like Aish Ashland going back into rehab.

Indulging herself for a while, Shepard wandered idly around the Presidium, aiming for the less official areas, looking for a building she'd spotted from the distance on the way in. She still didn't like the Presidium better than the Wards but she had to admit that some of the finest architecture on the Citadel was in this area.

Her focus on this particular building stemmed from her recent interest in Elcor architecture, which, she supposed, stemmed from her being sick of Prothean architecture. The Presidium buildings looked pretty much the same (yay conformity) but a few of them had subtle touches meant to give them some character and set them apart. Like this one. She slowed her pace, drifting closer to the wall. There it was. The faint ripple in the metal and patterns formed over the lights caught the eye, something she'd noticed in books and vids about Elcor designs. The elcor were a big, thick limbed race from a high gravity planet. They all spoke in such a low monotone that most of them she knew had to actually prefix their speech with whatever emotion they were supposed to convey. Looking at them, with their huge front legs and bulky bodies, you'd have expected their buildings to be as thick and bulky as they were. To her surprise, she'd found they had a fascinating sense of design, focused by their native language of scent, subtle body movement, and multiple tones. Elcor artists and architects were highly prized. This one had to be very renowned to do such fine work on a part of the Presidium, she wondered if the owner could tell her the name.

Shepard was so intent on picking out the intricacies of the building that she moved down the stairs and into the corridor that took her further in without thinking. She almost bumped right into the young asari standing by a podium in the middle of the hallway.

" _Excuse me,_ " the asari said, sounding peeved.

Shepard hopped back a few steps, wincing. "Sorry...sorry..." She gave the asari her best charming 'silly me' smile.

The asari was not appeased. She looked down her nose at Shepard, a particularly impressive feat since she had to tip her head back to look Shepard in the eye. "I don't recognize you as one of our expected clients today," she said. She was good. Like the look, she conveyed the obvious fact Shepard couldn't _possibly_ be one of her expected clients without having to say it. The asari was dressed in one of those amazingly sexy dresses that cost a small fortune and were meant to show off one's assets to the best degree. Shepard was dressed in loose trousers and a sleeveless top that barely covered her tattoos and left her scar mostly uncovered. She saw the asari's gaze linger on it for a moment, her lips tightening in distaste. She'd been testing to see what kind of looks her piercings would get from the crew by wearing a few of them on and off lately. Today she had her nose stud in and since she wasn't going into a fight she'd indulged in earrings: multiple hoops in each ear dripping brightly colored chains down halfway to her shoulders that jangled softly with every move. She imagined she looked positively rag tag but frankly she couldn't stand the stiff fashions that were popular on the Citadel and didn't think it was right for her to wear an Alliance uniform anymore. Which meant she had to dress in her own style. Her life was _so_ hard.

She took a couple more steps back. "I imagine not. I'm Shepard, just some random idiot admiring the architecture." She gestured around them. "Was this part of the building designed by an elcor, Miss...?"

"Nelyna." The asari blinked and cocked her head, losing her hauteur. That was obviously not a question she was used to hearing. "Yes...one of Sha'ira's clients redecorated the building for her specially. I believe her name was Vetra."

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "Happy, happy client."

The asari's lips almost twitched into a smile before she stopped herself. "So many of them are."

Shepard was trying to remember where she'd heard that name. "Sha'ira?"

Nelyna raised her eyebrows. "The Consort?"

"Oh, _her_!" Shepard lit up as she remembered. "I heard a lot of news reports mention something she said. She's an...advisor?"

"To many she is, yes," Nelyna said. "She's able to accommodate whatever her client needs." Her voice was filled with quiet, but sincere zeal. She clearly admired her boss. Her demeanor became more business like. "If you'd like to make an appointment, I'm sure she'll make every effort to meet with you."

Shepard had to laugh. "I think we both know she's a bit out of my league but thanks for offering, that was awful nice of you."

Nelyna had the grace to look embarrassed. "I didn't mean to..."

"Quite all right, sugar, you were nicer about me almost crashing into you than I would have been if our positions were reversed. And you gave me the architect's name, thanks!" Shepard smiled at her, waving a bit, and started to move away.

Nelyna started to say something and paused, putting her hand to the side of her head in an odd gesture. "Yes, Sha'ira?" She glanced up. "Wait a moment, please. You're Shepard...as in Commander Shepard?"

"Yes..."

Nelyna glanced away again, listening. "Yes. Of course, mistress." She dropped her hand and looked at Shepard, a baffled expression on her face. "It appears the Consort has taken notice of you. She'd like to meet with you now."

* * *

It was a relief to have some down time. Ashley didn't agree with Shepard on some things...okay, a lot of things...but she had to admit the commander was good at realizing what her crew needed. And everyone needed a breather after _that_ mission.

Ash walked along the street with the vague goal of getting a drink somewhere. She ended up walking without direction, lost in her thoughts.

Dealing with a colony under the control of a hundred thousand year old mutant alien freak was definitely something to leave you shaken, but Ashley admitted that was only part of it. She shouldn't be letting Shepard's orders bother her. Shepard's reasons for leaving her and Kaidan with the colonists instead of taking them along to fight the geth were good ones. She knew that. It wouldn't have bothered her so much if it didn't remind her of how other commanding officers she'd had in the past had started to act as she climbed up the ranks.

A Williams had to be better than the best. That was her father's mantra. And yet, despite the fact he was a skilled and excellent soldier and he'd dedicated his life to the Alliance, her father had never even come close to becoming an officer. Ashley had dedicated her life to becoming the best soldier she could possibly be. She had good technical scores and good evaluations, recommendations from several people. With all that, she should have had a post aboard a ship, actually taking those skills out into space where they were needed, right? Wrong, cowboy. Not if your last name was Williams.

Until recently, she'd been blinded by the sheer joy of being on the Normandy. Of knowing she was actively helping to defend humanity...hell, the whole galaxy...from a huge threat to them all. Sure, she thought Shepard was a little bit too lenient with aliens that might be potential enemies in the future if the Council failed them, but she could deal with that.

But there was a part of her, Ash admitted, that was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. And she couldn't help wondering if it had; if Shepard had finally put two and two together. She was weird, but Shepard was still an Alliance commander. She could still shunt Ash aside if she had the same resentment toward General Williams's legacy as most commanders she'd had.

"Chief Williams?"

Ashley turned. A tall man dressed in a sharp suit was standing a few steps behind her, his back ramrod straight and his expression neutral. He wasn't wearing a uniform but everything about him screamed military. He nodded. "I have a request from Major Conner Baker. He'd like to meet with you." He might have claimed it was a request but he wasn't asking. He'd already turned away even as he spoke. "This way."

Ash was half tempted to tell him to go to hell, if only to see the tight ass try and go up against Shepard if he wanted to make a fuss over it. But she was too well trained and she was also curious, so she followed silently.

He led the way to a pub with an impressive view of the Wards. Major Baker was enjoying the view from a comfortable seat on the pub's upper deck, surrounded by three men. None of them were in uniform, not even the major, Ash noted.

Baker hadn't even made it to General yet and he was already legendary. Her father had spoken of him with both admiration and disgust. She'd even heard that some of the turians admired his utter dedication to getting the job done, no matter what the cost. She saluted and took a seat across from him, taking the measure of the man batarians hated so much his name was practically a curse word. He'd torn through so many of them, even the ones that had surrendered, on the criminal base on Torfan he was almost single handedly responsible for the batarian's retreat back from Citadel space. All at the cost of most of his squad, something he'd never apologized for, because they'd gone down in with honor in the line of duty.

He was a big man with brutally short, sandy hair and a neatly trimmed mustache. He was wearing a sharp, tailored suit but that didn't in any way hold off the impression he could tear someone to pieces with his bare hands and not even break a sweat. Hard brown eyes locked with hers. He nodded. "Chief Williams, I've heard a lot about you. Drink?"

"No, thank you, sir. What exactly have you heard about me?"

"Shepard never shuts up about you and the rest of the crew. Even the aliens. Bragging about the people under her to anyone she meets has always been a habit of hers. I suppose it's how she courts loyalty." He continued before she could speak. "Not to mention I've kept an eye on reports about the Normandy after the turian attacked Eden Prime."

Ashley pressed her lips together, not sure what to make of that. "What can I do for you, Major?"

Baker smiled for the first time. "Not one for bullshit, either. I also heard that about you." He settled back in his chair. "Your evaluations are impressive and not just anybody could have faced off with a completely unknown threat like the geth and come out of it alive."

She was getting more and more uncomfortable, trying to figure out why exactly he was going into this. She knew when she was being played up. "I just serve, sir..."

"As do we all, Chief Williams. Or at least most of us do. May I ask why you haven't served on a ship before Anderson took you aboard the Normandy? You've requested a shipboard post often enough."

Ash bristled inwardly. No one ever asked her that question unless they already knew the answer. She kept her voice low and polite, but couldn't keep the edge out of it. "I wouldn't know, sir, I've never received an in depth explanation."

"Of course not. I love bureaucrats. It's perfectly fine to hold a young woman back because they consider her grandfather a fuckup but it's not okay to admit it out loud."

That was the first time she'd ever heard _anyone_ say something like that. It was so close to her own thoughts she could only blink at him in shock for a long moment.

Baker smiled knowingly. "I didn't fight in the First Contact War but there are still plenty of men at the top who have. No matter how much they bleat about making peace with the turians, none of them like having to deal with them politically. Can't take it out on the turians because they're _allies_ now. So they focused on the one man who shamed us all by being the only man to surrender to an alien force. That's a bit understandable but once the General died, they still needed someone to take it out on. Pisser for you and your father. It's not fair but not surprising either."

Ashley was silent for a long time, simply looking at him. She finally spoke, uncertain: "I appreciate you not holding my grandfather against me, sir, but I'm wondering why you brought him up. Why you wanted to see me at all."

Baker looked back out over the Wards for a few moments. "What if I told you I was in the position to clear his name? Several people have tried, I know, but I've got some people of authority ready to push it in a way no one has before."

"Why would you do that?"

Again, Baker fell silent, his eyes on the lights that stretched out around them. "Anyone who moves up the ranks gets called on to do their duty, no matter what. Your grandfather did that, it was the wrong decision but he thought he was doing his duty." He turned his gaze back to Ashley, those cold brown eyes locking with hers intensely. "Eleven years ago, I was a lieutenant and I was called on to do the hardest thing I've ever done. Do you know what it was?"

Ash shook her head, mesmerized and more than a little intimidated.

"I accompanied two Alliance men down to Earth. One was Admiral Kahoku- though he was a captain then -and the other was Dr. Harris, one of our top biotic researchers. Back then, we didn't know half of what we know about biotics today and with all the asari out there and other species who have been using biotics for years, we were desperate to get some trained ones in the ranks.

"That day we were there in the Saint Augustine Penitentiary in Texas because the Alliance had been informed of a trained biotic who had suddenly appeared out of the Terminus Systems by the name of Arian Creed." He paused, looking at her significantly.

"Arian...wait, you mean Shepard?" Ash stared at him. She'd known Shepard had been recruited out of prison, but this was new to her.

Baker nodded, looking pleased. "She insisted on going by her mother's name. I didn't know why at the time, all I knew was she'd been arrested for murdering two men."

"She turned herself in, you mean."

For an instant, a flicker of annoyance passed through those cold brown eyes, then it was gone. He waved a big hand dismissively. "I had respect for Kahoku then, I thought between me and him we'd be able to convince our superiors that it was a mistake no matter what Dr. Harris said. She was eighteen then. Eighteen years old and capable of cold blooded murder and they wanted to let her into the Alliance ranks, possibly placing the lives of good men in her hands."

"Wait a minute, I've read the reports, Major, and I've heard a couple people both in the Alliance and out of it talking about the kind of shit those two men she killed were involved in."

Another flicker of irritation. "So she says."

"They completely broke open that slaving ring later on because of the information they picked up from their files."

"You're missing the point, Chief Williams," Baker interrupted, leaning forward a bit, his eyes burning into hers now. "The circumstances don't change the fact she was a kid capable of murder, and it wasn't just those two either. Someone who is willing to take the law into her own hands like that has no business in the Alliance ranks with people depending on her. I thought Kahoku would see that, trusted him to see that, but for some reason he saw something in her..." He frowned, looking almost confused. "He let her in, and she made it through the trial period without incident, through her training without incident...I'll admit when that happened she showed more discipline than I'd thought she was capable of but then she started rising in rank..." His eyes rose to hers again. "You see the parallel, Williams? They held you back when you deserved to rise and let her rise in rank when she had no business being in command of anyone's life." He sat back slowly. "There's more to it. Her father's name is Benjamin Creed and he operates...if that's the term...out of the Terminus Systems. That slaving ring started with him, Williams. And she used to work for him."

Ash just looked at him for a long time, trying to process it all. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I'm about to call on you to do your duty to the Alliance. Not officially, it's too risky, but it's still for the good of the Alliance."

She knew what was coming. Perhaps she had since the moment she'd sat down across from him. Ashley felt anger start to pulse in the back of her head, making her speak through gritted teeth: "You want me to go behind Shepard's back? Spy on her for you?"

"'Spy' is a dramatic word, Williams. Shepard is becoming more and more of a wild card now that she doesn't have the Alliance keeping her leashed anymore. Doesn't even have _laws_ leashing her now. There are some people high up who are worried she isn't quite as willing to stand for humanity now that she's managed to claw her way to a position of such power. Just look at what she's making you work with. All they want is someone who's willing to pass on information if it looks like Shepard is doing anything that will harm or embarrass the Alliance. That's all and we'll work on getting your grandfather's name cleared. We might even be able to give your father a posthumous promotion."

The anger was boiling through her now. "Sir, you've laid your life down for the Alliance, you've fought well for it and I have the utmost respect for you for that. Which is why I'm simply going to say no instead of what I really want to say."

Baker looked genuinely disappointed. "Loyalty is admirable, Williams, but not when it's to a person more than your race..."

"I said _no_. Sir." Her hands were balled into fists. Who did he think he was? What did he think _she_ was? She was happy to tell them. She was Ashley Madeline Williams, Gunnery Chief of the fucking SSV Normandy SR-1, daughter of a man with _honor_ who came from a man from honor himself. And both men deserved more than being used as a bargaining chip.

Do her duty to the Alliance by spying on Shepard? Fuck them.

Her legs felt shaky as she rose to her feet but she had to leave. Had to get out of here before she did something she'd regret. Even as she turned the man who'd first approached her was rising, his hand wrapping around her arm and stopping her short. "You haven't been given leave to go, Chief Williams."

Pure, furious instinct had her whipping around as he pulled back, plowing a fist into his stomach. He doubled over but didn't let go, shock widening his eyes.

"Williams, you disappoint me, I wasn't looking to give you trouble," Baker said with cold authority.

"Sit down," the man holding her said, sounding slightly breathless. And seriously pissed off. "You have five seconds to sit and apologize to the Major before I hurt you."

"You've got less than that to get your fucking hand off my gunnery chief, boyo." Everyone, even Baker, froze at that icy voice. Ash twisted free of the man to turn and face her commander, who was standing in the doorway between the pub and the deck. Shepard looked past her, a cold smile curving her lips. "Baker. Long time no see."


	18. Citadel Tales 2

Garrus walked through the Presidium slowly. Coming away from a visit with his father with his head buzzing from a lecture feeling frustrated, sad and stubborn was becoming more and more frequent. The chasm between his own views and his father's had widened as the years went on and he'd climbed up the ranks in C-sec but they'd always managed to keep things balanced out when they were in each other's presence. But now...

Now it seemed impossible to find any common ground at all. Today when he'd offered to pull strings to get Garrus back into C-sec like he'd never left, it had just brought things home for both of them. He had, perhaps, underestimated how worried his father was about his current path. His father was a big believer in earning things by your own merits; it had to have cost him dearly to even make the offer. His refusal had made his father understand he wasn't going to come back and made Garrus understand his father would never understand why he'd needed to get out.

There had also been an angry gleam in his father's eyes when Shepard's name came up that hadn't been there before. He'd known his father didn't approve of Spectres but he hadn't realized how much he disapproved of Shepard in particular. He probably should have.

As if the thought had conjured the woman, Shepard came out the door of the Elcor/Volus embassy with an easy, swinging walk that made the chains in her ears jangle. Garrus paused at the bottom of the steps, blinking in surprise and wondering what she was doing here. She beamed as she sauntered down the steps. "The Elcor ambassador is so _nice_!"

Garrus glanced past her toward the embassy. "I've always thought he had to overcompensate for his Volus counterpart," he said dryly.

"Yeah, he's kind of a prick. I think if his mask had teeth he would have chewed my head off."

That image had him biting back a chuckle. She looked, he noted, much better than she had the past few weeks. Whatever Liara had done, it had obviously helped her. "What did you need to see the Elcor ambassador about, Commander?"

"Well, I didn't need to talk to him, exactly. I needed to talk to another elcor and Septimus said he would be there."

"Septi..." Garrus turned his head very slowly to look at her, eyes wide, an odd mental stutter he really should have been used to by now fluttering through his head. " _General_ Septimus?"

"Yep. He doesn't strike me as all that bad a guy, actually. Anyway, after I talked to him, he asked me to find this elcor he'd kind of leaked some information about and said he was probably talking to his ambassador..."

"Uh, Shepard, wait a minute, why were you talking to General Septimus?" Garrus figured the only way he was going to sort through this without a headache was one step at a time. On the other hand, he didn't feel depressed anymore.

"Sha'ira asked me to."

"The Consort?"

"Apparently they had a bit of a falling out and she asked me to talk to him, military to military. I found him all drunk and depressed over her, isn't that sad? It sounds like something out of a story. But I think it'll be okay now."

Garrus took a few moments to absorb all that. She _had_ to have some kind of...invisible mark on her or something, she couldn't end up in these kinds of situations just out of sheer chance. There was no way. He shook his head. "Why would such a powerful man let himself get into that state over a woman?"

She eyed him. "Not much of a romantic, are you, Garrus?"

He eyed her right back. "I'm a turian, Commander."

"Oh, I've seen turians do stupid things for someone they were trying to impress, male and female both. What, you've never done anything stupid for someone you had a thing for?"

He shifted uncomfortably. "Kind of personal, Commander."

"Okay, sorry."

She didn't sound sorry at all. In fact, he noted with annoyance, she sounded rather smug, as if his answer proved her right.

Of course he _had_ done a couple stupid things to impress a woman...when he was _much_ younger, of course, who hadn't?...but he wasn't going to admit that to her.

Shepard wasn't done. She gave him a wicked smile that would have sent a weaker willed man running. "So, Garrus, have you ever met the Consort?"

* * *

He'd gone with her because he was curious and the odds he would ever see the Consort's Chambers otherwise were slim to none. The lady was as breathtakingly beautiful in person as she was on the vids and Garrus had to admit, if there was a woman worth drinking yourself into oblivion over, Sha'ira was probably it.

He'd been with asari, of course, there weren't many he knew of any species who hadn't, but the Consort was in a class all her own. There were leaders on the Citadel who literally hung on her every word. Garrus easily admitted that Sha'ira was way out of his league, especially when Shepard cheerfully said the same thing. She laughed as she told him how reluctant her handmaiden had been to even offer to set up an appointment.

"I don't see the point, personally. I guess it's less complicated to hire someone but with the right bar and a couple of drinks you can have just as interesting an evening without paying nearly as much," she remarked easily.

He was inclined to agree. "That's assuming you could pay, at least with her. No one I know could afford the Consort's services without saving up for a long, long time, and I hear it can take months because she's so booked up."

Shepard shook her head then shot him a wry glance. "Still...it's nice to know I have scales tough as any turian's."

"All that talk about the coming battle and who you are being the basis for your future greatness, and that's what you focus on?"

Shepard chuckled, but for all her amusement, the Consort's words about who she was and who she would become had obviously struck a chord in her. "I think greatness is stretching it a bit," she murmured, almost to herself.

She held the trinket Sha'ira had given to her up between two fingers, both of them studying it curiously as they headed back toward the Normandy's dock. Shepard glanced and him and shrugged. She unclasped her necklace and strung the trinket onto the chain so it came to rest beside the medal already there. Shepard caught his gaze and smiled, tapping it. "Saint Jude."

Garrus had learned about human culture as part of his training but they had so many different beliefs and religions he couldn't keep up with them. "That's a part of the...Christian religion? Saints?"

She nodded and took the necklace off, handing it to him so he could see. "In my case, it's Roman Catholic because they were the ones that ran the school on Mindoir." Garrus studied the figure in the middle of the pendant. On the other side was a small inscription: _To our wild child._ He gave her a questioning look as he handed it back and she actually looked a bit embarrassed. "It was a gift from my mother and _Pere_ Mulligan, who ran the school." Her lips quirked. "St. Jude is the patron saint of lost causes. Fitting, yes?"

Why would they have a patron for that? "That's...encouraging..."

"I was a shiftless brat with no goals...still am, really...and _Pere_ had a sense of humor."

"Commander, I refuse to believe you got to your rank with no goals."

"Point taken. A life goal, then."

Garrus just shook his head. The idea of just meandering though your entire life was utterly foreign to him. "How about helping people? That's why I originally joined C-sec. Well, and because my father wanted me to follow in his footsteps."

"Ah, yes, your father is a very famous C-sec officer, isn't he?" She smiled a bit at his look of surprise. "I looked your record up, the same way I'm sure you did with mine." There was something entirely too knowing in her eyes.

He nodded. "I grew up hearing his name on the vids all the time. He's not taking my leaving C-sec well. He, ah," he cleared his throat, "he doesn't much like you. Well, he doesn't like Spectres in general. I was chosen for Spectre training, you know." She looked at him with surprise and he nodded. "One of many, but my father put a stop to it. He's like Pallin; he'll admit people like Spectres have their purpose, that doesn't mean he has to like it. At all."

They'd reached the Alliance's docking area by that time. A turian and a human walking side by side around that area still garnered strange looks but neither of them noticed anymore.

Shepard was frowning "Well, that can't be easy for you. You're not regretting joining up with me, are you?"

"No, Commander." It was good to feel absolutely certain about something.

"Because you are helping people, you know that, yes? A whole bunch of people owe their lives to you directly, and even more would be dead without all of us." She tapped her medal again. "Lost cause, fighting a man with a geth army and backed by some kind of powerful race, but every blow against him saves lives."

He looked away, slightly embarrassed but appreciating the words.

She let her hand drop. "We make a good team."

They did, he realized. Outside of a fight they might be as chaotic a group as ever had been formed but when it came down to a battle with lives at stake, they worked as well as any turian squad. "I don't regret it. I wish my father wasn't unhappy about it, but..." He shrugged, glancing down.

She studied him thoughtfully and spoke with an edge of hesitation: "Is that why..."

She stopped, drawing up short, her gaze fixed on something ahead of them.

Garrus turned to follow her gaze. Williams was sitting on the upper deck of some kind of bar with an older man who seemed vaguely familiar. He was pretty sure he'd seen him on the vids at one point. He was some kind of Alliance hero.

He looked back and Shepard and froze. Her face was expressionless but her eyes were glittering in a way that had him glad he was carrying a pistol as he always did. He wished, however, that he'd brought his rifle too. When he turned his head to regard the human again, it wasn't out of curiosity, it was the calm assessment of an enemy.

* * *

Baker.

Shepard stood very still on the sidewalk, her gaze fixed on a man she would have been very happy to never lay eyes on again. She should have known he might try and move in on one of her Alliance based crew. He'd done it before.

It hadn't been so bad when she had first joined up, probably because he hadn't expected her to last as long as she did. In fact, Shepard had almost forgotten about Baker as the years went on, especially when she had entered the academy. He had been furious when they had accepted her into the N7 program, she'd learned later.

She didn't hold a grudge against him distrusting her when she had first been recruited. It had galled her at first, but she had reluctantly concluded he had no reason to trust her. What had started to get to her as she advanced in the ranks...and so did he...was when Baker had started nudging from the background, using his influence in an attempt to hold her back. It seemed like every time she came up for promotion or did something that brought her to attention, there was Baker. He opposed anything that gave her power over the lives of soldiers because he didn't think she could be trusted.

Shepard was willing to prove herself, had focused most of her adult life on proving herself, but she resented the fact he didn't and never would, give her that chance. And furthermore that he'd obviously never intended to.

It had been Baker's subtle nudging that had pushed her out to the Traverse in the first place, not that he had needed to nudge much, but that had backfired. He'd been royally pissed when she had been promoted to Lieutenant Commander but out there on the colonies his influence was next to nothing. And Shepard had flourished when she was supposed to have quietly faded away.

She hadn't heard anything from him directly for a long time and Udina had not mentioned his name but she had no doubt he'd had a lot to say about her being put forward as a Spectre candidate. It must have particularly twisted him up that Nihlus, a turian, had been the one the decision had ultimately come down to.

It was more than just bias, she admitted. They both represented exactly what the other thought was wrong with the Alliance. He thought she was a disaster waiting to happen and she thought he was an arrogant prick who expected the galaxy to bend to the whims of the human race. He truly thought humans were the best race in the galaxy, which she rather disagreed with, frankly. They were _as_ good as the other species, maybe, but not better than. He hated working with aliens, she loved it. He considered the colonists outside of the Alliance to be little better than traitors, she could respect their desire to be independent. They were such opposites they could barely be in the same room together.

And now he was chatting up Ashley.

Shepard clenched her hand into a fist, anger warring with professionalism. He'd wooed people away from her before and she hadn't liked it but there wasn't anything she could do about it. But he also wasn't above using threats.

"Shepard?"

She heard the tension in Garrus's voice and made herself look at him. "It's all right..."

Ashley had trouble working with aliens, Shepard knew that, especially Garrus and Wrex. She'd seemed more and more unhappy lately. _If he makes her an offer, you don't have a right to demand she refuse it,_ she reminded herself. She wouldn't force anyone to work with her and as much as she hated to admit it, Baker could probably help Ashley rise in the ranks better than Shepard could.

Even as she was loosening up and ready to make herself move on before Baker noticed her, Ashley suddenly rose to her feet. Shepard couldn't hear what they were saying but Ash's body language spoke more than words ever could. She was _pissed._ One of Baker's men tried to stop her and Ashley drove a fist into his stomach.

Shepard was moving before she realized it, vaguely aware of Garrus following her. She strode through the doors of the bar and swung up the stairs that would take her to the upper deck.

"You have five seconds to sit and apologize to the Major before I hurt you." The words turned her alarm and anger into ice cold fury that only spiked up further when she came through the doorway and saw the goon holding Ashley's arm in a crushing grip.

"You've got less than that to get your fucking hand off my Gunnery Chief, boyo." She put every ounce of cold command into the sentence and saw everyone freeze, allowing Ash to pull free.

Shepard only had eyes for Baker, their gazes locking across the deck. She gave him a cold, insolent smile, knowing it would piss him off more than anything. "Baker. Long time, no see."

"Commander..." Ash took a step toward her.

The goon moved as if to take a hold of her again and Shepard cut her eyes to him. "Get away from her."

He hesitated, then glanced at Baker, who nodded. He stepped back reluctantly then tensed as he noticed Garrus moving into position behind her.

If Baker was fazed by the sight of the turian, he didn't show it. He kept his gaze on Shepard. "It's _Major_ Baker, Shepard."

"Then it's Agent Shepard to you," she replied without missing a beat, and had the satisfaction of noticing him tense at the reminder he no longer had any authority over her.

Baker glanced at Garrus. "I see you're still drawing the scum of the galaxy to you. Even your turian is one everyone thinks is a disgrace."

Garrus stiffened a bit beside her and Shepard willed him not to rise to the bait, even as she bristled on his behalf. _Disgrace, my ass._ The turian obviously knew he was being played and relaxed a moment later, saying nothing. "We have very different definitions of what a disgrace is, Baker," Shepard said.

"And top it off with General Williams's granddaughter. This is the group we're supposed to believe will save us all from a turian." His sneer told her quite clearly what he thought of Saren as a threat. No doubt he agreed with Udina about taking an armada out and wiping Saren and his geth out with pure force. He must have been chafing badly from the Council's refusal to allow it.

"So much for thinking Grandfather got the shaft," Ashley said bitterly.

Several things clicked into place. Shepard looked at Ashley. "Shanxi General Williams?"

Ashley just looked at her with hot anger in her eyes and an expression that came very close to despair.

Baker looked amused. Shepard had never known if he just didn't consider her worthy enough to hide what he was feeling with a professional demeanor or if she simply had a knack for making him forget it. "Scion of one of the biggest stains on the Alliance military and you don't know about her. That's sharp command, there, Shepard."

The taunt didn't bother Shepard since she was among the group of Alliance members that actually believed General Williams had, indeed, gotten the shaft. "Give me a fucking break." She wasn't interested in exchanging potshots with Baker and she always felt uncomfortable lecturing anyone but while she kept her gaze on Baker, it was for Ashley's sake that she continued: "I've always wondered what the hell they expected? What, was Williams supposed to be able to magically know there was a fleet coming to save Shanxi? When a man surrenders for the sake of the people he's sworn to protect...after holding out against the most advanced military race in the galaxy for longer than was thought possible, no less...that's not a disgrace. The Alliance sucking up to the Council and then bitching behind their backs about how Williams was the only commander to surrender to an alien race? That's a disgrace." It was kind of nice to speak her mind to an Alliance member like that, she couldn't remember the last time she had. Very liberating.

Baker was looking flushed and his eyes were glittering with rage but the goon that had grabbed Ashley looked ready to explode. His fists were clenched and he took a step forward. Garrus laid a hand on his pistol in warning. Shepard touched his arm lightly. It was nice to piss Baker off when he couldn't do anything about it, but playtime was over. "I don't give a damn what you think of me, Baker, but don't you ever let me catch you or one of your dogs going after _anyone_ on my crew."

"You might be the Council's pet now, Shepard, but I can still bring Williams up on charges for assaulting one of my men." Baker sounded like he was speaking through gritted teeth.

"Try it." The challenge hung in the air. Their gazes locked again. She hated getting dragged into politics and offices throwing their weight around but if he tried to take Ashley down, Shepard would fight him all the way. She saw him acknowledge that, saw a brief flicker of uncertainty cross his eyes. She wasn't bound by the same rules as she had been when they'd tangled before. Shepard wasn't sure she had enough clout to take him on politically but he didn't know how much clout he had, either.

She motioned to Ashley, and looked at Garrus. The turian kept his eyes on Baker and his men, shifting aside to give Shepard and Ash enough room to go through the door. Only when they were both through did he follow.

* * *

"Will you give us a moment, Garrus?" Shepard looked up at him.

"Of course, Commander." The turian nodded and headed back to the Normandy.

Ashley watched him go silently. She was still reeling a bit. Shepard turned to her, her face expressionless. "Williams, I'm only going to ask you one question about whatever conversation you had with Baker."

Ash nodded, bracing herself.

Shepard kept her eyes on hers. "Did he, in any way, shape, or form, threaten you?"

Ashley blinked at her slowly. Shepard's eyes narrowed slightly, going cold again, but that anger wasn't directed at her. She'd take him on, Ashley realized. She would take him on if he had. And with that realizing that, she shook her head quickly. "No, Commander. No, he...he offered to use his influence to clear my grandfather's name."

Shepard's lips tightened into a thin line, but she nodded, looking away. True to her word, she apparently wasn't going to ask her anymore questions about it, already turning back toward the Normandy.

"He wanted me to spy on you. For the Alliance," Ashley blurted out. "He said there's people who are worried you're not safe or willing to stand for humanity..."

"Are there, now?" Shepard's voice was quiet.

"I didn't consider it, Shepard." She needed her to believe that.

"It's all right, Ash."

"Every commander I've ever served under held my grandfather against me. My father too. So, I figured you would too when you figured it out..."

"Which just goes to show you never know what people are thinking. That's why we invented words." Shepard smirked.

Ash looked away. "Thank you... for saying that about him."

"I meant it. It sucks what happened to him, Ash. Unfortunately, that's politics and PR for you."

"I hate politics," Ash muttered.

"Right, so let's get away from them for a bit, eh? Let the politicians play, we have a galaxy to save." Shepard clapped her on the shoulder.

Ashley grinned and walked with her commander back onto the ship.


	19. Loyalties

The admiral, Shepard decided as she listened to him give his opinion, had a bit of a chip on his shoulder. And was in the habit of using old fashioned phrases. She was focusing on not running the term "co-developed boondoggle" through her head because it gave her the crazy urge to giggle.

Rear Admiral Mikhailovich had shown up to do a surprise inspection out of the blue. It was annoying but she didn't want anymore bad blood between her and the Alliance, especially since after the confrontation with Baker. She was even more annoyed that there was a news camera along as well.

Why they'd sent someone who stated outright that he thought the Normandy was a waste of time and money to inspect it was a mystery to her but she'd let the crew know they were to cooperate.

Mikhailovich's opinion that the Normandy was a waste of funds, one that was shared by many in the Alliance ranks, baffled Shepard. He seemed to think the entire project was done simply to placate the turians, and that simply wasn't true. Sure, they could have made another heavy cruiser with the money they used to create the Normandy but what was the point of that? They needed to experiment and adapt to needs out on the universe, because it sure as hell wasn't going to adapt to them.

She chided herself for getting defensive, trying to look at things from the admiral's perspective. She was proud of the Normandy, so it was probably coloring her judgment.

Shepard was more than willing to discuss the way the CIC deck was set up or the merits of the stealth system but then he started in on her crew. He didn't even like Liara, and _everyone_ liked Liara.

She bristled, unable to stop an edge of coldness from coming into her voice, but she got through it. She didn't think he'd give a glowing report but hopefully it wouldn't be a completely negative one.

Shepard watched him go, ignoring the dirty look the camera man shot her.

_You still remember what color your blood runs, Commander?_

Did she?

Shepard took a moment to consider that, and then dismissed it for the moment. Right now, she had a job to do. She'd worry about politics and where her loyalties were supposed to lay later.

_The Alliance News Network camera follows Admiral Mikhailovich as he steps onto the command deck. The admiral clearly doesn't like having someone watching him as he conducts his inspection. Most likely the only reason the camera man, and the camera man alone, is allowed onto the Normandy is because of the unusual circumstances and to calm the press, still frothing at the mouth to get a good look at the Normandy._

_The crew present salute the admiral dutifully and eye the camera with wariness. Shepard isn't supposed to be present for it, she already put in a memorable appearance on the docks. She doesn't necessarily look like an Alliance soldier but looks every inch a galactic special agent, which doesn't impress the Rear Admiral. Anymore than his pointed remark about how the Normandy was supposed to be part of his fleet impressed Shepard._

_Ever good Alliance soldiers, the crew follow orders to cooperate in any way, answering the admiral's questions and showing him where to go without hesitation. The camera man, however, is getting on their nerves. The fact he keeps wandering around the CIC deck and asking provoking questions is bad enough but the fact he ignores the admiral is clearly pissing off some of the senior members._

_Case in point, the camera man stealthily breaks away from the admiral as he heads through the crew quarters, obviously intending to try and get a quick shot of someplace else. There's a rustling sound and a series of blurred images before everything goes blank._

_When everything goes clear again, the camera is in the storage area of the Normandy and somehow, Shepard has it._

_She swings it around and focuses on Wrex, who is leaning against the wall, watching with mild interest. "There's Urdnot Wrex, preparing for his one man show..."_

" _What did you do to the camera man, Shepard?"_

" _Nothing. He was annoying Joker and the admiral, so I stole his shit. Oh, he also forgot he wasn't supposed to have the camera on anywhere except the storage area, the quarters and the main deck."_

" _I could toss him off the edge of the docks for you."_

_Shepard tsks. "That's your answer to everything."_

" _Because it_ works. _"_

_Garrus's voice comes from across the room: "Not with reporters, it just encourages them."_

_Shepard turns in that direction, taking in the turian and Howard. "And there's Officer Vakaraian and Sargent Kell working on the Mako. It got a little bit busted up in our last skirmish with the geth..."_

_Howard snorts. "I'd hate to see what you consider_ very _busted up."_

_The turian shakes his head, jerking a thumb over his shoulder. "The admiral moved on into Engineering. I don't think he liked seeing us much, Commander."_

" _He didn't like seeing_ you _, turian. He was scared of me," Wrex corrects from off camera._

" _No he wasn't. He didn't even bat an eye when he saw you," Ashley's voice is also off camera._

_Now Shepard turns to focus on her. "Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams. A woman frighteningly good with her guns, let me tell you."_

_Ashley manages to keep a straight face and professional expression. Barely. "Did you throw the camera guy in the brig, Commander? Give him the full experience?"_

" _No, Pressley was more than happy to look after him, which means he's not going_ anywhere. _I think I might recommend that next time they not pick someone bound and determined to piss off half my crew."_

_Shepard swings the camera around at the sound of footsteps and greets a surprised Rear Admiral Mikhailovich. "The camera guy kept trying to poke his way into the comm room so I confiscated his camera."_

_The admiral looks annoyed and holds his hand out for the camera, which Shepard obligingly hands over._

_Another black period, then the considerably more subdued and huffy camera man is making a good parting picture, backing away from the Normandy and getting a good shot of it from the outside as he follows the admiral away._

Shepard was an utter fool.

Saren Arterius turned off the monitor, shaking his head at the report, and paced within Sovereign's depths, growing more and more infuriated with every turn.

He had an ally from the most powerful race in the universe, he had one of the most revered and powerful of asari matriarchs at his call as well as all her followers, he had an army of geth and though he didn't have the rights and status of a Spectre anymore, he still had the skills that had made him one.

He had all of Nihlus's files and personal notes regarding Commander Shepard.

So _why couldn't he rid himself of her_?

Nihlus's obvious fascination with the woman had disgusted Saren, but it had made his observations as well as his research very useful for gaining insight into Shepard and how she would act.

And yet...and yet he had still underestimated her. She thwarted him time and time again. Every time he thought he had an understanding of her, she did something that threw him off. His assassins hadn't been able to kill her, his geth hadn't been able to kill her, she'd gotten the Matriarch's daughter away from him and she had _killed_ the Thorian. Moreover, none of the subtle things the Matriarch had planted worked either. The rumors about a human Spectre bringing too much power to the humans couldn't quite hold up because the majority of her squad weren't human and the little side jobs they kept doing were spreading tales of their heroism even across Terminus space.

Damn it, maybe it was time to consider what Sovereign was saying. Maybe the only way to bring her down was to bring her under control. Although having her as a mindless thrall would be a pity...she would be much more useful if he could convince her of his cause.

That was something to think over.

Meanwhile, they needed to step up to the game and find the Conduit. Shepard and her crew were a few steps behind them but even that was starting to be too many. It wouldn't do to have Shepard stop them when they were so close...

He turned to the Matriarch, ready to bark out an order...and paused. Benezia was standing against the wall, her hands folded in front of her, her face still and blank as she stared at him silently. She did that a lot lately, he thought with a glimmer of unease.

He turned away. "Take some of your followers and head for Noveria. The next time Shepard makes a move on the geth, I want there to be a surprise waiting for her."

She said nothing. She didn't have to.

Saren walked away. He'd intended to head in that direction himself but changed his plans. Suddenly, he had a great need to see how his research on Virmire was going...

He had time, he told himself through the whispers dancing through his mind. They'd covered their tracks well. He had a little time to take a side trip. To make sure he understood just what those whispers might be doing to him...

* * *

_There were people who got off on being feared, and that was a simple fact. They didn't have to be 'bad' people, either. Military leaders, politicians...he'd seen that look in the eyes of both, that gleam that showed quite clearly that they enjoyed being feared, enjoyed having that kind of power over people._

_Vyrnnus had been like that._

_But Kaidan had never been one of them. By the time they closed_ BaaT _down, his fellow biotic trainees were watching him out of the corners of their eyes. Their smiles were too bright, their manner too overly polite to be real. And Rahna..._

_He couldn't see her face clearly anymore but he could still see images, remember sounds. The sickening crack as Vyrnnus broke her arm; the wide eyed stare and the way she backed away from him, terrified, as Vyrnnus crumpled to the ground, neck broken; the quick, fluttery way she would move away anytime he moved toward her, her arm in a sling._

_It hurt more than anything else to see that wariness in her eyes, that same kind of wariness she'd had when she looked at Vyrnnus. He'd thought that she, of all people, would have known him well enough that just because he_ could _hurt her didn't mean that he ever_ would...

Kaidan found the recollections not quite as painful as he used to, maybe it had been good for him to talk to Shepard about it.

He had not been looking for sympathy when he had told her about the day he'd killed Vyrnnus, nor had he gotten it, exactly. More of a sense she understood him a little better. That had not been his reason for telling her either.

The only thing that truly concerned him about the way Shepard did things was that, while she understood her actions had consequences, the idea of taking steps now to prevent things from happening in the future wasn't one she put a lot of thought into. You never truly got out of the reach of the past, he knew that painfully well. It could rear up and bite you right in the ass out of nowhere.

He'd intended warning her about it by using Vyrnnus as an example of what happened when you cut corners and didn't leave paths open for the future but he was afraid he might have given her the impression he was comparing her to that long dead turian. He wasn't, there was no similarity between Shepard and Vyrnnus. When he pointed out he never would have dared to speak his mind so to Vyrnnus, Shepard had nodded and there had been a thoughtful look in her eyes that was reassuring. Even if she didn't take it to heart, he'd at least made her think a little.

Kaidan came back from the painful sounds of the past to the present, happier sound of Liara and Tali chattering. "It's not just humans," Tali was saying, "All young males of many species have really odd ideas about the asari."

"Some of their obsessions seem...unhealthy." The subject seemed to fluster Liara a bit. She'd gotten better but there were obviously things she wasn't used to talking about aloud to other people. Ashley had joked...at least he hoped she was joking...about asking her about her sex life just to see her reaction.

"No offense, Dr. T'Soni, but at least the asari still command respect. Everyone I've met seem to think quarians are thieves by nature. It's an automatic response to treat us like second class citizens." They were both silent for a moment, then Tali, not one to brood, added brightly: "But at least I have my family, my home, and we know what we are." She patted her omni-tool. "Once this information is decrypted, we can learn so much about the geth! Couple that with the database on the geth we've been putting together, I'll have plenty to offer when I go home! After we get Saren, of course."

Kaidan pretended he wasn't hearing the last half of that. That encrypted information they'd come across belonged to the Alliance but he and Ashley had decided to turn a blind eye to Tali somehow magically getting a copy of it.

Tali was working on something with her omni-tool. She'd been fiddling with one console or another in the comm room for most of the day. She explained things to Liara, who looked as baffled and amused as he felt, as she worked. "After I refine the search points, we should be able to track any major geth sightings on the major networks. Where the big groups of geth are, Saren will probably be, don't you think, Shepard?"

"What think? I don't want to think, why are you trying to make me think?" Shepard whimpered, her voice muffled since she had her face buried in her arms.

"How's your head, Shepard?" Liara asked. She was the only one who had any sympathy for her.

"I knocked him back. It was totally worth it," Shepard declared without lifting her head.

"How in the hell did you get roped into learning how to headbutt people from Wrex, Commander? You had to know he was setting you up," Kaidan said, eyeing her.

"He said my headbutting was pathetic, which was even more insulting because the bastard was right. I've never been able to headbutt someone properly. I almost knocked myself out once when I tried to do it to a human. It's embarrassing."

"Lots of humans can't headbutt, Shepard." Kaidan considered it an act of heroism that he wasn't laughing at her. Or maybe it was just his keen sense of self preservation.

"But now _I_ can. I could even headbutt a krogan! Maybe. If he was standing still."

"Um, Shepard?" Tali looked over from the console she'd attached her omni-tool to.

"Yes, my queen?"

Tali paused. "Queen?"

Shepard finally lifted her head, resting her chin on her hand. She smiled. "You're no second class citizen on this ship."

Tali finally got it and laughed. Kaidan smiled a bit and shook his head. The quarian motioned to the console, her voice sobering. "Did...you said you told the Council about the Reapers, right?"

Shepard frowned a bit. "Yes, not that they were inclined to hear it..."

"Well, that explains why I'm finding so many reports saying that the geth are under Saren's control and _only_ Saren's control. Everyone in Citadel space is tamping down on anything suggesting there might be something else behind them."

They all absorbed that silently for a moment. "That's understandable, I guess," Kaidan finally said. "We don't want people panicking about monsters from dark space, especially not now."

"It makes Saren out to be a lot more powerful, that's almost as bad." Shepard frowned, tapping the arm of her chair, her headache momentarily forgotten. "Makes me wonder exactly how much of it he and his minions are playing with."


	20. Toombs

Kaidan stared at the closed door to the captain's quarters. In general, Shepard left it open for anyone when she was in there. It happened often enough that it when it was closed it was an unspoken warning she didn't want to be disturbed.

He ran his finger over the edge of the datapad he held in his hands, wondering if he should just wait until tomorrow to give it to her.

Soft footsteps came from behind him as Liara walked up. She crossed her arms over her chest, looking worried. "She hasn't come out?"

"Just to do some basic rounds," he said quietly. "Ashley says she hasn't spoken to anyone outside the basics for the past day or so." Anyone who hadn't known her wouldn't have been able to tell there was anything wrong. She was polite and as attentive to the crew as ever but there was a...distance. A sense she'd pulled back and away from all of them.

"I'd never...never paid much attention to Cerberus except as a name in the vids. Do you think he was telling the truth?" Liara blurted. "About...why he was killing those scientists? The experiments? Injecting venom into him? Do you really think they caused the attack on Akuze?"

Kaidan grimaced. "I don't know...he wasn't really sane, Liara...you saw that..." He hesitated. "But there have been rumors about the kinds of things Cerberus has been...involved in. The Alliance declared them a terrorist group for a reason. I...yes." He let out a sharp breath, admitting it to himself as much as her. "Yes, I think he was telling the truth."

"How could they do that? How can they say they're working to help humans and do that to their own kind?"

Kaidan wished he still had that kind of innocence. "My guess is if you asked one of them, they would make some speech about sacrificing a few to save the many. That the information they have on Thresher Maws there were worth the deaths caused to get it." That old song and dance, he thought bitterly.

"Sacrifice? It's _cruel_."

"I don't really understand that kind of thinking any better than you do, Liara. I've never argued against them classifying Cerberus as terrorists because I can't condone their methods."

Liara was silent for a long time. She looked desperately sad. "I just wish we could help her."

If only she would let them.

* * *

_His only shot to get out of it sane and without getting crucified was getting the Alliance on his side. That meant the scientist was only useful if he was still alive, still able to testify. Persecuting Cerberus members helped the Alliance detach themselves from the organization to the rest of the galaxy, so evidence against them was gold._

_She hoped against hope that those facts would register with him and could see, with a sinking feeling, that they didn't. He was beyond thinking rationally, his eyes filled with resignation, despair...and a bone deep weariness she understood all too well. It was hard to live with so much_ hate _in you. It buried itself deep into the core of you until it was hard to remember feeling anything else._

_She saw that, absorbed that, in a few seconds, but it was still too long. A calm sort of resolution replaced the mad despair in his eyes._

Don't do it...

_When you didn't have anything to sustain that hatred anymore, nothing to hunt, what exactly were you left with? She'd had contrition. The knowledge that for all that hatred had cost her, it had cost several people their lives who had not deserved to lose them. The thought that she couldn't die so easily without trying to do something in remembrance of that, it would give her a peace she didn't deserve. It was the Catholic based upbringing she'd had, maybe. She didn't believe in Hell, not their version of it, anyway, but she did believe in penance._

_He didn't. Hotshot, overconfident, almost arrogant for all that had happened to him; he'd barely changed at his core._

Don't do it...

_She moved toward him with the knowledge it was already too late, that none of them could stop him before he brought the barrel of his pistol in contact with his temple. She had failed him._

_"Well, they said there was only one survivor of Akuze..."  
_

" _ **Toombs!"**_

* * *

Shepard was sitting behind her desk when the door lock clicked green and let him in. The room was dark except where green and red dots of electronics glowed and the open door made a bar of light slice across the floor. Her bare feet were propped against the desk, her eyes fixed on some point on the wall across the room. She turned her gaze toward him silently, expressionless, as he entered. Kaidan walked slowly up to the desk and handed the datapad to her. "This just came in from Captain Anderson. They've taken that scientist into protective custody until they need him to testify against Cerberus. And he's given them all the information they asked for. Or most of it, anyway."

Shepard took the datapad and studied it. She nodded wordlessly.

Kaidan hesitated. "The captain says there's a lot of useful information they can use against them," he added lamely, wishing there was more comfort in that. Wishing it was the kind of information that could take Cerberus down completely. Anything to take that fixed look off her face. It didn't belong there. He'd take even that maniacal gleam that sometimes came to her eyes when they were up against a particularly powerful adversary over that look.

He saluted, startled by the movement because he hadn't done so since she'd become a Spectre...only the most conservative of the crew did anymore since Shepard didn't make any effort to demand it. He headed for the door before he put his foot in his mouth trying to figure out something to say.

"Alenko."

Her voice startled him and he looked back.

She smiled at him tiredly. "Thanks."


	21. Garrus and Shepard

_Awakening to pain had been a double shock since she hadn't expected to wake up at all. The last thing she remembered was taking another step. Because her entire world had funneled down to taking another step. Just one more. Every cell, every thought focused on putting one foot in front of the other._

_The doctors told her she would, with time, be able to move her shoulder with almost as much mobility as she had before but it had been a close call. Years later it would still be weaker than the other one, needing special exercises to keep it limber. But she'd been lucky. A few days more and there wouldn't have been enough muscle left to rebuild and the bones would have been completely eaten away. She could still feel a phantom of that sick, swollen,_ rotting _sensation in her shoulder even through the antibiotics they were pumping through her._

_She stared at the wall across from her bed blankly, unwilling to sleep even though she was so drugged up she could barely keep her eyes open._

_If they had compared her at that moment to a picture of her at thirteen right after she'd been picked up from the ruins of Mindoir, they would have found the expression and demeanor eerily similar._

_She couldn't close her eyes without seeing Jacobson caught mid laugh as the monster smashed out of the ground directly beneath him. They'd had a mere moment to stare, stunned, at the sinuous beast rising above them before everything went to hell. Later she'd learned there had only been three Maws but they had seemed to be everywhere at once, in that moment there had seemed to be thousands of them._

_Barrimore, who had just been joking about how frighteningly easy his fiancee was finding it to plan their wedding without him there, screaming, his gun firing compulsively as he was dragged beneath the ground. Commander Lyle fruitlessly shouting orders, trying to bring some measure of order to the chaos, his shouts cut off within minutes. Toombs...she hadn't particularly liked Toombs. He was a hotshot, a showoff. She had never been sure what exactly he'd been so determined to prove...or to who. But now he'd never get the chance, the terror on his face as he was dragged down would haunt her for the rest of her life. She'd seen one of the creatures rear back and threw herself sideways on pure instinct. Thick fluid had liberally splattered against a soldier named Meeril that she hadn't known very well. His startled cry veered up into a shriek of agony that reached a higher and higher pitch as the venom ate his flesh away until it turned into a liquid rattle, his throat dissolving. By that time, she hadn't been paying much attention to what was going on around her. She didn't scream like Meeril did but she fully understood why he had. She'd only taken the very edge of the shot of acid that had taken him down but already the pain was incredible. She'd stumbled blindly, half expecting with every step to feel jaws closing around her and dragging her down, running in a blind panic long after the screams had faded into the distance..._

Shepard slammed back into awareness, sitting up in bed with her fist pressed to her mouth. Her teeth scraped against her knuckles as she bit down to muffle the scream that choked her. She couldn't scream, couldn't...she had to keep it quiet, inside her. A weakness she couldn't let show. Not here. Not to the crew.

She couldn't _breathe_.

The small, cold part of her mind rationalized even as her body shook, bent over, the sheets a tangle around her legs, dark energy dancing over her skin. At least she could think. It wasn't one of those rare times she was shot into a state of mind between sleeping and waking, caught up in memories, trapped by her own half awake mind.

Oh, she'd heard the diagnoses over the years. Night terrors, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, You're A Fucking Loon, Shepard. Oh, and this little number right here...anxiety attack. Any number of things you picked up when you couldn't remember one bad memory without dragging up half a dozen others. Add on visions from a long lost race and just _try_ getting a good night's sleep ever again.

She forced herself to breathe in. It was like a hundred needles stabbing into her lungs. She held the breath, letting her hand drop from her mouth, both of them twisting into the sheets beneath her. She tried to hold it longer and couldn't as another bout of shaking took over her, making the air escape her lungs in a whoosh.

She gritted her teeth, closing her eyes tight, making herself breathe in again. Hold it. Let it out.

Her heart was pounding, her body ached, her hands clenched and unclenched in the sheets as she forced herself to breathe in and out slowly, over and over.

Oh, it would be wonderful if Saren won because the Spectre hunting him dropped dead from a bad dream.

_Nope. Fuck you, Saren._

Her breath rushed out of her again, this time more of a snort of indignation. She'd be _damned_ first.

Slowly, slowly, her heartbeat returned to normal and her breathing evened out, calm descending on her mind, energy fading back down so she wasn't lit up like a Christmas tree.

"Shit." Shepard raked a hand through her damp hair and scowled into the darkness before swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. She dressed in the dark and moved toward the main deck. There would be no more sleep for her tonight.

* * *

There was only a skeleton crew of people at the moment, which suited her fine. Just the act of passing through the second deck on her way to the comm room soothed her, she was startled to find. The sheer familiarity of the Normandy and her crew provided her with a sort of stabilizing element. It was amazing how much you could pick up about a crew even when they weren't there, she thought as she passed through the mess hall. There was a rich scent in the air that only came from real chocolate, which meant Tanaka had snuck a midnight snack out of his hidden stash at some point. Addison Chase was on duty and taking a quick break, because Shepard could hear her talking over a link in the tones she only took when speaking to her fiancee. There was an old holographic GamePad sitting in the middle of the table. Someone had challenged Howard to a chess match, maybe. There was an off chance someone might actually beat him some day, but it hadn't happened yet.

Her crew, her squad...all part of what was home for her.

A dangerous concept for someone with a life like hers. People came and went...and died. In the wake of the nightmare, she felt a surge of fear, wondering how many of the names on the crew roster would end up names written on her memory. Like Jacobson, and Jenkins, and Toombs...

She tore her thoughts away from that.

It was lucky for her she had plenty of things that needed her attention. Running endless amounts of information through her mind meant she didn't have to think.

* * *

Shepard had always had a knack for computers. She was pretty even handed on both using those skills lawfully and very, very unlawfully. She might not have been able to understand a word when Tali was talking about engines but when it came to hacking and programming, she could follow what the quarian was doing. She figured with Tali's ingenious little search invention, she had some time to study a few things outside of their search for Saren. There was little they could do until there was a direct spotting of either some major geth activity or Saren and his followers themselves. Which she was looking for almost on an hourly basis. She hated waiting.

Shepard watched Herman's VI interface dance around as the program sorted through the data she was running through it. A lot of people asked her where she'd gotten the avatar's likeness from and she usually gave a handful of names in answer because it was the truth. The figure, its outfits, voice and music were, in fact, an amalgamation of several different rock musicians, both male and female, from the past, even all the way back to the 1980's. She'd scanned in different features from pictures and sketched out a figure blending a them together, programmed the avatar from the sketch, then repeated the process with sound patterns for voice and guitar.

Joker had laughingly told her several opportunists had tried to make copies of Herman to sell but no one could get it quite right.

Of course, _her_ Herman had features designed only by her and only for her. His programs were painstakingly designed and updated because he was both her main offense and defense when it came to the technological side of her world.

Case in point: the problem with having an Alliance built ship was that while you were on it, it was rather hard to hack Alliance databases.

Just a little. All she wanted was to get a bit more information on exactly how what Baker had been up to the past few months. The timing between Baker's accosting Ashley, the snap inspection from the Rear Admiral, Udina's sudden silence and the focus on erasing any mention of the Reapers all combined to make her a bit nervous.

Her talk with Kaidan didn't help matters. Poor guy. As a biotic herself she knew how weird people could get around them. But imagine being driven to the point other biotics- who should have known better -were actually afraid of you. It was sad, because Kaidan was probably the most responsible human biotic she'd ever met. She and Kaidan didn't exactly see eye to eye on a number of things but he was solid and she respected his opinion. He was also a great deal more politically savvy than she was, so taking his words into account couldn't hurt.

She rose, pacing back and forth across the comm room.

Sometimes it felt like she had a hook in every limb, each one trying to pull her in an opposite direction.

_Whine, whine, whine, Shepard._

Herman leapt up and let out a slamming riff on his guitar, staying in a sharp, bent over pose. He was silent, indicating he hadn't found anything. She tapped her fingers on her arm, debating whether or not to try and go another level deeper, which ran the risk of being detected and traced even with all her modifications. Shepard turned Herman off and stared across the room, frowning.

Benjamin Creed.

_Where did you find that name, Baker?_

* * *

Garrus stepped off the elevator onto the main deck, walking idly. Walking helped clear his head and put his thoughts in order. He'd been thinking a lot since they'd encountered that poor bastard, Toombs. About Cerberus. And Saleon.

Of all people on the ship, it was Garrus, strangely enough, that knew the most about Cerberus. It was actually rare to uncover something regarding them. Crazy and anti-alien though it might be, Cerberus was well funded and _very_ well organized. A major blow against them had never been done. Since both the Council and the Alliance had declared it a terrorist organization, any members identified within Citadel Space were to be arrested immediately. This was especially true for C-sec, since any Cerberus agents on the Citadel itself were either infiltrators in a high position or at the very least a key part of their plans.

Garrus himself had only tangled with Cerberus once in his C-sec career, and that had been on the fringes of it: an assassination plot his unit had helped uncover. But his father had come across them several times since they had been outed as terrorists and had been happy to relay the details to his son. Like Liara, Garrus had a hard time wrapping his head around the thinking of an organization that claimed to want to work for humanity, and then do everything they could to make humans look bad to the rest of the galaxy. People who protested the admission of a human into the Spectres often used Cerberus as an example, though the idea of Shepard being part of the organization was laughable. Shepard _despised_ Cerberus; she'd made that clear when they'd come across a couple of their outposts and had seen the kinds of experiments they were doing both with people and with rachni (which, along with the geth, made a whopping two species thought long gone involved in this whole mess).

The comm room was alight. Garrus peered in and wasn't at all surprised to see Shepard there. She had detached one of the chairs and drawn it up to one of the main consoles, sprawled in it with a pad of synthetic paper balanced on her knee, sketching idly as she thought and monitored whatever it was on the console. Apparently he wasn't the only one having trouble sleeping. She looked tired, her clothing wrinkled and her hair a pale cloud around her head.

Feeling a bit awkward, like he'd walked in on something he shouldn't have seen, he started to step back out, but Shepard glanced up at that moment. "Garrus?"

"Commander." He stepped into the room, moving toward her slowly.

"Can't sleep?"

"It's still hard to shift from Citadel time to ship time," he admitted.

He came up beside her and blinked down at the sketch pad in her lap. She hastily tried to flip it over but it was too late. Garrus just looked at her for a moment, mandibles drawn tight against his mouth. It was quite rare to see her flustered. "I don't think Ambassador Udina would want that used as an official picture, Commander."

Shepard closed the pad. "Nonsense, he looks lovely."

"Is that the Consort's dress?"

"Well, I figured he'd need to be in something fashionable and who better to trust with fashion?" she said primly.

Garrus chuckled and sat down in one of the other chairs. There was another of those awkward pauses until Shepard broke it, clearly trying to change the subject: "What were you and Wrex arguing about earlier?"

He straightened up. "We weren't arguing."

"I saw you."

Garrus sighed. "The krogan kept asking me who would win in a fight, me or you."

"Oh, so it was your turn for that one. What did you answer?"

"I told him he was being impertinent, of course," he said, a bit indignant. "You're a Spectre with a distinguished record. Besides, there's no reason I'd ever get in a fight with you."

"That's very true." Shepard nodded, setting the pad beside her chair and unfolding her legs, sitting up to study the console. After a moment she added: "But if we did, I'd win."

The turian narrowed his eyes. "Because you'd use biotics. That's cheating." One of these days he was going to figure out what it was about this woman that made it so very easy for her to provoke him into saying something he never would have to any other superior.

Shepard just grinned, looking more like her usual self than she had in days. Now it was Garrus's turn to hurriedly change the subject. "What are you working on, Commander?"

"Eh, trying to find out a couple things about our friend Major Baker. Not having much success, though, I'm not much of an inves..." she trailed off, looking at him suddenly, "tigator...but you are..."

* * *

When Shepard had first started to track Garrus down, she'd spoken briefly to his boss, Executor Pallin. At the time, she hadn't known what she'd done to earn his disapproval when she hadn't even met him, but considering the amount of trouble she (inadvertently of course) ended up causing, she had assumed he probably had a legitimate reason. Later on, Garrus had told her Pallin didn't approve of Specters, calling him so by-the-book he might as well have written it.

She could see why the two had clashed. Pallin had outright stated he thought Garrus needed to have more consideration for the rules, but had admitted he was a very good investigator.

Watching the turian now, Shepard decided Pallin hadn't given him nearly enough credit. Garrus wasn't a good investigator; he was a brilliant one. It took him less than an hour to piece together a basic picture of how Baker had gotten information on Benjamin Creed.

"I can't believe he sent men into the Terminus Systems, is he stupid?" she muttered, pacing around the room.

"From the look of this, he hired someone. He definitely didn't send Alliance soldiers in, which would have been _really_ stupid. He probably got the information from the Shadow Broker or one of his agents."

"You think?"

"He covered his tracks, there's nothing overt, but I doubt anyone but the best could have tracked him down, which means the Shadow Broker." Garrus hesitated. "Creed is good at hiding. Even the Shadow Broker couldn't find all of his aliases."

"He has to be," Shepard stopped pacing, her arms crossed over her chest, her eyes narrowed at the console. She realized how defensive her posture had become and forced herself to relax.

"I imagine he's more cautious after that slave ring got broken," Garrus said, an odd note in his voice. "Those two men on Earth that you killed were some of the top leaders of it?"

"I killed more than two of them."

"But you didn't kill _him_."

Shepard turned her head, sensing they were finally getting to the core of whatever had been bothering Garrus. As much as she hated bringing up that part of her past, it was almost a relief. Like lancing a boil. "I know a question inside a statement when I hear it, Vakarian." Her voice was quiet.

Garrus looked away. For all his passion and hotheadedness, Garrus was a turian born and bred. It was one thing to butt heads with his superior over something he felt passionate about, but this was something different. This was a question aimed at someone he considered a superior that went beyond impertinence, nothing else could explain why he had been dancing around it for so long. She puzzled over it for a long moment as the silence stretched out, ticking off possibilities in her mind.

It hit her like a shot. She leaned back, her gray eyes locked on his. "Garrus, you aren't suspicious of me because I killed off those slavers."

"I'm not suspicious, Commander," he denied a little too quickly.

"Yes, you are. It's the same kind of suspicion I would be having in your position. Wondering if the person I was following into battle had been involved with a slaving ring that sold children for sex."

Garrus shifted, looking very uncomfortable now. Bingo.

Shepard moved back to her seat and settled into it, collecting her thoughts. Garrus watched her. "Your last name was Creed before you changed it," he said finally.

Shepard's lips twisted into a bitter smile. "He's my father."

Several things that Garrus had been wondering about clicked fully into place and he nodded. "You were young then. Right after Mindoir would have been...very hard for you...and he seems like the type to take advantage of that..."

It touched something in her that even if he believed the worst, he couldn't quite believe the absolute worst. That she was as cold as her father. A monster. Not even Kaidan, the only other one to directly question her about her crimes, had cut so close to the bone. It brought out a need to be honest with him. "He found me not long after Mindoir was destroyed, took me away, trained me, got this installed," she touched the back of her neck on the edge of her implant, "found someone to help train me in biotics too. I would have done anything he told me to and I never questioned him. Not until the very end." She took a deep breath. "But, you have my word, Garrus, for what it's worth, that I did not willingly or knowingly participate in that goddamned travesty." Apparently her word meant something to him, because he relaxed a great deal. "And I never thought he was capable of it either. When I found out about it, that he was backing it, that was the thing that made me break away. To use that same training he'd put into me to break it down, to get justice for the children lost and hurt and maybe rectify whatever damage to them I might have helped cause, even if it was unknowingly."

"And yet you stopped Toombs." Garrus sat down in the chair across from her, leaning forward slightly, his gaze intense.

She flinched and looked away. "I thought he might have a better chance of getting off if he could offer the Alliance something against Cerberus. Because someone would have caught up with him eventually. With his testimony and the doctor's..." She shrugged. "In this case, the doctor wasn't any use if he was dead. I thought...maybe Toombs could still be saved...maybe lives could be saved if what they knew could stop some of Cerberus's plans."

"You don't think he had the right to kill that scientist for what he had done? Torturing him? Experimenting on him? You did the same thing."

"Yes, so I know what carrying that kind of hatred and anger in you does to you. You let it rule you, eventually it's all you have left. I didn't want that to happen to Toombs. I thought...incorrectly I guess...that the Alliance could help him rise above that, give him a chance to fix his life." She paused for a long moment, gathering her thoughts. "When the Alliance recruited me, it was exactly the kind of discipline I needed. I learned I needed to step back and look at each situation objectively, the consequences of them, before I acted. Because...in the end, it wasn't that blind slaughter of the people I held responsible for the slaving ring that broke it. It was a group of people putting pressure on it until it finally broke. Objectively. Because it was the right thing to do, not out of vengeance. Same thing with Toombs: killing that scientist might make him feel better in that moment, but maybe knowing the information he used could help bring a blow to Cerberus would have helped him more in the long run." She leaned back again, waving a hand. "Sorry, I don't know if any of that rambling makes any damn sense."

"It does. Some of it, at least. I just...I don't know why you stick to so many rules when you don't have to."

"Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't. Depends on the situation." She could tell that was something he probably couldn't understand. And she'd lost the ability to think in pure black and white the way he did. _You don't have blood on your hands or lists of names in your head, Garrus. I hope you never do._ But one day, some kind of situation would turn his world upside down and force him to look at things in a way he never had before. The same way it had for her, and Kaidan, and Wrex, and nearly anyone she knew with that kind of light that lifted them above the usual crowd. Garrus had that, she realized with a jolt. He would make one hell of a Spectre. "Most times, they protect people. That's what they're for."

"Protect?" Garrus narrowed his eyes slightly, leaning forward again. "It isn't just Cerberus doing sick experiments on people."

Shepard raised her eyebrows.

Saleon. That was a name that was forever a black mark in Garrus's mind.

The vast difference between image and reality was one Garrus had received a lesson on early in his career. C-sec wasn't what it was made out to be on the vids and neither was the Citadel. So many viewed it as a great symbol of peace and galactic security, the center of civilization. They didn't want to think of it as a place with the same kind of crime you'd find anywhere else. They certainly didn't want to think of it as a galaxy wide smuggling hub rivaled only by Omega, its dark mirror image out in the Terminus Systems.

Organ trafficking wasn't as profitable as the more popular ones, like guns and drugs, but the occasions they had cropped up were memorable.

"I remember this one elcor diplomat we caught my first year on the job," he explained to Shepard. "He was hacking people up and selling their organs. Had the station in a bit of a panic."

"And they say Udina shreds diplomacy."

Garrus rolled his eyes at her, one of those rare gestures that was almost universally shared among species. At least the ones with eyes.

But one case had been unique even among the unique cases. Their first real lead had come when DNA samples led them to victims that were still alive and in possession of all their organs. The one thing that connected them all was a salarian geneticist by the name of Dr. Saleon. However, nothing in his lab suggested he'd been cloning. There had been no salarian hearts, or turian livers, or krogan testicles...

Shepard, who had retrieved a bottle of water for both of them, choked mid swallow at that last one. She coughed for a moment, finally managing to speak in a strangled voice: "Dare I ask why you thought he'd be cloning krogan testicles?"

It might have been petty, but he found a bit of enjoyment in having caught their unflappable commander off guard not once but twice in one night. "Some krogan believe testicle transplants increase their virility. Counteract the effects of the genophage. It doesn't work, but that doesn't stop them from buying. They'll pay up to 10,000 credits each. That's 40,000 for a full set. Somebody's making a killing out there."

"Is it bad that I find that both funny and heartbreaking at the same time?"

Garrus shrugged, looking away. "None of his employees would talk, but during an interview, one of them started to bleed profusely and freaked out when I ordered a medical exam." It hadn't taken long to realize why. There were incisions all over his body, some of them fresh. "They weren't just employees, they were test tubes. Walking, living test tubes."

Shepard had recovered and was listening with appalled fascination. "You mean he was growing organs inside them?"

"Exactly. He cloned their organs right in their own bodies. Then he harvested them and sold them off."

"I can't imagine how fucking dangerous that is. There's no way he could have pulled that off without killing off at least a few of them."

"Most of the victims were poor," Garrus explained. "He'd pay them a small percentage of the sales, but only if the organs were good." His hands tightened on the arms of the chair. "Sometimes the organ wouldn't grow properly...so he'd just leave it in them."

"Christ..."

Garrus nodded. "Most of them were a mess, but only on the inside- hidden so nobody could see it." He was getting around the point of his story, keeping his eyes on Shepard's. "We never caught him."

She frowned and he pressed on. "He ran for it when we closed in on him. Blew his lab, grabbed some of his employees and headed for the nearest space dock. By the time I found out, his ship was already leaving. He threatened to kill his hostages if we tried to stop him. I ordered Citadel defenses to shoot him down, but C-sec headquarters countermanded my order. They were worried about the hostages. Worried about civilian casualties if the ship was destroyed so close to the Citadel."

Shepard was grasping his point, at least on some level. "Which is procedure."

"I told them the hostages were dead anyway. He'd just use them to make more organs. But they wouldn't listen." He couldn't stop the edge of frustration leaking into his voice. "All they had to do was disable that ship. Stop him from running. Maybe the hostages die, maybe they don't. But at least we stop the bastard responsible for it all."

"I see."

Garrus leaned back. "I just...wish I'd caught him. That's all."

"And following the rules let him get away." At his nod, she cocked her head, studying him thoughtfully. As if seeing him clearly for the first time. "For the sake of argument, though, as hard as it is to watch someone get away, is it any easier to find out you locked someone up...or killed them...and they were innocent?"

Now it was his turn to look at her, startled, then thoughtful, not quite sure how to answer that question.

Shepard shrugged, figuring it was enough to make him think on it a little. "If I had an all wise and knowing answer that would make it easy, I'd give it to you, Garrus. The only thing I know from experience is that nothing is perfect. No system and no person. It's a matter of finding a balance between the two, I suppose. You can't save everyone, you just do the best you can from situation to situation." She folded her hands in her lap, studying him. Not for the first time, Garrus got the strange sensation she was looking through him; having Shepard's full attention on you was slightly unnerving. When she spoke again, her voice was quiet. "I told you I didn't really have a goal in life. That isn't necessarily true. I don't think its possible to change the universe for the better, but before I die, I'd at least liked to have saved more lives than I've taken."

Garrus nodded slowly. He wasn't sure he agreed with her about changing the universe for the better. Maybe it was simply no one had tried hard enough. Yet. But her words had struck a chord in him. It made him think there wasn't so much of a difference between what he believed and what she believed after all.


	22. The Missing

Shepard didn't just wake up one morning and decide to declare war on Cerberus.

No one except its agents had any idea how so very deeply Cerberus had its tendrils sunk deep into the Alliance. Years later, it would be Anderson who spearheaded the move that would shake some of those tendrils loose in the first major blow against the group. Before that happened, however (in a move no one would realize the irony of until a few years later) Shepard helped him along by delivering a vicious kick to all three of its heads, metaphorically speaking.

There was little doubt that Shepard, once the hunt for Saren was done one way or the other, intended on looking deeper into Cerberus, whether officially or unofficially. She certainly had no intention of just sitting back and allowing the matter of whether or not they had something to do with Akuze to rest. It was simply on the back-burner of her mind.

Even after Toombs, even after what he'd revealed, even after the twisted experiments they'd discovered in several of their depots, she hadn't intended to go after them directly.

It took one distress beacon to do that. And the death of one man.

* * *

At a later point, Shepard would- with considerable glee - mention that all the costs the Illusive Man would suffer in that one week could be traced back to a krogan purchasing a couple of bottles of alien liquor.

Drunken shenanigans were a time honored way to cement a friendship; every race knew that one. Being able to hold your liquor earned you respect pretty much anywhere. Ashley in particular was proud of her ability to out-drink any man she'd ever worked with, which was probably why she'd been stupid enough to believe she could take on ryncol. It was a drink made by the krogan that was more infamous than famous since the krogan were pretty much the only ones that could drink it and survive.

Shepard didn't even have Ashley's excuse. She was just curious. To be fair, she managed to stay on her feet after a glass, which was more than could be said for Ash. It was while she was sitting cross-legged on the floor of the storage area (waiting for Ashley to come to) that Wrex, probably impressed she was awake at all while he calmly tossed back shot after shot of the stuff, told Shepard about his father.

You didn't have to be in his presence for very long to see that despite his frustration, Wrex honestly cared about the future of his people. Shepard had been curious about various comments from Wrex that he had, at one point, tried to help the krogan rise a bit above the pit of random, useless violence the war and the genophage had left his people in.

Shepard had made it a point to know the history and basics of the societies of as many races as possible. She'd already known the krogan were a tribal race, hardened by the harsh conditions of their home planet. Before the Krogan Rebellions, they were also amazingly fertile, reproducing at a massive rate, as well as being one of the most physically robust races in the galaxy, which made them ideal at battling the rachni. That was why the salarians had 'uplifted' them, drawing them into galactic society and giving them advanced technology, before sending them against the insect race that had been threatening the entire galaxy at the time. The krogan proved to be the only race able to endure actually going to the rachni worlds and destroying their queens. But their rapidly expanding numbers made them take more and more planets for themselves, ultimately starting the Krogan Rebellions and culminating in the release of the genophage. Wrex and Garrus seemed to have reached at least some level of understanding, mainly out of respect for each other's abilities, but they still went back and forth about that on occasion. Until she'd met Wrex, Shepard had only met a few krogan personally . . . they weren't exactly a friendly race. She hadn't given the Krogan Rebellions much thought- humanity wouldn't even join the galactic community until several centuries later, after all -it was simply a piece of history.

Wrex's frustration and anger toward the other krogan wasn't unfounded. In his opinion, it was the belief they were doomed that was dooming them. Wrex had actually tried to organize the tribe he'd led early in his life to focus more on rebuilding their society. It had surprised Shepard to learn how many of the krogan still wanted war, including Jarrod, Wrex's father. A difference of opinion that big between a father and a son wasn't uncommon anywhere, but in Wrex's society, it could only end one way. Namely, with his best warriors dead and his knife buried in his own father's chest.

If that wasn't enough to turn you into a cynic, what was?

Which was what had brought them here.

"I hope we don't actually meet up with your mother, because she'll probably singularity my ass into oblivion for corrupting you," Shepard muttered, watching a doorway while Liara used biotics to pull open yet another vault.

"We're helping Wrex, that's not corruption."

"Depends on who you ask."

"True enough." Liara frowned as she peered into the vault. "It's not here."

"Tali?" Shepard called across the room.

"Not yet, Shepard, but I have some more heavily armored vaults over here!"

Shepard tapped Liara on the shoulder and motioned her toward the quarian as footsteps echoed beyond the broken doorway. Liara nodded and headed across the room, weaving her way between the lines and lines of display cases. The room looked like a damn museum. Shepard tapped her comm as she sent a warp field at the doorway, listening to the yells and crashes beyond, and earning a proud smile from Liara. Shepard was certainly benefitting from practice with her and Kaidan, and now even Wrex joined them once in a while. Only to show them how it was done, of course. "Kaidan, you guys have any luck?"

Her comm crackled. _"Depends, Commander. We didn't find it yet but we found Actus."_ She heard faint sounds of gunfire over the comm. _"He and Wrex are discussing his theft at the moment."_

"Aw, poor bastard."

There was a crunch of metal and a cry of pain in the background. Garrus's voice came over the comm, his tone dry. _"Yeah, I think his days of stealing from the krogan...or anyone else for that matter...are done. The galaxy will have to mourn the loss."_

"You said it, handsome." Shepard glanced up as Ashley came charging through the doorway backwards, shooting through it. "Gotta go, there's some men bothering me." She clicked off and rose, bringing her pistols up.

Ashley ducked behind a display case nearby. She was grinning. "Probably irresponsible of me, but this is so cool. Fighting pirates." Shepard tossed another small warp field as a couple of Tonn Actus's men tried to charge the doorway. The roar of Ashley's shotgun almost made the walls of the enclosed space shake, taking them down in a perfectly timed attack the second the warp field smashed into them. "Boomstick- 2. Pirates- 0."

Shepard chuckled and stood fully upright. She was about to call over to Tali and Liara when something in the display case caught her eye. Tonn Actus was well hated among the krogan for his gathering of krogan artifacts, specifically stuff from the Rebellions, but apparently the turian was a connoisseur of all kinds of historical objects. Shepard hacked the lock on the display case and reached in, plucking up what looked like an ancient pistol. Ash looked over, her eyes wide. Shepard turned the old gun over in her hands carefully. It was expertly preserved, looking like it had just been slipped back into its holster moments ago. "Human, Colt Single Action Army Pistol, 1874," she read from the description card.

"That's right out of the Ancient West," Ash said, wide eyed.

Shepard nodded. She caught movement right at the corner of her eye and threw the bulletproof glass lid up again, ducking down as three more pirates came in. Two of them came at Ashley while a third launched himself over the display case in front of the one Shepard was hiding behind, whipping a pistol up and pointing it at her, grinning. "I know you, chick. The famous Commander Shepard, at my mercy."

Shepard pointed the Colt at him around the case's lid.

His grin only got wider and more arrogant. He leaned forward, daring her to pull the trigger. "Of course, you expect me to believe the glorious Commander Shepard can fire a centuries old pistol."

His movement put his head in range and Shepard flipped the gun over, holding it by the barrel and slamming the heavy butt of it into his unprotected temple with all her strength. His eyes widened in almost comical surprise before rolling back as he collapsed. Ash stepped up and shot him before he hit the ground.

Shepard reflected that if she was to indeed end her life with a save count bigger than her kill count, she was probably going to have to stop battling people with a 'kill first, ask questions later' philosophy. Which was the philosophy of many in the Terminus Systems; a problem, that.

"Commander!" Tali poked her head out of the vault she'd just broken into. "We found it! I think. It's too big to be anything else, I guess..."

Ash kept her eyes on the door and Shepard crossed the room to join Tali and Liara, peering into the vault. She spotted it immediately, displayed in a special case at the back of the vault: an ancient set of krogan armor.

* * *

"I can't believe my ancestors actually wore this crap, but at least I have it back," Wrex rumbled. He was studying the armor with an oddly subdued look in his red eyes.

"Good armor fashion is timeless," Shepard said.

Wrex snorted. "I don't see you running around in one of those stupid looking tin cans you humans used to wear in your ancient times."

She grinned. "Well, regardless of fashion...or lack thereof...I'm happy we could help you get it back."

The krogan shot her an amused look. "I might just be starting to like you, Shepard. Come by later, I'll crack open another bottle of ryncol."

"I don't deserve a threat like that, krogan."

She headed for the elevator as Wrex chuckled, moving past Garrus and Howard, who were looking over some of the upgrades Howard had done to the Mako the past couple of days. She might as well do another quick sweep with Tali's search engine and see if they could pick up on Saren's whereabouts and then...

" _Commander!"_

Shepard swerved from her path to the elevator and hit the intercom. "I'm here, Joker, what's up?"

" _Just thought you ought to know we just got a distress call on Edolus. Alliance, looks like a ground team of marines."_

"What the hell are they doing on Edolus? There's nothing there but sand and rocks," Wrex wondered aloud.

Shepard frowned. "Shit. How fast can you get us there?"

" _It's not too far away. About an hour plus a bit more to navigate through the atmosphere."_

"Head there." She looked over at Howard and Garrus, who were both watching her now. "Looks like we're going to give those upgrades a try."

"Just don't let me catch you racing it, young lady," Howard said, pointing at her sternly.

"Now you're just insulting, I'd never let you catch me."

* * *

"We've got burning debris up ahead, Commander," Ashley said, pointing.

Shepard squinted through the dust, cursing softly under her breath. Looks like they hadn't been fast enough. Garrus kept the guns trained around them carefully as she moved cautiously toward the burning vehicle, which she was pretty sure was a M29 Grizzly, a smaller cousin of the Mako.

She stopped a few yards away and clicked the comm on her helmet as she climbed out of the Mako, gun drawn, carefully moving toward the site. There was the transmitter sending out the distress signal. She paused, pushing over the body of a marine that was sprawled several feet away from the others, almost like it had been thrown there, feeling the others gather around her. She frowned, looking around. What the hell had happened, she wondered. Wrex was right, there was _nothing_ here. Some of the ground was tossed up all over the place, maybe by the wind, and there were the marine bodies, but no enemy bodies, no sign of a fight and nowhere near enough bodies to be a full contingent.

Shepard moved closer to the site and froze, her veins turning to ice as an acidic stench hit her olfactory sensors, strong even over the smell of burning metal and fuel from the Grizzly. She knew that smell, she remembered it stinging her nostrils every time she had a nightmare about...

_Akuze._

Oh, God.

_No bodies._

She backed away from the site, her voice hoarse. "Everyone back to the Mako. _Now._ "

"What is it, Commander?" Garrus's voice was sharp with concern.

She barely heard him, a mental picture of the area they'd seen as they were dropping down with the Mako filling her head. Yes, yes...the area had the look of a jagged circle, how the hell had she failed to notice it? She'd studied them obsessively in the vague hope that knowledge would cleanse her fear. "This is a thresher maw nest..."

Wrex let out a string of curses and Ashley gasped. Shepard motioned them back toward the Mako, hurrying, hoping against hope.

She had just reached the vehicle when she felt the ground vibrating beneath her feet, making her heart clench almost painfully in her chest. "Garrus, get the guns up!" She swung into the driver's seat as Wrex and Ashley piled in behind her and Wrex threw the door shut.

Now she could feel the vibrations even in the Mako, making her hands tremble as a rush of terror speared through her. _Dammit, facing these things_ once _in your life should be fucking enough..._

She glanced over at Garrus at the guns, at Ash and Wrex behind her. Her crew.

Ice cold focus layered itself over the fear, pressing it down. This wasn't happening again. Not ever. Her world narrowed down to the feel of the wheel in her grip, the idling engine of the Mako, and the vibrations that grew more and more violent with every passing second. She focused on those.

_You're not getting my crew._

"Commander?" Ash spoke from behind her.

"Wait." Shepard's voice was utterly calm. "When I say fire, hit with everything we've got, Garrus."

"Yes, Commander."

Wait for it...wait for it...she was going on pure gut instinct now, the same instinct that had kicked in that night all those years ago. _There's a slight pause and then a hard shake that's almost like an earthquake right before it breaks the surface..._

_There._

Shepard threw the Mako in reverse and punched it, sending it careening backwards almost at top speed a few seconds before a huge, slithery form erupted from the surface in front of them. "Now, Garrus!"

The turian unloaded the guns on the thresher maw, swaying in front of them, obviously confused by the fact it had failed in its usually foolproof sneak attack. She heard it shriek in pain as the Mako's guns slammed it, knocking it back a bit.

The sound was music to her ears.

She kept going backwards, a bit slower, waiting. The thing recovered quick enough, rearing back, its writhing mouth splaying open. She jerked hard on the wheel and gave it an extra boost of speed, pulling them just out of the way of the creature's acid right in time. But the Thresher Maw was already diving back beneath the surface. She kept the spin going, speeding along the sand toward the raised edge of the nest. If they could get out of it, the Maw wouldn't follow them. "Garrus?"

"I'm on it." The turian's ringing voice was as calm as hers, his entire focus on the readouts.

"Carve off a few chunks for me, turian. Thresher maw steaks are good eating," Wrex growled, sounding like he was having a grand old time.

With every word of the exchange, her fear faded, turned the thresher maw from a nightmare of the past to a dangerous enemy of the present. She focused, watching for the telltale displacement of the ground that would tell her what direction it was coming from. She slammed the Mako to a halt as it charged at them and did the reverse trick again, this time swerving back so they were slightly behind it when it burst from the ground and missed them again, seeming confused all over again.

_It's just an animal,_ the cold voice in her head whispered. _A top flight predator but the trouble with having no enemies is you aren't able to adapt yourself. It has a handful of ways to attack and that's it. Use it._

Garrus had already picked up on the pattern. Even as the thresher maw started to turn, he was firing again. Shepard spun the Mako in a fast circle behind it, confusing it further. It twisted, lightning fast, and brought its claws slamming down, missing them by inches, the force of the blow causing the Mako to tip alarmingly for a moment before Shepard got it under control. Garrus swivelled the guns around and fired again, this time catching the thing on the underside of its chin before it could spit again, snapping its head back. At the same time, Wrex lunged forward and threw the door open enough he could lean out, gripping the top of the doorway hard as Shepard took off again, unloading a shot at the base of the thing's throat where it was obviously vulnerable. There was a wet tearing sound as the thresher maw shrieked again, spots on its carapace smoking and chunks of hard flesh and yellowish ichor raining down. Wrex ducked back in to avoid it, slamming the door shut again. By that time, they were driving away from it, and the guns had powered up again. Garrus focused and hit the thing as it started to pull back under the ground again, its pained keening making their ears vibrate. Garrus's shot struck it near the spot Wrex had nailed it and the effect was _spectacular_. A geyser of yellowish ichor blew upward from the thing, along with a good portion of its head. It let out one more shriek, flailing and twisting in the air, then crashed into the ground behind them, the impact shaking the floor beneath their feet.

"Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit..." Shepard dimly realized Ash had been chanting that for the past couple of minutes. She let out a whoop as the thresher maw died. "Holy _shit_! Good driving, Commander!"

"Good shooting." Shepard grinned over at Garrus and the turian flared his mandibles in their version of a smile.

"Yea, not bad, krogan, though that leaning out of the Mako habit of yours will probably bite you in the ass someday." Ashley sounded almost giddy.

"But until then, it bites enemies on the ass," the krogan said, sounding pleased with himself. Shepard sent him a grin as well, then focused on finding a path out of the nest, taking them back up to higher ground.

* * *

"Then Wrex leaned out of the Mako and almost blew half of the damn thing away," Ashley said to a wide eyed audience including Kaidan, Liara, Tali, and a good portion of the crew. There was honest admiration in her voice. Awesome gun-work transcended personality and racial conflicts.

She'd had to repeat the story several times as more and more people came to listen. Shepard stood back, working on her omni-tool with an expression that clearly said 'listen to Ashley and don't bother me'.

"That transmitter wasn't from their vehicle." Shepard looked up as Garrus stepped up beside her, his voice quiet.

"I know..." she murmured back.

"It was sitting there in almost the exact center of the nest, I'm pretty sure. It looked like..."

"It was deliberately placed there. Yeah." Shepard's voice was flat.

"They must have died answering the signal the same way we did. I'm sorry, Commander."

She lifted her head, meeting those steady blue eyes. Neither of them said it out loud, but it was there: _Cerberus._

Garrus leaned back against the wall beside her. "Do you know who they served under? We should inform their commander."

"Looking it up now. We didn't get any real information so I have to sort through quite a bit to narrow it down."

Garrus silently held up his omni-tool. Appreciating it, she gave him half of the list and the two of them picked their way through it.

"Think I have it, Commander." The turian leaned over, showing her the information displayed on the holo-screen.

Shepard scanned it, nodding. "Yes...yes, that's it. They were marines. Serving under..." Her eyes came to rest on the name and her face went pale, her eyes going wide. "Oh, no..."

* * *

Despite what it might have appeared, there were, in fact, only a few people in the Alliance ranks- usually higher up and administrators -that Shepard held in contempt. As a whole, she was genuinely proud to have served with the people she'd been assigned with. The brave men and women working to pave the way for humanity in this brave new galaxy of theirs they were still almost strangers to. They were the people who she held up as possessing the best aspects of humanity. Anderson was right at the top of that list, obviously. And Admiral Hackett, though she'd never met him face to face. There were also people like Howard, and Pressly, and Joker and Dr. Chakwas.

But there was one man who would always, for Shepard, stand a head above everyone else and that was Rear Admiral Kahoku. Anything good about her as a soldier could be traced back to him. To her, he encompassed everything that was good about the Alliance. He was the man she'd tried her very best to model herself after, the man who had given her a second shot at life. In the first hard years when she'd joined up with the Alliance, when she'd chafed at being put under probation and- spoiled brat that she was -struggled with having to take orders not just from one person but everyone above her, the idea of disappointing him and making him look bad had been enough to make her bite her tongue. She'd let herself get that all important trait beaten into her that Kahoku had known she desperately needed, though she didn't realize it until much later: discipline.

Shepard had shut the door of the comm room for privacy. She sat in one of the chairs, feeling vaguely ill. When she had contacted Anderson for his help in finding the Admiral, he had informed her Kahoku was on the Citadel at that very moment, trying to get an audience with the Council regarding some of his men going missing. His face had gone grim when she'd told him she knew what had happened to them, but he had not asked questions. He had promised to put Kahoku in contact with her as soon as he could track him down.

She closed her eyes, letting out a breath as a quiet chime came from the pedestal. She buttoned her jacket and smoothed her hair back as best she could as she walked up and tapped the button, standing at attention and saluting as the Admiral's image appeared. "Sir."

"Shepard." The Admiral looked tired and much older than the last time she'd seen him, but he managed half a smile for her. "Somehow I knew that turian Spectre would choose you. I knew you'd be up to it. It's been a long time."

"Yes, sir. I wish we were meeting under better circumstances."

Kahoku wasn't a stupid man by any stretch of the imagination. Her contacting him like this, her tone, and what Anderson had told him was enough he knew what was coming. His lips pressed into a thin line. "What happened to my men, Shepard?"

She gave it to him as she knew he would want it to be given: straight and to the point. He listened silently, face expressionless. "The entire unit wouldn't have just stumbled into a thresher maw nest," he said finally.

"No, sir. I believe they were lured in the same way we were. The only conclusion that I can come to is that, given the placement and the way the distress beacon was set, someone deliberately put it there to lure people into the nest." She didn't add her suspicions about Cerberus. She hadn't had time to look into it and she wasn't going to give him anything unless she was absolutely certain it would actually be useful for him.

"And all of a sudden, no one seems to know anything about it and that area is restricted," Kahoku said, his voice so quiet Shepard wondered if he even meant for her to hear. "I've had a bad feeling about this ever since they disappeared..."

His back was straight, his expression composed, but even in the hologram, Shepard could see the grief behind his professional demeanor. There were several in the Admiralty who might have viewed their men as replaceable without much value; Admiral Kahoku was not one of them.

And because of that, neither was Arian Shepard.

Kahoku nodded, finally looking at her again. "Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Shepard. I would have been waiting until Judgement Day if the bureaucrats had anything to say about it. Now I have to do my part. Their families need to know why they died."

"If you need anything from me, sir, you only have to ask."

Again came that quiet smile. "Not for the moment, Shepard, you've done enough. But I'll let you know when I find something about what happened." He nodded to her as she saluted again, his image fading away.

It was the last time she ever saw him alive.


	23. Shades of Vengence

The screams of had died out, the rachni beast they'd let loose on the personnel dying under a hail of gunfire. There was a certain satisfaction in letting their precious experiments out and standing back and watching them kill off the members of the Cerberus facilities. There was a kind of poetic justice after they'd experimented on the marines with little or no thought.

_Kahoku could hear them catching up with him. He steeled himself, hacking the door behind him to seal it, holding them back at least for a moment. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He'd known Cerberus was a shady agency but this...this was utter madness. This had been worth the lives of his men? Cerberus was a menace. Whatever the proclaimed, these things they were doing were unforgivable. They were no better than the monsters they experimented on._

_He laid his fingers over his omni-tool lightly. His first instinct as a soldier was to send the information he'd found along official channels, but he was no longer certain who among the people watching those channels were working for the Alliance and who was working for Cerberus. He didn't know who to trust anymore._

_No. That wasn't true._

_There was one person he knew he could trust._

She didn't want to know how they had gotten hold of creatures so much like the empty eyed beasts the Thorian had created. The idea of them mastering the kind of mind control the Thorian had been capable of was terrifying.

She already knew they had gotten hold of rachni, though she had no idea where they were getting them from.

They had found plenty, except who they had come looking for.

_What he knew about Cerberus was hopelessly outdated. Who really knew how long they had been going rogue? Maybe they had been doing heinous things from the very beginning._

_He was fairly certain he wasn't sending her anything she didn't already know about them but he sent it anyway, along with the coordinates. He paused in the recording, glancing at the door, hearing the shouts and pounding on it. "This will probably be the last you'll hear from me." Which was true. "Cerberus will be after me. I have to disappear before they find me." Which wasn't true, but there was no reason she needed to know at this moment that it was probably the last anyone would hear of him ever. He hesitated, then ended the recording there, sending it before anyone could think to put some kind of block around the facility._

_He thought of his wife and children then, smiling sadly. He thought of his grandchildren, the ones already born and the one he was never going to see. But his wife was a strong woman, she'd had to be, staying married to an Alliance soldier. She'd raised their children strong, and they would raise their children strong. His family would be fine with time. He thought, also, of the skinny young woman with her strange, pale eyes, peering out at him suspiciously from the darkness of her cell. How much more she was now, so much more he had no doubt if the transmission reached her, she'd stop them._

_In that moment they finally burst through- as he rose, whirling, a pistol in his hand -he almost felt sorry for the hell he'd likely just brought down on them. Almost._

_He took down the first wave of people that charged into the room after him with guns and fist and every ounce of training he possessed. It wasn't until the third group of people they sent in they managed to pin him down, one of them slamming him back and jamming a needle into his arm. It swept through his system, making his muscles weak, making him slide down the wall numbly. He dimly heard them talking, barely felt the prick of another needle that made his sight dim further. He was vaguely aware of being lifted, of laughter echoing around him._

_But he wasn't aware when they split the force field slightly and threw him in with the rachni soldier. Whatever research or entertainment they'd hoped to gain from the action, they were sorely disappointed. Admiral Kahoku was dead by then and the rachni soldier barely paid him any heed, examining the body for a moment before moving back to the barrier, staring intently at the fresh and living meat beyond the barrier until the personnel gathered there backed away, some of them leaving with an uneasy feeling._

They'd shut him in with the beast.

"Oh, my God..." She heard Ashley gasp behind her.

She knelt down beside his body slowly, lifting a shaking hand up and pressing her fingers to his pulse in a gesture she knew was futile. He was dead. Had been dead for many hours, possibly days.

The one relief was he'd obviously been dead when they had thrown him in. Other than the needle marks on his arm _,_ there wasn't a mark on him.

The bitter grief that swept through her froze her in place for a long moment, kneeling beside the admiral's body, her head bent. Grief because he'd been a good man who had served humanity better than these so called protectors of it could ever hope to claim. Because she owed him so much and in the end, she hadn't been there when he had needed her the most. Because it was his desire to avenge the men who had served him and who he had felt responsible for that had brought him to this end. By the people who barely even cared those men had existed.

He'd deserved better. So much better than this.

She closed her eyes, feeling that grief break open something inside her. It turned brittle, crystalized into a kind of rage she hadn't allowed herself to feel for years. It didn't show on her face as she rose, calmly sending a message to Anderson, leaving all the data in the facility untouched so they could properly retrieve it when they came for the admiral's body.

"Cerberus," Wrex's voice was quiet as he kicked the body of the dead rachni. Of all the squad members, the krogan was the only one who wasn't a bit unnerved by the expression on Shepard's face as she turned to look at them. Or rather...the _lack_ of expression. Her face was a mask, her eyes blank. Wrex's eyes met hers squarely. "You know, Shepard, I've just about had it with them."

So had she.

Cerberus wanted to make an unstoppable army? That was just fine.

They would need one.

* * *

Liara sat in the Normandy's lab, going over data she had gathered without really seeing it. Her mind kept wandering over the events of the past few days, turning them over and over. She didn't know what to think of any of it. They had all seen some of the things Shepard was capable of when pushed. Everyone on the ship knew she wasn't someone you wanted to mess with. But the woman with the icy gray eyes that had been stalking the ship was an entirely new aspect of her. Oh, she wasn't a danger to anyone on the ship, but that sense of constrained violence made one jumpy even if you weren't on her radar.

At first she'd thought Shepard had built up some kind of icy shield around herself to keep that violence in her in check, but now as she watched the commander systematically destroy every aspect of the central base responsible for killing that poor admiral, she realized that was erroneous. That ice cold discipline Shepard had wrapped around herself permeated her to the core. The rage and violence in her was all the more dangerous when provoked because she didn't lash out randomly...she plotted it down to the last moment with frightening quickness.

Cerberus, she had come to observe, was stunningly well coordinated. She understood now how they had evaded capture for so long. Setting up the four interconnected bases and keeping them isolated must have taken years to set up properly. And they tore it all down within a day.

* * *

_Shepard first used the files Admiral Kahoku had sent her to hack into the network before they realized they were in danger. Cerberus had managed the somewhat miraculous task of isolating a network for itself. But it also meant that someone with an opening, like Shepard had via Kahoku, was nearly unstoppable. Her first step was to make sure they weren't holding any more hostages like they had obviously been holding the admiral. Once she confirmed there was only personnel waiting for them, she went to work. She couldn't find anymore of Cerberus's bases, but between her, Tali, and Garrus, they implemented something that wreaked havoc not only on the base's network but sent ripples through Cerberus as a whole. Liara didn't know what they did, but she later saw on the news several Cerberus agents were suddenly exposed and hunted down._

_All that was simply a prelude. By the time they reached the main base's coordinates, they were on alert. It still didn't save them. Anyone who attacked them died. Research that had taken four bases years to compile was either destroyed or sent to Captain Anderson to do with what he saw fit._

_They managed to thwart her with the main database, however. Shepard wasn't able to get more than a few encrypted files before whatever defenses they had set into it wiped them all. Which had probably made her a tad impatient with the man who tried to take Liara hostage._

_She had not meant to get so distracted, and in her defense, neither Kaidan nor Garrus saw the man sneaking up on them until he'd already grabbed hold of her. She froze as she felt the blunt cylinder of a pistol press against her temple. "Drop your weapons or I kill the alien." The man sounded desperate and terrified._

_Shepard obediently dropped her gun and spread her hands. The man didn't register the dark energy dancing over her arms in time. There was a brief, fuzzy feeling in her head and suddenly Shepard was standing behind them. Liara, well versed in biotics, realized within a few moments Shepard must have put them both in stasis long enough to circle around them. The man obviously wasn't so informed. His exclamation of shock turned into a scream of pain as the commander grabbed the hand holding the gun and whipped it back away from Liara. She ducked free and turned right in time to see Shepard break the man's wrist with a fast twist. He dropped to his knees and she kicked the gun away, staring down at him with that frightening blankness in her eyes and face, her movements almost casual. "Sorry, Liara, I couldn't just put a field around him when he had hold of you."_

_Liara just nodded, swallowing hard._

_The man clutched his wrist, panting, rolling his eyes up toward Shepard. "You'll regret this, bitch. You have no idea what you're messing with."_

" _Cerberus. I know. Somehow I don't think they're going to risk anything to save you, boyo. Especially since the other three bases are gone and the Alliance has all the information of what you've been doing here."_

" _You're lying..." He sounded like he was trying to convince himself._

_Shepard smiled and picked up her pistol. The man started to stammer as she put it to his head. "I...I have information..."_

" _I'm listening."_

_Liara shivered at the odd, purring tone to her voice and noticed Kaidan flinch slightly, picking up on it as well. They read it loud and clear even if the man didn't: Shepard had no intention of letting him go._

_He licked his lips. "We...a couple of my colleagues and I...we weren't high enough in the ranks to know anything in depth about the projects but we are...were...gathering information on the side lines. Just in case. I know the names and aliases of some high ranking agents...they don't know that I know."_

" _I don't know that you know, either. You're Cerberus, my dear, an organization of abject liars."_

" _I'm not lying! I know one man who is way high up in the ranks. He's keeping an eye on the biotic children, ready to take the ones that show promise! He reports directly to the Illusive Man."_

" _The Illusive Man?" The man had inadvertently broke through Shepard's rage._

" _He's the leader of the whole thing. This guy...the name I know...reports directly to him!" He clung to the man's rank, mistakenly assuming that was what had caught Shepard's attention._

" _Commander..." Kaidan sounded alarmed._

_Shepard held up a finger, a silent command, and he obeyed automatically. She leaned forward, still pressing the pistol to the man's head. "What biotic children?"_

_The man blinked and licked his lips, a calculating look coming to his eyes. Shepard had just taken down his entire base and had a pistol to his head, but he obviously picked up on the fact he had the advantage all of a sudden. "I'm not saying anything without some reassurances."_

_Shepard was silent for a long moment. Her face was still expressionless, but the fixed, cold look was gone from her eyes as she considered his words. She finally reached forward with the hand that held her omni-tool. The man looked down curiously, then jerked as she did something that made him collapse, twitching. "Kaidan?"_

" _Yes, Commander?"_

" _Haul his carcass to the brig and lock him up, then send word to Captain Anderson that we have a prisoner for questioning."_

" _It would be my pleasure, Commander."_

_Shepard watched the Alliance soldier drag the man away. She turned her head to look at Garrus. "The Illusive Man."_

_The turian shrugged. "I've never heard the name, but that isn't surprising if he really is the leader. If any of that was true."_

" _Anderson will find out." Shepard said, leading the way out of the room, their footsteps echoing through the now empty corridors. That still, icy look was back in her eyes. Liara puzzled over why she had decided to turn that man, of all people, over to the Alliance instead of questioning him. She supposed that the Alliance would be able to act quicker than she on the information should it prove to be valid._

_It was much more comfortable to think that than go on her suspicions that Shepard didn't trust herself to keep the man alive._

* * *

Liara leaned back in her chair, closing her eyes.

She didn't realize that people noticed her fascination with Shepard. Most of the crew chalked it up to the commander having been touched by the Protheans but Kaidan and Ashley had gone back and forth a few times about whether it was more than scientific interest. In truth, Liara couldn't think of anyone, including her mother, who had produced such a whirlwind of conflicting emotions in her than Arian Shepard did. On one hand, she found her deeply compelling, both physically and emotionally. In fact, how compelling she found her was what frightened her so much.

Having touched Shepard's mind as she helped her sort out the images from the beacon, Liara was probably the only one outside of the Terminus Systems who knew how dark some of the paths of her mind ran. That however much she regretted things she had done when she had been younger, she had enjoyed it at the time. And part of her still enjoyed it. Which was why, Liara guessed, she was so careful to keep it disciplined. It wasn't just the flavor of those brief flashes of memory Shepard had locked deep within her, it was her own fascination with them that truly disturbed her, because she had never once thought herself capable of wanting to see such things. Shepard was like some kind of dancing, rotating magnet to her, compelling and repelling her at intervals.

* * *

_They had come onto the ship because they thought it might be a Cerberus based one. At first it seemed from the strange, mindless creatures that kept attacking them that they were right on the dot. Cerberus had been experimenting with creatures like the Thorian's beasts._

_But there was no other sign. No files, no employees, no nothing, the only living being they had come across was a salarian who had started babbling in thanks for saving him. Garrus had drawn his gun suddenly, snarling at the salarian, calling him Dr. Saleon._

_She'd yet to meet a salarian that could truly hide what he or she was feeling. Even as he protested that his name was Dr. Heart and he had no idea what they were talking about, she saw the telltale shift in his eyes and body language that gave him away._

" _You're sure, Garrus?" Shepard was still wrapped in that cold, eerie calm that hadn't left since they had found the admiral's body._

" _Positive." There was nothing cold about Garrus. His eyes were flashing and every step he took forward held barely restrained violence. If Shepard hadn't been there, he probably would have done his best to tear the salarian apart. "No escape this time, doctor. I'd harvest your organs first, but we don't have the time."_

_The salarian twitched back and looked at Shepard. He froze, clearly not knowing which one of them was worse to face: Garrus with his anger or Shepard with those cold, cold eyes. He attempted with Shepard, "He...he's crazy. Please, don't let him do this to me."_

_Shepard tapped Garrus on the shoulder. She looked thoughtful. "You know, we can take him in and turn him over right alongside that Cerberus jackass in the brig. Two assholes for the price of one. Anderson will be overjoyed to turn him over to interrogation."_

_Garrus looked at her in disbelief. "We_ have _him, Commander. We can't let him get away. Not again."_

_The salarian made a move as if to back up and the commander whipped a pistol out so fast it was a blur, pointing it at him. "Whoa, there. Slow your roll, doc." Shepard glanced over at Garrus, looking slightly impatient. "Who says he's getting away? We have his ship. Look at what he's been doing, it's enough to lock him away for ten lifetimes. Which is ten lifetimes more than an old salarian bastard like him has in him."_

_Dr. Heart...Saleon...tensed, his ego clearly pricked by those words._

_Garrus noticed that, narrowing his eyes at the salarian, then looking back at Shepard. Liara, glad to see a sign of mercy from Shepard, encouraged him silently to go with it. The turian sighed. "I've...okay. You're right." He narrowed his eyes at Dr. Saleon. "You're a very lucky salarian. You owe the commander your life."_

_The salarian revealed the intent of that earlier shift backwards as he pulled a gun. There was a wild look in his eyes. "Oh, thank you so very much!"_

_He leveled the gun at Shepard. Liara threw a warp field at him right as Shepard and Garrus opened fire. He never even got a chance to get a shot off, collapsing in a twitching heap._

_Garrus turned to Shepard. "So he dies anyway. What was the point of that?" Liara had never heard him speak with such disrespect to her._

_Shepard didn't seem to notice or care. She was looking at the salarian's body with an annoyed expression. "Damn, I was hoping we could get more information about what he's been doing. We've got his notes, at least...and the evidence here..." She looked around and Liara followed her gaze, shivering when she took in the blood stained lab for the first time. Shepard focused on Garrus, her voice casual. "He's dead, rather than dying locked up away from his research, other people picking it apart and calling it for the torture it was, and surrounded by the kinds of people he would have considered experiments. Which do you think he preferred, Garrus?"_

_The turian was silent, looking from her to the dead salarian._

_Shepard stared down at the body as well. "There are so many others you owed a debt to..." she murmured. "At least the families and friends of your victims will know you're dead, but it's more than you deserve." She looked back at the turian. "It's also clearly self defense rather than you just shooting him. He isn't worth a sideways glance or a moment of suspicion from anyone, Garrus."_

_Garrus was silent for a long time, finally looking at her. "I've never met anyone like you, Commander." There was an odd tone to his voice that made it unclear whether that was a good thing or a bad thing._

_Liara said nothing, feeling oddly intrusive on the moment. Even her mercy was tempered by cold practicality and, goddess help her, she wasn't entirely sure Shepard was wrong about that._

* * *

"Liara?"

She looked up, startled, to see Shepard standing in the doorway of the lab, a strange, almost apprehensive look on her face.

Liara straightened up. "Yes, Commander?"

Shepard hesitated, then came into the lab, sitting down in a chair across from her, indicating this was something more personal than professional. "We've found something..."

Liara studied her. "We've spotted Saren?" That would be a relief at this point, the search for him was making them all tense.

"No, sugar, not Saren..." Shepard's voice was soft.

_This_ was the woman Liara knew. The one that had saved her on Therum. The one that drew her rather than repelled. She felt a sweep of relief even as her words registered. "What is it, Shepard?"

"Your mother has been spotted on Noveria."


	24. A Warm Welcome

"Boyo, if you scowl any harder, you're going to break your face in half."

Garrus looked over at Howard. He didn't know what a scowl was, but the old engineer's mild tone and raised eyebrows got his point across anyway. He looked back at the Mako. It was unlikely they would need it on Noveria but checking it over gave him something to do until they got there.

Howard was standing near the back of the Mako, watching him with a knowing expression so similar to Shepard's it was uncanny. She'd probably picked hers up from Howard. The human grinned. "Still chafing over our fair haired lady stopping you from killing the psycho doctor, are you?"

"I just didn't want to risk him getting away again," Garrus said stiffly.

"And you wanted him to know he wasn't going to get away from you again. Which he didn't."

"Because we killed him. We could have just done that right from the start rather than deciding to save him on impulse."

Howard gave him an uncharacteristically sober look. "I can tell you one thing about Shepard, Garrus: she never does anything on impulse. She might come up with an idea quick but she _always_ has a reason for it. She probably- knowing her -thought it would give you a whole lot more credit if you dragged his ass in rather than just outright killing him."

Garrus studied him. That hadn't occurred to him. "Why would she even take that into consideration?"

"She cares about you. If there's something that is going to help you along after all this is over, she'll do it." He grinned again at the turian's obvious discomfort. "Same for all the others. If you don't think she's going to make sure all of you get serious credit for hunting Saren down, you haven't been paying attention."

Garrus looked back to the Mako, discomfited. Put in that perspective, he supposed there would have been some benefits in bringing Saleon in alive. "That's assuming we catch Saren...I'm starting to wonder. He's always one step ahead of us." Even now, this new lead wasn't bringing them directly to Saren.

Howard was unperturbed. "He just got a head start is all. You'll catch him."

Garrus paced away, wishing he was as confident. "Saleon getting away the first time was bad enough. The idea of Saren getting away with all he's done...he's a traitor and a madman. Taking him down will restore the good name of turians everywhere..."

Wrex's snicker echoed across the room. "Oh, now, am I glad to hear it. I was losing sleep over the idea of people not liking the turians."

Howard spoke before Garrus could come up with a retort. "Hey, kid, relax, you'll catch him. We get closer to cornering the bastard every day. Eventually, he'll slip up and Shepard will hone in like a missile."

"Do you think she'll turn him in?" He hadn't meant to say that out loud but since he had already...

Howard looked surprised, then eyed him speculatively. "As opposed to killing him outright?"

The human had an uncanny knack for cutting right to the core of things. "The Council was dragging their feet before. He's too dangerous. He might escape, or worse, the Council might let him go..."

Howard was silent for a long time. "I don't think she'll kill him...or allow him to be killed...until she knows everything he knows."

"You really think there's more to know other than he's a raving lunatic?"

"Shepard does."

And for Howard, Garrus knew, it was as simple as that.

For Garrus, it was a bit more uncomfortable. To him, hunting Saren down was necessary to save lives and restore the name of his people after the blight the former Spectre had put on their name. All the talk about the Prothean beacon and Shepard's vision had seemed like a side note, especially since Liara had helped settle things for the commander and she wasn't walking around looking like something was trying to tear her brain apart.

 _Reapers._ He knew that word haunted their commander in a way none of them- except maybe Liara -could understand. Garrus preferred to stay focused on what was in front of him, what he could understand beyond a shadow of a doubt, so he tried not to give it much thought. "You believe someone powerful is backing him up too?" Thinking of it in that way was much less nerve wracking.

Howard was silent again, finally speaking thoughtfully: "It's a scary thought. But do you really think he found some way to control that many geth on his own? You think that asari on Feros was lying about that mind control she was under?" He raised his eyebrows. "Do you think Shepard is as crazy as Saren?"

"Of course not!" Garrus lifted his head indignantly, then settled, aware suddenly that if he was questioning Saren's sanity, he was, by rote, also questioning Shepard's. No matter how you looked at it, there was no comfort to be found.

"Then I guess Saren does have a few questions to answer, eh?"

"Which brings us back to finding him," Garrus muttered.

The comm on the console near Howard crackled and he leaned over, tapping a button. "Yeah? Sure, Shepard, he's here." He looked over at Garrus.

The turian came over so he could hear clearly.

" _Garrus? Are you busy?_ " Shepard's voice held a note of excitement that piqued his interest.

"No, Commander, what can I do for you?"

" _I have something I need your help with before we get to Noveria."_

* * *

Garrus was starting to wonder about his own sanity; he was actually relieved to see Shepard pacing around the comm room and muttering to herself. It indicated she was back to...normal. And the fact he considered that normal...of all people, Williams had put it best when someone had asked her about it: _"I dunno, you just kind of get used to it. It stops being crazy and it's just...Shepard."_

Or maybe Shepard was just driving them all crazy.

An alarming thought. But on the other hand, it ensured that life was never boring.

"So I was arguing about stocks and investments with my uncle...my personal business stuff, I mean, he helps me out a lot with it...and it was like a shot in the brain. Maybe coming close to Noveria the Home of Evil Corps put the idea into my head, but I kept wondering why Benezia would go there, of all places. I mean, sure Saren has the geth, but he also has assassins and information brokers and such...enough money to lure an agent away from the _Shadow Broker_ for chrissakes. So follow me here: how does an enterprising turian bent on galactic domination ensure he has his claws in a lot of pies?"

"Claws in...er, what, Commander?"

"Oh, sorry, human saying. I mean how does he ensure he has plenty of resources spread around?"

His mind was racing. "Business deals...investments...damn, I should have thought of that sooner..."

"So should I, so let's accept that and move on, shall we?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"And don't call me that, it makes me feel old."

Yep, she was definitely back. Stifling his amusement, he went to one of the free consoles and brought up information on Noveria. "Of course...like you said, it's home of the evil corporations...he probably has investments all of the place. Narrowing them down won't be easy..."

"Look for companies specializing in advanced engineering and possibly genetics."

They both turned to see Liara standing in the door to the room. She'd been very still and quiet the past few days, which he supposed he couldn't blame her for. She insisted she could deal with facing her mother, but it couldn't have been easy for her to know the possibility they might have to kill Benezia was a very real one.

The asari came into the room, seating herself on one of the chairs. "Logically, he would want to invest in something that would help him with his goals...like building an army."

Shepard nodded. "Yes, that's a good start...it's still going to take some time though..."

"I've been looking, but my mother and I have not spoken for several years. I am uncertain what she might have invested in before she joined with Saren." Liara's lips tightened into a thin line. "She was very certain we...the asari...needed to have more of a role in the galaxy. She might have had even more resources across space than Saren did. I...she is very smart, Shepard. And resourceful."

"I wouldn't have expected anything else from the woman who raised you."

"The idea Saren has enough influence to break someone as strong willed as her down is...disturbing. She was the most forward thinking person I've ever known. One of the reasons I started looking toward the past was to escape the pressures of being her daughter...now I think I'm starting to regret that...it's like Saren has turned her personality around completely..."

Both Garrus and Shepard were silent, though Shepard sat down quietly in the chair next to her. Garrus turned back to the console to give her some time to compose herself. The room grew quiet as they sorted through the myriad of possibilities for Saren to have invested in. Garrus kept to the console, eyes narrowed at the screen, Liara worked on her omni-tool, and Shepard moved between two consoles restlessly.

She looked up when Joker's voice crackled over the speakers. _"Hey, Commander, I've got Emily Wong on the line. She says Anderson sent her through."_

Shepard cocked her head, looking surprised. "Go ahead and patch her through, thanks." She moved to the console. The reporter's image appeared, her agitated voice echoing through the room. "Shepard, glad I got a hold of you. Have you seen it yet? Captain Anderson gave me permission to get a rebuttal on screen the second you release it."

"Rebuttal?"

"Haven't you been watching the vids? It's been all over Earth and half the Citadel too! Damn it. Hold on..." Her image vanished for a moment and static crackled over the link. After a beat, a holo screen appeared, presenting the smug face of Khalisah al-Jilani.

"With His Holiness Pope Leo XIV coming forward to express his doubts about Commander Shepard- doubts echoed over the past weeks by both political and religious leaders all over the galaxy as the rogue turian Spectre Saren Arterius remains at large and causing significant damage to human colonies -the controversy over humanity's first Spectre has spilled out of Alliance Navy ranks into public forums."

"The _Pope_ actually came out against me? Is it bad that I find that flattering?" Shepard said to no one in particular. She was fingering her St. Jude medal absently.

"Over the next half hour, we will be conducting interviews with several key figures both within and outside of the Alliance Navy as well as taking calls to get _your_ opinion. With more and more public figures looking beyond Shepard's much vaunted and played up service record, the question that is becoming more and more common is: can someone who appears to hold the worst qualities of humanity really be trusted to represent it?"

Shepard raised an eyebrow. Liara sputtered, outraged. "The _worst_ qualities of humanity?"

A mini screen appeared beside al-Jilani and expanded, showing them a fat human man with frizzed out black hair, his eyes hidden behind round mirrored shades. He was leaning over a desk, snarling, pounding a fist against the desktop as he spoke. Garrus had always found the mouths on human males to be odd looking. With females, they resembled the asari (Shepard's was actually rather nice in that regard) but on the males it looked weird. On this guy...the name flashing across the screen said Kirk Bando...it was outright repulsive. His lips were thick and rubbery and Garrus found himself almost mesmerized with disgust as he spoke, spraying flecks of spittle that were visible even on camera. "...Took the most advanced starship in the Alliance out and stuffed it full of aliens and what do we have to show for it? That turian bastard is still out there preying on human colonies and what is she doing about it? It just goes to show that something like this shouldn't have just been left up to the Navy officials. Everyone should have had a say in it!"

"You sound like you have doubts about how the Navy went about with the Spectre candidacy, Mr. Bando," al-Jilani's voice came from off camera.

Bando jabbed a finger forward. "I don't think the rumors she traded sexual favors to rise to her position are unfounded, especially with her getting on the Normandy, with her kind of background..."

"Yeah, why work when you can fuck your way to the top?" Shepard murmured dryly.

"...Hell, she might have used it to get the attention of the Spectre that was allegedly sent to recruit her!"

The commander actually laughed out loud at that one. "Oh, now he's onto me. I seduced Nihlus within hours of meeting him on a ship full of humans."

Now it was Garrus's turn to sputter.

Shepard grinned at him. "Maybe I should try that tactic with Saren, what do you think?"

" _Commander!"_

On screen, Bando wasn't finished. "And now it's like she's trying to find every possible way to embarrass us to live out some kind of little pirate fantasy. Took a ragtag group of alien freaks and forced good men and women of the Alliance to join in along side them." _That_ wiped the smile off of Shepard's face. She narrowed her eyes at the holo. "I say alien freaks literally. Two of them aren't Council races and one of them is actually the daughter of one of Arterius's right hand people! And she expects our boys to just sit back and accept it..."

"I've seen enough Ms. Wong." Shepard's voice was sharp, her eyes glittering with anger. The holo recording flickered off and the reporter reappeared. "I don't know who that asshole is, but he's got no call going after my crew..."

"He's a political pundit and a popular one, Commander," Wong said. "And him going off on your crew is the least of your worries. People are listening, Shepard, and public opinion is starting to turn with him...against you."

"That's why I don't watch the vids."

"Look, both you and Anderson have helped me out a lot, Shepard. You need to give me a rebuttal to put live before this gets any worse. I hear Ambassador Udina is seriously steamed."

"When is he not? I can only give you that the search for Saren Arterius is ongoing, Ms. Wong, and we have a solid lead. And what progress we have made is owed equally to the soldiers who have chosen to aid me on this ship and those 'alien freaks'. If you'll excuse me." She cut off the connection, shaking her head.

"Shepard, you can't let them get away with that, you have to defend yourself!" Liara said, outraged. "We're almost right on top of a solid lead to Saren."

"Exactly." Shepard glanced down as her omni tool signaled an incoming message, probably Udina, and ignored it. "No one knows we're headed to Noveria and I want to keep it that way. Especially your mother."

Garrus nodded slowly.

Liara glared at the console as if she could reach through with biotics and throttle the people speaking out against her but she nodded slowly. "I...yes. My mother has most likely taken precautions as it is but..."

"If she knows for sure we're coming, she'll take even bigger steps." Shepard shrugged, glancing over at the console. "I'm a soldier and a Spectre, not a media shill. I'm not going to care about a public opinion that's going to turn like the tide and neither should you, sugar. We've got a job to do."

* * *

Kaidan, who was much better about keeping up with the news than Shepard, was fuming as they drew into Noveria's docks. "I can't believe people listen to that guy. Can you believe what he implied about you and Anderson...that you..."

"Uh, Kaidan, do you honestly think that's the first time someone has suggested I slept with Anderson to get on as the Normandy's XO?" Shepard looked bemused. Ashley thought she sure as hell looked like she belonged on Noveria. She had a few of her piercings in, silver studs that glittered in the low light, and a wide band of metal and leather around her head that held a targeting visor over one of her eyes. With a long, heavy coat worn over dark, tight armor, her pale hair slicked back away from her face and those gray eyes, she looked like some kind of cybernetic Viking queen. When she'd told her so, Shepard had laughed and said to pull that look off she needed one of those awesome helmets with the horns. If only they could make those an Alliance uniform standard, Ash thought. That would be so cool.

Ash stirred when Shepard spoke, raising an eyebrow at Kaidan. "LT, whenever a woman starts rising in the ranks there's always some asshole saying she made it there on her back. Doesn't matter how good her record is." She grinned at Shepard. "And they get all offended if you ask them if they made their way to their rank on their stomach...or knees."

"Actually, my favorite response is asking for credit for going down on the female officers too. Maintain equality," Shepard said casually. Kaidan turned beet red and Ashley snickered. The commander snapped a clip into a pistol and holstered it, giving Kaidan an amused look. "But if none of you object to being led by a godless whore, I can live with it."

"And why don't _we_ get the benefits of that, I ask you?" Wrex bared his teeth in a grin. He was clearly trying to make them uncomfortable and succeeded with Garrus and Kaidan, though the turian hid the discomfort a bit better. "We could try introducing hybrid kids into Tuchanka. If nothing else, it would be funny to take you there and watch some of the clans kill each other off fighting over you."

Shepard didn't even bat an eye. "Wrex, you flatterer. I need to save my energy for finding Saren. Sorry."

This whole conversation was highly unprofessional...but the 'making the uptight guys uncomfortable' game was awfully fun. "And it's so rare to find a godless whore who's all about equality too."

"Rest assured, Ash- if you were into girls, I would make you my special bitch. The female half, anyway, as I would have to have one of each, you understand."

"Awww, thanks, Commander. Good to know you at least have a good taste in women. I've noticed you kind of have bad taste in men."

"No, I have a taste for bad men; there's a difference." Shepard looked up as they landed and the engines powered down.

Kaidan seemed on the verge of saying something but at that moment the doors opened and the cold slammed into them like a slap in the face, stealing their breath away. Except Wrex, of course, who sneered at them.

"I _hate_ the cold," Shepard muttered, turning up the collar of her jacket to shield her face, her eyes narrowed against the wind. "You know no one here is up to any good, why would you willingly live here unless you had something to hide?"

Given the fact the Noveria Corporation inhabited the planet and leased the place out almost specifically to people doing research and development too controversial or risky to be done in Citadel Space, that assumption wasn't too far off. The only reason Shepard was trying the direct approach, Ashley was pretty sure, was because Spectres had special privilege as per an agreement between the corporation and the Council.

That was put to the test almost immediately. They had barely left the ship when they found a main entry way blocked by three officers, two human women and a turian. Shepard strolled forward, flipping her collar back into place. The leader, one of the humans, stepped forward, holding up a hand. "That's far enough."

Shepard obliged, stopping and cocking her head to one side in a quizzical gesture. "Problem, officers?" Her voice was perfectly pleasant.

"You better hope there isn't." That came from the other human, a woman with short blond hair and a sour face. Ash didn't like the look of her at all. There was hot aggression in her eyes and her fingers remained tight around her gun, clear signs of someone who was a little too trigger happy. She glared at Shepard with open suspicion and dislike. Ashley moved silently so she was mirroring their position, standing directly across from the other woman and glaring right back, daring her to try anything.

The leader shot her subordinate a warning look, then focused on Shepard. "This is an unscheduled arrival. I need your credentials."

Shepard nodded. "Lt. Commander Arian Shepard at your service. I'm a Spectre."

The blond snorted and looked at the leader. "Load of horsecrap, ma'am." Her head jerked around as Shepard reached into her coat. "Keep your hands where we can see them!"

Shepard gave her a mildly contemptuous look and produced an identification card. "Ease up, kitten." She put just enough of a sneer in the word to make it insulting. The blond narrowed her eyes dangerously.

"Stirling, calm down." The leader took the card and did some sort of scan with her omni tool. "I'll need to confirm that."

"Of course."

The leader glanced up. "Also, I must advise you that firearms are not permitted on Noveria. Sargent Stirling, secure their weapons."

 _Oh, hell no..._ Ash thought, narrowing her eyes at the blond, who came forward eagerly. She heard Garrus and Wrex both pull their guns behind them and the buzz as Kaidan's biotics flared. The turian officer pulled his gun along with Sargent Stirling.

Shepard hadn't moved a muscle, her face expressionless, her eyes never leaving the leader. The two women studied each other for a long, tense moment.

Before the standoff or the clash of wills could come to a head, a voice came from a speaker somewhere. "Captain Matsuo! Stand down."

Matsuo glanced to the side and signaled to her officers, who lowered their weapons, the blond with visible reluctance.

"We confirmed their identity. Spectres are permitted to carry weapons here, Captain."

"Ash," Shepard said quietly. Ashley nodded and holstered her weapon. Shepard glanced over her shoulder and the rest of them did the same.

Captain Matsuo handed the identification card back to Shepard, who tucked it away with a nod. "You may proceed, Spectre. I hope the rest of your visit will be less confrontational."

 _I'll take the Vegas odds on that one,_ Ash thought.

"I have two more coming in a bit later, an asari and a quarian," Shepard said, jerking her head back toward the docks.

The captain blinked, her eyes flicking to the rest of the group, probably adding in a quarian and an asari to the already eclectic mix, but kept an admirably professional demeanor. "I'll make sure they're allowed through. Parasini-san will meet you upstairs."

"Behave yourself," Stirling snapped, glaring at them.

"Thank you, Captain," Shepard nodded politely, ignoring Stirling as she moved toward the doors that would take them into Noveria.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Digital cookies to anyone who can name what game the "Bad taste in men/taste for bad men" exchange is dedicated to!


	25. Shepard's Guide to Corporate Espionage

It was a much more curious and less confrontational captain that greeted Liara and Tali when they walked out of the docks not long after, talking softly over what information they'd gathered. They stopped when Stirling came forward, looking them up and down disdainfully. Matsuo waved her back and gestured. "Your commander came through a while ago. You may follow."

Liara frowned. "Is there a problem?"

"No problem, miss, there was a bit of confusion when she first arrived. I've never met a human Spectre before."

Stirling muttered something under her breath.

"Oh, I see. Yes, of course," Liara said, nodding in understanding. "That's understandable, as she is the first."

"Yeah, right," Stirling muttered not so quietly this time. Matsuo shot her a warning look and moved to allow Liara and Tali to walk past. Stirling glared at them. "At least she hasn't killed anyone or blown anything up yet."

"Oh, that stuff doesn't usually happen on the way in," Tali said without thinking. Liara tugged on her arm to hurry her through the door when she saw both humans flinch a bit. The quarian glanced over her shoulder. "I...probably shouldn't have said that, should I?"

"Probably not...no matter how true it is."

They were led through another security checkpoint by a woman named Gianna Parasini, who told them Shepard had gone to visit the Administrator. She also confirmed Benezia was still there at some place called Peak 15. Liara felt a sick swoop of apprehension in the pit of her stomach. A part of her had actually been hoping her mother had already left.

They almost walked right into disaster. Liara's eyes widened as she saw an asari crossing a plaza on the way to the elevator. She grabbed Tali and dragged her behind a wall, ignoring the quarian's surprised yip.

"Shh..." Liara looked at her in warning, peering around a corner as the asari woman glided into one of the buildings, her arms folded behind her, glancing around with the unconscious arrogance some of her kind wore like a cloak. To Liara's relief, she had not noticed them. She let out a breath as the asari disappeared and hurried toward the elevator that would take them to the administrator's offices.

Tali peered around her. "Who is she?"

"She's been a follower of my mother's since before I was born," Liara murmured. "I grew up with her around constantly. She knows me. I can't risk her seeing me."

"And alerting your mother..." Tali said, nodding.

Liara had a sudden thought and cursed herself for not taking note. "Did you see what offices she went into?"

"They looked like they were connected to Binary Helix. They're on our list," Tali said, sounding excited.

"Their focus is genetics," Liara said, nodding. "Shepard definitely needs to know."

"We have to find her first." Tali said. Like all quarians, Tali had grown up in the patchwork of ships that made up the Migrant Fleet, so she had an uncanny sense of direction, easily finding her way though the offices and memorizing routes with a speed Liara found dizzying.

As it turned out, they didn't need to do much searching to find Shepard. As they came up to the offices, they heard a familiar voice. Not quite yelling or drawing attention but enough to let them pinpoint where it was coming from.

"Ashley," Tali said.

The human woman looked severely pissed. She was pacing in a waiting area overlooking another plaza on the lower deck. Kaidan was seated on a chair, making an effort to calm her down, and Garrus was standing at the railing, his arms crossed over his chest and his mandibles drawn tight against his mouth in annoyance. "The odds are people here are going to be nervous about having a Spectre around. He has to allow them in by the agreement, Williams, but he's not going to like having _any_ Spectre around here," he was saying as Tali and Liara came up. Liara glanced around but didn't see Shepard or Wrex anywhere.

Ashley stopped pacing to spear the turian with a glare. "That's bullshit. If Shepard was a turian or an asari, he might not have liked it but he wouldn't have _dared_ speak to her like that. The first words out of that frog eyed bastard's mouth was to call her a 'colony rube', you going to look me in the eye and say he would have had the balls to say that to any other Spectre?"

Garrus opened his mouth and then closed it, glancing away.

Kaidan looked up and shook his head at Liara's questioning glance. "The administrator was less than cooperative, to say the least."

"He all but spit in her face," Ashley said angrily. "If it had been me, I'd have shot him right there and then. Bastard."

"Which is why she's a Spectre and you're not," Garrus muttered.

Ashley turned her wrath back on him. "Listen, turian..."

" _Ahem_." They all turned as Shepard and Wrex came around the corner. The commander nodded to Tali and Liara and focused on Ash and Garrus. "You guys want to continue that fight, wait until we're back on the ship."

"Apologies, Commander." Garrus straightened up.

"Yes, ma'am," Ash said, making a visible effort to rein in her temper.

Shepard sighed. "He was trying to establish dominance and yes, he probably wouldn't have tried it so aggressively if I wasn't a human. The first human Spectre would have to deal with this kind of crap no matter who it was. It's not personal, it's just the way it goes. No use in getting upset over it."

Tali nodded. "That's one thing anyone on their Pilgrimage learns pretty quick outside the Flotilla. When you're faced with ignorance at every side, there's not much you can do but rise above it. I went to the Shadow Broker because no one else would listen to me." The quarian shrugged.

Ashley looked slightly chastened and nodded. Shepard laid a hand on Tali's shoulder and squeezed briefly, reminded that the kinds of prejudices she faced as a new species of Spectre was nothing compared to what Tali's race faced every day outside the Flotilla. "So, we all should keep in mind that the Spectre status probably isn't going to add much weight here. It's probably best that we try and cause as little trouble as possible." She moved forward. "Garrus, Kaidan, I want you two to look into getting us a garage pass. If he won't give us one officially, we'll just have to get it unofficially. Bad weather or not, we're heading to Peak 15." She gave an exaggerated sigh, trying to dispense the remains of the tension. "Even if my poor, frail little human body must freeze to do it."

"There's plenty of ways to keep you warm, commander," Garrus piped up, then made it worse by adding: "Believe me, I know plenty."

The turian blinked as they all stared at him for a moment. Ashley and Wrex both snickered at nearly the same time. Kaidan could actually see Garrus go over what he'd just said and realize the moment he figured it out. Shepard, trying not to embarrass him further, was clearly biting her tongue to keep some kind of comment back, her eyes sparkling with humor. Kaidan cleared his throat and moved forward. "We'll keep you informed, Commander. Think we'll follow up on that Parasini woman's suggestion."

"Good idea. We won't be far, we're going to check out a couple things with the corporations Saren has investments in," Shepard said.

Garrus waited until they were well out of earshot before running a hand over his fringe, muttering, "Shoot me. Just put a pistol to my head and fire."

Kaidan kept his expression neutral with some effort. "Let's have a word with this Qui'in guy."

* * *

Corporate espionage was not something Tali had ever thought she would add to her list of skills. In fact, it was a concept she had trouble wrapping her head around. In many ways, Noveria represented the antithesis of what her people believed. Instead of working together and sharing knowledge and resources, everyone seemed focused on sabotaging and gaining advantage over one another. Which made no sense to her; it seemed to work against all they wanted to accomplish.

Not that Shepard actually intended for them to play into Noveria's game. All they wanted was confirmation on who was working behind the scenes of Binary Helix. Normally, that probably would have taken a great deal of time. Luckily, they had one up on the corporations: most of them had no experience at all dealing with a quarian.

Liara had surprised them all by offering to go into the Binary Helix office once her mother's follower had left. She didn't expect to get any information out of the secretary guarding the front desk. That was Tali's job. Or rather, to get information out of the console on the secretary's desk.

She was nervous as she followed Liara into the office. She'd reminded Shepard about the kind of contempt people generally had for quarians, especially in places like this.

"Use it," the commander had replied simply.

The woman behind the desk was an asari. Her eyes flicked over them as they entered, assessing. When they settled on Tali, she saw a flash of surprise cross her features before her face settled into a mask of icy disdain. Liara, to Tali's surprise, planted her feet and gave it right back, adopting a demeanor of cold command so at odds with the woman Tali knew it was rather shocking. Well, if Liara could play a part, Tali thought she could too.

 _Use it..._ Tali let her posture slouch, hoping she looked properly submissive and anxious. Liara kept snapping orders to her over her shoulder, which gave her the excuse to fiddle with her omni-tool, flinching a bit with every harsh word as she fell into the part.

This was actually kind of fun...especially when it became apparent the secretary was falling for it.

Liara wrangled with the secretary over information...Tali lost track of the argument, focusing on angling her omni-tool just so and keeping behind Liara so the secretary wouldn't notice her. She glanced at the woman to make sure she wasn't alerted. One nice thing about her helmet was people had no idea when she was watching them or not. As long as she didn't turn her head, the asari had no way to pinpoint where she was looking without looking close into her faceplate, which few people ever did.

She ignored the main files, focusing on getting past the defenses for the ones deeper in, carefully using a program she'd designed herself to slip past their defenses and copy them to a datapad in Shepard's hands they had synched to her omni-tool earlier. It wasn't as hard as she had expected it to be; their defenses were fairly rudimentary, at least to her. They were human designed and while there might be a couple of races in the galaxy that could create something she couldn't hack, humans weren't one of them.

She thought she had a bit of a right to be smug, frankly.

Tali straightened up a bit as Liara turned and pulled her out of the office, huffing. They crossed the plaza to where Ashley and Shepard were waiting for them, sitting across from each other in chairs set in a comfortable seating area. Shepard was busy with the datapad and Ash was polishing her gun, possibly to taunt the security personnel that passed them by.

"Did you get anything?" Liara murmured, looking over at her.

"I think so. That was impressive, by the way. I was almost fooled."

Liara looked slightly embarrassed. "I copied my mother," she admitted sheepishly.

"She must be a scary woman." Tali regretted the words immediately as Liara looked away.

The asari was silent for a few moments, finally speaking so quietly it was almost a whisper, "Not all the time..."

Shepard looked up as they sat down. "Ladies, that was beautiful. I feel privileged to have witnessed it."

"Did we get anything useful?" Tali leaned forward eagerly.

Shepard smiled slowly. "Check it out..." She sent the files back to Tali's omni-tool.

Ashley had paused, gun still out, and was looking around, her expression troubled. "Commander?"

"Mm?" Shepard kept her eyes on the datapad.

"...Where is Wrex?"

Shepard's fingers stilled against the datapad for a moment. When she lifted her head, she was attempting to look innocent...which was scary enough all three of them started staring at her. "He's taking care of a hunch I had is all. I really don't think Saren would have sent the Matriarch here without backup..."

* * *

Urdnot Wrex moved silently through the warehouse where Liara's mother had stored the crates she hadn't taken with her to Peak 15. Personally, he thought Shepard was wasting his time and her own, but he was tired of scaring all the little corporate pyjaks scurrying around. Although there was a certain satisfaction in hearing them stop mid-chatter as he passed.

He was amused to hear a few people even in this bastion of industry whispering about 'space magic' and how the new human Spectre might use it to figure out their dirty little secrets. Biotics notwithstanding, Shepard's 'magic', in Wrex's opinion, was a mix of simple observation and refined intuition. He recognized it easy because he used it himself.

Who would have thought he'd have anything in common to someone related to Benjamin Creed?

Since Shepard's intuition had served them well, he had indulged her when she asked him to check out Benezia's supplies. Though he thought he might be better suited making sure Alenko and the turian didn't screw things up.

The krogan paused as he came across crates marked with Benezia's number. There were only a couple of them. The Matriarch must have taken the rest of them with her to Peak 15. He shot a casual look around to make sure there was no one in the immediate vicinity, then calmly smashed one of them open with a few biotically charged punches. The contents fell half out and got caught in the hole. Wrex stared at it for a long moment. He closed his eyes and shook his head, sighing. "And now she'll gloat for days." He reached out and dragged it out, letting it clatter to the floor.

"Hey!"

Wrex spared the voice a glance. Two dockworkers were moving toward him. The first one hesitated when he looked at him, pasting bravado over his nervousness.

"Damaging property is punishable by...holy shit..." The dockworker trailed off as he got a good look at the thing Wrex was looking over. "Is that a...?"

"Geth? I'd say so, unless it's a fancy coat stand with a flashlight on top of it." Wrex felt a faint vibration go through the thing and brought a fist up automatically as the light of the geth's eye suddenly flared. Before it could move, the krogan smashed in its head, putting a bit of biotic power behind it. The geth's limbs flexed spasmodically and Wrex hit it again, the crunch of metal echoing through the warehouse. He dropped it, shaking his aching hand as it went still, the sudden silence alerting him to the fact the other crate was shaking and something was knocking against it from the inside. He cursed. When you activated one, you activated them all apparently. He heard the dockworkers cry out in shock and their footsteps running away as a second geth smashed out of the crate. Wrex brought his gun around as it turned. It didn't have a weapon, but he knew all too well by now how dangerous they could be even without them. Hell, if there had been twenty or so more, he might even have been worried!

The geth twisted its limbs and Wrex realized it was one of those damned hopping ones that Shepard hated so much. Oh, she was going to love this. He lowered his gun in favor of biotics as the thing launched itself into the air, catching it in mid air and sending it spinning as he lifted his gun up once again and blew it out of the air. Two blasts almost tore it apart. Flexible but fragile little thing.

He released the geth and watched it clatter to the floor in several parts, turning his head to regard the stack of crates. There was no more movement, so the rest of them must not be Benezia's or they were filled with actual supplies.

He did some quick calculations based on the number of crates Benezia's manifest had listed. If she had a geth in each one of them...

The krogan tapped Shepard on his comm. "You were right, Shepard, looks like we've got an interesting time waiting for us at Peak 15."

" _Oh, yay. You all right?"_

Now that was just insulting. "You think a couple of geth could bring _me_ down?"

" _Ah, right, silly me. Meet us at Synthetic Insights, looks like Garrus and Kaidan have some trouble there. Oh, and bring one of your new friends there if you left one of them intact enough. We'll make it a party."_

That finally got a chuckle out of him. He hefted the most intact geth over his shoulder. "My kind of party."

* * *

Evidence- already compiled and simply needing to be downloaded and brought out of the office -in exchange for a garage pass. It had seemed so simple.

It was Garrus's considered opinion that if Lorik Qui'in was going to throw a fit about the bloodstains on the carpet, they would simply point out it was his own fault for not realizing Anoleis was onto him. He'd known Anoleis suspected someone had the dirt on him...enough he'd shut down the entire office and put it under guard...but obviously hadn't realized they knew more than that.

Nor did he mention that half the guards seemed to be in Anoleis's pocket. Which, admittedly, was not Qui'in's fault; they should have expected it in a place like this... He peered around a potted plant as Kaidan dove behind the one across from him. A bench smashed into the floor where he'd been a second later. The biotic eyed it coolly then glanced around the plant to where Sargent Stirling was winding up with another round of biotics and yells. "Taking bribes and wearing herself out with fancy tricks. She's a failure as an officer _and_ a biotic."

That didn't change the fact that she, along with another biotic and several other guards, was in between them and the door and every one of them had a problem with them getting out Synthetic Insights with the evidence they'd gotten from Lorik Qui'in's computer. Understandable, since it would probably implicate most, if not all of them, along with Administrator Anoleis.

Stirling yelled something again and footsteps warned Garrus a couple of the guards were rushing them. He judged his shields had recharged enough and spun out from behind the plant, sending out a pulse from his omni tool to overwhelm their shields. Kaidan lashed out with one hand and sent one of them flying backward with a biotic throw and Garrus focused on taking the second one down.

The turian shifted his focus beyond the guard's falling body, hoping to get a few shots in at Stirling before going for cover again...and stopped, staring.

Liara was standing at the entrance, one slender arm extended. Several feet in front of her was a swirling mass of dark energy that made the air throughout the whole area shiver. Stirling and the remaining guards were struggling as they were drawn toward it slowly. Stirling was lifted clear off her feet with a shriek, floating through the air.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

Garrus glanced over, startled, to find Shepard had circled around the room to stand a few feet away, one pistol drawn as she watched. "Singularity. I'll never be able to pull that one off. And she makes it look so _easy_."

At Shepard's nod, Liara let the singularity go with a rush of air and the three guards collapsed to the ground, shields gone. The commander and Tali both moved at the same time, omni tools flaring with some kind of pulse that made the dazed guards jerk, then go still. Shepard moved forward cautiously and knelt to check Stirling's pulse.

Which, naturally, was when the administrator arrived.

Garrus cleared his throat to get her attention and Shepard looked up as Anoleis stalked up, backed by Parasini and a couple more guards. Their commander pulled her hand back and rose to her feet, all in one smooth movement that reminded Garrus of a predator about to strike. She glanced over her shoulder at him, murmuring, "Did you two get what you came here for?" At Garrus's nod, she turned her gaze back to the approaching salarian, starting to move forward to meet him. "Get it done."

Garrus didn't like leaving her, but Williams had already moved around so she was right behind Shepard and Liara and Tali had moved so they were flanking the group- something that was obviously not lost on Parasini or the decidedly nervous looking guards. Parasini sent him some kind of warning look but he ignored it, moving away from Shepard and following Kaidan's subtle move toward the door.

"I knew you were trouble, Shepard!" Anoleis stopped mere inches away from Shepard, shaking a finger in her face, which made Garrus want to pause long enough to grab it...and maybe break it. He kept moving, however.

"Quick, we'll get this back to Qui'in and get the garage pass while he's distracted," Kaidan said. "Gotta trust Shepard has an ace up her sleeve."

Now _that_ was a human phrase that he actually understood. Garrus snorted. "When doesn't she?"

As they left Synthetic Insights, they met up with Wrex. Neither man found himself very surprised to see the krogan walking down the hall with a geth over one shoulder. He bared his teeth in a grin at them. "Think geth qualify as illegal goods here?"

Ace up her sleeve indeed. Garrus gestured behind him. "Why don't you ask the administrator himself? He's with Shepard in there."

Wrex grinned wider and moved past them. Garrus looked at Kaidan, who nodded, and the two headed for the hotel lounge. They'd get the garage pass and then come back ready to join Shepard in heading for Peak 15. No matter how many bodies they had to walk over.

* * *

Shepard crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back a bit as Anoleis snarled at her. "Killing security guards, breaking into private property...I don't know what you _think_ Spectres are entitled to do, but _I_ am in charge here and I won't have it!" He was talking so fast Shepard could barely make out what he was saying. "I'm having these two escort you back to your ship and you are to vacate the planet immediately. And be _certain_ I'm going to file a formal complaint on behalf of the Executive Board about your behavior."

"That's fine." Shepard brushed past him easily and walked around the two guards and Parasini, loping toward the entrance with a casual, unhurried walk.

Anoleis turned to watch her, blinking rapidly, obviously flummoxed by her reaction. The little 'I know something you don't know' smirk on her face probably didn't help matters. "I..."

"We have what we came for. I apologize if we upset you getting the evidence we needed. I'm sure the next Spectre...or two...they send will be much more experienced and better at keeping to the rules than I am."

"Evidence?" Parasini spoke up at the same time Anoleis almost squeaked, "What evidence? What do you mean...more Spectres...?" The salarian started after her.

Shepard paused at the steps leading up to the door and turned to face him again. No more smirk, nothing casual about her posture now, she was all cold professionalism. "We had hard suspicion that Matriarch Benezia is in league with Saren Arterius, and now I've confirmed that. She is the official executor for Saren Arterius, and both of them are investors with Binary Helix. Saren Arterius is currently the most wanted criminal in the galaxy and he is to be brought in for crimes against the Alliance and the Council both." She paused, leveling those gray eyes right at Anoleis. "By whatever means necessary."

Shepard let those words hang in the sudden, ringing silence throughout the room. She'd been taking a bit of a gamble...she in truth had no idea if the Council would send another Spectre...but she was willing to bet almost anything Anoleis wasn't willing to risk it. She hid a smile as the noted the administrator was blinking rapidly, his hands twitching. She could almost see him doing a new scan of his options and finding them not to his liking. He could try and confiscate whatever she had but it was the same problem with the guards on Feros...the guards here were probably good for keeping the basic peace but up against a group of trained fighters...they only had to look at the unconscious bodies of their companions, two of them biotics, to see how trying to use force would go. The odds of anyone managing to bring them down before they got back to the Normandy with the evidence was slim to none and- more importantly -the odds of Anoleis himself surviving it were null, especially since he'd been stupid enough to come down here himself.

She didn't know if Wrex had been waiting just inside the door for the right moment (he had a flare for setting a stage, Wrex did) or if it was coincidence that he came in right then carrying the geth over his shoulder. The krogan lumbered up beside her and tossed the geth down on the floor with a crash, making everyone except Shepard's squad jump. One of the security guards Anoleis had brought with him actually let out a little scream. Shepard glanced down. "Oh, and look here. I think your scans missed a few things when you went over the matriarch's crates. Did I mention Saren is wanted for attacking human colonies with geth?"

"There were two of them in the storage area. The rest must either be on the docks or at Peak 15 with the asari bitch," Wrex said, his eyes fixed on Anoleis, one hand resting casually on his gun.

Shepard looked up. The glances the two guards exchanged were proof enough that even if Anoleis ordered them to attack, they weren't going to do it. Not with Wrex in the picture. But the salarian wasn't going to order it...she had him and everyone knew it. He didn't know _what_ to do.

Now it was Shepard who moved in, coming up close to him, eyes locked on his. She spoke softly, her voice little more than a whisper. "I don't take any credit for knowing you're doing something you shouldn't be around here, Administrator, since you've been fairly obvious about that from the very beginning. I don't care what you're doing. I don't care about you at all. I don't even need you to help me: just stay the fuck out of my way. I'll get to Benezia and take care of this little geth problem, then I'll be out of your life and you can smooth things over with the Executive Board like nothing ever happened."

For a long moment, he stared at her, pride warring with practicality. But in the end, he caved, as she'd known he would. For all his bluster, there was something weak in him she'd picked up on right from the start. Which was probably why he'd gotten himself into all this trouble in the first place. He stepped back, straightening up and fiddling with the buttons on his sleeves, speaking in a voice that was a bit too loud, "Commander, I believe I might have acted a bit hastily. You may continue your business as long as you make sure to get it done...quickly."

Shepard smiled. "Thank you, Administrator."

* * *

"Should have kicked his ass, Commander," Ashley said as they walked back out into the main area.

"That could have gotten real ugly. At the very least, it would have brought more guards and spilled out into the corridors, which would drag civilians into the mix, probably including that nice turian mechanic we met on the way in and how could I do that when he was so helpful?" Shepard said. The geth's head had fallen off as they had rode the elevator up and she was carrying it under her arm while Wrex held the body, swinging it idly.

"What are we going to do with the geth?" Tali took the head, studying it as they walked.

"Turn it into a lamp?"

"I think that will require more repairs than its worth," Tali said.

"Oh, I know...let's set it on one of the toilets in the ladies' bathroom!"

"Shepard!" Liara's voice caught on a laugh.

"Oh, you're no fun. We'll just toss it in with the other bodies, we're obviously going to be meeting up with more of them." She looked up and spotted Garrus and Kaidan waiting for them. "Raiding corporate offices. I can't take you boys anywhere."

Garrus simply held up the garage pass.

"We saw the administrator pass by. He didn't look happy," Kaidan said, letting the question behind his words dangle unspoken.

"I managed to convince the administrator that things would go quicker if he just let us get our business done. Then things can go right back to normal." She studied the garage pass as Garrus handed it over.

Garrus and Kaidan exchanged a glance. "Actually, Commander, I think the administrator's normal days are pretty much numbered," Garrus said, looking pointedly at the garage pass.

Shepard didn't look surprised or perturbed. "Well, isn't that a shame." She spun the garage pass in her fingers and tucked it away, striding across the floor. "Well, that's out of our hands now. We have real work to do."

"Now you're talking, Shepard." Wrex said.

Shepard dropped back as they came up to the garage, falling into step beside Liara, who had grown quieter and quieter once the fighting had stopped. "Liara? Once we get out of the garage..."

"There's no turning back, yes...I know." Liara met her eyes for a long moment. "I keep telling myself it isn't really my mother...not the one I knew..."

"It isn't. You heard Shiala."

"I know, but..." Liara took a deep breath. "I can face her, Shepard. I have to. I owe her...and myself...that much."

Shepard's eyes searched her face, then the commander nodded once, walking beside her as they moved toward the garage that would take them to Peak 15...and Benezia.


	26. Little Wing

How they'd gotten separated, Shepard had no idea. All of a sudden there seemed to be bugs everywhere. She had Ashley and Liara with her, she had a vague idea where Kaidan was, but ever since that rumble that had shaken the structure, she hadn't been able to raise any of them.

She could only hope they were all right.

The three of them had problems of their own.

When they reached Matriarch stage, most asari had almost a thousand years under their belt. The weight and gravity of so much life gave them, in Shepard's opinion, a strange, almost awe inducing aura about them. Liara's mother had that in spades, which meant she should have been the one drawing Shepard's attention.

Not so. The Matriarch wasn't the only queen in the room. Shepard found her gaze wanting to be drawn back again and again to the beast contained within a long tube in the center of the room.

Now they knew where everyone was getting rachni from. Not just any rachni...a rachni queen. She was _huge_ , at least twice as big as any of the warriors they had battled. Dimly, Shepard remembered that was par for the course with many insects...weren't there ones so big they could eat their mate alive while mating? She could almost feel the power of her presence vibrating against Benezia's. They'd mistakenly thought separating her from her children would allow them to gain control over them. Instead, they were bloodthirsty beasts. Saren certainly knew how to go about taking over a galaxy. The Thorian, the geth, and now a whole nest of rachni.

And they kept saying _she_ was running a freak show.

But as the rachni queen was currently trapped and not a danger, Shepard kept her eye on the queen...trapped in a different way but still moving...walking down the steps toward them. Benezia's eyes held a blankness that chilled Shepard to the bone. It was one thing to hear Shiala speak of the hold Saren and his ship had on their minds, it was another to see exactly how complete that hold was. "I will not be moved by sympathy. No matter who you bring into this confrontation."

The way she said it, like Liara was nothing more than a tool to be used against her mother, hit Shepard a little too close to home, making her bristle. "She's here because she wants to be. Not because I asked her to be."

Benezia's gaze flicked to her daughter. "Indeed? What have you told her about me, Liara?"

"What could I say, Mother?" Liara's voice was superficially calm but Shepard could hear a tremor beneath it. "That you're insane? Evil? Should I explain how to kill you? What could I say?"

Shepard didn't dare take her eyes off Benezia to look at her. There was no hint of expression on her face, though she had to hear the distress in Liara's voice.

She was silent for a moment, and then she spoke quietly, "Have you faced an asari commando unit before? Few humans have."

* * *

There was a tightness in Liara's chest, making it painful to breathe. Even up to the moment her mother had frozen them and called in her followers, she hadn't quite made herself believe her mother would do it.

Benezia had withdrawn to a protected spot, dark energy dancing over her skin, watching with that same horrid blankness in her eyes as the commando teams swarmed them. Combining a perfect mix of physical prowess and biotic skills, asari commandos were the elite of the elite among the asari and were some of the most respected...and feared...warriors in the galaxy. She recognized many of the faces; most of the asari swarming them had been her mother's bodyguards for as long as Liara had been alive.

But...even more so than her mother, their eyes were blank and expressionless. Their movements were far from the smooth, confident steps of an asari commando. In fact, their movements were oddly clumsy, jerky, almost as if they were having trouble controlling their own limbs...which didn't make the weapons in their hands or the biotics they wielded any less deadly.

Something slammed into her as one commando lifted her gun and she found herself pinned beneath Shepard as the commander rolled them both to relative safety behind a set of stairs. Liara saw the bullet ping off her barriers and Shepard grunted. Furious with herself, Liara shook off the disbelief cloaking her and pushed herself to her feet, her biotics flaring. She heard Ashley yell something and saw Shepard leap forward to meet the commando who was closing in on them, her pistols flaring, clashing with the asari in a flare of gunfire and dark energy.

Liara lost track of time, fighting off exhaustion determinedly. She saw her mother throw Shepard into stasis again at least once. Rather ironic, considering how much the commander favored that tactic herself. She thought she heard her mother call out a couple of times more but she couldn't make out what she was saying. She was too focused on the battle, moving between Shepard and Ashley, countering the commandos' biotics with her own to give one of the human women a chance to take them down. By the time the last of the commandos fell, the three women almost seemed to move around and with each other in a complex dance, playing off each others' strengths and moving to protect each other automatically, a graceful effort that seemed to jar against the clumsy moves of the asari.

The rachni queen herself, observing from her prison, would speak of the notes that flowed between them to be the only music with color she had seen the entire time she had been there.

Finally, there was only Benezia facing off with three wounded and exhausted women, surrounded by the bodies of her followers. The matriarch herself seemed to be swaying on her feet, though what had exhausted her so, Liara could not have said. She drew herself up and looked her mother in the eye, trying not to show how badly her limbs were trembling. She wasn't a match for her mother's biotics even at her best and she wasn't anywhere near that at the moment, but they had come this far, she wouldn't fail Shepard...and her other companions...now.

"This is not over..." Benezia's voice was oddly hoarse. "Saren is unstoppable. My mind is filled with his light. Everything is clear."

"I don't think that light is coming from him. And you know something, Matriarch? I don't think you do either," Shepard said tiredly. She was standing at Liara's side, her pistols out and pointed at Benezia.

Something flickered across her mother's face. Just for an instant. She turned away. "I will not...betray him. You will-" her voice broke, "you-"

A shudder passed through her entire body. Ashley stirred, bringing her rifle up, but Shepard laid a hand on her shoulder, her eyes narrowed at Benezia's back.

Liara took a hesitant step forward. "Mother...?"

Benezia turned toward them abruptly, her eyes wide, looking like herself for the first time. It made tears sting Liara's eyes, her throat going tight. Benezia took a step toward them, her hands raised beseechingly. "You must listen. Saren still whispers in my mind. I can fight his compulsions. Briefly. But the indoctrination is strong." She paused, swaying, her face twisting into an expression so tortured, Liara had to stop herself from running to her.

"How...?" Shepard whispered it, her voice a mixture of suspicion and a strange sort of hope. "How are you able to break free?"

Benezia lifted her head, looking at them with eyes full of weariness and despair. "I sealed a part of my mind away from the indoctrination. Saving it for a moment when I could destroy him. It won't...last long..." Her face twisted again and she looked away, squeezing her eyes shut. "Trapped in my own mind...beating upon the glass as my hands tortured and murdered..." She straightened, making herself look back at them. "People are not themselves around Saren. You come to idolize him. Worship him. You would do anything for him. But the key...the key is Sovereign. His flagship. Its power is extraordinary."

Shepard stepped forward. "Where did it come from, Matriarch? Do you know?"

"No. The geth did not build it. Its technology is far more advanced than any known species."

"The Reapers..."

Benezia shivered, closing her eyes again. "The longer you stay aboard, the more Saren's will seems correct. You sit at his feet and smile as his words pour into your ears."

And what, Liara wondered, was the make of the monster that was pouring words in to Saren's? This high priest of the creatures the geth built shrines to?

"It's subtle at first," Benezia continued, "I thought I was strong enough to resist. Instead, I became a willing tool, eager to serve." Her expression twisted again. Watching her fight it was the most terrible thing Liara had ever seen. Benezia's speech picked up speed, like she was trying to finish what she needed to say. "He sent me here to find the location of the Mu Relay. Its position was lost thousands of years ago. The rachni inhabited that region of the galaxy. They were the ones that discovered it. They can share memories across generations. Queens inherit the knowledge of their mothers." She glanced back at the entrapped queen. "I took the location of the relay from her mind. I was not gentle." Her voice was laced with regret, her hands closing into fists.

"You can still make it right..." Shepard's voice was quiet. "Give me the information, madame..."

"I was not myself..." Benezia was still looking down at her hands. "But...I should have been stronger." She took a deep breath and turned, picking something up from the table behind her, then moving toward Shepard. "I transcribed the location to an OSD. Take it. Please." Her voice was starting to become strained.

"Mother..." Liara moved toward her slowly. "Knowing that relay's coordinates is not enough. Where did he plan to go from there?"

Benezia shook her head, moving back away from them. "Saren would not tell me his destination. But you must find out quickly. I transmitted the coordinates to him before you arrived." She shuddered suddenly, her steps turning into stumbles. "You have to stop...me. I can't...His teeth are at my ear. Fingers on my spine...you should..." She let out a despairing cry.

This time, Shepard had to restrain Liara. She couldn't hold herself back. "Mother! I...don't leave! Fight him!"

She looked back and spoke, her voice shaking. "You've always made me proud, Liara."

All expression fled from her face, that chilling blankness filling her eyes once again. She raised her hands, dark energy dancing over her body. "Die."

Ashley swore and simply opened fire as Shepard flung out the hand with her omni tool, discharging some kind of pulse that didn't do any real damage to Benezia, but it distracted her. Liara swallowed and forced her biotics up, striking out at her mother, the three way attack taking down the already weakened matriarch. It was almost insultingly easy to bring her to ground.

Benezia fell to her knees, blood staining her dress and dripping through the vents on the floor. "I cannot go on. You will have to stop him, Shepard."

Shepard looked at Liara, and then back at her. "Just hold on...we can..."

Benezia shook her head. "He's still in my mind. I'm not entirely myself. I never will be again."

"Mother..." Liara dropped to her knees beside her, ignoring Ashley's hiss to get back.

Benezia touched her cheek gently, her fingers leaving a smear of blood. "Goodnight, Little Wing. I will see you again with the dawn."

Liara caught her as she collapsed. Benezia's eyelids fluttered once. "No light? They always said there would be a..."

And then Matriarch Benezia, one of Thessia's brightest lights, went still and heavy in her daughter's arms. Liara cradled her close, weeping softly, her tears dropping from her face and onto her mother's as the light...and life...fled from it.

* * *

Shepard nudged Ashley back gently, giving Liara a few moments of privacy...well, as much as they could, anyway. The commander turned to regard the containment tube and the queen trapped within it. She knew little about the rachni other than they were big, fucking creepy bugs and the reason the salarians had uplifted the krogan was so they could fight them. The Krogan Monument had been erected in honor of them for it.

She hadn't considered them to be anything more than animals. Certainly she'd never gotten the impression from anyone else that they were. But between the notes made here and what Benezia had said...

Ashley yelped suddenly and Shepard spun to see one of the dead commandos lurching toward them. Ash fired but the bullets that peppered the asari didn't seem to faze her. She was, Shepard realized slowly, still dead. No longer a living puppet dancing to Saren's tune, she'd become an actual one...

But who was pulling the strings?

Shepard slowly turned to look at the rachni queen again. The dead asari tottered up beside the tube and turned to face them. She spoke in a low, halting voice, a strange echo vibrating underneath it. " _This one. Serves as our voice. We cannot sing. Not in these low spaces. Your musics are colorless. Your way of communicating...strange. Flat. It does not color the air. When we speak, one moves all."_

Shepard blinked slowly. "Who...who am I speaking to, here?"

" _We are the mother. We sing for those left behind. The children you thought silenced."_

'Huh?' Bewildered, Shepard edged past the dead asari and looked at the queen.

" _We are rachni."_ Shepard thought she heard a note of sorrow in the voice beneath the asari's. _"The children we birthed were stolen from us before they could learn to sing. Lost to silence. They sought to turn our children into beasts of war. Claws with no songs of their own. Our elders are comfortable with silence. Children know only fear if no one sings to them. Fear has shattered their minds."_

They'd gathered that much from the scientists they'd come across earlier. "How are you speaking through her?" Fascinated, Shepard pressed a hand to the glass.

" _Our kind speak through the touchings of thought. We pluck the strings, and the other understands. She is weak to urging. She has colors we have no names for. But she is ending. Her music is bittersweet. It is beautiful."_

On one level, Shepard had no bloody idea what the queen was talking about. She couldn't have explained why those words struck a chord in her, down deep on a purely instinctive level.

" _You...you are not in harmony with those who hoped to control us."_

"No..."

" _What will you sing? Will you release us? Are we to fade away once more?"_

"There's acid tanks rigged up to that tube, Commander," Ashley said quietly. "They wouldn't have rigged that up if they weren't afraid of the consequences of setting it loose."

Five minutes ago, the decision would have been easy. She had thought the rachni were animals, beasts, like varren and thresher maws. She could have debated the ethics of killing any living being back and forth for hours but in the end, if a dog went rabid, you put it down. But the creature was speaking in a voice that echoed through her on more than one level. Shepard heard sorrow and anger both as she spoke of her lost children.

The asari the queen was using looked at her blankly and the queen herself was still. Like she was drawing herself up and preparing to face oblivion. _"You have the power to free us, or return our people to the silence of memory."_

Simple and matter-of-fact, accepting that her fate...and the fate of her race...was completely out of her control. There would be no pleading from this queen.

"Let her go."

Shepard turned at the sound of that quiet voice to find Liara standing beside Ashley. She'd laid her mother out and closed her eyes. She lifted her gaze to Shepard's. "They made a mistake. They let the krogan go too far. This is a chance for us to atone. Shepard...she's done nothing to us..." Where the rachni queen did not plead, Liara did. "Let her go."

"Shepard, they attacked the galaxy! I want my sisters _safe_ from things like this, not set them up in the future for more of it," Ashley said angrily.

There was that. Torn, Shepard turned back to the queen, her brow furrowed, trying to sort through the thoughts tumbling through her head. She was trying to look at this objectively, rationally, but so much of what the queen was saying, the echo of loneliness in her voice, was throwing her emotions off balance. She kept thinking what it would be like to be born alone in a world where everyone was against you and forced to watch your children taken and enslaved. But she also thought of Wrex and how his ancestors had to have fought the rachni to keep them from taking over. And wondered how in the hell the fate of an entire race had suddenly ended up in _her_ hands when she had trouble guiding herself through her own life. "Are you a survivor of the wars?"

" _We do not know. We were only an egg, hearing Mother cry in our dreams."_ Something came into the queen's voice, an edginess. _"A tone from space hushed one voice after another. It forced the singers to resonate with its own sour yellow note."_

Shepard froze, suddenly unable to breathe. She heard Liara gasp softly behind her. "A tone from space?"

" _Then we awoke in this place. The last echo of those who came out of the Singing Planet. The sky is silent."_

Shepard leaned forward, peering through the glass. "Tell me...if I let you loose, would you attack the other races again?"

" _No!"_ The queen's voice was fierce...and fearful. _"We- I do not know what happened in the war. We only heard discordance. Songs the color of oily shadows."_

And she knew. She _felt_ it.

That shape against a burning circle that haunted her dreams and appeared on paper beneath her pencil, over and over. The deep, instinctive _loathing_ that filled her now whenever she thought of it.

Oily shadows...a note sour and yellow...a sense of wrongness that was like a smear across her brain...

_Reaper._

Shepard had to take a step back. The queen was speaking again. _"We would seek a hidden place to teach our children harmony. If they understand, perhaps we would return."_

Even as she looked down and closed her eyes, Shepard knew she couldn't send acid into that tube. Couldn't kill this strange, wondrous creature who had knocked her feet out from under her without trying. Couldn't condemn her race to extinction. She could not do it. "Yes..."

"Commander..." Ash didn't sound quite as angry. In fact, her voice was rather small, as if she was aware there was stuff going on here she didn't understand. She looked from Shepard to Liara and fell silent.

The queen stirred, and then spoke hesitantly: _"You...will give us a chance to compose anew?"_

"Yes."

Liara laid a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it gently. The queen turned in the tube as best she could, looking at Shepard. _"We will remember. We will sing of your forgiveness to our children."_

Shepard nodded and moved to the console, studying it. After a moment, she figured out the command that would allow her to open the tube. It rose above them, a door sliding open in its side.

The queen sent them a final glance. The asari she had taken over collapsed in a boneless heap to the floor.

The queen disappeared out into Noveria's wilds.


	27. The Queen of Cups

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to take a moment to thank everyone who reads, reviews and subscribes! I'll have more Citadel hijinks coming up, and then onto Virmire.

Liara stared at the console screen in front of her without really seeing it. When she heard the doors open behind her, she didn't look up. She already knew who it was.

Everyone had made it out. Not unscathed, but alive. The rumble that they had heard shake the complex a few moments before they'd come across Benezia had been Garrus and Tali using some kind of failsafe in the station's VI to clear out the rest of the crazed rachni. They'd had a bad scare when Tali's suit had gotten a rupture but Garrus had looked out for her while she sealed it and started pumping antibiotics into her system and Dr. Chakwas had gotten her patched up.

Shepard had spent the last few hours as they left Noveria dealing with the fallout from the mission. Wrex was furious that they had let the queen go. She'd heard him arguing with Shepard earlier. Liara supposed his anger was understandable. So many of his ancestors had died fighting the rachni. Wrex had finally stomped back to the lower decks, growling that the krogan would clean up this mess just like they did for the salarians. Liara had not been privy to Shepard's report to the Council, but she could only imagine what they had to say about the reappearance of the rachni and Benezia's death.

_Mother._

Shepard leaned against the desk beside Liara, looking down at her silently. Liara finally made herself look at her. "If you came here to talk about Benezia's death, you need not bother. She brought it on herself." If she kept saying that to herself over and over, it might even become true.

"She was your mother, Liara," Shepard said quietly.

"She was...and she wasn't. I want...I prefer to remember her as she used to be, before she was corrupted by Sovereign's power."

"And what's best in her lives on in you. You know that, right? Her determination, intelligence, strength..."

_You've always made me proud, Liara._

"That's...that's kind of you to say. I'm fine, Shepard...she chose her path. And I've chosen mine." She wasn't ready to talk about her. Not yet.

Shepard nodded and fell silent. She seemed to know on some level what Liara was feeling and respected it. Liara, not for the first time, tried to reconcile the many faces this woman showed the world...and herself. "What was your mother's name, Shepard?" she blurted out suddenly.

Shepard looked startled. At first, Liara didn't think she was going to answer, but Shepard surprised her. "Mirette. Her name was Mirette."

Liara looked back at the console. "What was she like?"

"What brought this on?"

Liara was quiet for a moment. At first, she had simply been looking for something to move the subject away from her mother. Now, she wasn't sure where it was going. "I know so much about the things you've done, Shepard...and yet I know nothing about you. Not really. You give so much of yourself away to everyone, and yet you give nothing of yourself at all. I don't know how you do it."

Shepard just stared at her. Liara was embarrassed, but determined at the same time.

Shepard stirred and turned, pulling up her pants leg to reveal a tattoo on the area above her ankle. "She was the Queen of Cups. Kind, gentle, passionate..."

Liara leaned over to peer at the tattoo. It was a rectangle framing the image of a woman sitting on a throne, holding a chalice of some sort in her hands. Liara recognized it as an image from the deck of cards Shepard had showed them one night. Tarot cards, that was what they were called. Addison Chase had claimed she knew how to tell the future and give solutions to problems using cards- which seemed ridiculous to even some of the humans -and Shepard had brought them out so Chase could show them how it worked. She had even laid out a few different spreads herself, though she claimed she hadn't tried it since she was a child. The cards, Liara remembered now, had been her mother's.

"She was beautiful...I don't look anything like her, unfortunately. And so strong. Even by the time we came to Mindoir, she was fighting off a drug addiction."

"You weren't born on Mindoir?"

"No. We settled there and started working for this couple that owned several acres of crops and orchards. Milo and Carmen, and all their children. They looked after us, gave Maman a job. A home. Between them and Pere Mulligan...he was the priest of the church...they helped her stay straight. Shake off the last of addiction."

"That can't have been easy for her."

"She was the bravest woman I've ever known. She never let it sour her, or make her bitter. She used to spend hours making little things for children. Little dolls made out of leftover corn husks and bracelets of woven thrushes. She loved myths and fairy tales. Sometimes she'd mix them all together into entirely new ones. She'd even do that with Bible stories once in a while, which _really_ pissed off the more rigid people in the community. They thought she was a bad influence, but no one really listened to them."

"What about your father?" The moment the words left her lips, she realized it was a mistake to ask. Shepard's face went blank of any expression and she looked away. "I'm sorry..." Even more because she thought she caught a glimmer of fear pass across her expression before she shut it down.

"I'll tell you one thing that sums up my father," Shepard said quietly. "For as long as she lived, my mother wore a pendant that my father gave her. A token of his love, so he said. It was a silver filagree heart, a one of a kind design. Handmade by his grandfather of many greats a century ago and passed down through generations." She sat on the desk, staring out across the lab. "When I graduated from the N7 program, my father sent me a gift: a box that held about five necklaces, all the same filagree heart design as my mother's."

It took a moment for that to sink in. Liara's eyes widened in shock.

Shepard's lips twisted into a bitter smile. "It could have been worse. He could have sent it to her while she was still alive. Probably would have, if he'd known where she was." She made a dismissive gesture. "So...that's a reason I'd rather not talk about my father." She cocked her head. "What about yours? Or...your mother's partner? I know a cock isn't a requirement for the asari to reproduce."

That startled a small laugh out of Liara. "No, it isn't. I never knew who Benezia's partner was, except it was another asari. Mother didn't talk about it. Breeding between two asari is...not encouraged."

"I know 'pureblood' is an impolite term, but come to think of it, I never really knew why."

"It's considered wasteful and pointless, since nothing new is gained. I wonder sometimes what happened between them. I wouldn't have pegged my mother as someone who would take another asari as a bondmate."

"I could say something similar for mine. But then again, my mother was a romantic, sometimes she preferred an illusion to the truth. 'The heart goes where the heart goes', she used to say. If only hers hadn't gone to him."

"Was he the one that made you do...those things?"

Shepard went very still. For a moment, Liara was sure she'd stopped breathing. "What things?"

Liara kept her eyes on the console in front of her, her fingers resting on the keys, though she wasn't seeing it. She'd debated back and forth endlessly about telling Shepard what she had seen in her head. On one hand, she didn't want to anger her, but on the other, keeping it to herself made her feel deceitful.

Secrets and lies seemed to be the currency of Saren and his Reapers.

"I saw things when I was helping you put your visions together. I didn't mean to, Shepard, I swear by the goddess. Just flashes of...violence...manipulating people...and the joy you got out of it."

"Oh, my God..." Shepard sounded horrified. Liara looked up at her, startled. Shepard was shaking her head, her eyes wide. "I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me? I wouldn't have asked you to do it the second time around if I'd known..."

"You needed it, Shepard," Liara said fiercely, meeting her eyes. "The first time might have been a mistake but the second...I couldn't let you suffer."

They stared at each other for a few humming seconds, tension suddenly vibrating in the air between them. Seeing the surprise...and the beginnings of understanding...in Shepard's eyes, Liara looked away, sitting down again. "I..I apologize, Shepard. I've told you I'm not used to people. Especially humans."

"Liara..."

It was like someone had pulled a plug in her and she couldn't stop herself from speaking, her words coming faster. "I didn't even _know_ all that much about humans before I came here. I always...well, I always found it hard to take humanity seriously. Your kind always seemed so rushed and high strung. Creatures of action. You pursue your goals with an almost indomitable determination. It's an admirable trait...but also an intimidating one. And the rest of the galaxy sees you as a bully...running over anyone in your path to get what you want."

"I wish I could say that wasn't fair," Shepard shifted, moving closer to her. Liara had felt a physical reaction to Shepard's presence several times since she had met her but this was the first time it affected her so strongly. It made her breath catch in her throat, a thrill that was both excitement and a hint of fear going through her.

"You're different. The Council saw something different in you. Even Garrus said it when..." She didn't want to think about the attacks on Cerberus and the way the heat of Garrus's anger had clashed with the ice cold of Shepard's. She still wasn't sure what to think of that part of it and her emotions were already in turmoil as it was. "Even he saw something in you that isn't in anyone else. And yet the things you've done..."

"Liara..."

She realized she was babbling. "I wanted to see what makes you the woman you are...I don't know how to reconcile that with what you used to be."

"I know." There was so much sadness in Shepard's voice.

"And I don't know how to...seeing some of those things in your head weren't terrible, Shepard. They were fascinating. And how fascinating they were to me scares me, because I didn't know that about myself. There's something so compelling about you, Shepard, I just...I just don't know what it is that is drawing me to you. Or if it's a combination of things. I don't know what I'm feeling."

Long fingers curled beneath her chin. Shepard gently made her look at her again. The commander was not what Liara would have thought of as beautiful, but, goddess, her eyes were. They peered into hers with a quiet intensity that made her think Shepard was looking straight past them into her mind and her soul. She had a sudden flashing memory of a cliff she'd come across when she was exploring some ruins once. She'd literally stumbled across it when she was following a river that wound its way through the ruins. It had ended quite abruptly, tumbling down a face of sheer, jagged rock and disappearing into a chasm below so deep the water seemed to just disappear, vanishing into a place unseen by living eyes. Standing there, staring down with the water thundering in her ears, she felt a crazy urge in the back of her mind to just jump and follow that path of falling water into the unknown even though her rational mind was babbling about how utterly and completely foolish that was. It had only lasted a moment but it had been there...just for an instant.

Liara was suddenly very aware of the spot where Shepard's fingers touched her skin. That breathless combination of fear and excitement intensified and she felt an almost overwhelming urge to close the distance between the two of them and press her lips to the commander's. And Shepard felt it too, she could see that in those eyes of hers, the flash of something dark and almost feral passing through them. It was like that moment on the cliff, only more intense. If she jumped, she wouldn't disappear as much as she would be taken...consumed...she was sure of it.

It was a moment that seemed to hang suspended between them and neither would forget for the rest of her life. Shepard started to move back...and Liara let her, overwhelmed and shaken to the bone, too afraid of where that jump might take her and what it might change in her.

"You're a woman of great compassion and intelligence...who just lost her mother in a horrific way. You don't know how to feel because your emotions are a mess, sugar. And rightfully so." She laid a hand on her shoulder, her voice firm. "We all have a bit of that dark kind of curiosity in us, Liara. It runs darker in some of us, but I don't think you have to worry about that in you." Shepard's voice was that more familiar blend of wistfulness and cynicism now, rather than sorrow. Like she wished things were better but she wasn't holding her breath.

"Commander, I'm sor-"

"Liara." Shepard's voice was gentle, almost a caress. "Liara, have you ever melded before? With anyone?"

She felt her face heat. Of course, Shepard would know about that aspect of the asari. She'd heard rumors...it shouldn't have surprised her Shepard knew the kind of melding she'd done to help her with the Prothean visions was merely a prelude to the kind of melding they could do to a partner. "No...I've never...I mean, I've never had the chance."

"And I shouldn't be your first."

No. She knew that. But she hadn't had the heart to say it aloud, not when Shepard spoke of herself in that tone.

"I'm fucked up, Liara." Shepard stated it, simple and matter-of-fact. "I can guarantee what you saw were only tidbits. I've hurt people. Twisted them. Manipulated them. Killed them. And I enjoyed it. I still do, to some extent. It's something he planted inside me after Mindoir, and I'll never forgive him for it. But it's there and I can't make it go away. I just...try to control it."

Liara wondered if she realized she had, unconsciously, admitted to her father twisting her somehow. After Mindoir..had he taken a broken child and twisted her instead of helping her heal? "What kind of a monster would do that to you?"

Shepard glanced away, that hint of fear in her there again for a moment- she was truly afraid of him -then gone and under control. "He is a monster."

"But you aren't." Liara reached out and gripped her arm. "You're _not_ , Shepard."

The commander gave her a half smile. "I try not to be."

Considering Liara had backed away from her, she wasn't sure anything she said would convince Shepard otherwise. Confused and distressed, she let her arm drop.

Shepard pushed away from the desk and pulled her out of the chair. Before Liara realized what was happening, the commander wrapped her arms around her, hugging her. It should have sent her emotions into more turmoil, but somehow it didn't. She let her arms close around Shepard in return for a long moment, comforted, almost clinging to her as something solid in the galaxy that was roiling around her. One survivor clinging to another. "It'll be all right, Liara. You have nothing... _nothing_...to be ashamed of. Or sorry for. Everything good in your mother lives on in you, give yourself time and you'll know that." She released her and stepped back, a hint of humor in her eyes now. "You ought to rest...and come drinking with us on the Citadel when we dock. Ashley wants to teach Tali how to do a shot properly. If anything that'll be a sight to see."

Liara found herself smiling at the thought. "I'm not much of a drinker..."

"You ought to get falling down drunk at least once, if only so you know why to never, ever do it again." Shepard gave her a rueful smile. "And who knows, maybe someday when you reach your Matron stage, I won't be too old for your tastes."

"You know, Commander, even at the end of your life, I can't imagine you'll ever be really _old,_ " Liara said with absolute honesty. She couldn't imagine Shepard without that arrogant I-can-take-anything-you-throw-at-me edge to her. Didn't want to.

"Well, there's a comforting thought." Shepard squeezed her shoulder gently and walked out of the lab.

Liara sat back down at her desk. She ought to rest for a bit, she wouldn't get much work done when she was exhausted. But she felt better, she realized with a start.

_You've always made me proud, Liara._

_Little wing..._

She closed her eyes, letting memories of her mother as she had been when she was growing up...that beautiful, powerful woman who was a stern parent. And who had loved her. She'd never doubted that. That beautiful, powerful woman who had fought to the last to maintain who she was at the core of her, and had succeeded.

And underneath that was a peace with herself she hadn't felt since she'd first touched Shepard's mind. She glanced at the door to the lab for a moment before turning back to save the data she had been working on.

Maybe someday.


	28. Citadel Tales 3

" _...Creepy. Seriously creepy."_ Danali's image looked troubled. The expression didn't sit well on her lovely features. Knowing Shepard too well, she turned her eyes toward her friend. _"There's obviously nothing you could have done to save the Matriarch, you know that, right?"_

Shepard breathed out a sigh and leaned back, looking at the ceiling of her office. "Yeah...I know. I wish..." She waved a hand.

" _I know. I'm afraid what I've finally dug up isn't going to make your day any better."_

Shepard looked at her sharply. "You found something on Saren?"

" _It's...something. Does the name Shu Qian mean anything to you? Dr. Shu Qian?"_

"No. Should it?"

" _I don't know. Here's what I found out. Years ago, this high and mighty batarian, Edan Had'dah, hired this Qian guy, who was a rogue Alliance scientist. The information on Qian is sketchy at best, which means, darling, that what he was working on was probably pretty sketchy."_

Shepard winced.

" _From what I've been able to gather, Had'dah was using Qian to find some kind of artifact. Whether they found it or not, we don't know. Both of them were killed in a refinery explosion. We know what we do because Saren was making inquiries about it and a few people noted he seemed more interested in the artifact than the danger the scientist and Had'dah held."_

Shepard's mind was racing. Something was tugging at the back of her head. A scientist...killed in a refinery explosion. She sat up quickly. "Where was it, 'Nali? The explosion that killed them? Where was the refinery?"

" _Camala. And before you ask, yes, Saren was spotted there. In fact, I think he was there with your captain. The handsome one. Anderson."_

"Son of a bitch..." Shepard said, her eyes going wide. Anderson's mission. The one Saren had sabotaged that had ended Anderson's chance to become the first human Spectre. Hadn't he told her the scientist...Qian?...had been hiding out in an eezo refinery when it had been blown up? She got up to pace. Denali, again knowing her well, was silent and let her think it out. Anderson had said Saren had blown it up to distract the guards but what if that wasn't the only reason he'd had? "What do you know about this artifact?"

" _Nothing. I'm sorry, my witch, but once Qian and Had'dah were dead there's nothing. If Saren got information from it, he kept it close. After all that, he kind of faded into the background, focusing on deeper parts of space. Since what he was doing wasn't a threat to Omega or Her Nib's business, Aria lost interest in him._ "

Even Saren wasn't stupid enough to draw Aria T'Loak's attention. An artifact. _Sovereign?_ Was that how he'd found Sovereign? She had to talk to Anderson.

Denali was watching her with amusement now. _"I take it that information was helpful, my witch?"_

Shepard shook herself. "Yes...oh, more than you know. Thanks, 'Nali."

" _Are you headed for the Citadel, then? I have some time before I have to head back to Omega. You look...well, it's been a long time since I've seen that kind of look in your eye, Ari."_ There was genuine concern in Denali's voice.

Shepard looked at her. She'd been looking forward to seeing her again, but now the urge was almost overwhelming. She hadn't realized how desperately she wanted talk to someone who would understand. "Yes." Her lips twisted into a semblance of a smile. "For the first time I actually want to walk into Udina's office."

" _Then I'll find you when your business is done."_

Same old 'Nali. "Don't you always."

* * *

Later on in the day, when they'd docked at the Citadel, Shepard strode away from the ambassador's office, grumbling under her breath. "I'd have an easier time getting through to that man's head with a hammer."

Kaidan was walking beside her, troubled. "It was interesting to see Anderson tell him to fuck off," he said, trying for levity. In truth, the sight of two of the Alliance's most powerful men with such an obvious split between them made him nervous. Shepard had filled them in on what her friend had come across as they'd made their way to the Presidium. Anderson had been even more interested to learn it, though Udina apparently couldn't be bothered.

With all the grumbling from the press and a close call with an assassin when they had stopped for supplies a while back, the crew had starting expressing concerns to the point Shepard had agreed not to go anywhere without at least two of them with her. And none of them went out alone anymore.

Except Wrex, but with his reputation, any assassin that tried to take him on was obviously too stupid to be much of a threat. Or, Ashley had been delighted to add, any assassin good enough to take Wrex down would be expensive and therefore wouldn't bother with him, they'd go straight for Shepard.

Not a comforting thought, that.

As it was, there were three of them today. Garrus and Tali were still looking at the console that was advertising a new upgrade for omni-tools that they had been looking at with Shepard earlier. The commander veered toward them and Kaidan followed. They'd gone from debating the usefulness of various aspects of the upgrade to discussing how Shepard could maneuver the Alliance into getting it for everyone's omni-tools. Kaidan could have told them that wasn't going to happen and though Shepard gave it a look filled with wistfulness, she knew it too.

The commander glanced to her left and Kaidan followed her gaze. A Keeper was scuttling past them not far away. He had no idea where Shepard's sudden fascination with those things came from. Neither did she, but she didn't seem to be bothered by that fact.

"Watch." Shepard nudged him and nodded to the Keeper. The little creature was standing still, round head tilted back on its long neck and looking straight up. "Next it'll do this funny little turn around move in a full circle, look up again, and then it will move on."

Kaidan blinked at her and turned his attention back to the Keeper. And damned if it didn't do just that. Kaidan looked back at her in astonishment. Shepard grinned. "That's what happens when you watch them obsessively." She flipped some kind of device out and aimed it at the Keeper as it moved away.

"Shepard? What are you doing?" Garrus's voice came from behind them.

Shepard studied the screen of the device and tucked it away. "Nothing."

"You can get in trouble for interfering with the Keepers, commander."

She shot him that wicked grin of hers that always seemed to discomfit the turian. "You gonna arrest me for it, officer?"

"You know I wouldn't even if I still could..."

"I'm not interfering. See? The little guy doesn't even notice. Just...gathering a bit of data for someone. Maybe because I'd like to know more about them. I mean, I never really paid attention to them before but now that I keep noticing them...they're so _cool_. Everyone ignores them like they're servants...which I guess they are, to the Citadel anyway...but at any random time they could just up and move stuff around and it doesn't matter if it's the lowliest office worker or the highest ranking diplomat. They're like little servants and little tyrants all wrapped up in one. They know everything about the Citadel but they aren't talking and no one can get it out of them. The scientist I was talking to said if you capture them, they self destruct."

"It's true," Garrus confirmed, interested despite himself. "They just up and dissolve in under a minute, like they have some kind of acid in them."

"I wonder why the Protheans wouldn't want anyone knowing about the Citadel," Tali said thoughtfully.

"Don't know. I think I'll run it by Liara when she gets back. Maybe some good hard scientific thinking will help her feel a little better."

"She keeps telling all sorts of stories about her mother, I think that's a good sign," Tali said, her voice hopeful.

Kaidan nodded. The other day a crew member had complained about having to hear stories about the Matriarch all the damn time and Tali had overheard. Apparently that had rubbed the quarian the wrong way and she had reamed him up one side and down the other, giving him the full thrust of a temper none of them had gotten a glimpse of before. The fact she was backed by Ashley in that had left the poor man cowering. In Tali's opinion, and most of the crew's, if talking about her mother helped Liara heal, then it wasn't that big a damn deal to shut the hell up and listen to her once in a while.

They passed by the Relay Monument, a sculpture in the shape of a mass relay that had been there even when the Citadel had been found by the asari. There were many arguments about what it was supposed to represent but at this moment, Kaidan rather liked the idea that it was supposed to represent unity throughout the galaxy.

The Keeper Shepard had scanned scurried between them and the monument on whatever errand only it knew about. Garrus watched it, his head cocked to one side. "You know, I've never seen them pay any attention to that."

"To what?" Shepard turned to look at him.

Garrus pointed at the Relay Monument. "That. It's kind of strange, actually."

"Maybe that hum has something to do with it? Is there some kind of field around it?"

Garrus gave him a strange look. "What hum?"

Kaidan was surprised. "You can't feel it? It sounds like it's coming from the statue. It makes my teeth tingle."

"It always feels like a buzzing inside my head," Shepard said, looking between him and Garrus with interest. She looked over at Tali, who shook her head. "I can't feel anything either."

"That's weird," Kaidan said.

Before they could speak on it further, someone called Shepard's name and she turned to meet a man dressed in Alliance colors. He looked harried, not panicking but worry had sunk deep lines into his face. He leaned close, speaking urgently to the commander. Kaidan couldn't hear what he was saying but he saw Shepard's reaction quite clearly. The woman turned pale, her eyes going wide with shock. Garrus went tense beside him, taking a step forward. "Shepard?"

She turned her head to look at them, looking almost dazed for a moment before her gaze sharpened and she drew herself up. "I have to head to the Alliance docks."

Kaidan felt alarm stab through him. "Something happened to the Normandy."

"No...no, Kaidan, nothing is wrong. It's..."

"Commander," the man's voice was urgent. "I'm sorry but there isn't much time."

Shepard shook herself. "Yes...just..." She waved a distracted hand and hurried along with the man. Kaidan exchanged a confused look with Garrus and Tali, then followed her.

They ended up in the main docks somewhere. Shepard had a strange, fixed look on her face. When the man- he'd hurriedly introduced himself as Lieutenant Girard -stopped, he pointed down toward a stack of shipping crates. "She's there. I have a sniper set up but I don't think we'll need him. She's only a danger to herself."

Shepard nodded and extended a hand. "Give me the sedative."

Kaidan cocked his head, confused and intrigued. That sharp accent that generally showed up in her speech every once in a while seemed more pronounced and he didn't think Shepard was aware of it. In fact, it was similar to Girard's, Kaidan thought with a start. Girard saluted and handed her something.

"Commander?" Kaidan spoke quietly.

"It's all right. Just...stay back a bit..." Shepard said, giving him another distracted look. "It will be all right," she repeated with more emphasis.

"If she seems liable to pull the trigger, back off," Girard urged. "Or walk away. I'm willing to wait her out." He shot a worried look up the docks.

Shepard nodded and moved toward the stack of crates.

"Lieutenant?" Girard turned to look at him. "What's going on?"

"Oh, yes, sorry," Girard said. "Sorry, I'm just worried. It's Talitha. She...she's been unstable ever since she was brought back, but she was never a danger to herself before. She keeps saying she wants to die. I was hoping Shepard could calm her down enough to get her to take a sedative."

"Why Shepard?" Garrus asked, sounding confused.

Girard looked back up the dock, still worried but with a bit of hope in his eyes now. "Talitha...we got her back from batarian slavers a few months ago. Shepard came from the same colony as her. From Mindoir."

* * *

She fucking hated batarians.

Shepard was well aware that most batarians were forbidden to leave batarian space, so slavers were the only examples she had seen. It wasn't fair to judge the entire race by one part of its population but she really wasn't interested in being fair where they were concerned. If she met a legitimate batarian who wasn't actively trying to kill her, fine, she'd let him be, but she wasn't going to turn her back on him. They had shut themselves away in their system, their government holding a strict monopoly on anything that was traded or even said as news to the rest of their people. Their society's strict adherence to social caste meant they not only viewed slavery as legitimate, they were insulted by officials trying to stop them. When she'd heard of Baker's exploits on Torfan in retaliation for the attack on Elysium known now as the Skyllian Blitz, it had been the only time she approved of his actions. Because she knew the batarians would not have shown any mercy if their positions had been reversed.

Shepard unhooked her gun-belt and placed it on the floor, checking herself to ensure none of her knives were visible before she cautiously stepped around the shipping crates.

The girl was there, just like Girard said. Shepard took a deep breath, drawing on her own experiences dealing with freed slaves out on the Traverse as the girl jerked and pointed the gun at her with a shaking hand, her eyes wide and frightened. Shepard held her hands up to show she was unarmed, keeping the sedative palmed and out of sight as the girl spoke, her voice shrill. "Stop! What do you...What are you?"

"It's okay," Shepard kept her voice calm. "Lieutenant Girard sent me to talk to you. What's your name?" She knew what it was, but this was one of the most important questions you had to jump on right away. Batarian slavers conditioned their slaves to view themselves as the batarians viewed them: as stupid animals. Not worthy of anything but serving, not even a name.

The girl gave a shaky laugh. "Animals don't get _names_. The masters put their symbols on her. Hot metal all over her back. She screams when they do it."

Shepard was quite sure of that. She felt the rage in her pulsing to the surface, black and hot, and clenched her teeth, forcing it back. The girl didn't need that rage right now. "You're not an animal. What did your parents call you?" She made her voice smooth out, coaxing her gently. "Do you remember?" The way the girl was speaking of herself, like she was outside herself, was not a good sign. If she could break through, coax her memories to the surface, it improved chances of helping her.

"She remembers a lot of things..." The girl hesitated, letting the gun drop a little. "Talitha. They call her that. Sh-she doesn't remember the rest."

Shepard met her eyes, using that moment of calm to study her. Her hair had been shaved off and her face was lined with stress in a way no one her age should have had to feel. "Talitha. That's a pretty name." She felt something tug at her memory. _Who were you, sugar? Where did I see you?_

Talitha rubbed at her head, her voice taking on a keening edge. "Leave her alone."

As she turned her head, the way the light played over her face made Shepard catch her breath. A woman...and a little red-headed girl. Selling fruit with Milo and some of his children in the section of the colony where people could set up stalls at certain times of the year for free trade. All sorts of things. And sharing strawberries with little red headed girl with blue eyes. "I remember you...Talitha..."

The girl just stared at her, looking uncertain.

"Your father owned the general store..."

Talitha's eyes widened.

"I remember that too. It was cool and dark and it smelled like sawdust and oil in the front and fresh bread in the back where the drink machines were."

"I don't..." Talitha's voice shook, but she didn't raise the gun again. "Liar! I don't remember. I remember fires. Smells of smoke and burning meat."

Oh, _God._ She could remember that too.

"Animals screaming as the masters cage them. As they put the metal to their backs. The wires in their brains."

Or just killed them. Carmen standing, trying to shield her youngest children. She was a big woman, what could you expect after she'd had ten children, and there was a lot of her to hide behind. But not enough.

Carmen trapped against a wall with several men armed with guns, keeping the slavers from getting close enough to bring them down. Carmen, with her bright clothes and sun browned skin and loud, booming laugh that could be heard from anywhere in the farmhouse. She wore her graying hair in a braid coiled at the back of her head and there were always hairs sticking out of it.

She could hug half of her children with one arm and bake cookies with the other at the same time, Maman had once said fondly. Would whack you with a spoon if you said the Lord's name in vain in her presence but didn't even blink if you tracked mud in the house from playing in the creek because kids would be kids.

Arian could remember, with sickening detail, the disgusted look on one batarian's face- that look that said he didn't have time to deal with troublesome animals when they could get so many others -as he motioned to the others and they let loose a spray of bullets.

Shepard drew in a shaky breath. Talitha was still talking. "She pretends to be dead. If she's dead, she can't work. But they know. She hopes they'll leave. But they put her in the pen."

 _I. You have to get her to say 'I'. If she can't even give herself an identity, no one can._ The trouble was, talking about herself like that was a defense mechanism Shepard had come across before. It took many forms, but at the core of it, it was the same: their reality was so horrific it was better to believe _nothing_ than deal with it day after day, hour after hour.

Talitha was staring at the gun in her hand. Her voice was small, the voice of a child. "She didn't fight. She was already broken when they put the wires in."

" _Cherie._ " She couldn't stop the catch in her voice as she took a careful step forward. That word hadn't passed her lips for more than a decade. It was her mother's endearment, a loving whisper in the night. "You were a child. You were younger than me, you had to be. What were you? Six years old? What could you have done but stay quiet and hope they would go away?"

"She wants to believe that," Talitha whispered. "She wants to believe nothing would change." She shook her head like she was trying to dislodge something inside her skull. "She doesn't want to be there anymore. In the pen. In the cages. Lying quiet while they do things to her."

"You aren't. You're right here. They can't touch you anymore." Shepard cautiously inched forward a little more.

Talitha finally noticed she was closer and jerked back, waving the gun. "No! She's no good! Don't want to be handled again!"

"Never again." Shepard stayed put, her eyes locked with Talitha's. For an instant, she thought she saw a glimmer of recognition in the girl's eyes. "I remember you, Talitha. I was there. I lived on Mindoir."

Talitha's face crumpled. "Lying! You get hit for lying! Get the buzz or burning. Can't be there."

Oh, yes, those lovely little toys the batarians had perfected for slavers all around. Shock collars, implants into the skull to cause pain. She fought her anger down. Couldn't show it because Talitha would misinterpret it as aimed at her.

Talitha glared at her suddenly. "Why are you alive? Why are you-Why aren't you like her? Broken. Only fit to dig and carry?"

 _Oh, sugar, who says I'm not._ Couldn't say that out loud. "I did the same thing as you."

_Run, Arian!_

"I got...buried...under rubble. After they killed my mother."

_**Mirette!** _

Who had it been screaming her mother's name, drowning out her own tortured cry? Was it Pere Mulligan? She thought maybe it had been. She dimly remembered him calling her own name as darkness had closed around her. It had to be Pere Mulligan because Milo had already been dead.

Pain ripped through her chest and made her draw in a sharp breath. She could remember Milo, seemingly dwarfed by his wife, working side by side with the men who worked for him. Providing not only for his own family but for the two runaways he'd come across in a run down dock and had taken in. His love was quieter than his wife's. A steady, quiet man. And stern when his children needed it.

He'd been so happy...so very happy...the first time she had given him a hug of her own volition.

Talitha was watching her. She'd lowered the gun again. "You lost your mommy and daddy. But you don't dig. You don't carry. You stand up. She wishes she could stand up."

She couldn't let herself get lost in memories. Of all the shining lives that had been wiped out in one blood drenched afternoon. " _Cherie,_ you're here. You escaped, yes?"

"Don't touch her!" Talitha's face twisted again, this time with loathing.

"I won't touch you if you don't want me to."

"You _can't_!" Talitha almost screamed it. "She can't _escape_. They have chains! Wires! Needles! You go too far, they take your brains away."

"They can't do that anymore."

Talitha didn't seem to hear her. "Animals like her come. Animals with guns. They make the masters explode."

_Good._

"She tries to fix the masters. So they won't be mad at her. She puts all the reds and purples back in, but they don't move."

The next batarian slaver she took down, she was going to carve Talitha's name into his face and ram one of those fucking control chips into his fucking eyes.

"The other animals take her. But she doesn't want to see them. They're not real. They can't be real. They can't see her." Talitha was rocking back and forth, the gun dangling from her hand at her side, forgotten. "If the animals can see her, then this is real. But it can't be. The wires. The chains. The hitting. It doesn't happen to her. A dirty girl. A stupid girl. She deserves it!"

Her eyes were stinging with tears she couldn't allow to fall. "No, you don't."

"It happens to _her_!" Talitha insisted. She faltered, swaying on her feet. "Doesn't it?" Her voice had softened into a plea, begging for reassurance. "They see her, so it's real. She doesn't want it to be real."

"All of it?" Shepard took another step toward her, bringing her within arm's reach of the girl.

Talitha didn't flinch. "Please don't touch her. She's dirty. You'll catch it," she said in a small voice.

"You're not dirty. You're not an animal. _They_ were." Shepard reached out and very gently tugged the gun out of her grip. For a moment, Talitha seemed about to resist but she finally let go of it. Shepard activated the safety and popped the clip, setting it aside, her eyes never leaving Talitha's. "You don't want _any_ of it to be real, Talitha? The market on Mindoir? Strawberries? Your parents? Pere Mulligan, do you remember him? And the big church they built?" If there was anybody who would help her remember Mindoir as it had once been, it was Pere Mulligan. That robust man with his flashing black eyes who had been the center of their colony, good in word and deed.

Talitha closed her eyes for a moment. "Mommy sang in his choir." When she opened them, that recognition was there again. "I...remember...you..." Her eyes went wider. "Your mommy was the witch lady."

"Yes."

"My mommy bought a doll for me from your mommy." Sorrow tinged her voice. "I lost it...then..." She glanced around, looking exhausted and sad.

Shepard held out her hand, the pills Girard had given her cupped in it. "Talitha, this will help you sleep. If you fall asleep, they'll take you to a place where you can get better."

Talitha stared at the pills for a long time. She reached out a hand, then stopped and pulled it back, seemingly building up the courage to take it. Shepard was silent, giving her as long as she needed. Talitha finally took the pills and swallowed them quickly, as if afraid she'd lose her nerve. She swallowed again, the drug already starting to make her eyes glaze. "Will she have bad dreams?"

"No."

Talitha swayed forward. "She doesn't want any more bad dreams."

Shepard caught her gently, cradling her close. "No dreams, _cherie._ "

"Arian?" Shepard had to close her eyes when Talitha said her name, wondering if she'd even realized she had said it. Talitha didn't seem to notice, her voice a sleepy murmur. "It hurts when she- when I remember me. But she wants to remember..."

She went limp and Shepard shifted, adjusting to the sudden weight. "You will."

Someone moved into her line of vision. Tali. The quarian gently took hold of Talitha's other arm and helped Shepard carry her down to Girard. There were a couple of medics with a stretcher waiting and they laid her out on it.

"Thanks, Commander," Girard said quietly. He ran a hand gently over Talitha's shaved head. "I didn't want to hurt her." He shook his head. "When I see her shivering, curled up in a ball...she was only six when they took her."

"I know."

"Why the hell are we out here if we can't keep one little girl safe?"

"She had a good life up until that point. Good memories to build on. We can't protect everyone. Never have been able to. No matter where we are. We just...save as many as we can so they can have good lives. Good memories." She lifted her gray eyes to Girard's and the lieutenant saw an echo of another little girl that hadn't been safe. Her scars were there, they were just different. "You'll take care of her?"

"I'll take care of her."

"I'd like...well, I'd like to know how she's doing. Once in a while, at least?"

Girard's eyes softened a bit. "I'll make sure of it, Commander."

"Thank you, Lieutenant." She watched them take Talitha away, hoping with everything in her that they could help her. She turned back to her squad. She figured they had been near the crates, and judging by the solemn way they were watching her, they'd heard most of it, if not all.

"Will she be all right, do you think?" Tali asked, her voice quiet and sympathetic.

Shepard ran her hands through her hair. "I don't know. I hope so."

"Do you...need anything, Commander?" Garrus sounded awkward and a little embarrassed...in fact he sounded terrified that the answer would be yes...but the concern was genuine.

She managed a tired smile. "I need a drink."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That information that Denali is rambling on about in the beginning there (Edan Had'dah, Dr. Qian, ect) is based off the plot of Mass Effect: Revelation, by Drew Karpyshyn.


	29. Eye of the Storm

"So, the blue means Palaven?" Shepard squinted, studying the tattoo that decorated Garrus's face and mandibles.

"Kind of." Garrus obligingly held his head still so she could get a proper look. "There's actually more to it. Like where you're from on Palaven or which colony, the history of the area, family lines, that kind of thing. Oh, and what color you are, since you want people to actually be able to see it."

They were walking through the Wards, moving with and through the crowds with the skill that came from spending a great deal of time there. Even now, when it was the equivalent of early evening, it was crowded, and it would only get worse as people came out for a drink at the many bars and clubs. You either ran with the crowd or got run over.

It had been a bit easier with Wrex plowing the way ahead but the krogan had ducked off a few minutes ago, muttering something inaudible, and they hadn't seen him since. Garrus wasn't particularly worried at this point. If they kept to the public venues, he was pretty confident no one would mess with them. It helped that he knew the area and while they were both dressed in civilian clothing, they were both armed.

There had been an amusing moment when he'd first met up with her where he realized she'd never seen him without armor before. She'd eyed him for a moment before declaring that he looked quite distinguished. Looking at him, you'd never know he was a troublemaker, she'd added. And had laughed when he'd dryly pointed out that the same could not be said for her. She was wearing simple black pants and a black vest beneath a long, sleeveless, dark red jacket. She had all her piercings in- so much metal in her face and ears it was almost like she was trying to be turian.

Her fingernails were painted in alternating colors of dark blue and a green so bright it almost glowed. He didn't even want to know how she'd managed that one.

She still looked weary, though. Whatever sadness she was determined to drown tonight was clearly there. Since Garrus was still processing the scene from earlier himself, he wasn't quite sure how to help her there. He'd overheard almost all of what had been said between her and that poor girl. It was a sobering thing to realize it was pure happenstance that had saved Shepard from the same fate. The image of Shepard at the hands of batarian slavers was a distressing one, and he didn't like dwelling on it.

He'd found just talking seemed to lift her spirits a bit, which he didn't mind. Garrus had been a bit wary the more she sought out him out in between missions, but he'd come to find he genuinely enjoyed her company as much as she seemed to enjoy his. She was a sharp, interesting woman who was more than willing to debate things like military strategy between species or talk about human customs without getting defensive, which tended to be rare in both turians and humans, particularly in regards to each other. She'd even spoken a little bit about her life on Mindoir up until the attack, mentioning if they'd taken a page from the turians, they probably would have fared better, which had brought the subject around to turian colonies and the markings nearly all of his people wore to signify them.

Shepard dodged a volus charging down the walk with that unconscious grace that suffused every move she made. "My friend Lin has red markings. Any time I ask her about it, she either says the markings themselves represent where she came from and she made them red because she likes it or she says the color is representative and she just likes the markings."

Garrus didn't think he'd much like Lin from what Shepard had mentioned of her but he had to admit that was a good one. "Charming."

"Lin has a patent on being a pain in the ass. It's why I like her so much." Shepard frowned thoughtfully. "You know, either Saren has silver markings that are hard to see or he's been modified so much they don't show anymore, because I don't recall seeing any on his face."

Garrus snorted. "He's barefaced? That just figures."

"Huh?"

"'Barefaced' is slang. For someone who is untrustworthy. In Saren's case, it seems to be both literal and figurative."

"You don't have a slang term for 'complete and utter cowardly bastard'?"

"'Human'."

Shepard burst out laughing, a low, rich, genuine laugh that had some heads turning and his mandibles flaring into a smile automatically. "Walked right into that one. Run it by Ash, I _dare_ you."

"Maybe I will once she's drunk and I can make sure to get her gun off her."

That got another laugh out of her. The crowd was thinning down as they came closer to Flux and Garrus noticed a pair of turians watching them with narrowed eyes. Who gave a damn? He'd take a thousand pointed glares to hear her laugh like that, especially today.

The disapproval in their gaze made him bristle, however. That was probably why he went on the defensive when someone called Shepard's name and footsteps pattered toward them, turning and letting a hand rest on his gun in an automatic gesture.

He let it fall immediately. The man running up to them was no threat at all, despite the panicked look that crossed Shepard's face. She looked around quickly for a quick getaway or somewhere to hide and Garrus stepped back and prepared for a fight to keep from laughing.

Kaidan had told them about Conrad Verner when he'd pestered Shepard for an autograph and tried (unsuccessfully) to get a picture out of her but this was his first time actually meeting the man.

Fame did not sit well on their commander's shoulders. She would socialize with anyone from the highest ranking members of the Alliance to the poorest volus in the galaxy right up until the point they asked for an autograph. In general, she had a knack for avoiding the press and disguising herself but there had been times she'd gotten cornered- although the persistent Mr. Verner was the first one to manage it multiple times -and it was clear she had _no_ idea what the hell to do. She seemed baffled and embarrassed by the idea she was the kind of celebrity people wanted autographs from. She also had a keen dislike of being photographed, which did not help. She could out-cuss a krogan mercenary or verbally destroy Kahlisah sint bin al-Jilani (not that it was hard) but didn't seem able to even raise her voice to someone nagging her for her signature.

The entire squad, even Liara, found it hilarious that Shepard could face down a thousand year old alien or a geth squad without flinching but was practically terrified of a fan.

Shepard edged closer to Garrus as Conrad stopped in front of her, panting. "Commander! I was waiting for you to get back!"

They'd seen him on the docks but had managed to sneak past him. "Hi..."

"I had this idea and I wanted to run it by you." Verner looked around (a bit dramatically, in Garrus's opinion) as if making sure no one was eavesdropping. "I saw the vids. With all the human colonies being attacked, I'm not sure one Spectre is enough. What if you signed _me_ on as another Spectre?"

Garrus snorted and turned it into a cough to cover it up. Shepard just blinked at the man, as if trying to process what he was saying. She gathered herself up. "It's...um...not really that simple..."

"But I'd be a great Spectre! I'd be right there alongside you showing the Council what humanity is capable of!" Conrad chattered on earnestly. "I know you're afraid to trust people after you lost your team on Akuze, but I'd never let you down!"

Shepard's expression flickered from discomfort to shock for a brief instant before she shut it down, but Garrus caught it even if Verner seemed oblivious. He wasn't even remotely amused now. He would have given the man leeway for the fact he was obviously starry-eyed and probably obtuse by nature, but there was a line between impolite and out and out disrespect. She didn't need to be reminded of two nightmares in one day. Not to mention the fact that being chosen as a Spectre was an honor and a duty to the galaxy as a whole, not something you could flaunt and show off with. First Udina, now this guy. Was Shepard the only human who didn't see being a Spectre as some kind of tool to make humanity look good?

"Spectres usually have extensive training," he growled. Whatever Conrad saw in his face or posture broke through his excitement enough he cast Garrus a nervous, confused look. "Shepard was an exception because of the circumstances and her exemplary service record. You know...in the _military_. Where the _Council_ chooses most Spectres from."

Garrus must have made some kind of move because Shepard shifted and pressed a hand to his chest lightly, interrupting. "He's right, Mr. Verner, I can't just sign someone up as a Spectre. There are protocols with the Alliance and Council that have to be followed."

Obviously, that hadn't occurred to him. "Oh..."

Conrad sounded so deflated it made Shepard uncomfortable again. "Besides, um...we need people on Earth making humanity strong," she said lamely, obviously trying to make him feel better.

"I just got so caught up in all of it, I just wanted to help," Conrad said unhappily. He sighed. "I'll go home. Thanks for setting me straight."

Shepard watched him trudge off, looking awkward and guilty. "Why do I feel like I just kicked him in the face?"

She looked so chagrined, it made a chuckle rise in Garrus's throat again, breaking his anger. He choked it back, giving her as bland a look as was possible, mandibles drawn tight against his mouth, when she glowered at him. She narrowed her eyes. "Laugh it up, Vakarian."

"I didn't say a word, Commander."

She huffed and stalked toward Flux, tossing her head in an attempt to hide her embarrassment. Garrus started to follow when his omni-tool beeped, signaling a message. He glanced at the sender and paused. Solana...

Shepard had stopped at the door of the club when she realized he wasn't following her. She was looking at him, concerned and he motioned for her to go ahead. After a moment's hesitation, she did.

Solana tended to agree with their father more often than not, so they'd been a bit at odds on and off since he'd joined Shepard's crew but there was only one reason she would be trying to get a hold of him at this hour. Garrus moved to the side of the building for a moment of privacy to take the message from his sister.

* * *

Flux was exactly what Shepard thought a nightclub should be: filled with noise and crowded with as many varieties of people as was physically possible. She'd considered dragging them out to her aunt's nightclub but figured they didn't need the shock to the system. Besides, Ashley had wanted to check this place out.

Maybe after they caught Saren. Which reminded her she had to catch that bastard before Mischa's wedding. She couldn't act as a bridesmaid for her, seeing as she had to save the galaxy and all, but God willing, she could at least throw her bachelorette party for her.

Shepard grinned as she made her way to the bar, willing to bet that Mischa and Ashley would get along quite famously and Tali and Liara might be interested in giving a bachelorette party a try just to see what it was. The idea of Liara at one made her giggle. It was a pity the asari hadn't been convinced to join them though Shepard felt guilty that she found it kind of a relief too. Liara had chosen to go spend some time with her colleagues at the Serra Institute. To each their own.

She spotted the others at a large booth overlooking the dance floor and headed up. She'd flirted with the idea of taking a spin in the casino but decided getting drunk was as far as she should push it. She still had a job to do come the morning.

Ashley waved to her, crowded in the round booth with Kaidan, Tali and Joker. She raised a glass. Shepard didn't think it was her first one. "There she is! Glad you could make it, Skipper! Howard wouldn't come along, said this place was too young for him. My sisters would love this place, though. I'm totally going to bring them here for a girls' night out."

Shepard snorted, sliding in on Tali's other side, setting a bottle of spiced rum and a glass down on the table. The quarian was studying an array of shot glasses with different colored drinks that Ash was arranging in front of her.

"She's going to go back to the Fleet from her Pilgrimage well honored and a complete lush," Joker commented.

"Wasn't Garrus with you, Shepard?" Kaidan said, frowning a bit.

"He had to take a call so he hung back for a second."

"So this is the dextro stuff," Ashley said, finally arranging the glasses to her satisfaction. "Now you can't toss back a shot, but we'll improvise. Show Shepard the thing, Tali!"

"The thing?" Shepard raised an eyebrow. She caught sight of Garrus moving through the club and waited until he looked up to give him a wave.

Tali produced a metal cylinder with some kind of spout at the bottom of it and held it over an empty glass. She picked up one of the shot glasses and poured its contents into the top of the cylinder, shaking it a bit until the liquid poured out of the spout into the empty glass.

"Filter?" Shepard guessed.

Tali nodded, repeating the filtration a couple more times before she stuck a straw into the drink and took a sip. She coughed a little and Ashley clapped her on the shoulder. "There's our girl."

"Damn, Tali, is there anything you _can't_ make?" Shepard said with more than a little envy.

"Or at least make better?" Joker said.

The quarian toasted them with another glass. "Nope!"

Garrus came up and slid into the seat beside Shepard, looking very put upon. "Tell me something, do humans ever make it a point to bring up an incident that happened long ago in childhood when any sane person would have put it aside?"

Shepard shook her head, confused, but Ash started to chuckle. "Those are the words of a man with a little sister."

"So that's a common thing between siblings of any species," Garrus said, shaking his head.

"And you can never win," Ash agreed.

Garrus grumbled something under his breath. Shepard had gotten good enough at reading him to know whatever message he'd gotten had put him on edge, if only a little bit. Having regained her equipoise and fortified with alcohol, she started up their discussion about turian colonies again, this time trying to lift his spirits a bit instead of the other way around. Kaidan, looking interested, leaned across the table to hear over the music and Joker ended up switching places with him so he could get a closer look at Ashley applying herself to the task of being Tali's drink mentor.

Shepard felt the last of the coldness that had filled her after the encounter with Talitha start to fade as the night progressed. She was happily drunk and surrounded by friends.

Tali- tipsy but not quite slobbering drunk, as she had an understandable reluctance to get so drunk she would throw up in her mask -was shyly coaxed to give them a few examples of quarian poetry, which led to Shepard and Ash getting into an argument about whether Edgar Allen Poe could be counted as a poet. (Which he did. Ash could take her Tennyson related snobbery and shove it.) Joker, ever dependable, diffused the argument by asking if turians did the poetry thing and cracking everyone up with what he thought it would sound like. Garrus, looking pained, informed him that he wasn't that far off, which only made everyone laugh harder.

Screw the batarians, screw Saren and screw his great Reaper overlords, Shepard thought, content.

If the information regarding Virmire was right, she might just finally have the chance to tell Saren that right to his bare face.

* * *

Denali had, for as long as Arian had known her, a taste for living in style no matter how mean the surroundings. Hell, she managed to pull off elegant and classy on _Omega_ for God's sake.

Take this place. It was the kind of fancy hotel that Denali fit into like it was made for her and Shepard had never felt comfortable in. It had people to open the doors and push the elevator controls for you, which she didn't get, and they folded every piece of cloth from napkins to towels into pretty triangles, which she got even less. Had a great view though. Shepard was standing naked at the window, a cigarette balanced between two fingers as she gazed through the privacy screen that allowed her to look out but kept prying eyes from seeing in. Denali's room was near the top floor and the Presidium stretched out in front of her, not quite as wildly lit as the Wards were...it was edging toward morning, after all...but lit up enough to be a sight.

"You know, Ari, you're making this deal with your Liara complicated when it's really very simple."

She turned to look at Denali, who was still stretched out on the bed. She didn't bother to cover herself as she propped up on one arm, studying Shepard in the dim light that filtered through the screen. "When is the last time you ever met anyone with that kind of innocence? Who wasn't a child? Well, not by your standards. She's only just out of childhood by ours."

"Thanks for making me feel even more creepy." Shepard glanced away. "I know that's part of it...maybe all of it. She was mine for the taking, 'Nali. Just for a second, she was completely open to me and it was..."

"Brought our witch out of the shadows, kind of how she comes stalking up in you whenever you're really pissed off. That innocence in her draws you the same way she's compelled by what she saw."

"Yeah..."

"She won't stay innocent she gets tangled up with you."

The words were gentle, trying to tone down the statement. It was harsh, but it had the advantage of being true. Shepard blew out a breath. "Yeah."

"I also can't believe this is the first time you've gotten laid in months. That might be a factor, don't you think?"

Shepard choked on a mouthful of smoke and bent over, hacking. Denali chuckled.

"For the record, I think you did the right thing. Given time, who knows. It might work out if you're meant to be."

Shepard glared at her through watery eyes, though there was no real malice in it. Her voice was choked. "Sure, because you're the perfect person to take seriously on relationship advice."

Denali gave her a playful pout that had just a whiff of the real thing. "Hey, I'd be happy to try a proper relationship if given the chance."

Something about her tone had Shepard turning and raising an eyebrow at her, stubbing the cigarette out. "What's this I'm hearing? Is there actually someone who has managed to resist your legendary wiles?"

"Besides you?"

"I think the fact I'm here now kind of proves I can't resist you."

"You could too, you just needed to get rid of some tension." Denali grinned wickedly. "So did I."

"I'm waiting, 'Nali."

Denali breathed out a sigh. "She's another asari."

"Ah."

"Very traditional, comes from an entrenched family on Thessia that goes back all the way to the days when Athame was still worshiped."

"What the hell is she doing on Omega, then? No self respecting denizen of Thessia would be caught dead on Omega."

"Oh, thank you so much."

Shepard laughed. "You've never even been to Thessia."

"I suppose I'll have to visit it when I finally win her over. As to why she's there...she's a little older than your Liara, which means she's entering the maiden stage. And she's a little more adventurous than most. Which explains my attraction."

"Plus, you know, there's the fact you're getting into the middle of your maiden stage. Need to find someone to settle down with, Denali, you're getting past your prime."

The asari lunged up and grabbed her arm, yanking her down. "And yet, I'll still be young and beautiful when you're dead."

"Touchy, 'Nali, maybe you haven't worked out all your tension yet," Shepard purred, flopping onto her back.

"Probably not..." The asari smiled at her lazily, sliding toward her. "My ship out of here doesn't leave until evening. How long do you have left until you have to be back on the ship?"

"A few hours." Shepard drew her close, tangling her legs with the asari's.

"Mm. No time to coax someone else to join in."

Shepard snorted. "You're the one that likes so many people they're falling off the bed."

"I wonder how much the news stations would give me to hear how often I managed to rope you into bed with a couple more people, though. Sometimes literally."

"Not much. Keep up with the times, Denali. The fact that I'm a whore is old news."

"Oh, yes, I forgot you were sleeping with your whole crew. Well, damn it, and the turian wouldn't join in even when I invited him. He's cute too."

Shepard cocked an eyebrow. "Garrus?" She chuckled at the very thought.

"Well, he was sort of hanging back while everyone was helping that human woman and the little quarian on board right when I found you, so..."

Shepard sat up, wide eyed, realizing she was serious. "Denali, you _didn't._ "

The asari's eyes were gleaming. "I think he might have more experience than he's letting on. He didn't start stammering and blushing until I brought you into the offer."

Shepard didn't want to laugh, she really didn't, but the thought of poor Garrus having to deal with Denali made her snort with laughter helplessly. "God, and people say I'm bad."

"And there's my witch all smiles and at peace with the universe again..." Denali murmured with a smile, stroking her fingers along her cheek.

She did, in fact, feel pretty much at peace and languid and happy. That thought produced an unexpected chill, her first instinct to assume it was the calm before a bad storm. When Denali frowned a bit and murmured her name, Arian shook her head slightly, pulling her close and capturing her mouth in a hard kiss as she rolled her beneath her. If it were true and this was the last moment of peace she'd have for a while, she was going to enjoy it while it lasted.

* * *

Saren leaned back in his chair, Dr. Thanoptis's latest report hovering on the screen in front of him.

He still had his little krogan army, even if he'd lost the rachni. And Benezia.

That was an unexpected blow. He truly hadn't thought Shepard, even with the Matriarch's daughter at her side, could take Benezia and her followers down. If the Reaper had not been impressed before, it certainly was now, he thought sourly.

Although...he'd had doubts about Benezia's abilities. Just little things, tiny mistakes here and there that grew more frequent. Mistakes she'd never made before. He'd sent her to take care of the rachni because he thought it would keep her clear of Shepard at least for a while longer. He hadn't expected the bitch to track her down to Noveria.

A tiny mistake of his own, perhaps?

His eyes kept rising to a single line in Thanoptis's report, stating her belief that the more indoctrinated the individual became, the less physically capable they became. Benezia hadn't appeared to be weaker but the commandos following her...

Well, that just proved that it wasn't the case with him, didn't it? He was still as physically sound as the day he'd found Sovereign. A small voice in the back of his head noted he, unlike Benezia or her followers, had a few cybernetic enhancements. Perhaps to combat the physical weakness...

Saren shook his head violently. He wasn't indoctrinated. He _wasn't._ _He_ had been smart enough to see the bottom line. What had to be done. _He_ didn't need to be indoctrinated because he'd proven he was useful without it. He was right. He was certain of it.

_Desolas was certain he was right too, right up until the very end._

Saren physically jerked back, wondering where in the hell that thought had come from. He hadn't thought of his brother in years. But once thought, it was like opening a floodgate. Desolas and his damned monolith. His brother had found it beneath a temple on Palaven. He'd been absolutely convinced that if he could learn to control it, he could use it to accelerate evolution itself and turn the turian race into the strongest in the galaxy. Had used it to turn a group of turians...and even a human...into cybernetic creatures. Creatures of flesh and blood shot through with blue lit cybernetics.

Like the husks the geth made with those dragon's teeth on the human planets.

Everything in Saren froze. For a moment, he was unable to breathe. How was it possible he had never put two and two together there? The monolith beneath the temple on Palaven was destroyed, bombarded and buried...along with his brother. But it had to have been Reaper technology. He'd seen too much of it to mistake it now. If Desolas had been indoctrinated...

But that was different, he calmed himself enough to start thinking reasonably. Completely different. If the monolith Desolas had found, the one that had driven him crazy, was indeed of Reaper origin, his mistake had been presuming he could control it. He'd always thought that had been Desolas's mistake. His brother should have destroyed the thing when he realized it was technology beyond his ability to understand.

Like he had. He'd sought out Sovereign hoping to find a piece of technology that would give the turians...no, everyone...an edge against the spread of humanity. But when he'd found the Reaper, when he'd heard its voice, he had not made the mistake his brother made. He had recognized a force beyond his ability to control. That's why he was doing what he was doing, after all. And why Sovereign had allowed him his own mind. He was no good to the Reaper as a puppet. A mere puppet couldn't get the Reaper to the Conduit, couldn't help it start the Cycle.

Saren leaned back, the worst of his fears pushed into the back of his mind. They would need to do a quick check on Virmire again, to check up on the army...and maybe see if the experiments on those captured salarians had brought up anything interesting.

Then they would find the Conduit. Once the cycle started, thanks to him, the Reapers would already know who was useful and who was not. Maybe he'd give them Shepard, the troublesome human who had managed to thwart them time and time again, as a gift, primed and ready to be indoctrinated and re-purposed.

The image of Shepard twisted into a Reaper weapon made him smile until it brought back the image of Desolas and his followers and the monolith that had completely enslaved them, even without a Reaper anywhere nearby.

He shook the thought off, turning away from the console. That had been different from his case.

Completely different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Garrus, I pick on you so much because I love you. All that about Saren's brother and the monolith and such is the plot of the Mass Effect: Evolution comic. I wasn't a huge fan of it, personally, but I did find it odd that Saren never made any connection to the Reapers and the monolith.


	30. Choices

A chess game with Howard was an entertaining spectacle. A rare chess game between Howard and Shepard where everyone could watch was entertainment you couldn't buy.

Howard had two boards. One was a holographic one and the other was his pride and joy: a genuine wood board with carved stone pieces that had been passed down through his family for years. In general, he used the holo-board.

Except when he was playing against Shepard. Then he used both.

They sat at the mess hall table with the boards set up between them, alternating between them after each turn. It was still relatively empty, though they would probably gather a crowd of onlookers later on. Shepard couldn't actually beat Howard, but she could put up a fight with two games at once. She was on the wooden one while Howard contemplated his move on the holo one when a shadow loomed over the table. She went still for a moment before making a move.

"I still don't get you humans' obsession with battle simulations, but I guess this is better than the turian wanting to run the Normandy through its paces just to see what it can do. Less chance of getting blown up that way," Wrex rumbled, his eyes on the boards.

"Don't be so sure," Howard said lightly. "I rigged that wooden board up so if she actually wins..."

"Good thing that'll never happen." Shepard leaned back from the table and looked up at the krogan. "Still pissed at me, Wrex?" She'd been more than ready to go to him before they reached Virmire but since he'd come up...

Howard glanced at her and she motioned for him to continue. Wrex was either one for a terse discussion or a full on brawl and they'd had enough of those already.

Wrex studied her expressionlessly. "You let the damned queen go. Nothing else to be said."

"They were indoctrinated."

That gave both Howard and Wrex a pause. Shepard kept her eyes on the krogan, her voice quiet. "A sour yellow note from space that silenced them and forced them to resonate with it. That's how she described it."

"Dammit, Shepard, not everything in the universe leads back to the Reapers!"

Shepard met his eyes and the eerie knowledge in them chilled even Urdnot Wrex. "Are you sure about that?"

The anger and annoyance he'd been carrying toward her shifted into genuine concern. He wasn't worried that Shepard was losing control- it was clear she wasn't -but he'd seen enough from his own people to know what happened when you let your focus on something drive you to the exclusion of all else. "I'm going back to Tuchanka."

Something flickered across Shepard's face...to his surprise she seemed unhappy from that fact. Before she could speak, he clarified: "After Saren is out of the way. I don't know if I can save my people, but I figure it's time to give it a try. We've spent too long focused on the past, letting it blind us to our real goal." He stared at her pointedly.

Shepard got the message. "I'm not blinded, Wrex."

"I overheard enough of what the Council and Udina are saying...and not saying, Ari," Howard chimed in softly, moving one of his bishops across the holo-board. "They're all starting to think you're unhinged."

"I think there's a reason they wanted you focused on this salarian team on Virmire," Wrex added.

Shepard was silent for a long moment. "I know who our enemy is. I want to know everything I can about the Reapers and I think he's the key to that, but I _know_ who is the real danger. No matter who is backing him. I'm not so focused on the Reapers I've forgotten."

He believed her. She might be edging toward obsession with whatever the hell this Reaper thing was that haunted her dreams, but she wasn't there yet. "All right. Just watch you don't let that bastard use those visions of yours against you, Shepard."

"Even in the off chance I let it happen, you'll kill him first, Wrex," she said, snickering.

"Well, when you put it like that...anything that lets me get the first crack at him."

Shepard opened her mouth, then closed it. Satisfied he'd gotten the last word, the krogan watched the two return to their game. It was actually a rather interesting- if simplistic -strategy game. Plenty of species had similar ones.

Krogan preferred to learn the art of war as they experienced it. Always had, always would. But the more he saw, every time he looked at his family armor, and (though he would never admit it) the more he'd talked back and forth with Shepard the past few months, the more he became convinced it was time to give Tuchanka another chance. It was time to give the krogan a reason to fight for something instead of against everything.

* * *

" _Oh, before I go. We saw Kaidan in a news vid about the Normandy. He's cute! Later sis."_

Ashley heard a snort behind her and winced, glancing back over her shoulder at her commander. "I don't suppose you could just...pretend you didn't hear that."

Shepard was grinning. "Oh, don't be embarrassed, Ash. Just make sure she meets Kaidan at one point and put that to good use. Possibly use a recording."

Ash chuckled. "Oh, that's mean. But she's done worse to me..."

"Which one is that?"

"Sarah. The youngest."

"Oh, well as the eldest and youngest respectively, you two have a duty to humiliate each other."

"Only I've got more ammo." Ash checked her rifle over. "I remember Garrus talking about his sister back on the Citadel. Funny, I never thought I'd have anything in common with a turian. I guess younger siblings are the same no matter what the race, huh?"

"Unless you're krogan. Then there's less arguing and more stabbing if what Wrex told me about his brother is true."

"Or unless you're asari, in which case there's more blackmail and hiring people to assassinate." Ash raised an eyebrow pointedly, referring to the asari diplomat who had contracted them to 'rescue' her sister from slavers. Turned out her sister was actually leading them and the real goal had been to kill her. Shepard had actually rather admired how well Nassana Dantius had set the whole thing up. Especially since it had resulted in the deaths of an entire slaving crew and earned them access to some choice asari toys like omni-tools and bio-amps that had sent the techie and biotic members of the squad into a whirl of delight. Although none of them would be doing any business with Dantius any time soon.

"I don't think the whole Dantius fiasco was a common thing among asari siblings. I hope not, anyway."

Ash just shrugged it off. You never could tell with asari. "Has something come up? You wouldn't have just come down here to eavesdrop on my mail."

"Don't be ridiculous, Ash, of course I would."

Ash rolled her eyes. "Something different come up since the debriefing?"

"Nope, still get to the camp and clear the way for the Normandy." Shepard's expression went serious. "Kaidan mentioned someone was giving you crap about your grandfather."

Ashley blew out a breath slowly. "I don't like running to a superior officer about stuff if I don't have to, especially if it's nothing to do with our crew. I think Baker has been saying crap under the radar since I turned him down."

"He was. Admiral Hackett himself came down on him for it."

Ash jolted. "Are you kidding me?"

"Nope. Baker got a little too cocky about what he could get away with and apparently caught the Admiral's attention. Our good admiral, in case you hadn't heard, doesn't have a lot of patience for that kind of crap."

"Man, I wish I had been able to see that." Ashley didn't even bother to try and hide her delight.

Shepard just smiled. "Just wanted to make sure no one was starting any trouble with you. You knocked the brass for a loop, Ash. When we nail Saren, there's no one who will be able to get away with holding you down, no matter how much they want to."

"I wish my father was around to see it. Make him proud."

"I'm sure you did that already, Ash."

Ash gave her a crooked smile. "I did. I know that. When I made Chief, the first thing he did was salute." Her smile fell, became sad. "He worked his ass off trying to get recognized, Shepard. But he never made it beyond Serviceman Third Class." The unfairness of it still rankled sometimes but not as much anymore. "I think you would have liked him."

"You know, Ash, yours sounds like a hell of a family, I think I'd like all of you."

"'I cannot rest from travel: I will drink life to the lees. All times I have enjoy'd greatly, have suffer'd greatly, both with those that loved me and alone. For always roaming with a hungry heart. Much have I seen and known. Cities of men, and manners, climates, councils, governments...'" Ash murmured.

Shepard listened silently until she'd finished the quote. "Tennyson?"

"Yeah. 'Ulysses'." Ash flushed a bit. "Dad's favorite. Every time he shipped out, he recorded me reading it. He had a dozen versions when he retired."

"Appropriate way to start the mission, then!" Shepard gave her a friendly swat on the shoulder, giving her time to compose herself. "Garrus has the Mako prepped."

Ash agreed. In fact, she recited it to herself under her breath before every mission. "Right, so let's get down there and save the salarian super squad." She gave the commander a cynical grin. "And probably end up coming face to face with yet _another_ crazy, dangerous thing completely unknown to the galaxy up until this point."

Shepard almost pranced away, waving a hand dramatically. "'Death, old admiral, up anchor now, this country wearies us. Put out to sea! What if the waves and winds are black as ink, our hearts are filled with light. You know our hearts! Pour us your poison, let us be comforted! Once we have burned our brains out, we can plunge to Hell or Heaven- any abyss will do -deep in the Unknown to find the _new_!'"

Ashley narrowed her eyes at her. "I still don't think he counts as a poet."

"That wasn't Poe, that was Baudelaire." Shepard grinned over her shoulder. "Who was possibly even more twisted."

"Of course. Why else would _you_ be quoting him, Skipper?"

* * *

The journey was actually just killing geth pretty much the same way they had been doing.

The real trouble actually started when they _found_ said salarian super squad.

Ashley stood tense beside Kaidan as they watched Shepard walk down the beach, her hands tightening on her rifle reflexively. He shook his head at her and she forced herself to relax. She couldn't make herself lower the gun. The rest of the squad stood arrayed across the beach, looking as helpless as she felt. None of them liked Shepard walking away alone but none of them dared follow her. Even the salarian captain, Kirrahe, looked tense.

Virmire was beautiful. A planet of rolling seas and sunlight. A pure place. It was also home to Saren's base of operations. They had finally hit the jackpot...and walked right into the middle of a mess.

Down the beach, there was a spray of gunfire that made Ashley go tense again, but the bullets were simply peppering the water.

"Ashley, stand _down_ ," Kaidan said, quiet and stern.

"I won't let him hurt her."

"He won't hurt her." Kaidan sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

"He is _pissed_ , Kaidan. He's not thinking straight. And he has a big gun. Those are three reasons to be really damn worried."

"Shepard said give her a chance to talk him down, Ash."

Ashley gritted her teeth. Yes, she had. Ash was almost angry with her for that. Her bleeding heart was going to get her killed, and then where would they be?

She forced herself to relax, but reminded herself to be ready for anything, her eyes never leaving the two figures down the beach.

Shepard was a tall woman but at this moment, she looked terribly, terribly small compared to Wrex.

* * *

_If that cure leaves the planet, the krogan will become unstoppable. We can't make the same mistake again._

Mistake. _Mistake._ The salarians hadn't considered it a mistake after the rachni had been driven out.

The krogan had been wrong during the Rebellions. Wrex was the first to admit that. They should have taken a lesson from the wars among themselves that had destroyed Tuchanka. That sense of entitlement that had driven them to take more and more colonies and spread without checking themselves had been driven by the 'might makes right' mindset that was ingrained into them all. Unfortunately, they'd found out when going up against a united alliance of several other aliens, they weren't the mightiest.

They'd been wrong. Arrogant. But they had paid the price for it many times over as their race slowly died out and the galaxy watched. What they needed, what he wanted to do, was bring them back to the fierce, honorable people they had once been...but wiser. They didn't have to change, but they did have to adapt.

He'd been prepared to do that even knowing that the odds of them rebuilding the krogan population was slim to none. Until now.

Saren was breeding krogan. _He'd found a cure for the genophage..._

He heard the crunch of sand beneath boots and didn't need to turn his head to know who it was. "This isn't right, Shepard. If there's a cure for the genophage, we can't destroy it."

"We can't let Saren have it, either," she replied quietly.

"You're agreeing with the salarian, then?" He couldn't help the rage that started to pulse through him. Even as he looked at her, he wasn't seeing her. He was seeing bitterness and rage driving his father to the point he could feel nothing else. Until he was willing to throw aside all traditions in order to kill his son for not agreeing with him. "You think we should destroy it?"

"Wrex..."

He turned toward her slowly. All the warlords who actually did focus on trying to build their numbers back up and died without ever knowing hope for their people. All the females he'd seen break under the mixture of hope every time they conceived and despair every time the child was stillborn. Again and again until some of them couldn't take the pain of anymore and simply wandered out into the desert to die. "Help me out here, Shepard. The lines between friend and foe are getting a little blurry from where I stand."

"I can't promise anything, Wrex. If Saren is allowed to use it, you won't be around to reap the benefits. None of us will."

"That's a chance we should be willing to take!" The rare times a child was born, the joy of it was tainted by the fact it would be the only one for a long while. If ever. And for all Shepard had seemed to listen to him when he spoke, she seemed determined to destroy everything about the krogan. First she'd let the rachni queen go, the same race the krogan had worked and died to rid the galaxy of, and now... "This is the fate of _my entire people_ we're talking about!" Of all people, he would have thought she would understand that best and it made him even more furious that she _didn't get it._ Wrex didn't even realize he was bringing his gun up, wasn't aware of anything but the need to make her see beyond her damned vision and her damned Reapers. She had the willingness and power both to sacrifice them because what were the krogan but a dying race of brutes and animals? "If you can't give me a better reason than a vision and a dream only you and Saren have seen to destroy the hopes of my people, then I'm done with you, Shepard."

Shepard froze, but made no move to draw her own weapon. He vaguely heard someone shout from down the beach. Saw Shepard glance over her shoulder and shift herself so she was standing in front of him more firmly. The realization she was moving so no one could take a shot at him without risking hitting her was the first crack in his anger. "Don't do this, Wrex. We can try and preserve the cure if we find it. But I can't make it a priority over stopping Saren, Wrex. We _can't._ "

"So that's it. After all this time, that's all I get from you?" The fact she still wasn't going for her weapon was another crack in his anger. Even through the haze of fury he was wondering if he could truly just gun her down. "How can you not see what this means to the krogan? This base can't be destroyed. I won't allow it!"

"Saren didn't find a cure for the genophage out of the goodness of his heart, Wrex! These krogan are slaves. Puppets, tools to be used and discarded the same way he does with _everyone else_." She met his gaze down the barrel of his gun. "Is that what you want for your people?"

That made sense...he doubted Saren would have bred krogan without some means to control them through either the cure itself or some other method. But more than that, it was the look in her eyes as she spoke that forced him to look things over again. He realized why she hadn't drawn her weapon. Even now, with his gun pointed between her eyes, she didn't consider him a brute without honor. She didn't think he would kill her like this.

She was right.

And despite it all, he also- reluctantly -understood. "No. We were tools for the Council once. To thank us for wiping out the rachni, they neutered us all. I doubt Saren will be as generous."

Shepard said nothing, she didn't have to. The look in her eyes said it all. She _had_ listened. She knew what she was asking of him. He lowered his gun slowly. "All right, Shepard. You've made your point. I don't like this, but I trust you enough to follow your lead."

"Thank you." She meant it.

He sent a quick glance to make sure Williams wasn't readying to shoot him. The human soldier did indeed have her gun out but she lowered it when Shepard motioned to her. He turned his eyes back to Shepard. "Just one thing. When we find Saren, I want his head.

An icy look passed across her face and her lips curved into a cold smile. "That, Wrex, I can promise you."

* * *

Shepard stepped back for a moment to consider Captain Kirrahe's words, going over their options. Leaving to get reinforcements wasn't one of them. Even if they could get past the AA guns aimed at them, if Saren returned in the meantime, he would know someone had found his hideaway. He'd probably blow the base himself and then they would never know what he was up to here...besides breeding a krogan army.

_Forget your head, Saren, I'm just going to hand you over to Wrex and let him do whatever he wants to you, you bastard._

No matter how she looked at it, she had to come to the conclusion that Kirrahe's plan was the only real option, despite all the risks.

"Why is it when anyone says 'with all due respect', they really mean 'kiss my ass'?"

Shepard turned to consider her two human squadmates, shooting Ashley a warning look. Ash had surprised her by volunteering right after Kaidan. She'd come a long way.

She was also right. They had a better chance of arming the nuke they were supposed to plant with Kaidan...and the salarians had a better chance of surviving if Ash was with them. She nodded once. "Ash, if you're certain.."

Ash nodded and gave her a snappy salute. "Absolutely, Commander."

 _That's my girl._ "Keep it simple, Williams."

"Aye, aye, Commander. Just shoot a lot." Ash grinned.

"I will have the ordnance loaded onto the Normandy and brief your crew on its detonation sequencing," Kirrahe said.

Shepard nodded. "Navigator Pressley is XO. He'll make sure you have everything you need."

"Thank you, Commander."

As Kirrahe moved off, Shepard turned. A shadow passed across the clouds as she caught a glimpse of the facility out of the corner of her eye. It seemed...ominous. She shook that thought off and turned to Ash. "Eyes open and ready for anything, marine."

Ash reached out and Shepard clasped her hand briefly. "Always, Commander. See you on the other side."

Everything was set. Shepard watched Ashley speaking quietly to the salarian team she'd been put in charge of. Again, that feeling of unease touched her. Probably just nerves. She glanced back at the facility again. Even without the shadow of a cloud, it seemed to loom over them, dark and secretive.

_Once we have burned our brains out, we can plunge to Hell or Heaven- any abyss will do -deep in the Unknown to find the new..._

Kirrahe called his men together and Shepard looked over. The captain stood before them rallying them against impossible odds. He looked the part too, speaking with a fire Shepard couldn't help but admire: "You all know the mission, and what is at stake. I have come to trust each of you with my life -but I have also heard murmurs of discontent. I share your concerns. We are trained for espionage; we would be legends, but the records are sealed. Glory in battle is not our way. Think of our heroes; the Silent Step, who defeated a nation with a single shot. Or the Ever Alert, who kept armies at bay with hidden facts. These giants do not seem to give us solace here, but they are not all that we are. Before the network, there was the fleet. Before diplomacy, there were soldiers! Our influence stopped the rachni, but before that we held the line! Our influence stopped the krogan, but before that, we held the line! Our influence will stop Saren; in the battle today, we will hold the line!"

"'Before diplomacy, there were soldiers.' That's good. I like that." She glanced over at the others, standing ready. Kirrahe, Ashley, and the salarians would draw attention and give them a chance to get in and take everything over from the inside. "Ready? I could try a speech if you like."

It was almost insulting how fast they all assured her she didn't need to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ashley is, as mentioned, quoting 'Ulysses' by Alfred, Lord Tennyson. Shepard's quote comes from 'Travelers' by Charles Baudelaire.


	31. The Face of the Enemy

Saren glanced up as an alarm set into a nearby console went off. Scowling in annoyance, he brought it up. His annoyance changed to puzzlement as he realized it was the alarms that alerted him to unusual activity on Virmire. From inside or outside the complex.

He frowned, trying to bring up a report from one of the geth or scientists there but the communications kept fuzzing out. He could get enough to know alarms had been set off at several points during the day but had stopped abruptly. Disabled? Internal problems? Tests of the systems? Or something else?

It couldn't be...

The turian growled in frustration as he was unable to pull up any more information. He paused and looked up, focusing on a voice only he could hear. His hands went still on the console for a long moment before he nodded once and sat back. Waiting.

* * *

"You know, we spent too much time on Noveria, I think. I'm getting entirely too much of a charge out of all this wanton destruction," Shepard said, grinning over at Garrus.

"We noticed, Commander," the turian replied, his voice dry. He moved around a dead krogan and put a bullet into the skull of a husk.

Shepard glanced over her shoulder where the salarians they had freed had disappeared a while ago, hoping they'd make it back before they blew this place. The labs in Saren's base were a nightmare. Enslaved krogan, captured salarians tortured and experimented on until they were nothing but indoctrinated husks. Garrus followed her gaze, picking up on what she was thinking. "I didn't really understand when you described what happened to Liara's mother. I get it now. How could anyone do that to another person?"

"I don't know, handsome. I really don't."

"It never occurred to me to wonder before...how do you think he controls this indoctrination process? Obviously the real power comes from this Reaper, wherever it is, but how does he channel it? I think there might be more to those cybernetics he has...that's what they have to be. I saw those pictures the STG managed to get. He doesn't even look like a turian anymore."

"Could be..." It didn't seem that way though. She didn't know how to describe it, but that just didn't click with her. She was hoping they'd get answers from this place. She clicked her comm but there was nothing from Ashley. They had done all they could, from disabling alarms to destroying comm towers, to try and make it easier on Ash and the salarians but it was clear they were still under heavy fire. "But if he's the one indoctrinating the others, why is he doing so much research on it, I wonder...?"

They both winced as they heard Wrex curse and fire off a couple of shots into the krogan scientist they'd just taken down. The fact the krogan they had been fighting on the way in were obviously little more than walking, fighting drones had not improved Wrex's mood. The realization that it was a krogan scientist, one of the few they had, working with Saren to do it had pissed him off so much he'd almost torn the other krogan apart. "Son of a bitch. 'Glorious salvation' for our people, is it? What are all these krogan you've helped enslave? Necessary sacrifices?"

"I'm betting that's exactly what he told himself, Wrex," Shepard said, coming up beside him.

"Doesn't have a problem turning some of your people into husks either. Bastard." Wrex turned from the dead krogan with contempt.

" _Commander,"_ Kaidan's voice crackled over the comm. _"We have one of the scientists here. Rana Thanoptis, she says her name is."_

"We're on our way." Shepard led the way, moving out of the lab gladly and along a walkway to what appeared to be an office. Tali was guarding the door and Kaidan had his gun pointed at an asari who was cowering behind a desk. She was babbling at them as Shepard, Garrus, and Wrex came in. "You think indoctrination only affects prisoners? Sooner or later, Saren will want to dissect my brain too!"

"She's a neurospecialist, Shepard," Liara said quietly. She was giving the other asari a hard look.

"You're the one doing the indoctrination experiments," Shepard said, her voice sharp.

"Sovereign's effect on organic minds, yes."

" _Sovereign's_ effect?" How did the influence of a ship spread when it wasn't even around? Benezia had mentioned Sovereign but she had actually been spending time _on_ it. Shepard had assumed it was the Reaper that owned it that was the real source of the power.

Thanoptis shrugged. "It emits some kind of...signal. Undetectable, but it's there. I've seen the effects. Actually, signal isn't exactly the right word. It's more like an energy field coming from the ship. It changes thought patterns. Saren uses it to influence his followers, to control them."

"We noticed." Shepard heard Liara shift behind her and glanced back at the asari, who was still staring at Thanoptis.

"Direct exposure to the signal turns you into a mindless slave, like the salarian test subjects. But there's collateral damage too. The signal is too strong, even spending time near the ship can influence you. It's like a whisper you can't quite hear. You're compelled to do things but you don't know why. You just obey. Eventually, you just stop thinking for yourself. It's degenerative though. There's a balance between control and usefulness. The less freedom the subject maintains, the less capable it becomes."

That explained why Benezia's commandos were so clumsy and easy to defeat. Shepard felt that horror rise through her she'd first felt when speaking with Shiala and fought it down. She'd held it back facing off with Benezia for Liara's sake, but seeing the scientists...hearing how _easy_ it seemed to have it influence you...

"It happens to everyone in the facility," Thanoptis continued. "My first test subject was the man I replaced. Now I just want to get out of here before it happens to me."

Maybe the krogan scientist was indoctrinated too. She hoped that was a little bit of comfort to Wrex. "So...why does Saren want to research it if he's controlling it?"

"And how in the hell is _Saren_ not indoctrinated?" Garrus demanded. "He isn't showing any signs of slowing down."

"I'm not so sure he isn't. The signal comes from the ship and it makes everyone obey Saren, but I don't think he _controls_ it. Not exactly."

"Starting to have doubts about your overlords, Saren?" Shepard murmured.

Thanoptis nodded. "I think...he's scared it might be affecting him too. Indoctrination is subtle. By the time the effects are noticeable, it's usually too late. I think that's why he's tried to keep us in the dark as often as he can."

"You helped him and you don't even know why?" Liara's voice was cold in a way Shepard had never heard before.

"I didn't have the option of negotiating!" Thanoptis said defensively. "This position is a little more...permanent than I'd expected." She glanced at Liara and shuffled back hurriedly. "L-look, I can help you! See that elevator? It goes to Saren's private lab. I can get you in." She hurried over at Shepard's nod and typed something into the keypad next to the elevator. "See? Full access. All of Saren's private files."

Shepard's breath caught, a surge of excitement going through her. A chance to finally get a step ahead Saren, see exactly what it was he was planning. Maybe even where the Mu Relay went and how to find the Conduit.

Rana must have noticed she'd made a good move. "Are we good? Can I go?"

Thinking of the salarian's from Kirrahe's team below- the one that had killed himself, the ones that just wandered around, dead eyed -made Shepard give her a wicked smile. "Sure. But just so you know, we're going to blow this place to hell and gone."

Thanoptis's eyes went wide. "What?"

"Better start running," Liara added with cheerful malice.

"You can't...but I'll never..." The scientist broke and ran past them with a strangled cry.

"You two enjoyed that," Kaidan said. He didn't sound particularly condemning.

"That's a rank accusation, isn't it, Liara?" Shepard said, glancing at the asari.

"Paranoia." Liara tsked and shook her head.

* * *

It was an object both familiar and completely unexpected that awaited them in Saren's lab.

It was a Prothean beacon. Just like the one on Eden Prime. Exactly like it, in fact.

Shepard's eyes went wide and she stepped toward it, looking almost hypnotized. Kaidan had to fight to keep from hauling her back, images of her being dragged upward and then tossed across the platform flashing through his mind. It was a horrible sense of deja vu, the event that had started all of this coming full circle.

The beacon started to glow as Shepard came near. She put out a hand toward the odd interface that glowed before it. Liara murmured a warning and then watched, her eyes wide with both worry and fascination. Kaidan heard the sounds of surprise come from the others as Shepard rose from the ground, green light dancing around her, and realized dimly that he was the only person among them that had seen the beacon in action. Garrus actually took a step forward and Wrex growled. Liara made a slashing motion. "Don't touch her!"

"It let her go on its own the last time," Kaidan tried to reassure them without being at all certain himself.

Shepard shuddered in front of them and the green glow faded. She dropped to the floor...at least it didn't throw her this time...gasping for breath. Liara ran forward and knelt beside her, helping her stumble to her feet.

"...Shepard?" Tali spoke in a small voice.

The commander half turned, Liara holding her up. The look of shock and horror on her face scared the hell out of Kaidan. She opened her eyes, a sort of terrible knowledge in them. For an instant, her eyes focused on them; then they tracked upward to fix on something above their heads.

They all turned slowly to see what she was looking at and noticed a glowing red hologram on the catwalk above.

Shepard stepped away from Liara and slowly moved up the ramp, her eyes never leaving that figure. Her face was sheet white.

"What _is_ that?" Tali said.

"It's not good, whatever it is," Wrex growled.

"Commander..." Garrus went after Shepard, sounding worried, Kaidan and Liara close behind.

As they came around and got a good look at it, Kaidan felt a jolt of recognition. Speak of the devil, it was a holographic image of Sovereign, Saren's ship. The jolt of recognition was followed by an even harder jolt of shock as it spoke in a low, mechanical voice. It thrummed along Kaidan's bones, seemed to coil like white hot electricity through his brain. _"You are not Saren."_

Shepard leaned against the railing, staring at the figure. "You..."

"What is it, Shepard? Some kind of VI interface?" Garrus said, his voice oddly hushed.

The holographic figure buzzed. _"Rudimentary creatures of blood and flesh. You touch my mind, fumbling in ignorance, incapable of understanding."_

"I don't think it's a VI, Garrus..." Tali whispered.

Shepard let out a strangled sound, somewhere between a sob and a laugh. "I'm such an idiot. Right there all along..."

"Shepard?" Kaidan looked at her in alarm.

"Oh, God, Kaidan, that's no ship..."

The hologram interrupted. _"There is a realm of existence so far beyond your own you cannot even imagine it. I am beyond your comprehension. I am Sovereign."_

Liara was the first one to start to grasp it. "By the goddess...no, it can't be..."

Shepard let out another of those horrible laughing sounds. "That's why we've never seen it. That's why the signal is so strong. Sovereign isn't the Reaper's ship. It _is_ the fucking Reaper."

" _Reaper?"_ The tone of Sovereign's voice remained cool and stilted. It didn't alter in the slightest, not a single inflection, not a single change in tone. _"A label created by the Protheans to give voice to their destruction. In the end, what they choose to call us is irrelevant. We simply are."_

"The Protheans vanished _50,000 years ago_!" Garrus burst out, sounding almost angry. "You couldn't have been there! It's impossible!"

" _Organic life is nothing but a genetic mutation, an accident. Your lives are measured in years and decades. You wither and die."_

"Fuck you," Shepard almost whispered it.

Sovereign paid her no heed. _"We are eternal. The pinnacle of evolution and existence. Before us, you are nothing. Your extinction is inevitable. We are the end of everything."_

"Wrong." Shepard's voice was stronger now. Kaidan glanced back at her. She was still leaning on the rail, but the look on her face sent chills down his spine. If she'd been looking at him with that much rage and hatred, he would have been running as fast as he could in the opposite direction.

Neither her tone nor demeanor had any effect on the hologram _. "Confidence born of ignorance. The cycle cannot be broken."_

"Cycle? What _cycle_?" Tali sounded a little hysterical.

" _The pattern has repeated itself more times than you can fathom. Organic civilizations rise, evolve, advance. At the apex of their glory, they are extinguished."_

"Every 50,000 years. The simplistic, insipid, narrow thinking of a _machine._ " If Tali sounded hysterical, Shepard sounded half crazed.

" _The Protheans were not the first. They did not create the Citadel. They did not forge the mass relays. They merely found them, the legacy of my kind. Your civilizations are based on the technology of the mass relays. Our technology. Your society forms along the paths we desire. The time of our return is coming. Our numbers will darken the sky of every world. You cannot escape your doom."_

"Corralling us," Wrex said quietly. "Rounding us up...bastards..."

" _We impose order on the chaos of organic evolution."_

"Bullshit," Shepard spat. "It would happen with or without you. Evolution doesn't need your help."

Sovereign was silent for a few humming seconds, then it simply said: _"You exist because we allow it. And you will end because we demand it."_

All in that same clinical, matter of fact tone, Kaidan thought. He was so cold inside. It wasn't threatening them. It was simply stating the facts. God... "Why?" Kaidan managed. "Why? Slaves? Resources? You must want _something_."

" _My kind transcends your very understanding. We are each a nation. Independent, free of all weaknesses. You cannot even grasp the nature of our existence. We have no beginning. We have no end. We are infinite. Millions of years after your civilization has been eradicated and forgotten, we will endure."_

"Everything ends." Shepard had calmed down, was standing straight now. Her color was back. And her eyes burned. "Everything. Even you. Organics might die...but a machine can be broken."

Sovereign was unimpressed. _"Your words are as empty as your future. I am the vanguard of your destruction. This exchange is over."_

Every piece of glass in the lab exploded. Tali cried out in shock and Shepard's head snapped around as a piece of glass sheared through the air right next to her head, slicing a shallow cut in her cheek. She turned her head slowly to look at the spot where Sovereign's image had been, seemingly unaware of the blood running down her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a random note, "You exist because we allow it. And you will end because we demand it." goes down on my list as one of the most epic lines ever uttered by a villain.


	32. Sacrifice

Time seemed to be suspended as they stared at the spot where the reaper's image had been. It was Joker's voice crackling over the comm that finally broke through their shock. _"Commander? Commander are you there? We've got trouble!"_

Shepard reached up mechanically to her comm. "Hit me, Joker."

" _Remember you were telling me to keep an eye on that ship Sovereign? I don't know what you did down there, but that thing just pulled a turn that would shear any of our ships in half."_

Shepard's voice was soft. "Of course..."

" _Commander?"_

"Nothing, Joker. Sorry."

" _It's coming your way and its coming hard! You need to wrap things up in there- fast!"_

The trance like expression on Shepard's face vanished. Hardened. "Back to the breeding facility. Joker will pick us up after we set the nuke."

They all stirred, glad to have something to focus on besides ancient ships and cycles of death that stretched back into eternity. The rage Sovereign had stirred in Shepard she focused on the geth and krogan that tried to stop them. On the AA tower that was threatening the Normandy. She breathed out a sigh of relief when Ashley came over the comm. _"Hey, Skipper! Good job on that gun! We're beginning our assault on the other one!"_

Shepard motioned to the others and they headed for the spot that had been picked out for the nuke as Ash gave instructions to the salarian troops. They knew they had taken out the final AA Tower because Joker let out a whoop over the comm suddenly. _"All right! Nice work! That's one less thing to worry about!"_

"God only knows we need it," Shepard muttered.

" _Commander, I'm bringing us in. I'll get us as close to the site as I can."_

Kaidan ran ahead as they entered the...she honestly would have called it a courtyard or something anywhere else. It was almost pretty with water cascading and whirling everywhere. In reality, it was the base's one real weak point right at the geothermal taps that powered it.

Shepard watched the Normandy land unharmed and Kaidan helped some of their officers carry the nuke off, setting it down.

"Converting a drive core into a bomb...that's ingenuity worthy of a quarian," Tali murmured beside her. Shepard felt her lips twitch into a smile despite herself.

Kaidan turned toward her. "Bomb is in position, we're all set h-"

Her comm suddenly crackled to life on Ashley's channel. _"Shepard!"_

Shepard hurriedly turned it up so she could hear better. "Ash?"

" _Commander, can you read me?"_

"I'm here, Ashley. The nuke is almost ready, get to the rendevous point!"

" _Negative, Commander. The geth have us pinned down on the AA tower. We've taken heavy casualties. We'll never make the rendevous point in time."_

Shepard hissed out a breath. "Damn it all to everlovin' bloody hell. All right, hang on, we're coming to get you."

" _Negative! Just make sure that nuke is set. We'll hold them off as long as we-"_ The comm went dead. Shepard could only hope it was a technical thing and not Ash getting her head blown off.

She looked over at Kaidan. "Alenko?"

He waved a hand toward the marines that had stayed behind. "We've got it, Commander. I just need a couple of minutes to finish arming the bomb. Go get them and meet me back here."

Even as she led the others to the elevator and headed for the other AA tower, despite the fact they had a billion year old giant alien bearing down on them, all Shepard really felt was annoyance. It wasn't until Garrus said her name sharply and she saw a geth dropship approaching that the annoyance became genuine concern. Ash spoke up over the comm. _"Heads up, LT! We just spotted a troop ship headed in your direction."_

" _They're already here! There's geth pouring out all over the bomb site."_

Shit. "Can you hold them off?"

" _There's too many. I don't think we can survive before you get here. I'm activating the bomb."_

"Say what?"

" _I'm just making sure this bomb goes off, no matter what."_

There was nothing Kaidan could do that the geth couldn't override and he knew it. Even if he could, if Saren or Sovereign realized what it was, they might cut their losses and have the geth detonate it early, ensuring it took all of them with it. He was hoping to hold them off long enough before they killed him.

" _It's done, Commander. Go get Williams and get the hell out of there!"_

" _Screw that, Shepard, we can handle ourselves. Go back and get Alenko, and the bomb!"_

Shepard did some quick math. It would be close but she was pretty sure if they took care of the geth fast enough they would have enough time to get her and get out of here. "Alenko, radio Joker and have him meet us at the bomb site. Ash, just hunker down and keep shooting, we'll be back for you in a jiff."

Ash's voice was uncharacteristically sober. _"I think we both know that's not going to happen, Commander."_

She scowled at the comm as they moved back toward the bomb site. "I'm going to kick your ass for that later, Williams."

For the first time, Shepard was actually taking the attack personally. Putting two of her people in bad danger did not a happy Shepard make. Kaidan was fighting for cover. One of the marines guarding him was down, wounded, and the other one was backing Kaidan up, but she could see he was favoring his right arm. The rest of them hit the attacking geth like a battering ram, a wedge of destruction backed up by Kaidan and the conscious marine. She overloaded one of the final geth's shields and used a biotic throw to toss it, snarling, before turning to scan the rest of the site. Most of them were dead. Good, she would leave Tali and Liara here with Kaidan this time to pick off any stragglers and take the others to get Ash...

" _Shepard!"_

Liara's cry was swallowed by a buzzing hum above her. Shepard dove to the side right in time to avoid a bolt of energy that came from above, cursing. She rolled, looking upward as she went for cover.

Saren.

Where the hell had _he_ come from?

The turian was riding on some kind of hovering platform that glowed with biotic energy. He fired another shot at her and she dodged, shooting at him. She heard Garrus snarl something and the boom of Wrex's gun as she dodged behind and outcropping. Her shields didn't have enough energy to absorb a hit from one of those blasts.

If they could at all...

Almost casually, Saren dropped off the platform and landed with a splash. He didn't seem at all concerned that he was surrounded on all sides. Shepard and the squad opened fire on him from three different directions only to have every shot absorbed by whatever damned shield was glowing around him.

Saren turned toward her, stopping a few feet away. She signaled the others to back off. There was no point in wasting the bullets. Behind Saren, she saw Tali and Liara move toward Kaidan and the bomb, helping the fallen marines.

"I applaud you, Shepard." Saren made no move to attack, studying her with those creepy glowing eyes. "My geth were utterly convinced the salarians were the real threat. An impressive diversion."

Shepard didn't correct him. If he wanted to believe that was her idea, that was just fine. She scanned the area quickly as he went on: "Of course, it was all for nothing. I can't let you disrupt what I have accomplished here. You can't possibly understand what's really at stake."

"By all means, enlighten me." No more geth had accompanied him. He was focused on her. He hadn't even glanced at the bomb. Either he didn't know about it, or he was waiting for something. Either way, she tried to keep his attention. Garrus was guarding the bomb as well now, and Wrex was standing just off to the side of Saren, his gun pointed at him.

"You've seen the vision from the beacons, Shepard. You, of all people, should understand what the Reapers of capable of. They cannot be stopped."

"Eh. You're just saying that because no one's ever managed it before," she scoffed, deliberately making her tone light. Her shields were back up to full power and she drew a biotic barrier over herself before stepping out fully to face him. The cut on her cheek had stopped bleeding but she hadn't tended to it yet, leaving a dull red slash across her face.

He didn't appreciate her attempt at levity. "Do not mire yourself in pointless revolt. Do not sacrifice everything for the sake of petty freedoms. The Protheans tried to fight and they were utterly destroyed. Trillions dead. But what if they had bowed before the invaders? Would the Protheans still exist? Is submission not preferable to extinction?"

Shepard shook her head in disbelief. "Are you _hearing_ yourself? They would have died with their heads bowed."

"Now you see why I never came forward with this to the Council," Saren said. "We organics are driven by emotion instead of logic. We will fight even when we know we cannot win. But if we work with the Reapers- if we make ourselves useful -think how many lives will be spared!"

"You're a fool," Wrex growled.

Saren barely spared him a glance. That puzzled Shepard, because Wrex was the one who presented the most danger at the moment, yet Saren was actually turning his back on him. "Once I understood this, I joined Sovereign. Though I as aware of the...dangers. I had hoped this facility could protect me."

Why he was so focused on her in particular, Shepard didn't know, but with a flash of insight, she became almost certain she wasn't the one he was trying to convince. She was just a sounding board. "Tell me, Arterius, is Sovereign feeding you these lines directly into your brain, or did it write a script out for you? Because all that talk about logic and becoming tools sounds exactly like the reasoning of a machine."

Oh, he didn't like that. He shook his head like the words were buzzing around inside his skull. "I have studied the effects of indoctrination," Saren snapped. "The more control Sovereign exerts, the less capable the subject becomes."

"Unless it convinces the idiot to work for it without having to exert control," Wrex sneered.

Again, Saren determinedly ignored him. "That is my saving grace. Sovereign needs me to find the Conduit. My mind is still my own...for now. But the transformation from ally to servant can be subtle. I will not let that happen to me."

Shepard nodded toward Wrex, agreeing with him. "It already has."

"No!" Saren took a step forward. "Sovereign needs me. If I find the Conduit, I've been promised a reprieve from the inevitable. This is my only hope."

"If they're so powerful, then why does it need you? It's playing you, Arterius. There's a possibility we can beat them and I think Sovereign knows it."

"I no longer believe that, Shepard. The visions cannot be denied. The Reapers are too powerful. The only hope of survival is to join with them."

"Then answer me this, dear heart: once you give it the Conduit, what's to stop Sovereign from fucking you over?"

"Sovereign is a machine. It thinks like a machine. If I can prove my value, I become a resource worth maintaining. There is no other logical conclusion."

A bullet hit the back of Saren's shield and he half turned to look behind him. Garrus had come forward, mandibles splayed, every line of his body vibrating with rage as he circled the other turian. "You were a Spectre! You were sworn to protect the galaxy. And you broke that vow to save yourself." The outrage in his voice seemed to hit Saren in a way neither Wrex or Shepard had managed to. Maybe because it was a fellow turian accusing him of going against everything their people stood for.

It put Saren on the defensive. "I'm not doing this for myself!" He turned back to Shepard. "Don't you see? Sovereign will succeed. It is inevitable. My way is the only way any of us will survive. I'm forging an alliance between us and the Reapers. Between organics and machines. And in doing so, I will save more lives than have ever existed."

"Really? Because we were just talking with Sovereign not long ago and it still seemed pretty focused on the whole 'killing everybody and continuing the cycle' thing." Even as she spoke, Shepard knew it was hopeless. The poor bastard was as gone as Benezia was; he just had the illusion of control so he could stay useful. He'd answered her question from earlier without trying to: he wasn't hearing himself. He was only hearing what Sovereign and his own hope had made him believe. "The 'vanguard for our destruction', I believe were its exact words. It wasn't making any mention about sparing anyone, useful or not."

Again, Saren shook his head in an almost irritated gesture, as if trying to shake her words off. That wasn't what he wanted to hear. After all he had done to get to this point, he _wouldn't_ hear it. "You would undo my work. You would doom our entire civilization to complete annihilation. And for that, you must die." For an instant, their eyes met, eerily similar to that moment in the Council Chambers during the hearing. Enemies. It could be no other way.

And then his hover platform swept down and he stepped onto it, rising above their heads, dark energy flaring around him. Liara fired off a biotic attack at him while he was still low enough and Garrus, Wrex, and Shepard all opened fire. Whatever energy he was using to power his shields extended over that platform of his, and it must have put a strain on him, because this time, their bullets were clearly doing some damage.

Shepard dodged around another outcropping as one of Saren's blasts sent both her and Garrus tumbling into the water. She lost sight of Saren for a moment as she pushed herself to her hands and knees. It cost her. She barely had time to register the splash of Saren landing directly next to her before the turian seized hold of her. Saren lifted her clear out of the water with one hand wrapped around her throat. What they had seen of the implants and such he had been given hadn't shown them how strong he was. Shepard dangled from his grip, clawing viciously at his arm as his hand tightened around her throat.

Shepard fought off the automatic panic that suffused her brain as her air was cut off. She dimly heard Wrex snarling a string of obscenities at the turian and Kaidan crying out: "Don't fire, you might hit Shepard!"

Spots started to dance before her eyes and she kicked out hard. At first, she thought the sudden pounding in her ears was from inside her head but as Saren started and glanced behind him, she realized it was the nuke's alarm starting to go off, signaling the final countdown. She lashed out and caught the distracted turian a blow right where his jaw and mandible came together. Saren hissed in pain and dropped her, stumbling back as she kicked out again. She rolled to her feet, coughing, her throat on fire. Even as she brought her gun up, Saren was racing back to the platform, leaping onto it and rising upward.

Shepard swallowed hard and looked to the nuke. Liara was helping Kaidan up. He'd obviously been injured in the blast that had knocked her over. The Normandy suddenly swooped overhead, landing not far away.

_Ashley._

No time. Even as she turned toward the AA tower, she knew there was no time. The woman might agonize over it, but the commander was already turning away and moving to help Kaidan, motioning for the others to get the other two marines onto the ship because there wasn't time to hesitate.

Howard was waiting. The second they were all in, he was closing the doors and shouting to Joker over the comm.

" _Hang on!"_ Joker called back. The engines fired up, rumbling beneath her boots as he took them airborne, pushing the Normandy to her limits to get them clear of the blast. Kaidan was hustled off to the medical bay and Shepard moved to a porthole, gazing down numbly at the tranquil beaches and beautiful seas rapidly disappearing beneath them. How could such a beautiful place contain so much horror?

_...The sky was suave, the sea serene; for me from now on everything was bloody and black- the worse for me -and as if in a shroud my heart lay buried in this allegory._

She was still standing there, staring down at the planet's surface when the explosion she could see through the atmosphere destroyed Saren's base...and took Ashley Williams along with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shepard is quoting Baudelaire again, there. From "A Voyage to Cythera".


	33. Consequences

"So...let me guess: the Council still doesn't believe you," Joker said.

Shepard turned her head to look at him. His attempt at lightening up the tone didn't work but he hadn't really expected it to. "They believe Saren is enough of a threat they're willing to start negotiations for putting together a fleet. That'll have to be good enough."

They were both silent for a long moment, the only sound coming from the rumbling of the ship and the murmurs of the rest of the crew on the command deck. "I don't know if I could have done it," Joker blurted suddenly. "Making that call between Alenko and Williams. It must have been..." He shook his head.

"Yeah..."

"It helps that I'll be there when we make the son of a bitch pay!"

Shepard nodded, a hint of a smile on her lips. "And you'll help make him pay. Can even take a shot at him if there's any of him left after Wrex gets through with him."

"I won't hold my breath then," Joker snorted. He looked up at her. "What about the salarians, do they need to go anywhere in particular?"

Captain Kirrahe and a good portion of his men who hadn't been at the AA tower had survived. His assurance that Ash's actions would be honored was little consolation, but it was, as they both knew all too well, all he could offer. "The captain said to drop them off at the nearest planet and they'd make their way from there. Make sure it's a planet with enough ships to make it easy for them, yes? They lost men too."

"Aye, aye, Commander."

"You all right, Joker?"

He looked at her again, surprised. He started to say yes automatically, and then checked himself. "I wasn't close to Ashley, but...you know. I just need some time, I think."

She nodded, patting the back of his chair in lieu of his shoulder. "Let me know when we're in range of a planet for the salarians. I have to...I gotta tell her family."

* * *

Whenever she took the polish off her nails, as she had when they had left the Citadel to head to Virmire, it always left them looking a little pinkish and rough, no matter what the color. Shepard studied her nails idly, glad to have something to focus on besides the memory of the devastation in Amanda Williams' eyes. She'd put her uniform on before calling Ash's family but as she sprawled in one of the chairs in the comm room, she'd opened the jacket, feeling stifled.

The woman was too much of a soldier's wife to cry or carry on but she was guessing that she and three young women out there would not be sleeping well tonight, caught up in their private grief. The fact her daughter would be the first Williams since her grandfather to receive any high honor was probably no consolation at the moment, though she hoped it would be eventually.

The noise on the ship was subdued. Ash had been well liked by the crew and even for those who hadn't been close to her, it was a sobering thing to lose a shipmate. Kaidan wasn't as badly hurt as it had first seemed, but the guilt he was feeling wasn't going to heal as fast. Being willing to die for the cause didn't prepare you for having someone die for you...nothing did.

Shepard closed her eyes. She had already gone through the could-a should-a's over and over again. If she'd left a couple of the squad with Kaidan...if she'd sent some of them to get Ash while the rest took on the geth...if if if... In the end, it didn't matter. She had done what she'd had to do and Ash had paid the price for it.

_Was it quick, Ash? Were you already dead by then? Or were you alive enough to see the Normandy taking off and leaving you behind?_

She didn't open her eyes when the door opened, knowing from the tread who it was. She heard Garrus sit down in a chair across from her, but the turian didn't say anything. After a few moments, she realized he was simply keeping her company, offering some support, and she felt a rush of gratitude so strong it shook her a bit. "She knew," Shepard murmured without opening her eyes. "She was always a better soldier than me. She knew she wasn't coming down from that tower."

"She was a good soldier. We didn't get along," Garrus said quietly. "But she was a very good soldier. I could respect that."

"She died with bravery and honor."

"She did."

Shepard sighed and finally opened her eyes. "At least the fact he was breeding an army convinced the Council they need to take a bit more action. If they get to him first."

"You're going to kill him." Garrus said it rather than asked it, but he paused as if waiting for an answer.

"Yes."

"I was wondering if you would."

She looked at him. "Between him and Sovereign, I know all I need to. I don't know how he found Sovereign or why, but it doesn't matter. I know what Sovereign wants now...and that it's what Saren wants too even if he can't believe it yet."

"He really believes what he said," Garrus said, sounding troubled. "He honestly thinks he's doing what needs to be done. And after hearing that...thing...talk..." He shook his head. Garrus seemed particularly disturbed by the conversation with Sovereign.

"He is trapped inside his own mind." They both looked up as Liara came into the room. She laid a hand on Shepard's shoulder and squeezed gently before she sat down, which was also appreciated. "Part of him senses his identity slowly being swallowed up by Sovereign, but he is powerless to stop it. I admit, I do wonder how he first fell into Sovereign's trap."

"Denali said he was searching for an 'artifact' a few years back and Anderson said the man that information on it came from was acting strange...obsessed, according to the contact Anderson has. I'm willing to bet this artifact was Sovereign."

"Maybe he thought he could use it as a weapon," Garrus said.

"Whatever his reasons were, they're gone now," Shepard said quietly.

Liara nodded. "He may be Sovereign's victim, but he's also a threat to all life as we know it." She looked over at Shepard. "I was thinking...the beacon we found in Saren's base was similar to the one on Eden Prime. It may have filled in the missing pieces of your vision. I might be able to help you put the pieces together."

And help them figure out where the Mu Relay went. Shepard sat forward. "Are you sure, Liara?"

The asari nodded softly. "I can handle it now."

Garrus looked between them, confused by the subtext.

Shepard rose to her feet and Liara stood in front of her. She didn't touch her this time, simply closing her eyes for a moment. "Relax, Shepard..."

The commander nodded.

Liara opened eyes that had gone black and silver. "Embrace eternity..."

_**No response to messages of surrender.** _

_...wires twisting through flesh..._

_**Lost communication with other sectors.** _

_...people frozen in poses of agony, crumbling to ash at the slightest touch..._

_**They burn and kill and kill and kill.** _

_...twisted mockeries of every species flowing like an abominable river through the cities..._

_**Flee.** _

_...killing or capturing any in their path..._

_**Hide.** _

_...the silhouetted planet against two suns..._

_**Stasis.** _

_...and the beast the beast exploded from the dark and came at them..._

_**The only way.** _

_...these..._ _**Reapers** _ _..._

Shepard was leaning against something solid and it took her a moment realize it was Garrus holding her up. He said something sharply to Liara, but she wasn't really faring any better. She stepped back, leaning against one of the chairs. "I had no idea the images would be so...intense..." she managed to gasp.

"Twisting flesh back to its most primal form and twisting metal through it. Erasing nations and absorbing them. Burning...Christ, I don't even know what I'm saying..." Shepard swayed on her feet and Garrus helped her sit. "Liara, I can't make sense of any of it..." Her voice was almost pleading.

"It's a distress call, Shepard. A message sent across the Prothean Empire. A warning against the Reapers."

"It came too late..."

"Yes." Liara sat up, agitated. "There were other images. Locations, places I remembered from my research..." She closed her eyes for a moment. "Ilos..."

Shepard tried to rise and Garrus placed a firm hand on her shoulder, afraid she'd collapse if she tried to stand so fast. "What?"

"The Conduit is on Ilos! That is why Saren needed the Mu Relay, it's the only way to get there."

"Good, we have the coordinates to the relay, Joker's already got them..."

"Shepard, the Mu Relay is inside the Terminus Systems," Garrus said. "Alliance isn't welcome there. No one is...especially Spectres. You can't just charge in."

"Stealth system," Shepard reminded him. _We're gonna get him, Ash, while Virmire is fresh on his mind and he and Sovereign will both know they're going down in the name of Ashley Williams. A mere human. Bastards._ "It'll get us to the relay. The Conduit is where Saren is heading, that's where we're heading. We'll be there to meet the bastard and that motherfucking Reaper..."

"Shepard," Liara tried to reason with her. "Saren won't head there on his own. He still has an entire fleet of geth and he'll have them orbiting the planet."

"Stealth system," Shepard said again, but even the feverish need to get Saren and her need to avenge Ash couldn't trump her basic practicality. They were right.

"We'll never make it down to the surface without reinforcements. You must alert the Council. We need a fleet to..." She closed her eyes suddenly.

"Liara?" Shepard looked over at her with alarm.

"The joining," Liara murmured in explanation. "All those images and messages this time around...it's exhausting..."

"You need to head to the med bay," Shepard said firmly.

"Shepard..."

"You're both right. I'm going to contact the Council right away. Go rest, sugar, you may have just saved us all."

* * *

From where they were, they could have made it to the Mu Relay in very short time if they pushed it, so Shepard was not happy with Udina's order for them to return to the Citadel. Enough she briefly considered pretending she'd never gotten the order and going anyway. However, when Joker had sent them a mission update, the Council had revved up from merely considering putting a fleet together to actively putting a fleet together. She wasn't stupid enough to jeopardize anything, not when they were finally getting the help they needed.

She walked into the Council Chambers still in uniform with Kaidan at her side. The rest of the crew and squad were prepping everything for what was no doubt going to be a seriously tough battle, but Kaidan had requested permission to be there with her when she saw the Council and she saw no reason to refuse him. She thought perhaps he wanted to stand for Ash.

Udina was there on the petitioner's stage, but Anderson wasn't. That made her a bit uneasy for some reason. Her first critical mistake was coming into the meeting without being well informed the kind of political climate she was walking into. She hadn't paid attention to the vids since before Noveria.

The ambassador nodded as they came up beside him. "Good job, Shepard. Thanks to you, the Council is finally taking real action against Saren!" It was, Shepard thought, actually quite impressive how he managed to make the words complimentary and make the tone more along the lines of "At least you're good for _something_."

"The ambassador is correct," the asari councilor said. "If Saren is foolish enough to attack the Citadel- as you believe -we will be ready for him."

It was the only thing that made sense. Liara was in agreement with her, and so was Anderson in the brief conversation she'd exchanged over the comm with him on the way there. No matter what Saren wanted the Conduit for, eventually he was going to help Sovereign attack. The Citadel was the center of the galaxy; destroying it would absolutely cripple them, therefore it would be one of their top priorities.

"Patrols are stationed at every mass relay linking Citadel Space to the Terminus Systems," the turian councilor added.

Shepard frowned. "A blockade isn't going to stop him from finding the Conduit," she pointed out. "He's on Ilos looking for it right now."

"Ilos is only accessible through the Mu Relay, deep inside the Terminus Systems, Commander. If we send a fleet in there, the only possible outcome is a full-scale war," the salarian councilor said.

Shepard thought that was thoroughly ridiculous. They'd used that argument earlier on and at the time, she'd agreed the risk wasn't worth stirring the people of the Terminus Systems. But that had been before they knew exactly what Saren was planning. Did they think everyone in the Terminus Systems was a gun happy psychopath? Well, okay, a lot of them _were_...but it was basically run by lawless businessmen and war was costly. "Unless you're planning on attacking supply ships going to Omega on the way, Councilor, then that's far from the only possible outcome. They won't _like_ it, it'll stir the merc bands up, possibly enough you'll want to take prisoners and free them later if some of them decide to attack. But the bigger merc bands in charge aren't just going to up and go to war unless you attack them directly and no one... _no one_...in the Terminus Systems is going to war without Aria T'Loak's say so, Councilor. No one would dare. Omega would be as crucial to a war to them as the Citadel would be to us. And _she_ isn't going to go to war without knowing why she was doing it, she's too good a businesswoman for that. I think she'd be willing to let a fleet pass if she knew stopping a rogue Spectre with a geth army was the goal of it. I mean, do you really think for a minute that Saren passing through with a geth army has gone unnoticed? Everyone there has to be wondering what the hell is going on."

Shepard became aware that the Council, Udina, and even Kaidan were staring at her in shock. She recalled a bit too late that her records showed she'd come out of the Terminus Systems herself years ago but very few people knew how much a part of its great, rusted chain of industry she'd been. Oh, well. "If it's that much of a worry, then contact her and let her in on the situation. Saren has been haunting the Terminus Systems on and off for years; she knows about him," she added, which was her second critical mistake. She realized it the moment she saw the asari councilor stiffen a bit. If they'd thought she was unhinged before, the mere suggestion of working with the outlaws of the Terminus Systems cemented the idea she was crazy.

Udina tried to smooth things over. "Now is the time for discretion, Commander. Saren's greatest weapon was secrecy. Exposed, he is no longer a threat. This is over."

_What the_ hell _?_ "With all due respect, Ambassador," And oh, she would have loved to see the look on Ashley's face if she heard that, "If Saren finds the Conduit, we're all screwed."

"Ambassador Udina, I get the sense Commander Shepard isn't willing to let this go," the turian councilor said. There was some kind of implication in his words, but Shepard couldn't guess to what it was.

Udina's face remained composed but his eyes burned into her. "There are serious political implications here, Shepard. Humanity's made great gains thanks to you. But now you're becoming more trouble than you're worth."

"You bastard!" Shepard glanced over her shoulder. Kaidan was staring at Udina, furious. "You're selling us out!"

Udina didn't spare him a look, keeping his gaze on the Council. "It's just politics, Commander. You've done your job, now let me do mine. We've locked out all the Normandy's primary systems. Until further notice, you're grounded."

"Ambassador..."

He turned his head toward her, his tone imperious. "I think it's time for your team to leave, Commander. This no longer concerns you. The Council can handle this. With my help, of course."

Shepard simply looked at him for a long moment, letting the sudden silence that followed his words echo throughout the chamber. She took one slow, careful step back away from him. Her face, which had been blank, changed. She simply looked tired and sad. Those gray eyes swept each person in the room briefly before she turned away. "I hope you enjoy that delusion while it lasts...which won't be long."

She motioned to Kaidan silently when he seemed about to protest. If Shepard's words had any impact, not a one of them showed it. None of them would ever realize how much of a reflection they were of Saren at that moment. They were so certain they were right, Kaidan thought bitterly. They would never listen because they knew, absolutely, that they had things under control...and damned them all because of it.


	34. Going Rogue

Riding on fury after Shepard's subdued explanation over the comm and Kaidan's more in depth explanation afterward, Garrus strode through the main deck of the Normandy. Of _course_ they weren't needed anymore. What did they know? They'd only been tracking Saren's movements and figuring out what he'd been up to for _months_. Fucking politicians. Was having your brains sucked out of your head a requirement to become one?

Shepard was just off the command deck, sitting against a set of lockers with her knees drawn up to her chest, her head leaned back against them and her eyes closed. He didn't think he'd ever seen her look so tired. He knelt near her, his eyes on her face. "Can they really do this, Shepard?"

"I've tried everyone I could get a hold of. They won't listen," she said quietly.

The defeated way she said it shook him to the core. He was so used to her having the answers, so used to her finding a way out of the most impossible situations. She _always_ had an ace up her sleeve. "You can't be giving up, Shepard. You _can't._ We have to stop him."

"I know what has to be done, Garrus, I just have no idea how to do it."

"If you mean overriding the systems locking the Normandy down...it's possible..." Tali's voice came from behind him. The quarian knelt on Shepard's other side. Heavy footsteps announced Wrex's presence behind Garrus and Liara sat down beside Shepard. "You can't do it from here, but you can do it from wherever the control center is."

"I don't know where it is." Shepard rubbed her hands over her face in frustration. "We'll only get one shot at it..."

"I can find out...I can even override it for you," Tali said hesitantly.

"No." Garrus and Shepard said it at the exact same time. Shepard met his eyes and he could see his own thoughts echoed in them. Whoever had to try getting to the controls would have to be left behind. That couldn't be Tali "I can. Whatever punishment they give me won't be anywhere near as harsh as what they'll do to you, Tali," he said. He knew how the Citadel's information network worked better than any of them. He hated the thought of not being there for the end, for stopping Saren, but he was the best option and Shepard knew it too. Had probably been thinking of it from the start.

"Well, helping steal a ship is a capital offense among my own people, can it really be worse?" Tali said with a weak attempt at humor.

"Yes, my queen, it can be," Shepard said soberly.

"Wherever the control center is, it'll probably be heavily guarded," Wrex said.

"So are we doing this? Stealing the Normandy?" Kaidan said, having come up to stand beside Wrex. "We have to figure things out quick...we don't have much time..."

" _Commander. Sorry to interrupt, but I've got a message from Captain Anderson,"_ Joker said over the comm.

Shepard looked up sharply. "What did he say?"

" _Only said to meet him at that club in the wards. Flux."_

The hope that had been timidly starting in all of them flared up. Shepard nodded and pushed herself to her feet. "I'm on my way."

"Not alone, Shepard," Wrex said firmly. "Still plenty of people out there that want you out of the picture permanently."

She thought that over and nodded. "Garrus, Kaidan, you come with me." No matter what Anderson said, the chances were she would need one or both of them with their tech expertise to get the Normandy unlocked. The thought of sacrificing either of them, even if it wasn't their lives this time, almost physically hurt her but Saren had to be stopped. She met Kaidan's gaze and he nodded ever so slightly, understanding. "The rest of you stay on alert, I'll inform you what's going on once we meet up with Anderson." Her gaze traveled over all of them and they didn't need to say anything. They would be ready.

* * *

"That's the third little protest group I've seen since we left the docks. What the hell?" Shepard muttered. They were moving through the crowds carefully, keeping it casual in case they were being monitored, which was all too possible.

"Looks like Terra Firma, Commander," Kaidan remarked. "It's almost Armistice Day, they always protest around Armistice Day."

Shepard rolled her eyes. "Ah, yeah, I always forget about Armistice Day. Tends to happen when you don't care." She and Ash had talked a bit about the Terra Firma party. Shepard didn't pretend to be well versed in every party that made up Earth's Parliament but she and Ash agreed Terra Firma was pretty stupid. They claimed to be defending Earth's individuality from alien influence, saying their own culture would be swallowed by alien culture if they didn't stand against it. Despite the fact that every Citadel species interacted with each other on a constant basis and still retained their individual cultures. But that was logic, which, in Shepard's observation, played very little role in politics. She supposed it was just a throwback to the 'keep the species/country/our race pure!' cry that had echoed across nearly every age on Earth from somewhere, changing with the times.

_The more things change..._ Shepard thought as she aimed for Flux, barely giving the protestors a glance.

Apparently their leader took that glance as an invitation because he hurried forward. "Commander Shepard! Give me a second, would you?" He angled himself perfectly so her choices were stop or run him over, shifting to keep her from moving around him. "It's an honor to speak with you!" He pitched his voice like he was speaking to a rally, the sound carrying. Shepard narrowed her eyes at him. Garrus pointedly moved back to join them, placing himself just behind her and slightly off to her side. The man's eyes flicked to the turian and narrowed ever so slightly but Garrus didn't take the hint to move off as Kaidan came up as well, looking impatient.

Shepard bit the inside of her cheek to keep from grinning. "I think you've made it clear you wanted to speak to me, so what can I do for you?" She glanced not so subtly at the display of her omni-tool.

"I'm Charles Saracino of the Terra Firma Party. With Armistice Day coming soon, we're making our voices heard by the alien appeasers on the Presidium."

"Yes, quite loudly..." Shepard tried to move around him but several of the protesters had gathered around to listen in eagerly, not actively trying to stop her but getting in her way.

Saracino gave her a smile she was pretty sure he practiced by looking into a mirror. "Can I count on your support in the next election?"

Who was he kidding? "Mr. Saracino, I have a multi-species squad, as you can see, and I've screwed so many asari over the years it's actually a rumor I prefer them to humans. Which is ridiculous, as anyone who knows me knows full well I prefer one of each, preferably at the same time." Saracino went red, his mouth opening and closing like a fish's for a moment. Kaidan sighed behind her but she'd used up all her politeness reserves dealing with Udina and the other Alliance officials earlier on. She started to shoulder her way through the protesters. "Anyway, I don't vote, that way I can bitch no matter who wins."

Saracino had recovered. Obviously a consummate politician, he was still trying to get what he wanted. "I, uh, I don't suppose I could convince you to give a public statement supporting my candidacy? The support of the first human Spectre would be invaluable." His voice turned sly. "Especially with you losing a human squadmate to that turian on Virmire. I heard she was General Williams' granddaughter, no less. Shanxi is still a powerful symbol, what better one for Armistice Day?"

Oh, now. _That_ she couldn't let pass. Shepard paused and turned back toward him, a smile curving her lips as she walked toward him slowly. Saracino must have seen he'd pushed her too far but to give him credit, he didn't back down, even when she got right into his face. "Mr. Saracino." Her voice was low and pleasant. "If you even think about trying to use Ashley Williams as some kind of propaganda for your fucking election, you have my solemn vow that after I gut Saren and his geth, I will turn all my focus onto you. It will be my personal crusade to do everything in my power...which even you must admit is quite considerable by this point...to make your life such a living hell, that by the time I'm through with you, putting a pistol to your temple and pulling the trigger will seem like your best option." She smoothed the lapels of his shirt, her eyes burning into his. "I promise you."

Kaidan was surprised the man didn't piss his pants.

Shepard, eyes glittering, turned back and motioned toward Flux. Garrus looked the protesters over with a decidedly smug look for a moment before following her. Kaidan paused only long enough to make sure none of them were actually stupid enough to try and follow them before turning away, leaving Saracino and his protesters still and silent behind them, hopefully with any foolish notions about using Ashley as a symbol knocked right out of their heads.

* * *

Shepard couldn't stop her eyes from moving up to the table they'd all sat at the night before they had left for Virmire. Had it only been days ago? It seemed like years. She remembered Ash speaking of bringing her sisters here for a girl's night out. She swallowed hard, forcing it back as she spotted Anderson sitting at a table. She saluted him before they sat down, partly automatic and partly because she didn't see anything wrong with showing respect to someone she genuinely respected. The captain nodded. "I'm glad you came, Shepard. I heard what happened. I wanted to warn you, but there was no way to get a message to you before you docked." He leaned forward, his expression intense. "I know you're pissed off right now, but you can't give up. They all think this is over; we both know it's not. You have to go to Ilos. You have to stop Saren from using the Conduit."

"The Normandy is the only ship that can get us into the Terminus Systems and through the geth undetected, sir. Tali says there's a way to unlock it but..." She hesitated, not wanting to overstep her bounds, not sure how far Anderson was willing to go.

She need not have worried. Anderson was already nodding. "Citadel control's locked out all the Normandy's systems. But if we override the ambassador's orders we can get them to bring the Normandy back on-line. You can be in the Terminus Systems before anyone knows you're gone."

"That'll leave you holding the bag..."

Anderson waved a hand. "And if Saren finds the Conduit, life as we know it is over. The Reapers will destroy us. Humans, asari, everybody!"

Hearing someone outside the Normandy say it so plainly both made her chest go tight with fear and took a weight off her shoulders. At least someone on the Citadel didn't think she was nuts.

"You're the only one who can stop him, Shepard. So I'll do whatever it takes to get you on the Normandy and off this station." He leaned forward again. "The quarian is right. I can unlock the Normandy from one of the consoles in the Citadel control center. You'll have a few minutes before anyone realizes what's happened."

"If it's the main control center, it's a restricted area. C-sec will be guarding it," Garrus said.

"Leave the getting in part to me. You just be on the Normandy when the systems come back online."

"Sir, surely there has to be another way. You're going to get yourself killed!" Kaidan protested.

Anderson frowned. "Well, Ambassador Udina issued the lockdown order. If I can hack into the computer in his office, maybe I can override it."

"Udina isn't going to let you waltz into his office and use his computer."

Anderson shrugged. "Hopefully, he won't be there. If he is, I'll just have to think of something."

"He won't let that slide," Shepard said.

"You could be charged with treason, Captain," Kaidan agreed.

"We don't have a lot of options," Anderson said, bringing them back to the fact someone had to take the fall to stop Saren.

Again someone sacrificing themselves. _You can do all you can to deflect the blame off him, onto yourself if that's what it takes, after Saren is dead. And if we're proven right, Udina isn't going to have much room to speak anyway._

That settled any of her doubts. She looked up at Anderson. "I think getting to the ambassador's computer would involve less bullets, which is always good, but you're the one taking the risk, sir, I think you're the best judge."

"I think you're right. Besides, the ambassador has made this personal." She couldn't help but hope his improvising if Udina was in the office consisted of a fist to the face. "You ready to get the hell off this station, Commander?"

"You bet your ass...sir."

"Your captain is a good man," Garrus said quietly as they left Flux and made their way back to the docks.

"Yes he is," Kaidan said.

"The best," Shepard said with a smile.

She sent Garrus to tell Tali, Wrex, and Liara what was going on and Kaidan to be ready to brief some of the crew when they took off. She headed to the front of the ship and came up beside Joker's chair. The pilot looked up at her, giving her a measuring look when he took in her expression. "What did Anderson want?"

She looked down at him. "I need you to be ready to take off the second the systems are back on line, Joker. Can you do that?"

Joker started to smile. "Yes, ma'am."

* * *

Anderson kept his pace brisk but not overly fast, giving no hint of any real urgency. He imagine he looked annoyed but anyone would expect that. He'd been in and out of Udina's office so often the past weeks, the guards barely gave him a nod as he passed. He waited for the office door to open, bracing himself.

Udina was there, behind his desk, a funny little half smile, half grimace on his features that roused Anderson's ire even more, though he didn't show it, keeping his face calm as he strode forward. Udina looked up, his expression going annoyed. "Anderson? What are you doing here? I didn't send..." Too late, he picked up that something was off. He started to rise from his chair and Anderson unloaded on him, cracking him hard across the jaw with a blow he knew from plenty of experience would put a much stronger man than Donnel Udina down. The ambassador collapsed, his head banging onto his desk. Anderson leaned around him, fingers flying over the console's keyboard as he worked quickly. It took him a bit longer than he liked, but Udina's computer was already unlocked and open to him since he'd been using it. After a few minutes' work, Anderson sat back and smiled as the order to ground the Normandy flashed green. "Go get that bastard, Shepard."

He was still smiling and sitting quite comfortably in one of the office chairs when Udina came too and started screaming.

* * *

"Aw, damn it," Joker complained as they left the Citadel behind. "No sign of pursuit? I was hoping the Council would send some ships after us. I was looking forward to putting the Normandy through her paces. Figured I'd get to see what this ship can really do."

"Could still happen," Shepard said. "We have a geth army, a crazy turian and a giant living ship ahead of us, remember."

"Doesn't sound as much fun when you say it."

Shepard snatched his hat off his head.

"Hey!"

She plunked it onto her own at a jaunty angle and started to saunter off.

"I told you about touching the hat!"

"Oh, fine, you big baby." Shepard tossed him the hat, smirking, and moved down the command deck. She kept an eye on the crew as she passed. Some looked confused and worried, but no one was protesting, at least not yet. Pressley was the first one to speak up about it as she passed, shaking his head. "I can't believe we stole the Normandy! I know we'll all be court martialed if it doesn't work out, but part of me loves this!" the navigator said, surprising her with a smirk.

"No one is going to get court martialed." She grinned and walked away. Between her and Anderson, she was quite certain they could make sure the crew wasn't blamed for any of it. After all, strictly speaking, they had just been along for the ride. So to speak.

As they got further away and there was no sign of pursuit, some of the crew started to relax enough she was certain there wasn't going to be a mutiny. The glances they sent her weren't worried or angry anymore, at least not with most of them.

They trusted her.

That fact made her even more determined not to let them down.

She looked toward the front of the ship. _We're coming for you, Saren._ _ **Both**_ _of you._

_Be a darling and don't start the party until we get there._


	35. Into the Breach

Joker activated the Normandy's cloak when they got close to the Mu Relay and kept it up as they passed through it and glided through space that had remained still and free of any ship for centuries.

As the threat of pursuit from Citadel space faded, the looming threat in front of them settled over the ship. Everything was hushed, the crew talking in low voices. None of the squad slept more than a couple hours. None of them spoke out loud about it, but the fact they had no idea what was waiting for them on Ilos except the Conduit...itself just a name...was in the forefront of their minds. So was the fact there was a very real possibility they wouldn't be coming back or they would be unable to stop Saren.

* * *

Kaidan sat alone at one of the tables in the mess hall after speaking with Shepard, going over several notes on his omni-tool without really looking at them. In what seemed a long time ago, he had wondered what would happen if it came down to a conflict between Shepard and the Alliance. And now that Udina had forced that to come to pass...it hadn't really been a hard choice at all. If someone had told him months ago that would be the case, he would have thought they were crazy.

He was both honored and disappointed by the task she'd laid on him. On one hand, he was disappointed he likely wasn't going to be there to face Saren down and see Ashley avenged, but he understood why Shepard wanted him on the Normandy. She wanted him where she thought he needed to be, even if it wasn't where he wanted to be, exactly.

_You're a better symbol of the Alliance than I've ever been, Kaidan. You're respected by this crew and by the Alliance in general, there isn't anyone better to leave here when everything goes down._

One way or another, there was going to be a battle soon. The Council didn't truly understand what they were up against, but he did.

_We finally get out here and the 'final frontier' was already settled. And the residents don't even seem impressed by the view. Or the dangers._

He remembered saying that to her wryly during a conversation. Shepard was trusting him to be her voice in that battle with an outcome that was just as uncertain as whatever the rest of the squad would face tomorrow. She trusted him, the burnt out kid from BAaT, to stand for her and for Ashley, for Jenkins and Kahoku and for everyone that had died in Saren's hellbent quest to deliver them to the Reapers. And, though she didn't say it out loud, to stand for everyone in the galaxy in case they failed on Ilos.

_They won't fail._

He would believe that until there was no other option.

* * *

The Normandy was so terribly quiet. It had upset her sleep more than once because she couldn't really hear the engines. On the Fleet, a quiet engine meant a dead engine, which was plenty of cause for panic. Tonight, however, that was only on the back of Tali's mind.

It would be, in Tali's considered opinion, the height of irony that she had found this great cache of information to bring back to the Fleet and complete her Pilgrimage only to be immediately arrested the second she returned there. She knew none of the others quite understood how grave a crime stealing a ship was in her culture. How her father would probably want to execute her himself for it. Nor did she intend to enlighten them. She didn't want them to feel any doubts or worries during the mission. Her Pilgrimage, after all, was to prove she was willing to give herself for the greater good, how could she do anything less? She'd made her choice, the same as they all had, and would face the consequences the same way they would.

Because she was one of them. She doubted, too, that Shepard could understand how much that meant to her...to any of their race. Even her easy teasing, calling her 'queen' and 'your majesty', had its roots in wanting to show her she was as much part of the crew of anyone here. After all the looks and mutterings she'd seen and heard as she had traveled, the pointed disgust from so many people...even when she'd tried to warn them about Saren and the geth, no one would even listen to her. And then...the Normandy. The uneasy alliance with so many other races that had gradually become a true alliance. Here, she was respected for her abilities as much as she would have been on the Fleet...perhaps even a little bit more...the Alliance was good with engines but that hadn't stopped Engineer Adams from putting her knowledge to use. Even Garrus, who had started out scolding her on behalf of her race, had been willing to take the risk of trying to hack Citadel control rather than let her take the no doubt harsher punishment she would have received.

The quarian touched the disks containing the geth information and the databases she had put together over the course of the mission, pleading with her father silently for understanding. Assuming she ever saw him again.

She thought maybe...maybe he would be willing to, even a crime as serious as the one she had helped perpetuate. After all, he knew as well as she the value of loyalty.

Especially to your crew.

* * *

Tali wasn't the only member of the squad hoping for a parent's understanding. Howard gave Garrus a silent thumbs up- another of those human gestures he knew the meaning of but didn't get at all -and he waited tensely, hoping the secure connection went through.

He shouldn't be bothering her, he told himself. Solana had told him how tired she had been lately, what with all the tests and such she had been going through. The fact this might be the last chance he ever got to speak with her, coupled with the fact she surely knew what he had helped do and was probably already distressed, drove him to do it anyway.

He took a deep breath as she answered, her image appearing in the small holo-projector in the console. Her carapace was darker than his own, the tan markings of the colony where she was born standing out in sharp contrast. The tattoo had a more complex design across her face and mandibles than it would have on a male because it would have swept up over the crest, which she lacked. Even though the image was small, he could clearly see how right his sister was: she looked tired, worn down. Worry swept though him even as she jerked back a bit, shocked. _"Garrus?"_ Her image blurred a bit, the audio crackling.

"Hi, Mom."

" _Garrus, is that really you? Where are you? Your father said you'd been implicated in some kind of crime."_

He could only imagine what his father had to say on the subject. "It's complicated..."

" _Garrus."_

His mouth snapped shut, the same response as when he'd been a child and she'd spoken to him in _that_ tone of voice. Even his father didn't dare argue with her when she was using that tone of voice.

She'd drawn herself up to her full height and crossed her arms over her chest. Frail as she was, weighed down by whatever sickness they still couldn't identify, she was still intimidating as hell when she did that. _"Don't even try to brush this off. I know the commander stole the Council's ship."_

"I helped her." It was her nature as his mother, he supposed, to try and instinctively give him a way out, but he couldn't place the blame on Shepard's shoulders and pretend he hadn't known what she was going to do. That was a disservice to all of them. "We're going to stop Saren."

" _I was under the impression he had been neutralized by the precautions the Council was taking."_ She sounded genuinely confused.

"I have no doubt they believe that. They haven't seen what we've seen."

She was silent for a long moment. _"You're certain?"_

He didn't hesitate. "Yes."

His mother sighed. _"I had wondered...I knew you would not have participated in it unless you felt you had to."_

Her understanding made Garrus' throat feel tight. His mother was just as much a stickler for the rules as his father...in most ways. However, she, unlike Dad, acknowledged that there were rare occasions it was necessary to bend or even break them. "I wanted to...just to see you. And try to explain," he finally said quietly.

She understood all too well what he wasn't saying. _"It's dangerous."_

"Yes."

" _Enough you're not certain you'll survive it?"_

"There's nothing certain at this point." And he wanted his family to know about it in case he didn't come back. The fact he'd called her for it instead of his father was another thing unspoken. The rift between them was painful for her and Solana. But he would have spent what time he had arguing with his father. His mother had always been the one who listened. "All I can say for certain is I'll do whatever it takes to protect you...to protect us all."

" _I believe you. I always saw it in you. Be careful you don't wrap yourself up in saving people you lose sight of yourself."_

Shepard had said basically the same thing in a different way. Funny, before now, he never would have made any sort of connection between her and his mother. He nodded.

His mother bowed her head for a moment, silent. _"Then the spirits walk with you, my son."_

"Thank you..."

Her tone took on that quiet command again. _"And come back to us, Garrus. I'll be damned if my boy is going to die before me."_

* * *

Wrex scanned the messages he'd been receiving since Virmire. They had not found the cure when they had searched the base, but the information they _had_ gathered had been carefully distributed to certain krogan on Tuchanka. A first step.

He smiled a bit at one of the messages from Clan Urdnot. The same krogan who had been shaman in his youth was still going strong.

In public, he was a neutral advisor. In private, it was another matter entirely. He'd ripped on Wrex for leaving in the first place before giving him advice on who to send the information about what Saren was doing. It would be a good rallying point, something to grab the attention of the other krogan. Not simply a matter of keeping them from dying out anymore...they needed to take charge of their destiny before someone else did. There was no reason not to set the foundation for returning to Tuchanka now. The shaman's biggest challenge would be preparing Clan Urdnot without alerting Wreav too much. His brother was a great warrior but the idiot couldn't think without making blood shoot out his ears, Wrex thought with a sneer. He was potential trouble, but Wrex had no worries about dealing with him face to face. But it couldn't hurt to keep him in the dark until that actually happened.

The messages from some of the other clan leaders, had him leaning back, satisfied. They were wary, they weren't quite ready to say anything for sure, but they were listening.

 _Maybe you're actually good for something, Saren._ He wondered if he would have a chance to thank the turian for giving him something to help rally the krogan together before they killed him. He imagined the look on Saren's face would be priceless.

* * *

 _Ilos._ They were going to Ilos.

Liara rested on her cot, unable to sleep for excitement. One of the Prothean's greatest cities, Ilos was a mystical name, one she'd only heard in her studies but had never thought she would ever see. There were references to its greatness and beauty before some catastrophe had leveled it so many years ago. Of course, she knew what that catastrophe was now. She admitted she had been a bit worried. They were more comfortable around each other now, but there were still awkward moments. If Shepard hadn't been prepared to let her come, she'd almost been willing to beg her to let her come along, just to see it.

Of course, she wouldn't have time to do any real study of it, but she was hoping she would be able to come back now that the coordinates for the Mu Relay were known.

She smiled at herself. In a few hours, she would be facing down an army of geth and possibly walking right into her own death and she was excited about it. Mother would have been so amused.

Her smile faded. Mother...

_You have always made me proud, Liara._

Another reason for coming here to Ilos. If there was a means of figuring out how the Reapers worked...and how to stop them...it would be here.

The impact of it hit her fully for the first time. For millions...possibly billions...of years, the Reapers had apparently run this mindless cycle of theirs and now...through a series of circumstances, they might actually have a chance of stopping it.

That was certainly something her mother would have wanted.

Liara turned onto her side, staring into the darkness. _It's even more than finding out more about the Protheans, Mother. We'll finally avenge you, and save lives, which would have meant more for you._

_And, possibly, avenge the deaths of countless other races in the process._

* * *

Howard intercepted Shepard as she came out of the elevator, her brows furrowed. She looked at him. "Joker mentioned there was a secure signal being sent out..."

"Me and Garrus finagled something so he could speak to someone he really needed to for a few minutes," Howard said quietly. "Ain't no one going to trace it, Ari."

Shepard glanced toward the turian, who stood at a console with his back to them. She nodded, letting the subject drop. "Okay."

Now that she was on the lower decks, her feet seemed to have minds of their own, carrying her across the deck until she was standing near the weapons' lockers. She could almost see Ashley as she'd been the last time Shepard had seen her here, listening to messages from her family. The last ones her family would send to her.

Howard came up beside her and slung an arm around her shoulders. He stood beside her for a long moment, silent, then spoke quietly"Girl's up in Heaven looking down and cheering you on. And probably pissed off she won't get a chance to kick Saren in the balls."

"You know, I could name several church type people who would claim she wasn't worthy of Heaven no matter what she believed," Shepard said quietly, a faint sneer in her voice.

"Any heaven that wouldn't allow Ash Williams in isn't worth the title, that's what I say," Howard snorted.

"Amen, Padre."

Howard chortled and they fell silent for a long moment again. "Coming to the end game, aren't we?" Howard finally said.

"Yes."

He felt the change in her, didn't need to glance over to see it, but he did anyway. The sorrow and regret were gone from her eyes. That coldness was settling over her, her focus entirely on the task...and enemies...before her. It was like a blanket of stillness that had fallen over her. It was a chilling sight, though he wasn't, and never had been, afraid of her because of it. He looked back toward Ashley's spot. If any of the spirits of the turians were still looking over Saren Arterius, he better hope they were willing to show him mercy. Because Shepard wasn't going to.

* * *

The lower deck was quiet as Joker moved in, dropping through the atmosphere toward Saren's position. Liara hesitated as she started to join the others in the Mako. "Can he do it, Shepard?"

"What? Pull off a drop that's 80 feet shorter than it should be? Well, if anyone can..." Shepard shrugged.

Liara blew out a breath and ducked into the Mako.

Joker's voice crackled over the comm. _"Getting ready for the final push here, Commander. Oh, Pressley thought you might want to know that Charles Saracino did an interview with Westerlund News claiming you threatened him and al-Jilani is suggesting an investigation may be in order."_

"Whoo, Christ, I'm in trouble _now_!"

" _If I were you, I'd be real scared, ma'am, those people obviously mean_ business."

She let out a wild hoot of laughter. "Joker, drop us right on top of that bastard." Shepard swung into the Mako and shut the door. Howard moved to the door controls as Joker started the countdown. The old engineer saluted them and hit the button, letting the cargo bay door drop open enough Shepard could drive the Mako through as Joker gave her the go ahead.

She saw Saren as they dropped, her eyes narrowing as she threw all her focus on keeping them from overshooting the landing point. She registered two things as the turian caught sight of them and sent his geth hurrying toward a set of doors leading into a ruined building: her absolutely brilliant pilot had been dead on about getting them dropped under impossible conditions; he'd gotten them down within twenty feet when no one else had ever done it under a hundred, they were going to land safely and right at the spot; they were also not going to make it before Saren closed the doors.

Indeed, the Mako skidded to a halt in front of the doors a second after they closed. Shepard growled in displeasure, eyeing them. No way they were going to be able to ram them. She glanced back at Liara, who was clutching the side of the vehicle and probably saying a prayer to the goddess even if she didn't worship her. "Looks like you're going to get a look at these ruins on foot after all."


	36. The Sentry and the Conduit

The ships monitoring the mass relays near the Citadel never knew what hit them.

The ones that remained after Sovereign tore through them were destroyed by the geth ships in its wake. Word got ahead to the fleets guarding the Citadel mere seconds before they arrived, blasting through ships with horrific ease. The asari matriarch that commanded the Destiny Ascension, the Council's flagship, watched in horror, struggling to get communications through the Citadel, only to be further horrified when none of the security systems would respond. It was this series of images and bursts of information that was transmitted to the Council as an order that had never been given before went through: abandon the Citadel and get the Council out.

* * *

Udina burst into the block where C-sec was holding Anderson. The ambassador didn't look a bit like his normal, composed self. He undid the cuffs himself, ignoring the warnings from his guards, speaking hurriedly. "Saren's ship has reached the Citadel. They can't get the arms closed to protect us, so they're evacuating the Council."

Anderson was supremely unsurprised. "Have you called our fleets in?"

"Yes, but they're not sure what the best course of action is. They need you, Captain."

Anderson rose and strode past him, the calm authority and efficiency that had served Alliance and crew alike so well radiating from him. "Has there been any word from Shepard, yet?"

"Shepard? What does Shepard have to do...?"

Anderson interrupted him as several men in Alliance uniforms who had been brought along with Udina stood at attention, saluting as the captain came out of the doors. "I want to know the second anyone hears _anything_ from her." One of the marines nodded and hurried off. Anderson looked back at Udina, his expression grim. "She has everything to do with it, Ambassador. Now is the time to sit back and hope she got there in time, and you didn't fuck us all over."

* * *

Shepard's fingers tightened on the controls of the Mako as Saren disappeared through the Conduit, her eyes narrowing on that spear of brilliant light...then on the geth in between them and it. "Garrus."

"On it, Commander," the turian said without missing a beat, taking control of the guns.

Shepard revved the Mako. "Tali, if you can do anything that'll give us a little extra burst of speed, it'd be appreciated."

The Mako shot forward. "Hang on, ladies and gentlemen."

_Ilos was eerie...and fascinating. It reminded her of the kinds of ruins heroes in adventure vids and games explored, full of statues of gods and traps with rolling rocks and pits of spikes._

_They didn't encounter any of those. There were ancient statues that reminded her horribly of the dying figures in her vision, consoles scattered throughout that held little more than broken transmissions trying to warn them about the Reapers and ancient technology that she actually had to drag Liara away from physically a couple of times. They were looking for the door controls, the rest could wait._

"Shepard, I think it's closing!" Liara cried.

Shepard didn't respond, all her focus on the mass relay ahead, set so its tines were pointing straight up in the air. She dimly heard Garrus snarling something as he fired the guns at the larger geth before they could fire on them.

Some of the hopper things managed to jump onto the Mako itself. Wrex wrenched Liara out of the way and threw the door open, physically ripping one off the roof and throwing it. How he managed to blast the other one off at that angle, Shepard didn't know, she'd have to ask him later.

_Saren had passed by Vigil without ever realizing it was there. However, the barrier it put up, and the soft pulsing tone it sent out guided Shepard to it with ease._

_It appeared to be a VI, but it was more advanced than any VI she'd ever seen. It could sense that she wasn't indoctrinated and adjust itself so all of them, not just Shepard, could understand it. Liara was utterly fascinated, almost mesmerized._

'Your society forms along the paths we desire.'

_What Sovereign had taunted them with, Vigil clarified. Wrex's comment about corralling them, herding them, had been right on the mark. The Reapers had created the Citadel and the mass relays specifically so galactic society would form around them. It was a simple but perfect trap._

_The center of the galaxy, the hub of the mass relay network, was a mass relay itself._

_Once activated, it led straight into dark space where the Reapers crawled out of. The Reapers began their attack right at the center of civilization, taking over the mass relays, destroying the leadership of the galaxy, and gaining access to all known data on colonies, planets, and stations all in one fell swoop. They cut off systems from each other and proceeded to kill and enslave at their leisure._

_Shepard finally spoke as the VI fell silent, staring at the glowing, ever dancing play of light that made up its form. "What do I need to do?"_

" _The Conduit is the key," Vigil said. "Before the Reapers attacked, we Protheans were on the cusp of unlocking the mysteries behind mass relay technology. Ilos was a top secret facility. Here, researchers worked to create a small scale version of a mass relay. One that linked directly to the Citadel, the hub of the relay network."_

" _So the Conduit is a back door to the Citadel..." Liara murmured._

" _We severed all communication with the outside and our facility went dark. The personnel retreated underground into these archives," Vigil continued. "To conserve resources, everyone was put into cryogenic stasis. I was programmed to monitor the facility and wake the staff when the danger had passed."_

_Shepard glanced up at one of many odd containers attached to the walls that were scattered throughout the facility. Earlier, Tali had identified them as some sort of stasis pods, which had shocked Shepard and Liara to the core, leaving them wondering if they had a freaking Prothean army right here that just needed awakening._

_Vigil shot that idea down a second later. "But the genocide of an entire species is a long, slow process. Years passed. Decades, centuries. The Reapers persisted. And my energy reserves were dwindling."_

_Shepard went very still, already guessing what was coming._

" _I began to disable the life support of non-essential personnel. First support staff, then security. One by one, their pods were shut down to conserve energy. Eventually, only the stasis pods of the top scientists remained active. Even these were in danger of failing when the Reapers finally retreated back through the Citadel relay."_

_Liara's voice was soft, horrified. "There were hundreds of stasis pods out there! You shut them all down? You killed them?"_

_It couldn't have done it unless someone had programmed it with the instructions to do so, Shepard thought bleakly. Vigil confirmed her thoughts. "This outcome was not completely unforseen. My actions were the result of contingency programming entered on my creation."_

" _Bet they didn't tell the 'non-essential' staff about that contingency," Wrex remarked. Shepard winced slightly, willing to bet he was right._

" _I saved key personnel," Vigil said. To Shepard's surprise, there almost seemed to be a note of defensiveness in the VI's voice. She wondered exactly how intelligent it was, if there was a personality programmed into it. Was it more of an AI? "When the Reapers retreated, the top researchers were still alive. My actions are the only reason hope remains. When the researchers woke, they realized the Prothean species was doomed. There were only a dozen individuals left, far too few to sustain a viable population."_

_What had that been like, she wondered, to fall into sleep with hope and wake up to none?_

" _Yet they vowed to find some way to stop the Reapers from returning. A way to break the cycle forever. And the keepers were the key..."_

Warning klaxons started blaring as Shepard hit the ramp leading up to the Conduit. She heard Tali cry something but couldn't make out what it was. The light of the Conduit, so close now, seemed to dim even as she looked. For a second, despair touched her, thinking they were too late, then she felt the hard pull right in the center of her and the breath rushed from her lungs as they were thrown upward.


	37. The Battle for the Citadel

The Citadel's defense fleet could only watch in horror as Sovereign almost casually tore through their main ships, heading for the Citadel. On the Destiny Ascension, the Council and the ship's commanders listened, stunned, as remaining personnel on the Citadel itself reported geth attacks that had come from nowhere and reported the absolutely impossible right before all communications went dark: they'd seen Saren walking toward the Presidium.

A few minutes later, the Citadel's arms started to close around Sovereign as it entered, seeming for all the world like it was embracing the ship.

* * *

Saren stood on the Council's platform in the spire, a glowing console before him. He tilted his head back as his master entered, slowly placing itself right on the tip of the spire itself, red lightning dancing over its form as it prepared to call through its brethren. The doubts that had plagued Saren on Virmire were gone. In most senses, Saren himself was gone except for a single, despairing cry in the very depths of his mind.

The Reapers were coming through and that was all he wanted. Was all he could want anymore.

* * *

The vertigo of complete stillness and yet the sense of rushing time filled the Mako, and then they were falling. Liara screamed in shock and Shepard shook off the disorientation of the relay jump enough to fire the Mako's rocket boosters and try and cushion their fall. They spun toward what was clearly the Presidium of the Citadel and she had a weird image of the old classic film _The Wizard of Oz_ , one of her favorites, when Dorothy's house was picked up by the tornado and spinning through the air. Then they hit, screeching across the floor and obliterating a couple of geth along the way. They slammed into something that flipped the Mako over completely before finally coming to a halt against one of the Presidium's curved walls.

Dazed, Shepard blinked to clear her vision and groaned slightly as she undid the straps holding her in. "Ow."

"Quit whining, Shepard, you're not dead," Wrex growled.

"I wasn't _whining_ ," Shepard said somewhat petulantly. She glanced around, noting with relief everyone was dazed and probably aching something fierce, but alive. She struggled out of the seat and forced the door open so they could crawl out, stumbling to her feet and looking around. They were in the Presidium, right in front of the Relay Monument, which they had just passed through because it was, of course, where the Conduit was linked to. Obvious, really.

She helped Tali up, looking the quarian girl over for ruptures in her suit. Garrus yelled something and they turned to see those spikes...those damned spikes from Eden Prime set at intervals throughout the plaza. They were lowering, husks running toward them with that odd, limping gait of theirs. She had a moment of regret for the people they had once been before the squad opened fire. She moved to back up Garrus, motioning to Wrex, who sent two of them flying with a biotic throw, backed up by Liara.

Only when the husks were gone and there was no further sign of them did Garrus continue toward his goal: a console which was displaying a holographic asari Shepard had seen around the Citadel many times but had never paid much attention to.

She was flickering on and off, sometimes reappearing backwards as she repeated a warning over and over. "Please begin emergency evacuation procedures. This is not a drill."

"Avina. Status report," Garrus barked.

Shepard listened to the list, turning in a circle to take in the damage. Primary power gone, civilian casualties high, fires all over the place, unauthorized synthetics running rampant. Environmental controls were shot. Shit, that was going to make things hard...

"Have there been any sightings of Saren Arterius?" Garrus asked.

"Smart, you," Shepard murmured, coming up beside him.

"Former Spectre agent Saren Arterius is nearing the vicinity of the Council Chamber," Avina said.

"Of course he is...where else could it be?" Shepard turned, looking for the elevator. The odds were very good they didn't work or wouldn't be working for long, but they had to take the risk.

"A warrant has been issued for his arrest, though Citadel Security is unable to respond at this time," Avina continued.

"We noticed." Garrus logged out.

She noticed puddles with odd machinery as they moved to the elevator and realized with a jolt that they were the remains of Keepers. Of course, Sovereign...and therefore Saren...would be very annoyed with them. Up until this cycle, the Reaper merely had to send out a signal to the keepers and they would open up the mass relay into dark space. The reason Sovereign even needed Saren in the first place was because the remaining scientists under Vigil's care had found a way to break the Reaper's control over them, which meant the only way they could start this cycle properly was for Sovereign to open the relay manually. It needed Saren to get in through the Conduit and give it control over the Citadel.

But neither of them knew about Vigil. Neither of them knew they'd come through the Conduit behind Saren yet and neither of them knew Vigil had given them a way to wrench control of the Citadel back. They simply had to get there before it was too late.

Even as she thought it, the lights in the elevator flickered on and off before a soft shudder went through the compartment and the elevator glided to a halt.

* * *

His people were warriors and always had been. There had been a time, Saren supposed, before they had spread out into space and were confined to one continually warring planet...not unlike the krogan were now...when a great military leader would have stood in some impenetrable fortress and watched his troops battle just as he was now. Except this fortress was far from impenetrable and it was a race of mindless machines and equally mindless krogan battling below him as the enemy advanced. His own people were the ones dying in the air far above Sovereign.

He should have known killing the elevators wouldn't stop her. In her endless audacity, she'd simply had her people suit up and shot out the windows, making their way up from the outside instead of the inside. Sovereign perched atop the Citadel's spire was kind of hard to miss, a sort of nightmarish beacon to guide them. He'd sent the geth he'd brought with him against them but hadn't counted on them activating the defense turrets. They weren't doing any good against the Citadel's main attackers since there wasn't anyone to activate them but served quite well in destroying the dropship he'd sent and the geth within it. A small voice at the back of his mind whispered that before Virmire, he would have taken those turrets into consideration, would have disabled them...back when his mind had been working properly.

That voice died quickly enough. Shepard and her squad had disappeared, and he knew that meant they had found a way in. She was coming for him. He stepped onto his hover platform and rose, watching the entrance and waiting. For a bit of an ironic twist, he moved so he was in almost the same spot his image had appeared for the long ago hearing with the Council.

Sure enough, the sounds of gunfire echoed from the chamber beyond and Shepard came in, a human flanked by the most motley group in the galaxy. And he was speaking as a turian leading an army of geth.

Saren pulled a grenade out and activated it with a soft click as Shepard scanned the platform where the Council usually stood, gun out and looking puzzled. Her gaze swept upward and the second he saw her register the sight of him, he moved, tossing the grenade at them. He swooped back over the Council's platform to guard the activated master control panel that had been hidden there, pointing a pistol toward the spot where Shepard had rolled to cover. "I was afraid you wouldn't make it in time, Shepard."

"Sorry to have kept you waiting," came the reply. She sounded perfectly calm, even mockingly apologetic, which annoyed him.

"You've lost. You know that, don't you? In a few minutes, Sovereign will have full control of the Citadel's systems. The relay will open. The Reapers will return."

There was silence for a few, humming moments, then she spoke, her voice echoing through the chamber. "Get out of my way, Saren."

"You survived our encounter on Virmire. But I've changed since then. Improved. Sovereign has..." _Taken me over..._ "...upgraded me."

Just like on Virmire, the bitch saw far too much. "Starting to doubt your master, were you?"

Saren shook his head to rid himself of the voices chattering in his mind. "I suppose I should thank you, Shepard. After Virmire, I couldn't stop thinking about what you said. About Sovereign manipulating me." He looked up to where the Reaper was still crouched over the spire. "About indoctrination. The doubts began eating away at me. Sovereign indeed sensed my hesitation. I was implanted to strengthen my resolve."

She didn't even miss a beat. "And to make sure you didn't start falling to pieces now that you're fully indoctrinated."

_Damn_ her. The fact she said that so casually while she was still cowering out of sight only made him angrier, which was a nicer emotion to feel than fear. "I understand the Reapers need organics. Join us and Sovereign will find a place for you. You have...impressed it."

"No thanks, I've gotten a good look at how Sovereign treats its 'allies'." She put emphasis on the word, making it a mockery. "I think I'd rather die trying to stop it than end up controlled through implants like you."

"The relationship is _symbiotic_." He had to believe that. "Organic and machine intertwined, a union of flesh and steel. The strengths of both, the weaknesses of neither. I am a vision of the future, Shepard."

"Looks like a pretty pathetic future from where I'm standing," the krogan growled from off to the side. The rest of her team was still behind cover, some of them creeping forward.

He was aware of them, but kept his gaze on their leader. "It's the evolution of all organic life. This is our destiny. Join Sovereign and experience a true rebirth!" The final words came out more of a demand than a request, echoes of Sovereign in his mind coming out through his mouth.

"It wants me to replace you, then? My turn to be used and discarded, the same it's going to do with you?"

The voices in his mind surged forward, becoming louder as if to drown out the despairing knowledge that she was right and he knew it. He found himself repeating the words they spoke over and over to him before he realized it. "I had no choice! You saw the visions. You saw what happened to the Protheans! Surrender or death- there are no other options!"

"Step out of the way and I can make sure we only have to get rid of Sovereign for the moment. Stop it and they have to try a conquering the galaxy without the advantage of crippling us first, which they aren't used to."

The simple logic in those words speared through him. Having Sovereign so strong in his mind gave him the advantage of knowing more of the Reaper's thoughts, even though he couldn't act on them. He could see she was right, that this had not happened since the days before they set up the Citadel and mass relays to guide the galaxy along the path convenient for them. That the fact the Protheans had been able to change the keepers, their creations, so much, had been able to replicate mass relay technology all irritated the Reaper...and send a glimmer of unease through it. The knowledge twined through him, a single, ringing moment of clarity echoing through his head. If she really did have some way to stop the relay from opening... "Maybe you're right," Saren Arterius, the real Saren Arterius, spoke up. "Maybe there's still a chance for..."

And then Sovereign gave up all pretenses of giving him free will, surging through him, wrapping itself tightly around his mind. He struggled against it in vain. "The implants..." He'd been a fool to believe they were anything better than chains to bind him. "Sovereign is too strong. I'm sorry..." And he truly was. "It's too late for me."

Shepard leaned out from her hiding spot, her gaze rising to meet his, eyes burning. "You can still stop this, there's still a small part of you left."

He started to deny he had the strength to let her take the console when he realized that wasn't what she meant, her eyes moving to the gun in his hand. His fingers tightened around the pistol, Sovereign's roar in his mind telling him to use it against her as she rose to her feet.

_Desolas_

He thought of his brother, buried beneath the rubble of his temple with the Monolith and the priests he'd used it to create...priests that he, Saren, now resembled. He realized that now, that strange feeling of recognition whenever he'd caught a reflection of himself. He'd given the command himself for the temple to be destroyed...with his brother still inside it. His own words came back to taunt him, about how some secrets were meant to stay buried.

That he would mourn his brother...and avenge him.

And he had, but not against the right enemy. Instead, he'd given himself over to the same obsession, the same slavery.

Furious, Sovereign's hold on his mind tightened again, like fingers digging into his brain. He only had moments before he would step forward to battle her defending the master control panel...and the Reapers. If she truly had a way to prevent Sovereign from taking control, he couldn't help her do it. Except by stepping out of the way.

With the last of his resolve, Saren lifted the pistol in his hand slowly, staring across the platform to the human woman who was no longer his enemy. "Goodbye, Shepard. Thank you."

He wrenched his will away from Sovereign one final time and pulled the trigger.

* * *

Kaidan leaned forward in the copilot's seat, listening to the increasingly desperate calls traveling along the main communication line from the Destiny Ascension. They couldn't do a damn thing, all the mass relays had been shut down and none of the Alliance's ships had made it through in time to the Citadel.

Joker tapped a panel, frowning as there was an odd crackle on his comm. "Wait a minute..."

Excitement and hope surged through Kaidan. "That's a signal from the Citadel's comm line!"

Joker hastily tapped a few buttons on his main console. "Normandy to the Citadel! Normandy to the Citadel! Please tell me that's you, Commander!"

" _Joker?"_

Cheers echoed through the command deck and Joker waved at them for silence. "You caught that distress call, Commander?"

" _I did."_

"We're sitting here in the Andura sector with the entire Arcturus fleet. We can still save the Ascension. Just unlock the relays and we'll send the calvary in!"

" _Working on it. In a few minutes, I'll have the Citadel's arms open for you too. Meanwhile, get the Council out of there and_ thin down the geth. _Pass that along, Joker, you hear me? Do_ not, _under any circumstances, engage Sovereign while you still have an army of geth at your back. Trust me, that battle is going to be hard enough..."_

No one had any doubts about that. "You got it, Commander." Kaidan was already relaying orders through to the rest of the fleet as the mass relays suddenly flared to life again and Joker fired the Normandy up.

The Normandy led the way, the Alliance fleet slamming the geth with a surprise attack as the Citadel's arms started to open slowly. The bulk of the geth focused on the Destiny Ascension didn't have time to turn their attention to the new threat before they were destroyed, clearing the way for the great flagship. Joker bared his teeth in a grin. If he'd wanted to put the Normandy through her paces, he got that chance now. The geth fought viciously but between the Alliance's surprise attack and the remains of the Citadel's fleet, they were caught in a two way blaze of fire. The fleet lost people, there was no doubt, but the geth were losing more.

"There's Sovereign," Kaidan said quietly. The Citadel's arms were fully open again, exposing the Reaper at its center like a bug caught in a web. They heard Admiral Hackett give the order to attack and sped toward it. Vaguely, Joker had still been listening to the comm open to the Citadel, Shepard's voice fading in and out depending on how clear the comm was.

As they came toward the Presidium and the spire, the comm was perfectly clear. Kaidan and Joker both jerked in their seats as either Tali or Liara screamed suddenly. They had just enough time to hear someone cry: _"Shepard, he's getting up!"_ before the comm suddenly went dead.

* * *

When Saren had fallen, his own bullet tearing through his head, he'd crashed through the glass below the Council's platform into the garden below. Wrex had jumped down to make certain he was dead, putting a couple of bullets into the turian's head with what Shepard imagined was no small amount of satisfaction.

She had been so focused on getting the Citadel's arms open and keeping Sovereign from regaining control until the fleet could attack it, she'd failed to notice the flickers of sick red energy coming from below.

Liara screamed and Garrus, peering down through the shattered glass, called to her, his voice filled with disbelief. "Shepard, he's getting up!"

An explosion of that red light...Sovereign's light...hit them from below and the bridge leading from the Petitioner's Stage to the Council's platform broke, tipping them downward so they joined the others below with a crash.

Wincing, Shepard shoved herself to her feet and lifted her head. Garrus wasn't entirely correct. Saren wasn't getting back up because that wasn't Saren. The red lightning burned away what flesh remained on the corpse, filling the entire chamber with the sickening odor of charred flesh and burnt metal that made everyone gag.

The lightning coalesced in the remains of Saren's ribcage, like a beating heart of light, powering the skeletal remains of the implants Sovereign had put into him. The horrific apparition leapt into the air and, as if they needed confirmation of what they were dealing with, it's voice- sounding partly like Saren's with an echo of Sovereign's voice beneath it, the sound scratching at their ears -thundered through the chamber. "I am Sovereign. And this station is MINE!"

She dove out of the way, ducking and running as red lightning stabbed through the air at them. The Saren-thing climbed nimbly over the walls...reminding her ever so much of those god _damned_ hopping geth...and launched itself at her. She managed to duck out of the way in time to keep it from hitting her directly but the force of it as it passed by still bowled her over. She brought her pistols blazing up, seeing the thing stumble as Wrex unloaded on it with a roar.

It spun around- it was fucking _fast_ -firing more of that red energy. But for all its power, she and the others fell into the rhythm of the fight like a well oiled machine. The Saren-thing couldn't turn to battle one without one or more of the others attacking it from behind. Caught in that shifting, weaving circle of enemies, it slowly started to come apart.

The light in the chamber took on an odd, rippling quality as, far above them, the combined forces of the Alliance and Citadel fleets opened fire on Sovereign, the light of their blasts filling the long windows of the spire.

The Saren-thing knocked Tali sprawling and launched itself at Shepard again. This time she didn't get out of the way before it slammed into her, sending them both tumbling across the grass. She felt claws tear at her armor and cursed as one of her guns flew out of her hand. That muzziness that came from overusing her biotics filled her head but she gathered the last of her strength and shoved out, physically slamming her hands into the thing's shoulders and feeling the pulse of biotics backing it up, sending it flying back...right into the middle of a singularity. The thing was pulled, revolving through the air. It sent out blasts of energy in a circle as it went, and Shepard flattened herself to the ground as one soared over her.

Liara yelled something at the Saren-thing that she couldn't make out although she thought she heard Benezia's name somewhere in it. Dark energy clashed with red and Shepard rolled to her feet, snatching her fallen pistol up and firing at the thing again.

Liara flattened it with a biotic hit again and this time, when it tried to get up, its movements were sluggish. Shepard aimed at the remains of its head, and a blast from Wrex's gun threw it down again.

This time it didn't get back up. The red lightning at its center flared and consumed it even as a the spire shook around them. A shadow passed over the windows as Sovereign floated away from the spire. Another rumble shook the air and Shepard watched in awe as the Reaper was torn apart right before her eyes, blasts from a hundred ships hitting it at once. She caught a brief glimpse of the Normandy zipping by as it hit Sovereign somewhere in its center, finally blowing it apart completely.

The surge of triumph in here turned to alarm as one of those pieces tumbled right toward them, turning in the air. "Oh, shit..." She spun around, motioning to the others. " _Go!_ "

The piece slammed into the spire and everything exploded into a chaotic mass before going dark.

* * *

The Presidium was in shambles. What the geth hadn't managed to destroy, the remains of Sovereign had. Fires burned everywhere, choking Anderson as he picked his way toward the Council Chambers. Besides the crackle of flames and the sounds of C-sec and Alliance personnel moving, the chamber was eerily silent.

"Captain Anderson, we've found them!" one of the C-sec men called. "They're in here!"

He hurried toward the voice, pushing is way into the Council Chamber. Most of the larger pieces that had hit were here, strange machinery standing out in stark contrast to the beauty of the chamber that was still visible through the wreckage. The quarian girl, Tali was sitting, seemingly dazed, near a chunk of rock while one of the C-sec officers looked her over. Garrus Vakarian was crouched not far away, coughing as another C-sec member helped him to his feet. Anderson could see blue blood trailing from the back of his head, trickling along the lines of his face plating. Anderson made his way over to him. "Where's the commander? Where's Shepard?" The turian shook off the C-sec man holding him and turned toward the center of the chamber.

Now Anderson could see the hulking form of the krogan, Wrex, knocking things out of the way, and the slender form of Liara T'soni. The asari turned toward him, tears in her eyes. "We can't find her."

Anderson 's breath caught. No...not now. She couldn't be dead now. Not now that they'd won. "Shepard?" He called out to her, moving toward the middle of the chamber. His voice echoed strangely off of the hulking pieces of Sovereign's remains. " _Shepard!_ "

"What?"

They spun toward that irritated voice and the sound of footsteps on metal. The lanky, pale haired figure that emerged from around the largest piece seemed ghostly against the dark metal. She was limping, her left arm hanging useless beside her.

Anderson and one of the C-sec men hurried toward her. She looked annoyed and rather dazed, blood trickling from her temple. "My arm hurts like hell," she announced as the marched toward them.

"Well, Shepard, you kind of have a bone sticking out of it..." Liara said, sounding weak with relief.

Shepard blinked at her and looked down her arm. There was indeed a gleam of white through the skin. "Oh...will you look at that..." She tried to take another step forward and her legs gave out. Anderson made it there right in time to catch her, the krogan holding her up on the other side.

Wrex rolled his eyes, though Anderson didn't think he was imagining the relief in them. "Sit down, you idiot."

"It didn't hurt until you made me notice it," Shepard said sulkily. She noticed Anderson and tried to straighten a bit. "Oh, hello, sir..."

"Commander." He gently helped her sit.

"We won, didn't we?"

He smiled. "Yes, Commander. We surely did."

* * *

Shepard was getting her arm tended to when the Council arrived with Udina. They'd moved out of the Council Chambers into the main plaza of the Presidium. The pain of having her arm set had helped clear her mind so she was coherent again. Coherent enough she wouldn't let any of her other injuries be taken care of until she was certain the rest of her squad was okay. Garrus and Liara were sitting near her while Tali sat crosslegged nearby, helping C-sec try and get some of the systems going again. Injured and dead from the Presidium were being brought in as medics and emergency personnel started to sift through the destruction.

Shepard was watching a medic tend to a pair of salarian groundskeepers that had been wounded and knocked unconscious when Udina and the Council walked in. The medic was talking to one of them, asking him questions in a quiet voice. His friend, in better condition, insisted they could take care of themselves.

"Are you sure he's in the right state of mind to be making any decisions?" the commander wondered aloud.

"I think he's okay," his friend said.

The medic shined a light into the salarian's eyes. "Are you all right, sir?"

The salaraian nodded.

"See?" His friend insisted. "We'll just make our way over to our place." Their place might not be there anymore but he didn't seem to want to acknowledge that yet. "Right?" he said to his friend. The salarian nodded again.

"We'd like to crack your skull open and stick a bunch of needle probes into your brain, will that be okay?" Shepard asked on impulse.

The salarian nodded.

There was a moment of silence and the medic lifted an eyebrow at the other salarian. "I think maybe I better take a closer look at him." She helped the injured salarian to his feet and led him to where they had medical equipment set up. This time his friend didn't argue.

The medic who was finishing up setting Shepard's arm, wrapping the splint in medi-gel and bandages, snorted.

Anderson came up beside her, nudging her gently. Shepard followed his gaze, narrowing her eyes slightly at the sight of Udina. She pushed herself carefully to her feet as the Council came up, Garrus catching hold of her uninjured elbow to steady her.

She and Anderson listened silently, respectfully, as they were both thanked for saving both the Council and so many millions of lives. Anderson wasn't surprised when they declared humanity had proven it was willing to step up and defend and protect the galaxy, and therefore worthy of a spot on the Council, although it gave Shepard a jolt.

Credit where credit was due, this was precisely the type of situation Udina worked well in, speaking smoothly where neither soldier could, even as murmurs from human onlookers and others filled the room. "On behalf of humanity and the Alliance, we thank you for this prestigious honor and humbly accept."

"We will need a list of potential candidates for your councilor," the salarian councilor said.

"Do you support any particular candidate, Commander?" Shepard started and blinked at the asari councilor as she spoke. "Given all that's happened, I'm sure your recommendation would carry weight."

"I'm honored you'd ask, Councilor, but that's probably better left to Parliament and the Alliance diplomats, as I'm not the most objective of people," Shepard said honestly. She added with a cheerful candidness she generally didn't show: "For instance, I'm still advocating sticking the ambassador in a turret and firing him into space."

Udina glared daggers at her.

Shepard gave him an innocent look. "...Which just goes to show it's a decision with which cooler heads should prevail."

Anderson was relatively certain the asari councilor was trying to hide a smile before they moved off to meet with the people starting to clamor for their attention, Udina going with them.

Tired, Shepard sat down again and looked up at Anderson. "Sovereign was only the beginning, though. You know that, sir, yes?"

"I know." Anderson turned his solemn gaze down to her. "But it's a good step in the right direction. When they do come this time, we have to be ready to stand united." He laid a hand on her shoulder. "And together, we'll drive them back into dark space."


	38. Epilogue

_A few months later..._

Since Shepard had assured him that becoming a Spectre did not spare one from paperwork, Garrus had resigned himself to never escaping it.

His father's relief that he'd gone back to C-sec was somewhat brought down by the fact he was also starting Spectre training. C-sec was useful in keeping him well in the running for Spectre candidacy and he could help people along the way. He wasn't sure Pallin was exactly happy he was back, but the Executor couldn't really turn away someone who had helped save the galaxy.

Garrus looked up at the console in front of him with some impatience as it beeped, signaling an incoming message.

" _Busting a slaving ring and stopping an assassination attempt on a councilor all in one month, I can't leave you alone for five minutes, can I?"_

Impatience flipped over into genuine pleasure. "Shepard."

" _What's doin', handsome?"_

"Still dealing with the fallout from the assassination attempt. It's less trouble to _let_ the assassin succeed."

" _But then the other assassins start getting cocky."_ Someone spoke behind her. _"Liara says hi. Oh, and Tali's settled on a ship like a proper quarian, did she tell you?"_

"No, but I'm not surprised."

" _Other quarian youngsters are going to be hard pressed to beat_ that _particular Pilgrimage! Now all we need is Wrex to become Krogan King down there on Tuchanka and people won't be able to figure out if we're heroes or heathen rogue outcasts dead set on bringing back the banished aliens."_

There were already mumblings here and there along that line, especially since Shepard kept pushing about the Reapers. He shook his head. "Where are you?"

" _Heading out to search for missing ships. Rooting out the last of the geth."_

"Sounds like fun."

" _If you'd hurry up and get your Spectre status, you could help."_

"Tempting, but you're the one who said to work on it at a steady pace."

" _I could kick myself for saying that. Although, I admit I'm kinda jealous, it sounds like you're having all the fun!"_

Garrus snorted, shaking his head. "Making things sound more exciting then they really are is also a talent I learned from you."

Shepard chuckled. _"I have a feeling things will be getting a bit too excited all too soon. We'll need a Spectre like you out there, smartass or no. There's a lot of work to be done."_

Garrus sobered a bit. "We stopped Sovereign. We disrupted their cycle already. We can beat them, Shepard."

" _Your mouth to God's ear. Listen, we'll be out of range of most comm buoys for a while when we're out there going after geth. Howard wanted to say hi before we go, let me put him on."_

Garrus sat back and waited, looking out the window, imagining he could look through space and past it to where the Reapers awaited. He imagined Shepard had a similar pose. Eventually, they didn't know when, the Reapers wouldn't be content with dark space and would come out of the darkness, intent on killing them all simply because they believed, without a doubt, that they had every right to.

And Shepard would be there to meet them, along with Liara, probably, and maybe armies of krogan and quarians right alongside her. And him, of course. He would gain Spectre status and be ready to use all he knew to fight with her. For all of them.

Garrus shared a pleasant conversation with Howard and turned back as he ended the call.

Shepard was right; there was a lot of work to be done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus ends ME1. I want to thank everyone who read, watched and reviewed with all my heart, as writing is ever so much more enjoyable when there's people out there who like reading it. I also want to thank PixAlchemist and lyonthal for their playthroughs of Mass Effect that I could use as a reference.


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